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  • August Theme Of The Month: Best. Customer. Ever!

    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Her Head Is Already In The Clouds

    | London, England, UK | Extra Stupid, Hotels & Lodging, Tourists/Travel

    (I’m a duty manager at a five-star hotel, which is part of an international chain. I’ve just been up to the top floor to let one of our highest tier loyalty program members into her room to find her passport she’d forgotten and we take the lift back down to the lobby together…)

    Guest: “So if I’m going to Amsterdam what will they let me take with me?”

    Me: “…Flying there?”

    Guest: “Yeah! From Gatwick.”

    Me: “O… kay… You mean like in your luggage?”

    Guest: “Yeah, like, what type of bag?”

    Me: “Oh!! Well that usually depends on the airline. Who are you flying with?”

    Guest: “Jeanette.”

    Me: *blank look*

    Guest: “She’s my best friend.”

    Me: “No…”

    Needs An Email Without Fail

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I answer the phone at work.)

    Customer: “I’m trying to place a catering order online, but it seems to be malfunctioning.”

    Me: “I’m sorry about that. The most we can do is tell our IT department about the problem and they can look into it. However, I can take your order over the phone if you’d like.”

    Customer: “I guess that could work. After I give you my order, you guys will send me an e-mail confirmation?”

    Me: “…Well, no, ma’am, we don’t typically send confirmations for orders taken over the phone. The e-mail confirmations are the system telling you that the order was successfully placed. I can personally tell you that your order was successfully placed as I am on the phone with you right now.”

    Customer: “Oh, well, maybe I’ll just keep trying. Thanks anyway!”

    Has No Steak In How It’s Cooked

    | TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I am working in a steakhouse and taking the order for a teenage girl and her mother.)

    Girl: “I’d like the six-ounce sirloin.”

    Me: “All right, and how would you like your steak cooked?”

    Girl: “Yes.”

    Me: *pauses* “Um. How did you want it cooked?”

    Girl: “Yes, I want it cooked.”

    Me: “…but how, ma’am? Rare, medium, well done…?”

    Girl: “Yes, cooked.”

    Me: “Okay, well done, then. And for your sides…?”

    Jon Snow Ordering Online

    , | NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (The customer has ordered incorrectly. It is an item he cannot return because it’s final sale and it’s marked down.  All policies are in the FAQ.)

    Me: *after explaining the policy* “You’re supposed to choose the color and size you need.”

    Customer: “I didn’t know that!”

    Me: “We have the steps on how to place an order in our FAQs.”

    Customer: “I didn’t know that!”

    Me: “With all due respect sir, but we hold you responsible in placing your orders correctly. You’re aware that you placed an order ONLINE, right?”

    Customer: “I didn’t know that! Someone’s supposed to assist me, like in a real store!”

    Me: “We’re an online store sir. Like in every website, we have the policies in the FAQ and the chat room if you have questions. It is never advisable that you avail of something you have no idea of.”

    Customer: “I didn’t know that!”

    Doesn’t Know Zip About State Secrets

    | CO, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

    (I’m currently standing at the register. At this time, we have to ask for a customer’s zip code before proceeding with their transaction, and we are expected to get 70% of customers per day to give us one.)

    Me: “Hello, how are you today?”

    Customer: “Fine.”

    Me: “Can I get your zip code, please?”

    Customer: “No. I work for the Secret Service and it would be a breach of national security for you to know anything like that about me.”

    Me: “Um… okay.”

    (I proceed to ring him out for a transaction over $100. We have to ask for ID on any transaction over a certain amount being charged to a card. The guy pulls out a card and swipes it.)

    Me: “Sir, I do need to see an ID if you are using that card.”

    Customer: “Okay.”

    (He then proceeded to take out his ID and show it to me – which had his zip code along with all his other information.)

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