Featured Story:
  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
    (2,908 thumbs up)
  • Category: Books & Reading

    Caused by stupid customers who know how to read (and often those who don’t!), feel for the poor librarians or book store clerks who are often tasked with finding a book solely by the color of its cover.

    Of Empty Threats And Even Emptier Stores

    | Boston, MA, USA | Books & Reading, Top

    (I work at a large bookstore which is in the process of liquidation sales. One of the rules of this sale is that we don’t take any returns. There are huge signs all over the store that say, “Going out of business.”)

    Customer: “I want to return this book, but I don’t have the receipt.”

    Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am, but we are no longer accepting returns since the store is closing.”

    Customer: “What? You’ve always let me return books.”

    Me: “I know, but we are closing now, so there are no returns.”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous! I’m taking my business elsewhere.”

    Me: “That’s fine. We’re closing.”

    Customer: “I mean it. I’ll never shop here again.”

    Me: “Yes, I know. We’ll be closed.”

    Customer: “I spend a lot of money here, and now I’m going to go buy my books online or something.”

    Me: “Yes, you probably should. This store will be gone.”

    Customer: “I’m leaving here and I’m never coming back. Do you hear me? Never!” *storms out*

    Doing Favors On Your Knees, Part 2

    | Richmond, Virginia, USA | Books & Reading, Rude & Risque

    (It’s summer and I am very obviously pregnant at about 7 months. A male customer walks by and notices my belly.)

    Customer: “It’s the wrong time of year for that!”

    Me: “Oh, believe me, I know.”

    (He walks off to browse and I continue setting up an end cap display which includes some very low shelves. As it’s rather hard to bend down at 7 months pregnant, I’m now kneeling on the floor to put things on the bottom shelves. The same customer walks by again.)

    Customer: “Well, you know, that’s what got you into trouble in the first place.”

    Related:
    Doing Favors On Your Knees

    79% Water, 21% Fat-Headed

    | Germany | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid

    Customer: “Do you stock world maps here?”

    Me: “Sure.”

    (I show the woman some maps of varying sizes.)

    Customer: “Those maps depict so much water. Don’t you have any without so much water in them?”

    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 3

    | Bridgeport, OR, USA | Books & Reading, Geeks Rule, Top

    Customer: “Hello, do you have any of the new Twilight books?”

    Me: “Yes, they’re over here.”

    (I lead her to where they would be, but we appear to be sold out. This is strange as all copies were put up this morning.)

    Me: “That’s strange. We seem to be out of stock. Can I interest you in anything else?”

    Customer: “Ugh, fine. What about this one?”

    (They point towards ‘Harry Potter’.)

    Me: “Oh, that’s a great book! It’s about a boy who becomes a wizard and-”

    Customer: “Are there any werewolves?”

    Me: “I think so. I haven’t read them in a while.”

    (The customer grabs the entire series of ‘Harry Potter’ and leaves. As I’m about to return to my workstation, two teens run up to me, high-five each other, and tell me they hid all 70 copies of ‘Twilight’ in the ceiling when no one was looking. Although impressed, I have to report them to my manager. After doing so, my manager gives them each a $10 gift card.)

    Related:
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 2
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy

    Not Quite The Code To Success

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Books & Reading, Rude & Risque, Top

    (A friend of mine comes in to buy something. I help her find it, check her out, and we make plans to meet up after my shift is over. We’re both 22 year old brunette girls.)

    Co-worker: “Hey, I think there’s a guy on the phone for you. Did you just help a tall brunette girl?”

    Me: “Yep, I’ll take the call.”

    (I take the phone.)

    Me: “Hello this is [name], how can I help you?”

    Caller: “Did you just help a girl find a book?”

    Me: “Yes, it was a copy of the new Margaret Atwood book. Would you like a copy?”

    Caller: “Is that like a code or something?”

    Me: “Sorry?”

    Caller: “Someone asks for that book and you go home with them?”

    Me: “Sir, she just happened to be a friend of mine. We made plans to hang out later today. Can I help you find a book?”

    Caller: “Oh, so is there a book code that means I can have a threesome with you two?”

    Me: “Uh…”

    Caller: “Wait, are you the one with big boobs or no boobs?”

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