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    Category: Books & Reading

    Caused by stupid customers who know how to read (and often those who don’t!), feel for the poor librarians or book store clerks who are often tasked with finding a book solely by the color of its cover.

    See-Through Excuses

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid

    (A customer comes in with four boxes of our crystal product. They are all broken and foggy.)

    Me: “Oh no, what happened to these?”

    Customer: “I just tried cleaning them and they all broke!”

    Me: “How did you clean these?”

    Customer: ” I put them in my dishwasher, of course!”

    Me: “Ma’am, these are very delicate crystal figurines. They shouldn’t even be put in water.”

    Customer: “Oh, please! Like I’m going to bother cleaning them myself!”

    There Is No Voice Of Reason

    | Petaluma, CA, USA | Books & Reading, Language & Words

    Me: “Hi! Welcome to [electronics store]. What brings you in today?”

    Customer: “I need an electronic English to Spanish dictionary.”

    Me: “Okay, right this way.”

    Customer: “Does it talk?”

    Me: “No. We don’t sell translators here.”

    Customer: “This isn’t a translator?”

    Me: “It will translate English words to Spanish words, but it won’t speak them. It will only show you the text.”

    Customer: “Well, that’s stupid! If I knew how to speak the d*** language, I wouldn’t need the d*** dictionary!”

    That Helpful Attitude Needs To Be Shelved

    | Long Island, NY, USA | Bizarre, Books & Reading

    (I am shelving a couple books. I have two books in my hands, each going in different sections.)

    Customer: *pointing* “Oh that book goes over here and that book goes over there.”

    Me: “But–”

    Customer: “The book goes right here.”

    Me: “Yes, I–”

    Customer: *takes book from me* “The book goes in this spot here.”

    Me: “I know.”

    Customer: “I’m not trying to tell you how to do your job. I’m just trying to be helpful!”

    Me: “Thank you?”

    One Store To Sell Them All, And In The Darkness Bind Them

    | Woodinville, WA, USA | Books & Reading

    (A customer walks up to counter and sets down a bag from a competitor’s store, pulls out competitor’s receipt, and starts unloading books with competitor’s sticker on them.)

    Customer: “I’d like to return these.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, I can’t take these back here. We’re [bookstore].”

    Customer: “So?”

    Me: “These books are from [competitor]. I can’t do this return.”

    Customer: “But don’t you have a store by the mall?”

    Me: “We do have a location a few blocks away from the mall, but the store inside the mall is actually [competitor].”

    Customer: “So you won’t take these back for me?”

    Me: “Unfortunately, since they weren’t purchased from us. You’ll need to take them back to [competitor] and they’ll be able to help you.”

    Customer: *surprised* “I thought all bookstores were the same!”

    Sharing Ones Loss

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Books & Reading, Liars & Scammers

    (Students are required to show their student ID cards when borrowing a book. Two students walk up to the front desk.)

    Student #1: “Hi, I’d like to borrow this book for my friend here.” *hands me their student ID card*

    Me: “If your friend would like that book, then she needs to bring her own ID card and borrow it herself. I can’t let you borrow it for her in case she causes any damage or loses it.”

    Student #1: “Oh. But she’s very responsible. She wouldn’t damage or lose it.”

    (I turn to the second student.)

    Me: “Where is your student ID card?”

    Student #2: “I lost it.”

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