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    Category: Books & Reading

    Caused by stupid customers who know how to read (and often those who don’t!), feel for the poor librarians or book store clerks who are often tasked with finding a book solely by the color of its cover.

    Teach A Customer To Wrap And She Can Wrap For Life

    | New York, NY, USA | Books & Reading

    (The bookstore I work in offers complimentary gift wrapping for customers. It’s a steady night at the bookstore and a woman approaches my register.)

    Me: “Hi, how are you?”

    Customer: “I need to get something gift wrapped.”

    Me: “Sure, do you have the receipt for it?”

    Customer: “No, I didn’t buy it here. I bought this from another store.”

    (She takes out box of perfume.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t wrap something you bought from another store. You’re going to have to buy your own gift wrapping paper and wrap it yourself.”

    (Ten minutes later, the woman returns to my register with wrapping paper in hand.)

    Customer: “Okay. Now can you TEACH me how to wrap it?”

    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 5

    | Evansville, IN, USA | Books & Reading, Top

    (I am checking out at a local book store and the clerk recognizes my book, Howl’s Moving Castle, and decides to make conversation. There’s another customer behind me in line. She’s in her mid-40s.)

    Clerk: “Oh, I loved this movie, but I didn’t realize it was a book!”

    Me: “Yeah, it’s one of my favorites! The book is so much better than the movie. It gives a whole new perspective on everything!”

    Clerk: “Then I’ll be sure to check it–”

    Customer behind me: *eyes full of excitement* “Are you talking about Twilight?”

    Clerk and me, together: “NO.”

    Related:
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 4
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 3
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 2
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy

    Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 3

    | Vestavia, AL, USA | Books & Reading, Top

    (A customer approaches me with a box set of the Twilight novels.)

    Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for a gift for my 13 year old granddaughter and I think she would like these. My wife said to look at them. Don’t they promote abstinence?”

    Me: “Well, sort of. The two main characters do end up sleeping together in the final book, though they are married. There’s some uncomfortable gore, though. I wouldn’t recommend it for a 13 year old.”

    Customer: *confused* “I was told these would be great for her. What kind of gore do you mean?”

    Me: “Well, the girl ends up getting pregnant with a half-vampire baby and, er, the male main character sort of rips it out of her with his teeth.”

    Customer: *drops books in horror* “That’s horrific! And these are for teenage girls? Why would people read that?”

    Me: “I wonder the same thing myself, sir.”

    Related:
    Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 2
    Less Twilight, More Daylight

    Artificial Turf Is Shelved Under Fiction

    | Bergen, Norway | Books & Reading

    Me: “Hi! How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Do you sell artificial turf?”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry. Maybe you could try the DIY store next door.”

    (For some reason, this response makes the customer very angry. I can practically see the smoke coming out of his ears.)

    Customer: “Well, are you a bookstore or are you not?!”

    Wingardium Laziosa

    | Livingston, NJ, USA | Books & Reading

    Customer: “I can’t find the Cliff’s Notes for Harry Potter. Could you order them for me?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, they don’t make Cliff’s Notes for Harry Potter.”

    Customer: “That’s ridiculous. They have Cliff’s Notes for everything. Why don’t you look it up?”

    Me: “Actually, they don’t have Cliff’s Notes for everything, especially not for children’s books.”

    Customer: “They aren’t children’s books.”

    Me: “They’re shelved in the children’s section.”

    Customer: “Adults read them too. You don’t have them so I’d like to order them.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but they don’t exist.”

    Customer: “That’s a lie. There’s a computer right in front of you. Look up Cliff’s Notes and find them!”

    (I look up Cliff’s Notes and show the customer the extensive list. After a few minutes of frustrated searching, she gives up.)

    Customer: “This is ridiculous! I want to know what they’re about, but I don’t want to read them.”

    Me: “May I suggest the movies, in that case?”

    Customer: “I’m not stupid! I’ve seen the movies! I just don’t want to read the books!”

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