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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    This Stuff Shouldn’t Phase(r) You Any More

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (In our store we order our products by scanning the shelf labels with a device that shoots a laser to read the barcode. I’m in the refrigerated juice section of the store and have just scanned a label when a middle-aged customer walks up to me.)

    Customer: “Excuse me. Did you just do what I think you did?”

    Me: “I’m just ordering something.”

    Customer: *wide-eyed* “Did you just taser that orange juice?”

    (I look at the scanner in my hand.)

    Me: “Um, if you mean I scanned it, then, I guess so.”

    Customer: “Well, it looks like it’s not moving so it must have worked. Great job!”

    (After the customer happily wanders away my coworker, who saw the whole thing, comes up to me)

    Coworker: “Maybe you should set it to ‘stun’ next time.”

    Organic Grocery Has A High Price

    | Ann Arbor, MI, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid

    (I was a senior manager in a small organic grocery store in a college town. I am on my way from my office to the stockroom when I see a young woman staring blankly into our dairy cooler.)

    Me: “Hi. Can I help you find something?”

    Customer: “Oh! Yes! I’m looking for ganja.”

    Me: “…I’m sorry, you’re looking for what?”

    Customer: “Ganja. Do you have any?”

    Me: “Umm, could you possibly mean kombucha?” *a fermented drink kept in that section of the cooler?*

    Customer: “Is it spelled G-A-N-J-A?”

    Me: *convinced there must be some sort of misunderstanding here* “No. No, it is not. How about this, can you tell me what type of product it is? I mean is it a food, or a juice?”

    Customer: “I really don’t know. You see, I sent my friend an email and got one of those automated reply thing that said he was ‘kicking back and consuming vast quantities of ganja’ while he is on vacation in Colorado. He seems to think its really good stuff, and he’s REALLY granola, so I figured he probably gets it here. I think maybe it’s a juice or something.”

    Me: “Ma’am, ganja is a slang term for marijuana.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay, and do you guys sell that here?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, I can assure you we do not.”

    Beat The Clock

    | OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Time, Top

    (I work as a clockmaker. I phone a customer while standing at their front door after no response to the door bell:)

    Me: “Hello, this is [My Name]. I’m here for your service call.”

    Customer: “Well, I’m not home. I waited until 4:15 and you never showed up, so I left.”

    Me: “You waited until 4:15 today?”

    Customer: “Yes. You were supposed to be here at 3 and I waited until 4:15.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but your appointment was set for between 3 and 5, not at 3. Also, it’s only just now 3:20.”

    Customer: “What do you mean 3:20?”

    Me: “The time. It is currently only 3:20 pm.”

    Customer: “When I looked at the clock it said 4:15!”

    Me: “By chance, would that be the clock I was coming to fix?”

    Customer: “… Yes.”

    Made An A** Out Of Just You

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Money

    (I work in a call centre quality assurance and I listen to the following call about a nationwide mail-in rebate campaign:)

    Irate Customer: “You guys told me I’d get a gift card for gas, and what I’m getting in mail today is some stupid rebate voucher that I have to mail back to you to get my money!”

    Agent: “I apologize, sir. This is an unusual instance of misinformation. Are you sure the agent you talked to before spoke about a gift card? Or about a rebate voucher?”

    Customer: “She talked about a voucher!”

    Agent: “Oh, so, you did know this was a voucher, not a gift card?”

    Customer: “Well, she did say a voucher, but I ASSUMED it was a gift card!”

    Social Insecurity, Part 3

    | NV, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I’m one of the owners of a rental company. I had just finished setting up the unit, going over the rental agreement with the customer, and swiping his credit card on my phone.)

    Me: “Okay, sir, would you like us to email you a receipt?”

    Customer: “I really don’t like giving out my email address.”

    Me: “…I just ran your credit card on my phone.”

    Related:
    Social Insecurity, Part 2
    Social Insecurity

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