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    Category: Books & Reading

    Caused by stupid customers who know how to read (and often those who don’t!), feel for the poor librarians or book store clerks who are often tasked with finding a book solely by the color of its cover.

    Thick Accents, Thicker Heads

    | New Zealand | Books & Reading, Movies & TV, Tourists/Travel

    (A teenage girl enters the library.)

    Me: “Hi, do you need help?”

    Customer: “Oh, yeah, I’m looking for a book.”

    Me: “Okay. Are you a member of this library or any other Wellington library?”

    Customer: “Oh, no. I’m here with my mother for the US summer ’cause I live with Dad in Florida.”

    Me: “We can sign you up to the library for free and issue you a card. The card will cost two dollars.”

    Customer: “Okay.”

    Me: “So, what book were you looking for?”

    Customer: “Twilight. Have you heard of it? Most people in America have read it, but I’m not sure if it’s here.”

    Me: “Oh, yeah. It was quite big for a while. My sister loved it.”

    Customer: “It’s my second favorite book ever, after Eclipse.”

    Me: “Oh, did you leave your copy in America?”

    Customer: “No, I just wanted a copy from here because everyone here has really funny accents  and I wanted to know how that would change the story.”

    General Knowledge Generally Gets You In Trouble

    | Seattle, WA | Books & Reading

    Customer: “Hello, do you work here?”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry I don’t.”

    Customer: “Then why do you have so many books in your hands?”

    Me: “I am about to purchase them.”

    Customer: “You read?”

    Me: “Yes”

    Customer: “Then you must work here.”

    Me: “I’m sorry but I don’t.”

    Customer: *picking up one of the books in my arms* “J.D. Salinger? Who’s that?”

    Me: “An author. He wrote Catcher in the Rye.”

    Customer: “See! You do work here! You know what books he wrote!”

    Eulogyology

    | Lancaster, PA, USA | Books & Reading, Funny Names

    Customer: “Excuse me, do you have an ‘ology’ section?”

    Me: “Are you looking for biology, psychology, sociology?”

    Customer: “No, just ‘ology’.”

    Me: “I’m not sure what that is. Maybe you could explain it to me?”

    Customer: “You know, speeches people give at funerals.”

    When Rants Get Real

    | Durham, NC, USA | Books & Reading, Politics, Religion

    (These customers are usually regulars and rant with us.)

    Customer: “Those d*** telemarketers keep calling me at home. I swear, one of these days, I’m going to find those f***s and gun them down!”

    Me: “Aww, that’s hardly fair. They’re just doing their job, you know?”

    Customer: “Yeah, well that’s what the Nazis said at Nuremberg.”

    Me: “Are you honestly trying to comparing somebody calling you at home inconveniently equal to genocide?”

    Customer: “D*** right it is. They should do something about it too! Hold a trial or something.”

    Me: “Sir, I don’t think it’s really fair to make that sort of judgment on any individual.”

    Customer: “Oh, so you’re saying that what the Nazis did was okay?”

    Me: “Not at all. Just that it’s a bit of a stretch.”

    Customer: “Uh huh…you seem like the kind of guy who’d stand up for the terrorists, too wouldn’t you? I bet if they built a mosque on Ground Zero, you’d be okay with that, too!?”

    Me: “They’re already doing that.”

    Customer: “Wait, what!?”

    His Witnesses Will Need A Protection Program

    | Indiana, USA | Books & Reading, Religion

    (For legal reasons, our store cannot offer any discounts on books by a certain publisher.)

    Customer: “I’d like to use this coupon on my order, please.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. Your order is nothing but books by [publishers], and we can’t accept the coupon on them.”

    Customer: “Excuse me?”

    Me: “See, it says right here in the fine print, ‘Not valid on any [publisher's] products’.”

    Customer: “Well I know that! But you need to give me the discount anyway!”

    Me: “It’s against store policy. I can’t give you a discount on these books.”

    Customer: “Look, I’m using these books to witness to people who don’t know the Lord. You should give me a discount because I’m giving them to people who need them!”

    Me: “There is nothing I can do about that. I don’t set the prices or the policies.”

    Customer: “If [bookstore] really does claim to be a Christian business, then they should give discounts to people who buy stuff to witness to other people! You’re making me waste the Lord’s money!”

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