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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Thoughts Are Mega-lite

    | Augusta, GA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I am working at a call center that handles cell phone services. One of our plans offers to let you add extra data for a certain amount of money.)

    Me: *confirming* “So, you wanted to pay five dollars for 500 megabytes, right?”

    Customer: “Right. And how many megabytes is that?”

    Freely Bathing In Stupidity

    | Hiram, GA, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money, Pets & Animals

    (The pet store I work at sells coupon books for $20 that are meant for people who are planning to buy puppies or have just bought them. They greatly help with a lot of the up-front cost and include a sign-up for the customer to continue receiving coupons through their email. A customer comes up with a grooming slip to pay for her dog’s grooming. She is holding a puppy kit and reading it over.)

    Me: “Hey, how are you today? Find everything okay?”

    Customer: “Yeah. Hey, am I allowed to take this book thing home with me and decide later if I want to come back and buy it?”

    Me: “Um, no, ma’am. You have to purchase merchandise before you are allowed to leave the store with it.”

    Customer:” Oh… Well, I guess I don’t want it then. Maybe I’ll get it some other time.”

    (She puts the puppy kit back with the ones at the register and places the grooming slip and a coupon on the counter. I notice the coupon is for $5 off the grooming. In the puppy kit, there is a coupon for a free puppy bath which is what is listed on the grooming slip. To try and save her some money, I decide to explain that to her.)

    Customer: “Hmm… sounds good. I’ll take it.”

    Me: “So you do want to get a puppy kit?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: *confused look* “Then what are you wanting to get, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Just the free bath.”

    Me: “Ma’am, the coupon for the free bath is in the puppy kit.”

    Customer: “So, I’ll take the coupon. But I don’t think I want the kit today.”

    Me: “Ma’am, unless you purchase the book I can’t just give you a free bath. It’s a coupon included in the puppy kit and you can’t use the coupons without buying it first.”

    Customer: “Oh… Well, I don’t want the kit thing tonight.”

    Me: “Okay. I’ll just run it through with the $5 coupon, then.”

    Customer: “Yeah, that would be good. Since I can’t get the bath for free without the book, I’ll at least save something that way…”

    Dairy Drama Queen

    | Germany | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I work part-time in the kitchen of a small bistro, where we sell homemade sandwiches amongst other things. We have lots of vegan options since it’s become very popular in our college town, and my boss makes sure all kitchen staff knows exactly what’s in the vegan foods if customers ask. This happens as I spend my day off sitting in the bistro next to the counter doing homework.)

    Customer: ”You rang up my veggie sandwich as 4€! It says 3.80€ on the tag.”

    Server: ”I’m sorry, ma’am, you said you wanted the vegan sandwich, not the veggie sandwich. The vegan is 4€. I can change it if you want.”

    Customer: ”No, I want vegan! Why is vegan more expensive? It has the same vegetables on it!”

    Server: *being a new worker, she doesn’t know the entire selection yet* ”[My Name]? Do you know why the vegan is more expensive?”

    Me: *to the customer* ”The vegetarian sandwich has a cream cheese spread from [Local Producer]. The vegan spread is actually made by our kitchen, with tofu instead of cream cheese, and different ingredients than the veggie one.”

    Customer: ”Hmpf! Well, you should make all your spreads yourself if you want to make sure they’re vegetarian!”

    Me: ”Ma’am, [Local Producer] ONLY makes vegetarian food. They’re well known for it. Also, if we made all the spreads ourselves, all of the sandwiches would be more expensive.”

    Customer: ”Whatever. I’ll take the vegan one. Wait! Is it lactose-free?! I’m lactose-intolerant.”

    Me: ”Vegan always means lactose-free. There’s absolutely no dairy in vegan food.”

    Customer: ”How would you know?!”

    Me: ”I work in the kitchen. I made the spread on the sandwich you’re buying. I know exactly what I put into it, and there was no dairy involved.”

    Customer: ”Well, you’re not at work now! How am I supposed to trust that?!”

    No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 7

    | Southampton, England, UK | Extra Stupid, Geography

    (The shop is just about to close for the day when a customer comes in with a very minor issue, and while I am sorting the problem my colleague has closed the doors. The fix doesn’t take long, and I have just escorted the customer to the door to let him out when he appears to remember a separate issue:)

    Customer: “Oh, yes, while I’m here I was wondering if you could take a look at this weird line that keeps showing up when I use my maps app. Now, where was it..?”

    (He zooms right out on the maps so the whole world map is virtually visible.)

    Customer: “Here we are, you see? Straight through Africa there”

    Me: “Uh.. That’s the equator, sir. There’s not much I or anyone else can do about that, I’m afraid.”

    Customer: “Well, it definitely wasn’t there before.”

    Me: “I think it probably was…”

    Related:
    No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 6
    No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 5
    No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 4

    Hired And Fired And Tired

    | Baltimore, MD, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (I’m shopping at a large electronics store. I’m dressed casually in a blue graphic tee which, if you aren’t paying attention, for a second might look like what the employees wear.)

    Other Customer: “I need you to find this for me.”

    (I don’t respond as I am not aware that she is talking to me. I am reading the specs on the back of a box. The other customer then shoves an opened item in my hands on top of the box I am holding.)

    Me: “What the h***?!”

    Other Customer: “HELLO?! FIND this for me.”

    Me: *hands it back to her* “I don’t work here. Work on your manners, lady.”

    Other Customer: *she just stares at me for a minute* “YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!”

    (I just shake my head and start walking away. She is really getting on my nerves.)

    Other Customer: *following me* “STOP RIGHT THERE! You are NOT allowed to talk to paying customers that way!”

    Me: “I’M a paying customer. I don’t work here! Go away!”

    Other Customer: “I want to talk to your manager! You need to be fired for your attitude.”

    Me: “They can’t fire me if I don’t work here. Stop following me!”

    (At this point, other people are staring, laughing at the lady, and sharing sympathetic looks with me.)

    Other Customer: “Oh, we’ll see about that!”

    (A manager steps in as this lady has made a scene in the store and a lot of people have taken notice.)

    Manager: “What seems to be the problem here?”

    Other Customer: “This b**** is giving me the worst attitude! I have never been treated so badly in all my life!”

    Me: “And this psycho keeps following me around thinking I work here! I keep telling her I don’t work here!”

    Other Customer: “You won’t be working here if you keep up your b****y attitude!”

    (The manager is clearly very uncomfortable.)

    Manager: “Uh, ma’am, she doesn’t actually work here.”

    Other Customer: “You need to handle this! Fire this b**** immediately!”

    (The manager looks around at the customers and employees who have gathered at a safe distance and are snickering at the scene. He looks at me and shrugs.)

    Manager: *to me* “Uh… You’re fired, ma’am?”

    Me: *dramatically and smiling* “YOU CAN’T FIRE ME BEFORE YOU’VE EVEN HIRED ME!”

    Manager: *smiling* “I’d like to offer you a job as an associate. Awesome pay and benefits?”

    Me: “I’ll TAKE it!”

    Manager: “You’re fired.”

    Me: “NOOOOOOO! How could you?!”

    (The crowd starts laughing.)

    Other Customer: “Are you MOCKING me?!”

    Me: “He’s just giving you what you demanded. Now quit bothering me.”

    (She turned bright red and stormed out of the store without another word.)

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