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    Category: Books & Reading

    Caused by stupid customers who know how to read (and often those who don’t!), feel for the poor librarians or book store clerks who are often tasked with finding a book solely by the color of its cover.

    How To Kill ‘To Kill A Mockingbird’

    | Cape Cod, MA, USA | Books & Reading

    (A teenage girl and her mother enter the store and walk over to the counter.)

    Me: “Hello, can I help you with something?”

    Teen: “Yeah, like, do you have, like, To Kill a Mockingbird?”

    Me: “Yes we do. If you could follow me please.”

    (I lead them to the book’s location, where we have two different copies.)

    Teen: “Mom, pick the smaller one!”

    Mother: “Honey, you that doesn’t make the story shorter, right?”

    Teen: “Oh.”

    One Brain For The IQ Of None

    | London, UK | Books & Reading, Top

    Customer: “This sticker says 3 for 2. What does that mean?”

    Me: “It means that if you choose three books with that sticker on, the cheapest will be free. You get three books for the price of two.”

    Customer: “But what if I only want two books?”

    Me: “You don’t have to have to take a third book. You can just buy those two on their own. But you could get a free book to go with them; any book in the shop with that sticker on.”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous, I don’t want 3 for 2. Why are you trying to make people read books they don’t want?”

    Me: “I can just sell you those two on their own. You don’t have to make use of the deal.”

    Customer: “But it says 3 for 2, so I’d be missing out on a book.”

    Me: “Well, you can choose a third book in the deal. Thenm you’ll get one for free.”

    Customer: “But I only want these two!”

    Me: “Ok, shall I put those two through the till for you?”

    Customer: “Are you trying to rip me off? I want my free book.”

    Me: *pause* “Would it help if I took the stickers off the covers, then they would just look like normal books?”

    Customer: “Right! Yes! They shouldn’t be 3 for 2 anyway! They’re really good!”

    See-Through Excuses

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid

    (A customer comes in with four boxes of our crystal product. They are all broken and foggy.)

    Me: “Oh no, what happened to these?”

    Customer: “I just tried cleaning them and they all broke!”

    Me: “How did you clean these?”

    Customer: ” I put them in my dishwasher, of course!”

    Me: “Ma’am, these are very delicate crystal figurines. They shouldn’t even be put in water.”

    Customer: “Oh, please! Like I’m going to bother cleaning them myself!”

    There Is No Voice Of Reason

    | Petaluma, CA, USA | Books & Reading, Language & Words

    Me: “Hi! Welcome to [electronics store]. What brings you in today?”

    Customer: “I need an electronic English to Spanish dictionary.”

    Me: “Okay, right this way.”

    Customer: “Does it talk?”

    Me: “No. We don’t sell translators here.”

    Customer: “This isn’t a translator?”

    Me: “It will translate English words to Spanish words, but it won’t speak them. It will only show you the text.”

    Customer: “Well, that’s stupid! If I knew how to speak the d*** language, I wouldn’t need the d*** dictionary!”

    That Helpful Attitude Needs To Be Shelved

    | Long Island, NY, USA | Bizarre, Books & Reading

    (I am shelving a couple books. I have two books in my hands, each going in different sections.)

    Customer: *pointing* “Oh that book goes over here and that book goes over there.”

    Me: “But–”

    Customer: “The book goes right here.”

    Me: “Yes, I–”

    Customer: *takes book from me* “The book goes in this spot here.”

    Me: “I know.”

    Customer: “I’m not trying to tell you how to do your job. I’m just trying to be helpful!”

    Me: “Thank you?”

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