October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Category: Extra Stupid

This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

Instruction Deconstruction

| Cleveland, OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work tech support for a large corporation that services 50,000+ employees. It is not uncommon, when there are new upgrades or software, for our users to receive instructions on how to perform the installs themselves. We usually got a good number of calls from people who don’t read the instructions and just call into the help desk.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company] corporate help desk. My name is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, I just got the email that I’m supposed to install [newest upgrade] and need some help with it.”

Me: “Okay, I can help you with that. Did you get the instructions?”

Customer: “Yes, I have it right in front of me.”

Me: “Okay, at what point are you having the issues.”

Customer: “I scrolled to the bottom to get your number and called in.”

Me: “Okay, let me get my copy of the instructions opened up and we’ll see if we can get this done.”

(I open the PDF file and bring up my instructions.)

Me: “Okay, now what does it say for step #1.”

Customer: *reads instructions to me for step #1*

Me: “Okay, do that. Now what does it say for step #2.”

Customer: *reads instructions to me for step #2*

Me: “Okay, do that.”

Customer: “Wait a minute, are you just going to have me read the instructions and do it step by step?”

Me: “Yes, that’s exactly what we are going to do. My instructions are no different than yours.”

Customer: “Well, that’s not much help. I could do that by myself!” *click*

The Power (Button) To Make A Difference

| Canton, NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work in a call center supporting multiple ISP’s, when a very flustered, middle aged woman calls in.)

Me: “Hi, and thank you for calling [ISP].”

Customer: “My Internet is broken! I was on my computer and now all I see is a big yellow triangle, and I can’t even move my mouse!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, have you tried restarting the computer?”

Customer: *starting to get angry* “How am I supposed to do that?! I told you, I can’t move my mouse!”

Me: *trying very hard to keep the sarcasm out of my voice* “By holding the power button.”

Customer: *very sincerely* “Oh… you can do that?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Customer: “Oh, my god, it worked! You’re a genius! I am having a party this weekend. Come have a beer with us!”

Must Be A Poultrinarian

| Gold Coast, QLD, Australia | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I overhear this in a buffet style restaurant in a popular theme park:)

Customer: “Is this vegetarian?”

(There is a sign clearly marking to dish as chicken.)

Waiter: “No, ma’am, it’s chicken.”

Customer: “I KNOW IT’S CHICKEN! I WANT TO KNOW IF IT IS VEGETARIAN! YOU ARE SO RUDE!” *moves on to next dish* “Is this vegetarian?”

Waiter: “No, ma’am, that’s chicken, too.”

Doesn’t Meet Their Egg-spectations

| Long Island, NY, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(A friend and I go boating one weekend with our wives and decide to stop at a diner for breakfast. My friend’s wife is looking over the menu and is having a hard time deciding what to get.)

Friend’s Wife: *to the waitress* “Can I make my own omelet? I mean, can I get one with whatever I want?”

Waitress: “Oh absolutely! Tell me what you want and we’ll make it up for you.”

Friend’s Wife: “Okay, great. I’ll have the Super, Premium, Deluxe omelet but take out the bacon, take out the sausage, take out the peppers, take out the onions, take out the mushrooms and take out the cheddar cheese. Put in some steak and American cheese.”

Waitress: *with an exasperated look* “So you want an omelet with steak and American cheese?”

Friend’s Wife: “Yes! Oh, and throw some ham in there, too.”

(A little bit later we get our food and my friend’s wife, immediately starts picking all the ham out and puts it to the side. She then just picks at the omelet but never eats any of it. The waitress stops by to check up on us.)

Waitress: “Is everything all right? Is there something wrong with the omelet?”

Friend’s Wife: “Oh, no. I just don’t like eggs.”

A Big Mayo No No, Part 2

| Ft. Collins, CO, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I’m handing out boxed lunches at a construction site. A customer walks up.)

Customer: “How does this work?” *holds up a mayo packet*

Me: “Rip it open a little bit and squeeze it.”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “Tear the corner.”

Customer: *Blank stare*

Me: “Here, I’ll do it for you.”

(I tear off the corner and give it to him. The customer then bends over and holds the mayo packet in his hand the way you would a can of soda. It’s also upside down – so before I can say anything, he squeezes as hard as he can and sprays the mayo in his face.)

Customer: “HEY! This thing didn’t work!”

Me: “You held it upside down, sir.” *I hold out a napkin but he just glares*

Customer: “Your fault! Your mayo packet was broken!”

(I honestly wish he did that with a mustard packet…)

A Big Mayo No No

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