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    Category: Books & Reading

    Caused by stupid customers who know how to read (and often those who don’t!), feel for the poor librarians or book store clerks who are often tasked with finding a book solely by the color of its cover.

    They’re In A Galaxy Far, Far Away

    | New Zealand | Books & Reading, Movies & TV

    Me: “Hello, miss, can I help you?”

    Patron: “Yeah, I’ve been searching these shelves for about ten minutes and I can’t find any books on this one guy.”

    Me: “Who are you looking for books on?”

    Patron: “Oh, I think he’s quite famous! Wait, I know his name.”

    Me: “Well, what did he do?”

    Patron: “Something to do with the army…”

    (The patron pauses for a bit before realizing.)

    Patron: “Oh! Darth Vader!”

    A Golden Snitch Short Of A Quidditch Match

    | Bay Area, CA, USA | Books & Reading, Family & Kids, Movies & TV

    Me: “How can I help you?”

    Caller: “This a bookstore?”

    Me: “Yes, this is a bookstore.”

    Caller: “Oh. I need the 8th Harry Potter book.”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, but there are only 7 Harry Potter books.”

    Caller: “But I need the 8th one.”

    Me: “There are only 7 books, sir.”

    Caller: “Why?”

    Me: “Because there are only 7 years at Hogwarts.”

    Caller: “What does that mean?”

    Me: “Sir, have you read the Harry Potter books?”

    Caller: “No, my son reads them and he finished the 7th one and asked me to get the 8th one.”

    Me: “Sir, if he read the 7th one, he would know that that was the final book in the series.”

    Caller: “But he wants to read it. What can I do?”

    Me: “Contact the author?”

    Caller: “Do you have his number?”

    Me: “Do I have J.K. Rowling’s number?”

    Caller: “Yes.”

    Me: “No. I… uh… don’t happen to have that on me.”

    Caller: “Oh. Can you tell my son that there are only 7?”

    Me: “No, I’m sure you’re quite capable of doing that all on your own.”

    Caller: “He will be very upset!” *hangs up*

    How To Kill, To Kill A Mockingbird, Part 2

    | United Kingdom | Books & Reading

    (I find a young customer looking a little lost in the nature section.)

    Me: “Can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I’m looking for a book about killing birds.”

    Me: “Killing birds?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I need it for school.”

    Me: “Do you mean To Kill a Mockingbird, by any chance?”

    Customer: “Yeah that’s it! Do you have it?”

    (I take him to the classics section and show him the book.)

    Me: “You know, its not actually about killing birds.”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “It’s about social injustice in 1930′s America.”

    Customer: “Oh. That doesn’t sound as much fun. Do you have any books about killing birds?”

    Me: “I hope not.”

    Related:
    How To Kill, To Kill A Mockingbird

    Caesar 2: The [Roman] Empire Strikes Back

    | Connecticut, USA | Books & Reading

    Customer: “Do you carry books by Shakespeare here?”

    Me: “Yes, we do. Which play did you need?”

    Customer: “The one that sophomores read.” *gestures to the teenager next to her, presumably her daughter*

    Me: “I’m sorry, but there’s not just one play that sophomores read. Do you happen to know the title, or maybe what it’s about?”

    Customer: *loudly* “The-One-That-Sophomore’s-Read!”

    Me: “Well, let’s walk over to the section and see if we can figure it out. A lot of early high school students read A Midsummer Night’s Dream or Romeo & Juliet.”

    Daughter: “I think Romeo & Juliet.”

    Me: “Great!” *pulls out a copy to hand to her*

    Daughter: “I don’t know though.”

    Me: “Okay. Well, could it be Hamlet, maybe? Or Julius Caesar?”

    Daughter:Julius Caesar? Isn’t that the sequel to Romeo & Juliet?”

    No Happy Ending

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Books & Reading, Liars & Scammers

    (A customer brings a book up to the counter, but the front cover is torn off, along with some pages.)

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry ma’am. I’m not sure why a book in this condition was on the shelf. Let me go get a new one.”

    Customer: “No, it’s ok. I did it.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “I already read the first part. I just wanted to buy the ending.”

    Me: “Um…”

    Customer: “Do I get a discount? It’s only half the book.”


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