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    Category: Books & Reading

    Caused by stupid customers who know how to read (and often those who don’t!), feel for the poor librarians or book store clerks who are often tasked with finding a book solely by the color of its cover.

    79% Water, 21% Fat-Headed

    | Germany | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid

    Customer: “Do you stock world maps here?”

    Me: “Sure.”

    (I show the woman some maps of varying sizes.)

    Customer: “Those maps depict so much water. Don’t you have any without so much water in them?”

    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 3

    | Bridgeport, OR, USA | Books & Reading, Geeks Rule, Top

    Customer: “Hello, do you have any of the new Twilight books?”

    Me: “Yes, they’re over here.”

    (I lead her to where they would be, but we appear to be sold out. This is strange as all copies were put up this morning.)

    Me: “That’s strange. We seem to be out of stock. Can I interest you in anything else?”

    Customer: “Ugh, fine. What about this one?”

    (They point towards ‘Harry Potter’.)

    Me: “Oh, that’s a great book! It’s about a boy who becomes a wizard and-”

    Customer: “Are there any werewolves?”

    Me: “I think so. I haven’t read them in a while.”

    (The customer grabs the entire series of ‘Harry Potter’ and leaves. As I’m about to return to my workstation, two teens run up to me, high-five each other, and tell me they hid all 70 copies of ‘Twilight’ in the ceiling when no one was looking. Although impressed, I have to report them to my manager. After doing so, my manager gives them each a $10 gift card.)

    Related:
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 2
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy

    Not Quite The Code To Success

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Books & Reading, Rude & Risque, Top

    (A friend of mine comes in to buy something. I help her find it, check her out, and we make plans to meet up after my shift is over. We’re both 22 year old brunette girls.)

    Co-worker: “Hey, I think there’s a guy on the phone for you. Did you just help a tall brunette girl?”

    Me: “Yep, I’ll take the call.”

    (I take the phone.)

    Me: “Hello this is [name], how can I help you?”

    Caller: “Did you just help a girl find a book?”

    Me: “Yes, it was a copy of the new Margaret Atwood book. Would you like a copy?”

    Caller: “Is that like a code or something?”

    Me: “Sorry?”

    Caller: “Someone asks for that book and you go home with them?”

    Me: “Sir, she just happened to be a friend of mine. We made plans to hang out later today. Can I help you find a book?”

    Caller: “Oh, so is there a book code that means I can have a threesome with you two?”

    Me: “Uh…”

    Caller: “Wait, are you the one with big boobs or no boobs?”

    An Authorized Idiot

    | Benicia, CA, USA | Books & Reading

    (A customer calls the store and asks me to look up a book for her.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can not find a book with that title. Do you know who the author is? I might be able to find it that way.”

    Customer: “I don’t know who the author is, but I know who wrote it!”

    Battling For The Answer

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Books & Reading, Family & Kids

    Me: “Hi. Can I help you find something?”

    Patron: “Yeah, my son’s doing some project and he needs some books on some sort of revolution.”

    Me: “Okay, so he can pick any revolution to do the project on?”

    Patron: “No, he’s doing it on The Revolution. Where do I find books on that?”

    Me: “Which revolution? American? French? Haitian? Industrial? There were a lot.”

    Patron: “I think he said it was the one that had a lot of battles.”

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