Category: Books & Reading

Caused by stupid customers who know how to read (and often those who don’t!), feel for the poor librarians or book store clerks who are often tasked with finding a book solely by the color of its cover.

The Only Reason To Read Anyway

| England, UK | Books & Reading, Rude & Risque

(A young teenage girl has been standing perplexed looking at the front covers of two books, “Twilight” and “Vampire Diaries”.)

Me: “Having trouble finding a book?”

Customer: “No, I’m just trying to work out which of these has the best sex scenes in them.”

Lay Off On The Confundus Charm

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Bizarre, Books & Reading, Geeks Rule

Me: “Good morning.”

Customer: “What did you say?”

Me: “Um, good morning?”

Customer: “I’ll have you know that my morning was not at all good! I woke up to find out that Harry Potter isn’t real and I don’t think I can accept it yet.”

(The customer starts to tear up so I offer her a napkin.)

Customer: *gasps* “Is this my letter from Hogwarts?”

Me: “No, it’s a napkin.”

(She runs out of the store sobbing, leaving her “letter from Hogwarts” behind.)

Homophones Are Never As Satisfying

| Toronto, Canada | Books & Reading, Rude & Risque

Customer: “Excuse me, do you have any copies of Sexadon?”

Me: “Do you mean Sex At Dawn? It’s a bestseller.”

Customer: “No, I’m pretty sure the one I want is titled Sexadon. You know, like the dinosaur of sex?”

(For the heck of it, I double-check our inventory, the Books In Print index, and all the Amazons. There is no book called Sexadon.)

Customer: *disappointed* “Man, I really thought that was the title.”

(In the end, he bought Sex At Dawn, but clearly wasn’t happy about it!)

Related:
Of All The Moments For Freud To Slip

Intelligently Unavailable

| Cambridge, England, UK | Books & Reading

Customer: “Hi, I would like to order a copy of [book] please.”

Me: *searches computer* “Sorry, sir, it looks like that book is out of print.”

Customer: “I know that. I want you to order me a copy.”

Me: “I can’t, sir. It’s out of print. They aren’t printing anymore copies.”

Customer: “Oh, well, your colleague already told me that. I just thought you looked smarter, so you could probably get it for me.”

Me: *speechless*

Customer: “So you can’t get it for me then?”

Me: “No.”

Bedtime Vs. Lifetime Stories

, | California, USA | Books & Reading, Crazy Requests

(Note: I’m on the phone with a customer, who is asking if we have a certain book available.)

Me: “We do have that book. Would you like to order a copy?”

Caller: “I don’t have time to wait for the mail. Can you just read it to me?”

Me: “Read you the book? It’s over 600 pages.”

Caller: “That’s okay. I have time!”

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