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  • Driving Thru Justice
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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Knows Zip About The Code

    | NM, USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words

    Me: “Thank you, Ma’am. Now I need your address so we can mail your order out to you.”

    Caller: “I live at [Street, City, State, USA].”

    Me: “OK, ma’am, I have all that. May I have your ZIP code, please?”

    Caller: “My what?”

    Me: “Your ZIP code. It’s part of your address. After your address.”

    Caller: “After my address? No, I don’t have one.”

    Me: “Everyone has a ZIP code. It’s the number that follows your address. If you live in the USA, you have a ZIP code. All addresses have one.”

    Caller: “And I’m telling you I never heard of such a thing, I’ve lived in this house for 15 years and there’s no ZIP code here.”

    Me: “You live in [City], right?”

    Caller “Yes. In [City] in [State].”

    Me: “Then your ZIP code is a five digit number and would probably begin with [number].”

    Caller: “You’re out of your mind! I am looking out my window RIGHT NOW at my house number, on the front porch and there is NO ZIP CODE!”

    Drive-Thru Has Its Hang-Ups

    | VA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Technology

    (I’m a customer in line at the drive thru. I’ve just ordered and this happens with the customer behind me:)

    Employee: “Welcome to [Restaurant]. May I take your order?”

    (A few moments pass, and the employee repeats the greeting.)

    Employee: “Welcome to [Restaurant]. May I take your order?”

    Customer: “Hang on! Jesus, can’t you see I’m on the phone!?”

    The Lie-To-Yourself Diet

    | MN, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    Me: *answering phone* “Thank you for calling [Pizza Place]. This is [My Name]. Can I interest you in two large pizzas with up to five toppings and a pop for only $22.99?”

    Customer: “No, I don’t need that much. I’m on a diet.”

    Me: “Okay. What can I get you tonight?”

    Customer: “Can I get a large veggie pizza, but hold the mushrooms, black olives, green peppers, and onions, and add sausage, beef, bacon, Canadian bacon and pepperoni.”

    Me: “Okay, that would just be a meats pizza with tomatoes.”

    Customer: “No, I’m on a diet. I need a veggie pizza because of my diet. but hold the mushrooms, black olives, green peppers, and onions, and add sausage, beef, bacon, Canadian bacon and pepperoni.”

    Me: “Okay, no problem. Your total will be $11 and we will have it ready in 15 minutes.”

    (I rang up the order the way she wanted it but told my coworkers that it was just a meats pizza with tomatoes.)

    Not So Rewarding, Part 2

    | USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

    (Every winter my store offers a rewards program for store credit card holders. The program is heavily advertised, especially at the cash wrap. Regardless, this exchange happens at least once a day.)

    Me: “I see you’re paying with your [Store credit card]. Have you already enrolled in [rewards program]?”

    Customer: *hostile* “What’s that?”

    Me: “It’s a rewards program that—”

    Customer: “No! I don’t want anything to do with that!”

    Me: “Okay, your total will be—”

    Customer: *suspiciously eyeing rewards program advertisement* “What’s this 10% thing? I want 10%!”

    Me: “That’s [rewards program]. That—”

    Customer: “No! I don’t want it!”

    Related:
    Not So Rewarding

    Very Closed Minded

    | Bastrop, TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Holidays

    (The store that this takes place in is open 24/7 and is only closed for Christmas Day. One night, around 9:30, a customer calls the store and I answer it.)

    Me: ”[Location] [Store] customer service. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I was calling to ask when you close tonight.”

    Me: “Customer service or the store?”

    Customer: “The store.”

    Me: “The store stays open 24 hours, ma’am.”

    Customer: “No, no, no. When does the store close?”

    Me: “It doesn’t. It stays open 24/7.”

    Customer: *sounding annoyed* “NO! I’m not asking when it is open I want to know when it CLOSES!”

    Me: “Ma’am, the next time we’ll close, excluding things beyond our control, will be 8 pm on Christmas Eve.”

    (After hearing that, the customer starts to yell into the phone.)

    Customer: “I DON’T GIVE A F*** WHEN IT CLOSES CHRISTMAS EVE! I WANT TO KNOW WHEN IT CLOSES TONIGHT!”

    Me: *wincing and pulling the headset from my ear as a pair of customers approach the counter* “Ma’am, please don’t yell. I am attempting to tell you that the store does not close.”

    Customer: “NO, YOU ARE JUST F****** TELLING WHEN IT F******* CLOSES ON GODD*** CHRISTMAS EVE, WHEN IT’S JUST APPROACHING EASTER!”

    Me: “Listen, ma’am, the store DOES NOT CLOSE UNTIL THEN!”

    Customer: “BULL-F******-S***! YOU’RE NOT TELLING ME YOU CLOSE BECAUSE YOU WANT ME TO WASTE MY FUCKING GAS GETTING OVER THERE ONLY TO HAVE YOU SHOO ME AWAY!”

    Me: “Listen, if you cannot understand that WE DO NOT, I REPEAT, NOT CLOSE, then I don’t know what to tell you.” *click*

    (I turn to the two customers who’ve been waiting at the counter.)

    Me: “Sorry about that. How can I help you?”

    In-Store Customer: *chuckling* “So, when do you close?”

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