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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Needs To Get Their Education Straight

    | Williston, SC, USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Top

    (I am waiting on my mom to get out of her doctor’s appointment. I overhear a conversation between a 17-year-old patient and the doctor.)

    Patient: “WHAT DO YOU MEAN I MIGHT BE PREGNANT?!”

    Doctor: “Well, ma’am, you said you haven’t been having your period, and you have been having sex with your boyfriend, so it is highly possible.”

    Patient: “But I’m a lesbian! I can’t get pregnant!”

    Doctor: “Oh? I apologize. I thought you said you had a boyfriend. Well then, we should try other tests. And I apologize to you and your girlfriend.”

    Patient: “Ew, what? I do have a boyfriend! Why would I date a girl?”

    Doctor: “Then you aren’t a lesbian. And you are probably pregnant.”

    Patient: “I am a lesbian! My mom told my boyfriend and I that she wished I was a lesbian so I wouldn’t get pregnant. My boyfriend and I decided that I was a lesbian, so mom wouldn’t have to worry.”

    Doctor: “Miss, that is not how it works, and not what she meant.”

    Patient: “Screw you! I know my mom better then you do. You just lost a patient since you don’t even know lesbians can’t get pregnant!” *storms out*

    Likely Story, Unlikely Store

    | Wayne, NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

    (A woman walks up to the customer service desk.)

    Me: “Hello, ma’am. How are you today?”

    Customer: “I’d like to return these sandals. They broke when I was wearing them, and I fell.”

    Me: “Okay ma’am, not a problem.”

    (I look at the sandals, and they are not a brand that we sell.)

    Me: “Ma’am, these sandals actually aren’t from this store.”

    Customer: “Of course they are! I bought them just a few weeks ago, right on the rack over there!”

    (Even if she had purchased them here, the rack she is pointing to is in the complete opposite direction of where are sandals are.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but this brand isn’t one that we sell here. I don’t know where you got them, but it wasn’t from this store.”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous! I bought these from this store! And I fell in them and hurt myself! I’m going to sue you! I got hurt wearing a pair of your sandals!”

    Me: “One moment, ma’am… I will call over a manager to assist you.”

    (I call the manager, who heads over pretty quickly. The customer continues ranting in much the same manner.)

    Customer: “I’m going to sue you and this store! I know for a fact that I got these here, and—”

    (She has stopped mid-sentence because she is looking down at her sandals. As she does so, her eyes grow wide, and she becomes very pale.)

    Customer: “…Oh. I don’t want to speak to the manager.”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “I don’t want to speak to anyone. I’m sorry, this is the wrong store!” *leaves*

    Big Brother Is Not Watching You

    | ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work in a call centre that handles calls exclusively from American customers. Since we’re located right on the Ontario-Michigan border, we often tell customers that we’re located in Northern Michigan to avoid having to explain how the company manages to serve Americans properly.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [insurance company], roadside assistance. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “You have a weird accent. Where are you from?”

    Me: “I’m from Northern Michigan, ma’am. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Oh! That’s where I am! You must be able to see me, then!”

    (I assume she means on our program’s mapping system.)

    Me: “I don’t have your location listed here, ma’am. If you’ll answer a few questions, I can get that information from you in a moment. Is your—”

    Customer: “You mean you can’t see me?”

    Me: “Not yet, ma’am. First I have to get some more information from you and then I can bring up a map of your location.”

    Customer: “No, on the cameras! Can’t you see me on the cameras?”

    Me: *confused* “What cameras, ma’am?”

    Customer: “They’re right there! I’m waving at it! It’s just on top of the traffic light!”

    (I realize she’s talking about the traffic camera that takes photos of vehicles that run red lights. I spend the next 10 minutes trying to explain that. Eventually, she accepts I can’t see her.)

    Customer: *resigned* “Well, I guess if you can’t see me, I’ll just call my husband. He can change my tire…”

    (She hung up before I could explain that we could set up service. About 20 minutes later, I heard my coworker explaining to a customer that traffic cameras are not a country-wide surveillance system. It was the same woman. She hung up on him, too!)

    The Bark Tastes Worse With A Bite

    | GA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (Our restaurant serves salmon grilled on a cedar plank.)

    Me: “Here is your cedar salmon. Can I get you anything else?”

    Customer: “No. But can I ask you a question?”

    Me: “Sure!”

    Customer: “Can I eat the wood?”

    Wherever You Go, There You Are

    | London, ON, Canada | Extra Stupid

    Customer: “How much is that door if the inside is white, and the outside is black?”

    Me: “$960.”

    Customer: “What if it’s black on the outside, and white on the inside?”

    (I pause. The customer stares at me expectantly.)

    Me: “$960.”

    Customer: “So it’s the exact same price if I get black on the outside and white inside, or get white on the inside and black on the outside?”

    Me: “Do you mean black on the inside, and white on the outside?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “I just want to clarify to make sure I am giving you the correct information: you would like the price with black on the outside and white inside or if you decide on white on the inside and black on the outside?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “$960.”

    Customer: “What a great deal!”


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