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    Category: Canada

    Canada is a great nation, but it gets visited by its fair share of idiots, and sometimes produces them as well! If you want to know how stupid customers overcome the metric system, or those funny Canadian coins, then read on!

    Read Or Die

    | Calgary, AB, Canada | Books & Reading, Canada, Extra Stupid

    (I’m at the cash register; a lady walks up and plunks six different paperbacks on the counter.)

    Customer: “Which one is the best? I only want to buy one today.”

    Me: “Well, that depends on your tastes. Is there a particular genre that you’re interested in?”

    Customer: “No, I mean which one did you like the best?”

    Me: “Well, I haven’t read these particular books, but I can tell you which one is most popular right now…”

    Customer: “Of course you’ve read them all. You work here, right? You have to know what you’re selling!”

    Me: “Ma’am, we sell thousands of different books; there’s just no way I can read them all.”

    Customer: “You’re not doing your job! You have to know! Now tell me which book was the best!”

    Me: *points randomly* “…that one.”

    Customer: “Thanks!”

    Getting Into Double-Double Trouble

    | Brampton, ON, Canada | Bad Behavior, Canada, Food & Drink, Top

    (I witness a medium-sized customer, wearing a business suit, ordering coffee.)

    Customer: “I thought I told you to make a double-double with milk, not this swill with cream!”

    Cashier: “I’m sorry, sir. I’ll remake it for you.”

    Customer: “D*** f****** right you will. Morons like you shouldn’t even have a job.”

    Me: “Hey! The lady made a mistake and she’s remaking it for you. Calm the h*** down.”

    Customer: “Screw you buddy. She didn’t make it right—”

    Me: “That doesn’t give you the right to be a complete a**. Shut up and take your drink.”

    Customer: “And just what are you going to do about it?”

    (I fully stand up. I am a heavy-set, 6’2″ guy. I grab him by the tie and yank him to towards me. I speak very calmly.)

    Me: “I just lost my job. I’m in a bad mood. I want my tea so I can read in peace and try to cheer myself up. If you want to really know what I can do, keep talking. I’ll fold you into a pretzel.”

    (The customer turns deathly white. He reels around and runs out the door. I make my way up to the register.)

    Me: “Steeped tea. Double-double with milk. Double cupped please.”

    Cashier: “No problem.”

    (A customer in line behind me speaks up.)

    Customer #2: “I’ll have the same, and I’ll pay for both.”

    Me: “You don’t need to do that, sir.”

    Customer #2: “You defended that woman, even after dealing with some pretty horrible news. Don’t worry about it.”

    Me: “Well… if you insist.”

    (Customer #2 pays for my tea and sits down with me, asking about what I did for a living. Turns out, his store is looking for a new computer-tech, and he offers me the job right there. Lesson learned? Don’t underestimate the power of sticking up for people.)

    Borderline Stupidity

    | ON, Canada | Bad Behavior, Canada, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month

    (I am behind two boys in line. They pile a bunch of coolers on the counter, and try to pay with American money.)

    Cashier: “Could I see some ID, please?”

    (Boy #1 waves his hand like Obi-Wan.)

    Boy #1: “Oh, you don’t need to see our IDs.”

    Cashier: “Uh, actually, I do.”

    Boy #2: “It’s okay; we’re both 21!”

    Cashier: “Drinking age in Ontario is 19.”

    Boy #2: “Oh. Well, we’re both 19, then.”

    Cashier: “Do you even have identification?”

    Boy #1: “Fine! Here!”

    (He throws a card on the counter.)

    Cashier: “The government doesn’t consider this valid ID.”

    Boy #1: “OH COME ON!”

    Cashier: “…and this American state driver’s licence says you’re 16.”

    Boy #2: “F****** Canadians!”

    Yukon Freeze It, Part 2

    | ON, Canada | Canada, Extra Stupid, Geography

    (I work at a call centre located in Canada, but our focus is verifying orders placed for long distance phone service with a particular company in America, so all our incoming calls originate from there. I am on a call with a man from a Southern state.)

    Caller: “Where are you from?”

    Me: “We’re located in Canada, sir.”

    Caller: “Oh wow, you must see a lot of moose up there then?”

    Me: “Well, maybe more so out west, sir. But we are in Southern Ontario. There aren’t really any moose here.”

    Caller: “You must have a lot of snow, right?”

    Me: *it’s currently summer* “Yes, during the winter we can get lots of snow.”

    Caller: “How do you power your call centre?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir? We use electricity.”

    Caller: “Wouldn’t the heat from electricity melt the igloos?”

    (I have to mute my headset as I laugh and try to compose myself. I want so badly to joke with him, but our calls are recorded.)

    Me: “No, sir. We live in houses and buildings in cities just like you. Even way up north I don’t think you’d find any igloos anymore.”

    Caller: “Really? Oh. What were you asking me again?”

    (We resume the call as normal, but at the after our goodbyes, he jumps in.)

    Caller: “Wait! If I give you my email, can you send me a picture of a moose?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t do that.”

    Caller: “Aw, how come?”

    Me: “Because it’s against company policy and the moose are camera shy. Have a great day, sir!”

    Related:
    Yukon Freeze It

    Loonie Over A Toonie, Part 2

    | Victoria, BC, Canada | At The Checkout, Canada, Money, Tourists/Travel

    Me: “Alright, that’ll be $26.17, please.”

    Customer: “Do you accept American money here?”

    Me: “We sure do. And, just so you know, the exchange rate right now is even at 1.00.”

    (I finish counting out the change and hand it to the customer along with her receipt.)

    Me: “Your change is $23.83. Enjoy the rest of the day!”

    (She stands beside my till looking confusedly at her hand for a few seconds.)

    Me: “Is there something else I can help you with?”

    Customer: “What is this?!”

    Me: “That’s your change, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Why would I want this?! Why don’t I get American change back? I’m an American!”

    Me: “Unfortunately, ma’am, you are in Canada. We don’t carry American change on the tills.”

    Customer: *hesitantly* “But Canada is practically a part of the States, isn’t it?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, it’s not. If you have any more questions, my supervisor at the service desk will be happy to help. You have a nice day.”

    (She moves off to the end of my till, slowly puts away the money, and wanders off.)

    Next Customer: *jokingly* “That definitely made my day. Do you get those types here often?”

    Me: “You have no idea.”

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