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  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
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  • Category: Books & Reading

    Caused by stupid customers who know how to read (and often those who don’t!), feel for the poor librarians or book store clerks who are often tasked with finding a book solely by the color of its cover.

    Before Pride, But After Prejudice

    | Orem, UT, USA | Books & Reading

    Customer: “Do you have Pride and Prejudice?”

    Me: “Of course, it’s right over this way.”

    (I grab a copy and hand it to her.)

    Customer: “Was this written before or after the movie?”

    Me: *caught off guard* “Um…before.”

    Mavis Beacon’s Cousin Or Something

    | New York, NY, USA | Books & Reading

    Customer: “I’m looking for this foreign language program my friend has, but I can’t remember the name of it.”

    Me: “Okay, well, was it a book or was it for the computer?”

    Customer: “It goes on the computer. I think it was called…Susan?”

    Me: “Susan? I can’t say I’ve heard of it.”

    Customer: “Oh, I’m sure you have. It’s very famous! I just can’t remember her last name. It’s her first and last name. Can you look it up?”

    (I bring her to the computer and try to pull up the name of the program, but the computer can’t find anything.)

    Customer: “Maybe it’s not Susan. It’s definitely a woman’s name, though.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t find it. Let me show you where all the computer programs like that are, though. Maybe it’ll jog your memory.”

    (I walk her over educational computer program area.)

    Customer: “Oh, I see it! Rosetta Stone! I knew it was a woman’s name.”

    One Man In His Time Drinks Many Cups

    | New York, NY, USA | Books & Reading

    Customer: “Can you help me find a book?”

    Me: “Sure! What’s it called?”

    Customer: “It’s Romeo and Juliet, but it’s not by William Shakespeare.”

    Me: “Oh! I actually don’t know any other books or plays with that title. Let’s look it up.”

    Customer: “Hold on, I have the author’s name somewhere.”

    (She digs through her purse and hands me a sheet of paper that says ROMEO AND JULIET (Folger Shakespeare) on it.)

    Customer: “It’s like his grandson or something.”

    Me: “Sorry, what?”

    Customer: “Folger Shakespeare. It’s William Shakespeare’s grandson…or his nephew. He wrote a different version of the play, I guess.”

    Me: “Folger Shakespeare actually just refers to the Folger Library version of that play. It’s still by William Shakespeare.”

    Customer: “No, it’s his relative! It’s a re-write of the play. I’m a theater student, just trust me on this.”

    Me: “Okay. Let me take you over to our Shakespeare section.”

    (We walk over to where his entire collection of plays is. It’s full of many different editions.)

    Customer: “Wow, he came from a really talented family! Look at all these Shakespeares! So, where’s this Folger guy?”

    Nowhere To Go But Up

    | New York, NY, USA | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid

    (I work at the main information desk in a bookstore that has four levels. When a customer asks for a book, we are supposed to direct them to the appropriate floor.)

    Me: “Okay, we should have that title. It’ll be on the fourth floor.”

    Customer: *looking confused* “What?”

    Me: “The fourth floor. There’s another information desk up there if you need help finding the section.”

    Customer: “So, how many floors should I go up?”

    Me: “Um, three.”

    Customer: “Okay. So it’s the fourth floor I’m looking for?”

    Me: “Yes. It’s the highest floor we have, so just take the escalator up as far as you can.”

    Customer: “What’s an escalator?!”

    Fahrenheit 2011

    | New York, USA | Bigotry, Books & Reading, Top

    Customer: “That boy is sitting at the corner over there reading your book!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. Is he bothering you in any way?”

    Customer: “No, but he is reading a book that he has not paid for yet. He’s like, almost halfway done!”

    Me: “That’s okay, ma’am. We allow our customers to come and read our books here.”

    Customer: “Why the h*** do you let people do that?”

    Me: “Well, sometimes people want to see if they like how the book is written before spending money on it.”

    Customer: “Yeah? Well, poor people shouldn’t be allowed to read!”

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