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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Please Dial Down The Dumb

    | TN, USA | Extra Stupid, Money, Technology

    (I work customer service for a cell phone company.)

    Me: “How can I assist you today?”

    Customer: “Yeah, my friend bought me a tablet, but I keep getting this bill. Why?”

    Me: “I see that you’re using the Samsung Galaxy, right?”

    Customer: “I don’t know.”

    Me: “That’s okay; what you actually have is a smart phone. It’s like a touch screen computer you can make calls on, but it is a cell phone and comes with a monthly bill.”

    Customer: “You can’t make calls on this; it’s a computer! Stop billing me!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but do you see the green icon that looks like a phone on your screen? Tap that. What do you see?”

    Customer: “A keypad.”

    Me: “That’s how you make phone calls; you just dial the number.”

    Customer: “This proves nothing! I know a computer when I see one! This is a tablet, and I’m not paying anything!”

    Sunset Should Be Childs-Play

    | UK | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids

    (Every week during the summer, we have an evening where we open late with all sorts of activities, ending with a huge firework display. On these days the phone rings off the hook.)

    Me: “Good afternoon, [park name].”

    Customer: “Hello, I just wanted to check; is it today you have the fireworks?”

    Me: “Yep, that’s today! There are loads going on around the park all afternoon and evening.”

    Customer: “That’s great! What time are the fireworks?”

    Me: “We’re aiming to set them off around nine o’clock.”

    Customer: “That’s ridiculous! Why does everyone have fireworks so late?! I have young children! They’ll be in bed by then! You’re a children’s park; you should have them at about five so my children can see them!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but it’s not dark until about nine.”

    Customer: “So?!”

    When Humans Fail The Turing Test

    , | Hertfordshire, England, UK | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Technology

    (I work on the drive thru.)

    Me: “Hi there, can I take your order?”

    Customer: “HELLO?”

    Me: “Hi, can I take your order please?”

    Customer: “CAN YOU HEAR ME?”

    Me: “Yes, sir, I can hear you. Can I help you?”

    Customer: “I WANT TO PLACE AN ORDER.”

    Me: “Umm, yeah, can I take your order please?”

    Customer: “CAN I PLACE MY F****** ORDER?”

    Me: “Sir, can you hear me? I’m asking for your order?”

    Customer: “OF COURSE I CAN F****** HEAR YOU! I’M NOT DEAF! I JUST WANT A CHEESEBURGER! THAT’S ALL I WANT!”

    Me: “Okay, sir, drive to the first window to pay.”

    (The customer drives around, and looks furious. He pays by card.)

    Customer: “It says ‘insert card’.”

    Me: “Yes?”

    Customer: “Well, does that mean now?!”

    Me: “Yes, sir, please insert your card and follow the instructions.”

    Customer: “Well now it’s saying ‘please wait’!”

    Me: “Yes, the machine is just checking your card. Please wait.”

    Customer: “‘Insert pin,’ does it mean the pin for this card, or my credit card?”

    Me: “It means insert your pin for the card in the machine.”

    (The customer finally pays and drives off, only to return moments later.)

    Me: “Hello, sir, can I help?”

    Customer: “HELLO?! HELLO ORDER-ROBOT! THIS CHEESEBURGER HAS PICKLES; I DON’T WANT PICKLES! AND I DIDN’T GET MY FRIES AND DRINK! ORDER-ROBOT, WHO DO I SPEAK TO?”

    Me: “Sir, you can speak to me! I’m a person not a robot. We can correct your order for you, but you only got a cheeseburger because that’s what you ordered.”

    Customer: “ORDER ROBOT, I WANT KETCHUP FOR MY FRIES! F****** machines are useless!”

    A Directionless Conversation, Part 2

    | Canada | Extra Stupid, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

    (We are a tourist park, and have a café which is situated just outside so that people can use it without paying to go in. The café is right next door to the entrance; you have to walk past it to come in.)

    Customer: “Is there a café here?”

    Me: “Yes, there is. It’s just next door.”

    Customer: “Where?”

    Me: “Right next door.”

    Customer: *confused* “Next door?”

    Me: “Yes, it’s the building next to this one.”

    Customer: “So, we have to go out?”

    Me: “Yes. You go out of this building, and it’s in the only other one.”

    Customer: “So, it’s out of here and next door.?”

    Me: “Yes. Go out of here, and look right. You’ll see it.”

    (The customer walks out, looking confused.)

    Coworker: “What’s the betting she’ll get lost?”

    Related:
    A Directionless Conversation

    Not Interstate Of Mind

    | MA, USA | Extra Stupid, Transportation

    Me: “Hello, [store name].”

    Customer: “Are you open today?”

    Me: “Yes, we’re open until 6 pm.”

    Customer: “Can you tell me how to get there?”

    Me: “Oh sure, it’s fairly easy. Take I-495 to [exit], go left at the end of the exit ramp, go left at the first light, and we’re just up the hill; you’ll see the sign.”

    Customer: “What? I don’t understand.”

    Me: “Okay, start out on I-495, and—”

    Customer: “What’s that?”

    Me: “The… highway? Interstate 495?”

    Customer: “How do I get to that?”

    Me: “Where are you now?”

    Customer: “That doesn’t matter; how do I get to that highway?”

    Me: “Well, it depends where you are. What town are you in?”

    Customer: “No, just tell me how to get to that highway!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t unless I know where you’re starting from!”

    Customer: “Never mind, you’re no help! I may or may not come in later!”

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