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  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
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  • Category: Books & Reading

    Caused by stupid customers who know how to read (and often those who don’t!), feel for the poor librarians or book store clerks who are often tasked with finding a book solely by the color of its cover.

    Doesn’t Work Its Magic On Some Customers

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Books & Reading, Geeks Rule, Religion

    (An adult shopping for her child picks up a book from the ‘Magic: The Gathering franchise’.)

    Me: “Oh, that’s a great one, especially if you play the card game.”

    Patron: *looking at the cover* “This art is really cool. What’s it about?”

    Me: “That one is about a couple of mages who are working on a inter-dimensional teleporter, and some of the politics surrounding the mage’s school they work at.”

    Patron: “Is it… you know… violent?”

    Me: “A bit. Nothing you won’t see in any modern action movie though. I’d rate it PG.”

    Patron: “Oh, awesome. I’ll take the whole series.”

    (We have 20 books in the franchise.)

    Me: “Great! So, is your kid into fantasy and magic and such? We have lots of—”

    Patron: *gasps* “MAGIC?!”

    Me: “… Yeah?”

    Patron: “You mean… like WITCHCRAFT?!” *crosses herself and runs out*

    Those Books Can Be Killer To Finish

    | KY, USA | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Books & Reading, History

    (I’m the customer in this situation:)

    Me: “I’m looking for a copy of Les Mis and I found several different copies from different publishers. What do you recommend?”

    Staff Member: “Well, it depends. Do you want a smaller-size copy that’d fit in your purse so you can take it anywhere?”

    Me: “Well… the print in those can get pretty tiny… Actually, I’m looking for a book hefty enough to kill someone with.”

    Staff Member: “…”

    Me: “Sorry.”

    Staff Member: “In that case, I suggest Tolstoy or Proust.”

    Keeping It One Place Is EXACTLY What A Store Does

    | Sault Ste. Marie, MI, USA | Bizarre, Books & Reading, Crazy Requests

    Customer: “Where are your Jean Auel books?”

    Me: “Oh, those are in historical fiction, the next aisle over.”

    Customer: “Ugh, why can’t you put everything in the same place so I don’t have to walk?”

    Lost In Holy Translation

    | Australia | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid, Religion

    Me: “Hi! How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hey, do you have The Bible?”

    Me: “Yeah, heaps. Let me—”

    Customer: “No.” *looking at phone* “I need The Bible by the author… King James!”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “Do you have it?”

    Me: “Sure…”

    All Men Must Serve

    | NY, USA | Awesome Customers, Books & Reading, Geeks Rule, Language & Words

    (I am the librarian.)

    Patron: “Do you have any books on Japanese architecture? I play the game Minecraft and we’re building Westeros. You know, Game of Thrones? Part of it is going to be Japanese themed.”

    Librarian: “I think we do. Let me look…” *searches the catalog* “Yup, there are some e-books you can get by clicking the links here, or there should be a couple upstairs. Are you able to find things by call number?”

    Patron: “Yeah, I should be able to find it. Thanks!”

    Librarian: “You’re welcome! Valar Morghulis!”

    Patron: “Yeah.” *starts to walk away, but stops suddenly and turns around* “Wait, did you just…”

    Librarian: “Yeah, I really did.”

    Patron: “That’s awesome! Valar Dohaeris!”

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