Category: Books & Reading

Caused by stupid customers who know how to read (and often those who don’t!), feel for the poor librarians or book store clerks who are often tasked with finding a book solely by the color of its cover.

Totally, Like, Aguamenti

| Lawrenceville, NJ, USA | Books & Reading, Uncategorized

Customer: “I’d like to get a new copy of this book.”

(The customer puts a very wet Harry Potter book on the desk.)

Customer: “It got wrecked and I really want to finish it.”

Me: “No problem. How did you ruin it?”

Customer: “It was very good…”

*pause*

Me: “…and?”

Customer: *slightly sheepish* “I was reading it in the shower.”

Related:
Totally, Like, Excruciatus

Did They Even Finish Elementary, My Dear Watson?

| NJ, USA | Books & Reading, Uncategorized

Caller: “Hi I’m looking for the hounds…er hound of baskerville?”

Me: “Oh, of course. You mean the Sherlock Holmes novel?”

Caller: “Oh, my! I didn’t know Sherlock Holmes actually wrote that one!”

Your Argument Doesn’t Hold Water

| Tempe, AZ, USA | Books & Reading, Math & Science, School, Uncategorized

(At the college bookstore where I work, students can sell their books back for cash at the end of the semester.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I won’t be able to buy your textbook back because of the water damage.”

(I flip through the book’s crinkled, sticky pages.)

Student: “Oh, it’s okay. It’s not water damage, it’s humidity. I went on vacation to Missouri and it was humid.”

Me: “I still can’t take your book back because I cannot sell this to another student in this condition.”

Student: “But it’s not water damage! It’s humidity! Humidity made the pages stick together!”

Me: “Ma’am, what is humidity?”

Student: “Water, duh!”

(There’s a pause while the wheels begin to turn in her head.)

Student: “Oh…can you help me find my other books, then?”

Sharing One’s Loss, Part 2

| ON, Canada | Books & Reading, Uncategorized

Caller: “I saw on my online account that this book I have out is lost.”

Me: “Okay.”

Caller: “But it’s not lost, it’s right next to me. I can see it!”

Related:
Sharing One’s Loss

Totally, Like, Excruciatus

| Hazel Grove, NY, USA | Books & Reading, Geeks Rule, Movies & TV, School

(Two girls enter the bookstore. I recognize them as being two ditzy girls from my English class.)

Me: “Hey, [Girl 1] and [Girl 2], what’s up? I didn’t think you guys liked hanging out in bookshops?”

Girl 1: *giggles* “Duh! Did you like think that we’re geeks or something?”

Girl 2: “Like, duh, I’m just looking for this book for my sister.”

(Said sister happens to be one of my good friends.)

Me: “Oh, what book does Jen want?”

Girl 2: “It’s like, this book with some totally geeky wizards or something.”

Me: “Do you mean Harry Potter? She’s already got those books.”

Girl 2: “Like, no duh! It’s like, written by some totally old-ish chick named Jane or something. It’s like, about this chick named Emma.”

Me:Emma by Jane Austen hasn’t got any wizards.”

Girl 2: “Ain’t Emma that witch or something? That nerdy, bushy-haired one?”

Me: “That’s Hermione Granger. Her actress is Emma Watson.”

Girl 2: *huffing* “What-EVER! I’m like, so totally out of here, you geek!”

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