Category: Books & Reading

Caused by stupid customers who know how to read (and often those who don’t!), feel for the poor librarians or book store clerks who are often tasked with finding a book solely by the color of its cover.

When Rants Get Real

| Durham, NC, USA | Books & Reading, Politics, Religion, Uncategorized

(These customers are usually regulars and rant with us.)

Customer: “Those d*** telemarketers keep calling me at home. I swear, one of these days, I’m going to find those f***s and gun them down!”

Me: “Aww, that’s hardly fair. They’re just doing their job, you know?”

Customer: “Yeah, well that’s what the Nazis said at Nuremberg.”

Me: “Are you honestly trying to comparing somebody calling you at home inconveniently equal to genocide?”

Customer: “D*** right it is. They should do something about it too! Hold a trial or something.”

Me: “Sir, I don’t think it’s really fair to make that sort of judgment on any individual.”

Customer: “Oh, so you’re saying that what the Nazis did was okay?”

Me: “Not at all. Just that it’s a bit of a stretch.”

Customer: “Uh huh…you seem like the kind of guy who’d stand up for the terrorists, too wouldn’t you? I bet if they built a mosque on Ground Zero, you’d be okay with that, too!?”

Me: “They’re already doing that.”

Customer: “Wait, what!?”

His Witnesses Will Need A Protection Program

| Indiana, USA | Books & Reading, Religion, Uncategorized

(For legal reasons, our store cannot offer any discounts on books by a certain publisher.)

Customer: “I’d like to use this coupon on my order, please.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. Your order is nothing but books by [publishers], and we can’t accept the coupon on them.”

Customer: “Excuse me?”

Me: “See, it says right here in the fine print, ‘Not valid on any [publisher’s] products’.”

Customer: “Well I know that! But you need to give me the discount anyway!”

Me: “It’s against store policy. I can’t give you a discount on these books.”

Customer: “Look, I’m using these books to witness to people who don’t know the Lord. You should give me a discount because I’m giving them to people who need them!”

Me: “There is nothing I can do about that. I don’t set the prices or the policies.”

Customer: “If [bookstore] really does claim to be a Christian business, then they should give discounts to people who buy stuff to witness to other people! You’re making me waste the Lord’s money!”

Library Staff Are Very Amen-able

| Tennessee, USA | Books & Reading, Religion, Uncategorized

Customer: *handing me a book* “Is this the Koran?”

Me: “No sir, this appears to be a book about Ojibwe singers.”

Customer: “The lady said it would be on aisle 6B.”

Me: “It is, but the Koran’s call number is 297. This book is listed under 264.”

*blank stare*

Me: “Let me try to help you find it.”

(Walking to aisle 6B, I notice that the book he grabbed is the first book on the aisle, at eye level.)

Me: “Sir, did you just walk to aisle 6B and grab the first book you saw?”

Customer: “I couldn’t find it, so…yes.”

(He then find’s another book on the shelf.)

Customer: “Oh here it is! Would this be the best one?”

(The patron has picked up ‘The Complete Idiot’s Guide to the Koran’.)

I Can’t Hear Myself Think, Part 2

| Ottawa, ON, Canada | Books & Reading, Musical Mayhem, Uncategorized

(Our store plays soft, acoustic music over the speakers. An old man approaches me angrily.)

Customer: “Your music is too loud!”

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “Your music is too loud. I can’t read!”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. Most people like it.”

Customer: “You shouldn’t be playing music in a bookstore! It should be like a library!”

(He storms off, yelling over his shoulder.)

Customer: “I don’t come in here to buy things, I come in here to read! It should be like a library!”

Related:
I Can’t Hear Myself Think

Go Directly To School, Do Not Pass Go

| Oxford, UK | Books & Reading, Family & Kids, Uncategorized

Customer: “Hi, I need to buy Monopoly.”

Me: “I’m sorry. We don’t actually sell board games.”

Customer: “Oh? Why not?”

Me: “Well, this is a bookshop. We pretty much only sell books.”

Customer: “Can I get the book of Monopoly?”

Me: “I’m not sure we have any books about Monopoly the game, but I can have a look on our system.” *I check the system* “Yes, I’m sorry. The only books we have are about monopolies in finance.”

Customer: “Maybe that will do? Does it come with the hat and everything?”

Me: “It’s a book, not a board game so there aren’t any player pieces or anything, and we don’t actually have any books about the board game monopoly either. I think if you’re interested in Monopoly the game, you should go to [store] across the street.”

Customer: “Okay, maybe I’ll try that. While I’m here though, do you have that one with the candlestick and the library?”

Me: “Cluedo?” (Called ‘Clue’ in the USA.) “Again, I’m afraid it’s a board game so [store] across the street is your best bet.”

Customer: “How do you expect kids to like reading when you don’t sell anything they’d want to read?!”

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