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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Their Brain Is French-Fried

    | BC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Language & Words

    Customer: “Where are you from?”

    Me: “From Quebec.”

    Customer: “Quebec? Is that the province that speaks French?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “But how come you can speak in English?”

    Me: *looking at him in disbelief*

    Customer: “And when you started to speak in English, did you choose to have a French accent?”

    Their Reasoning Has A Hole In The Middle

    | Wales, UK | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in the in-store bakery at my supermarket. Our shelving-display signs warn that all of our products either contain nuts, or are prepared in the same food areas as products containing nuts. Two young girls aged about eight approach the shelving, and read aloud the notice.)

    Girl #1: “The sign says that some of the food contains nuts. I wonder which things have them in.”

    Girl #2: “Well duh, obviously all of the doughnuts have nuts. The clue is in the name. DOUGH. NUTS.”

    A Number Of Problems With That Question

    | MD, USA | Extra Stupid

    (I work as a receptionist for a financial management firm, where I am in charge of answering phones and transferring the callers to the right person.)

    Me: “Good morning, you’re through to [firm name]; how may I help you?”

    Caller: “Is this 1-800-Flowers?”

    Me: “I’m afraid you have the wrong number.”

    Caller: “Are you sure?”

    Me: “I’m sorry; this number isn’t even 1-800.”

    Caller: “Oh, Do you have the number for 1-800-Flowers?”

    A Thin Gap Between Thick Customers

    | New Zealand | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I notice a customer getting frustrated with his computer while a regular in the booth next to his is struggling valiantly to keep a straight face. Eventually the frustrated customer comes up to the desk.)

    Customer: “Your computer ate my skydiving DVD!”

    Me: “Are you saying it won’t eject?”

    Customer: “No, when I push the button, a tray comes out but it’s empty.”

    Me: “The disc drives are all closed units; there’s nowhere it could have gone. I’ll come over and have a look.”

    (The disc tray is indeed empty. My regular is staring wide-eyed at his computer monitor while snorting behind his hand. I notice something shining in the gap between the top of the disc tray and the computer case.)

    Me: “Sir, did you open the tray before putting your DVD into the computer?”

    Customer: “Of course I did! I know how to use a d*** computer!”

    (At this my regular is squeezing his eyes shut and going red in the face. I take off the side of the case.)

    Me: “Sir, is that your DVD sitting on top of the disc drive?”

    Customer: “Yes! Your computers are so cheap and crappy! If it’s damaged my disc, you have to pay for a new one!”

    Me: “You must have pushed it into the gap yourself. I’m not buying you a replacement if it’s scratched.”

    Customer: “No. I. Didn’t. I told you I’m not a f****** moron. I know how to use a computer!”

    (I show the customer that the disc drive is a completely closed unit and not much bigger than a regular CD case.)

    Me: “So my computer’s disc drive somehow teleported your DVD outside of itself?”

    (At this point my regular completely loses control and laughs so hard I start to wonder if I’m going to need to call an ambulance. The customer snatches at his DVD, missing it and knocking it to the floor while he almost loses his balance and ends up standing on it before storming out. My regular finally manages to calm down enough to breathe properly.)

    Regular: “I saw him push it in there. I was waiting for that for 45 d*** minutes.”

    Never Put The Ball In The Customer’s Court

    | St. Petersburg, FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

    (I work retail for a sports store.)

    Customer: “Do you have a New York Yankees football?”

    Me: “A football? Do you mean a baseball?”

    Customer: “No, I meant a football. Do you not have any?”

    Me: “No, because the Yankees play baseball, not football.”

    Customer: “Well you are missing out on a lot of market not selling that stuff.”

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