Category: Extra Stupid

This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

Not In Concert With Her Purchases

| MA, USA | Extra Stupid, Money, Musical Mayhem

Customer: “What is this $295 charge from [Ticket Broker]?! I did not make that!”

Me: “I can help you with that. It says they were for Beyonce tickets. Do you remember making this charge?”

Customer: “No, I did not do that!”

Me: “Did you lose your card?”

Customer: “Yes, duh!”

Me: “When was the last time you used the card?”

Customer: “I don’t know… What has that got to do with anything?”

Me: “If you lost the card, the last charge you made would be the best place to start. When did you find out the card was lost?”

Customer: “Today.”

Me: “Okay, is the $400 ATM withdrawal yesterday yours?”

Customer: “Yes! That’s mine; that was the last time I had my card. I must have lost it after that.”

Me: “Well… the [Ticket Broker] charge was done two days before that. So the charge was done before you lost the card. Are you sure you did not buy Beyonce tickets?”

Customer: “Uh… I could have. Maybe I just forgot… Bye!”

Me: *thinking, how can one forget buying concert tickets three days ago?*

Life Is Stupider Than Fiction

| PA, USA | Extra Stupid, Movies & TV

(In my time working at a movie theater, I’ve recognized one major, recurring issue for customers: theater satisfaction surveys. They are explicit and clear that the customers are supposed to be rating ONLY their experience with our theater and staff, our cleanliness, how courteous we were, etc. The forms clearly state that they are NOT for rating the movies customers saw. Yet, many customers are oblivious, and will give our theater and staff low ratings because they saw a film they didn’t end up liking. It’s a serious issue, as corporate assumes the low scores are due to staff and theater issues, and they will often cause employees to be denied raises, etc. They can even cause employees to be fired. One day, a customer has just approached me.)

Me: “Hi! What can I do for you?”

Customer: “Can I get a customer satisfaction survey to take?”

Me: “Sure thing! Was something wrong with the theater or our staff?”

Customer: “No. The theater was lovely and the staff is great.”

Me: “Fantastic. One second, and I’ll get you a survey!”

(I hand him a satisfaction survey and a pen, and am shocked to see he is rating our staff, theater, cleanliness, etc. ‘Highly Unsatisfactory’ – the lowest rating.)

Me: “Sir. Why are you giving us bad grades on the survey? You said everything was good.”

Customer: “Oh. Everything was good. I just didn’t like the movie. It was confusing.”

Me: “Sir, the surveys are not for the film itself. They’re for the theater and our staff.”

Customer: “Oh, but I want the studios to know I didn’t like the movie.”

Me: “That’s not how these surveys work. We don’t make the films; we just show them. The surveys are for customers to give feedback on how we performed. It’s a common mistake people make, but I’m going to strongly encourage you not to submit that survey.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Because corporate will take one look at a survey like that, and assume it was something wrong we did.”

Customer: “But you guys were great.”

Me: “I understand. But the forms clearly state that they are only for the theater and staff, not the movie. So, by filling out and signing it, you’re essentially telling our corporate HQ that we did a poor job. Sending that in could get people fired.”

Customer: “…but how else can I let the studios know I didn’t like the film? I don’t want people to get fired, but I want the studio to know I didn’t like the movie.”

Me: “Those forms don’t go to the studios. They go to our theater’s corporate HQ. As I said, we don’t make the movies. I could recommend you go to a movie website and write a negative review, instead of giving us poor ratings.”

Customer: “I’ll just take my chances with this, thanks. I think the studios will get the idea.”

Me: “Those forms don’t go to the studios, but I can’t stop you. I will just strongly advise you not to send it in.”

(He did send it in. And people were ALMOST fired, as it wasn’t the first time someone was oblivious and sent in terrible grades for not liking the film. Corporate HAS to process the grades, whether or not you note that it was just the film you didn’t like. Thankfully, nobody lost their jobs, but it caused some issues with a few employees who were supposed to get raises in the near future. PLEASE READ THE FORMS, PEOPLE!)

Refunder Blunder, Part 10

| ON, Canada | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

(The store opens five minutes early and a customer comes in specially to make a return.)

Customer: “I was hoping to exchange these chips and get a different flavour.”

Supervisor: “Do you have a receipt?”

Customer: “No.”

Supervisor: “Well, these are still well before their expiry date…”

(She looks at the second bag.)

Supervisor: “Oh, this is a flavour we don’t carry.”

Customer: “I’m just hoping to exchange them.”

Supervisor: “I understand that, but we don’t carry this product.”

Customer: “All I want to do is exchange these chips for another flavour in the same brand.”

Supervisor: “Sir, I’m sorry, but we’re not even really supposed to do returns without a receipt, and I can say quite confidently that you didn’t buy them here.”

Customer: “I KNOW I didn’t buy them here, but I don’t understand why I can’t return them here.”

Supervisor: “You don’t understand why I won’t return something we don’t sell?”

Customer: “…I don’t want to talk to you anymore.”

Related:
Refunder Blunder, Part 9
Refunder Blunder, Part 8
Refunder Blunder, Part 7

Has A Limited Streetview

| AZ, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography, Technology

(I work as a salesman selling billboards all over the state, and have both national and local clients. I get a phone call on my cell phone.)

Me: “Hello, you’ve reached [My Name]!    ”

Client: “Hello, [My Name]; it’s [Client] from [His Business]. I bought a board from you?”

Me: “Oh, yes! I believe it was installed last Monday and looks just great. I passed by it the other day. What’s going on?”

Client: “Well, I’m looking at the board right now and it doesn’t have my design on it!”

Me: *surprised, because I had just passed it the day before and it was there* “What do you mean? Is there another advertisement on there?”

Client: *getting more mad* “Yes! I thought I was paying to be up there for three months!”

Me: “Hold on, [Client]. I’ll go out there right now and take a look!”

(I proceed to drive an hour from the office to go to the billboard. It’s located on a strip of highway between two cities, so there is nothing but desert around it. When I get there, I see that the client’s ad is up. I give him a call.)

Me: “Hi, [Client], I’m standing here in front of the board and your advertisement is up!”

Client: “That’s b******t! I’m looking at it right now too, and it’s for [Other Advertiser]!”

Me: “…Where are you? Are you at the right board? I don’t see you here.”

Client: “Well, of course I’m not there! I’m at my store, looking at it on [Website commonly used to view streets]!”

Me: *trying hard not to be rude* “[Client], [Website] runs that service, not [My Company], and they don’t always update the images. What you’re seeing is an old advertiser. I promise you, I’m standing right here. I’ll take a picture with my phone and email it to you.”

Client: “You better not be lying, because I’ll sue you for wrongful advertisement!”

(I sent him a photo with his advertisement up, as well as a photo of me with the board in the background. He then renewed his contract with us for another year!)

A Cup Is Over-Full Kind Of Person

, | Oakville, ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(We sell catering boxes of 15, 25, or 50 cups of frozen yoghurt, that customers can order for events. While the cups we offer in-store are 16 oz. or 25 oz., the cups we use for the catering boxes are much smaller at 6 oz. Therefore, when telling customers about the catering boxes, we have to make sure to mention this. I am helping a woman who is thinking of buying the 25-cup box.)

Customer: “So, does the yogurt come in these cups?”

Me: “No, for the catering boxes it comes in smaller, 6 oz. cups. I’ll show you.”

(I fetch a cup and show it to her. It is only a couple inches high and a little over twice as wide.)

Customer: “And that’s supposed to feed 25 people?!”

Me: “…One per person.”

(Pause…)

Customer: “OHHH.”

(Many people feel that size of cup isn’t big enough even for one person. I found it hilarious that she thought we expected one of them to be used by 25 people!)

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