Category: Books & Reading

Caused by stupid customers who know how to read (and often those who don’t!), feel for the poor librarians or book store clerks who are often tasked with finding a book solely by the color of its cover.

In Soviet Russia, Language Speaks You

| Langley, BC, Canada | Books & Reading, Language & Words, Uncategorized

(I am the customer in this story. I am looking for a certain book on WWII, but am having trouble finding the section.)

Employee: “Hey, could I help you find something?”

Me: “Ah, yes! I’m trying to find [book]. Could you help me?”

(The employee has a very wide-eyed surprised look. She slowly nods and motions for me to follow.)

Employee: *speaking loudly and slowly* “Sir, these help?”

Me: “No, I’m looking for History.”

Employee: “Umm…” *looks down the books and hands me a Russian-English dictionary.*

Me: “Ah, I wasn’t speaking English was I?” (She shakes her head and I laugh.) “Sorry about that, I was looking for [book].”

(The employee laughs and takes me to where I had wanted to go, the rest of our conversation thankfully in English.)

Thick Accents, Thicker Heads

| New Zealand | Books & Reading, Movies & TV, Tourists/Travel, Uncategorized

(A teenage girl enters the library.)

Me: “Hi, do you need help?”

Customer: “Oh, yeah, I’m looking for a book.”

Me: “Okay. Are you a member of this library or any other Wellington library?”

Customer: “Oh, no. I’m here with my mother for the US summer ’cause I live with Dad in Florida.”

Me: “We can sign you up to the library for free and issue you a card. The card will cost two dollars.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: “So, what book were you looking for?”

Customer: “Twilight. Have you heard of it? Most people in America have read it, but I’m not sure if it’s here.”

Me: “Oh, yeah. It was quite big for a while. My sister loved it.”

Customer: “It’s my second favorite book ever, after Eclipse.”

Me: “Oh, did you leave your copy in America?”

Customer: “No, I just wanted a copy from here because everyone here has really funny accents  and I wanted to know how that would change the story.”

General Knowledge Generally Gets You In Trouble

| Seattle, WA | Books & Reading, Uncategorized

Customer: “Hello, do you work here?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry I don’t.”

Customer: “Then why do you have so many books in your hands?”

Me: “I am about to purchase them.”

Customer: “You read?”

Me: “Yes”

Customer: “Then you must work here.”

Me: “I’m sorry but I don’t.”

Customer: *picking up one of the books in my arms* “J.D. Salinger? Who’s that?”

Me: “An author. He wrote Catcher in the Rye.”

Customer: “See! You do work here! You know what books he wrote!”

Eulogyology

| Lancaster, PA, USA | Books & Reading, Funny Names, Uncategorized

Customer: “Excuse me, do you have an ‘ology’ section?”

Me: “Are you looking for biology, psychology, sociology?”

Customer: “No, just ‘ology’.”

Me: “I’m not sure what that is. Maybe you could explain it to me?”

Customer: “You know, speeches people give at funerals.”

When Rants Get Real

| Durham, NC, USA | Books & Reading, Politics, Religion, Uncategorized

(These customers are usually regulars and rant with us.)

Customer: “Those d*** telemarketers keep calling me at home. I swear, one of these days, I’m going to find those f***s and gun them down!”

Me: “Aww, that’s hardly fair. They’re just doing their job, you know?”

Customer: “Yeah, well that’s what the Nazis said at Nuremberg.”

Me: “Are you honestly trying to comparing somebody calling you at home inconveniently equal to genocide?”

Customer: “D*** right it is. They should do something about it too! Hold a trial or something.”

Me: “Sir, I don’t think it’s really fair to make that sort of judgment on any individual.”

Customer: “Oh, so you’re saying that what the Nazis did was okay?”

Me: “Not at all. Just that it’s a bit of a stretch.”

Customer: “Uh huh…you seem like the kind of guy who’d stand up for the terrorists, too wouldn’t you? I bet if they built a mosque on Ground Zero, you’d be okay with that, too!?”

Me: “They’re already doing that.”

Customer: “Wait, what!?”

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