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    Category: Books & Reading

    Caused by stupid customers who know how to read (and often those who don’t!), feel for the poor librarians or book store clerks who are often tasked with finding a book solely by the color of its cover.

    Military In-Action

    | USA | Books & Reading

    (I work in the library at one of the Military Academies. As such, 90% of our students are military members, all in uniform. A student walks in immediately following me as I unlock the doors.)

    Me: “We don’t open until 7:30.”

    Student: “But I need to print something out.”

    Me: “The printers aren’t on yet, and have no paper in them. Come back at 7:30.”

    Student: “Not even for your country!?”

    Me: “No…”

    Being The President Sucks

    | Oklahoma City, OK, USA | Books & Reading, History, Politics

    Customer: “Do you have a copy of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter?”

    Me: “I’m not sure, let me check.” *I check our bestsellers section* “No sir, not at this time.”

    Customer: “But did you look back in the history section?”

    Me: “For Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Me: “No, I did not.”

    Limping Through College

    | Flint, MI, USA | Books & Reading, School

    Customer: “Can you help me find the book for my class?”

    Me: “Sure. Do you have your course schedule?”

    Customer: “Uh, no. Why?”

    Me: “They tell me what books are needed for each class.”

    Customer: “Cool.”

    Me: “So, I need to know what class you’re taking.”

    Customer: *blank stare*

    Me: “English, Math, Physics, Biology? If you can tell me what the course is, we might be able to find it that way.”

    Customer: “Sorry, dude. I’m new to this whole college thing.”

    Me: “How about your professor’s name? We’ve got quite a few professors that only teach one class.”

    Customer: “My class is at night. Wednesdays, I think. And my teacher is a lady, with a limp.”

    Me: *Looking at a course card.* “I found it! Wednesday nights, with the lady who limps.”

    Customer: “Bro, you’re a life saver.”

    Me: “I was kidding.”

    Customer: “So, that’s not my book then?”

    Purple Digital Rain

    | Cape Town, South Africa | Books & Reading

    Customer: “Hey there, can you help me find a book?”

    Me:“Of course, ma’am. Do you know the author or title?”

    Customer: “Well you see, I was at the beach and I saw this girl reading a purple book. She looked like she was really enjoying it! I want that book.”

    Me: “Ma’am, you’re going to have to be more specific. There are a lot of books with purple covers.”

    Customer: “Can’t you search on your computer for purple books?”

    Me: “Unfortunately, no.”

    Customer: “I’ll go to a bookstore that has better computers.”

    How To Address The Proof Of Address

    | New Jersey, USA | Books & Reading, Underaged

    Me: “Okay, for a library card I need ID the verifies your address.”

    Patron: *recites address*

    Me: “I need proof that is your address, like your ID or a bill.”

    Patron: *recites address again*

    Me: “I’m sorry. I need proof.”

    (The patron walks away and comes back with another patron.)

    Patron: “Will you please tell this lady where I live to prove it?”

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