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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Big Brother Is Not Watching You

    | ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work in a call centre that handles calls exclusively from American customers. Since we’re located right on the Ontario-Michigan border, we often tell customers that we’re located in Northern Michigan to avoid having to explain how the company manages to serve Americans properly.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [insurance company], roadside assistance. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “You have a weird accent. Where are you from?”

    Me: “I’m from Northern Michigan, ma’am. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Oh! That’s where I am! You must be able to see me, then!”

    (I assume she means on our program’s mapping system.)

    Me: “I don’t have your location listed here, ma’am. If you’ll answer a few questions, I can get that information from you in a moment. Is your—”

    Customer: “You mean you can’t see me?”

    Me: “Not yet, ma’am. First I have to get some more information from you and then I can bring up a map of your location.”

    Customer: “No, on the cameras! Can’t you see me on the cameras?”

    Me: *confused* “What cameras, ma’am?”

    Customer: “They’re right there! I’m waving at it! It’s just on top of the traffic light!”

    (I realize she’s talking about the traffic camera that takes photos of vehicles that run red lights. I spend the next 10 minutes trying to explain that. Eventually, she accepts I can’t see her.)

    Customer: *resigned* “Well, I guess if you can’t see me, I’ll just call my husband. He can change my tire…”

    (She hung up before I could explain that we could set up service. About 20 minutes later, I heard my coworker explaining to a customer that traffic cameras are not a country-wide surveillance system. It was the same woman. She hung up on him, too!)

    The Bark Tastes Worse With A Bite

    | GA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (Our restaurant serves salmon grilled on a cedar plank.)

    Me: “Here is your cedar salmon. Can I get you anything else?”

    Customer: “No. But can I ask you a question?”

    Me: “Sure!”

    Customer: “Can I eat the wood?”

    Wherever You Go, There You Are

    | London, ON, Canada | Extra Stupid

    Customer: “How much is that door if the inside is white, and the outside is black?”

    Me: “$960.”

    Customer: “What if it’s black on the outside, and white on the inside?”

    (I pause. The customer stares at me expectantly.)

    Me: “$960.”

    Customer: “So it’s the exact same price if I get black on the outside and white inside, or get white on the inside and black on the outside?”

    Me: “Do you mean black on the inside, and white on the outside?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “I just want to clarify to make sure I am giving you the correct information: you would like the price with black on the outside and white inside or if you decide on white on the inside and black on the outside?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “$960.”

    Customer: “What a great deal!”

    Something Is Off About The Situation

    | NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Customer: “Can you help me with this game? It’s not working!”

    Me: “Sure no problem. Glad to help!”

    Customer: “I put my money in and am pushing start, and it’s not working.”

    Me: “It’s not working because it’s off. The game is off, ma’am.”

    Customer: “What do you mean off?”

    Me: “It’s off, as in the opposite of on. That’s why the screen is all black.”

    Customer: “Oh. I thought it was some black screen game.”

    A Pricing One-Eighty On His 360

    | OH, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

    (I am ringing up a customer purchasing a mildly anticipated videogame.)

    Me: “Before I start ringing these up, would you happen to have your [store name] rewards card with you?”

    Customer: “No, I don’t even have one! Those are just a way for you to get more money out of me!”

    Me: “Actually, we offer the basic version for free. If you would like to sign up now all you have to do is—”

    Customer: “I said no, godd*** it!”

    Me: “Alright, sir. No problem. I’ll just ring these up then.”

    (The customer is buying a used Xbox 360, and five or so games. It takes me a few minutes to grab the Xbox and games from the back, as the ones on display are empty to prevent theft.)

    Me: “Okay, would you like to put $10 down on a pre-order for any games?”

    Customer: “No! Just hurry it up!”

    Me: “Alright your total is $210.67.”

    Customer: “I told you earlier I only wanted to spend $200 on this.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. You will have to put one of these games back or trade one for a cheaper one. The used versions are always cheaper and work just as well as the new ones.”

    Customer: “No, you don’t understand! I want to spend $200 on this stuff.”

    (This goes on for a few minute, until he finally decides to exchange one of the games for a cheaper one.)

    Me: “Alright your total is $183.43.”

    Customer: “Are you stupid?! I only want to spend $200!”

    Me: *gives up* “Okay, your total is now $200 dollars.”

    Customer: “Finally!”

    (He hands me the money, grabs his items, and leaves without his receipt. I felt it would be wrong to keep the money, so I gave about half off the price for the next nice customer.)


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