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    Category: Books & Reading

    Caused by stupid customers who know how to read (and often those who don’t!), feel for the poor librarians or book store clerks who are often tasked with finding a book solely by the color of its cover.

    Read Or Die

    | Calgary, AB, Canada | Books & Reading, Canada, Extra Stupid

    (I’m at the cash register; a lady walks up and plunks six different paperbacks on the counter.)

    Customer: “Which one is the best? I only want to buy one today.”

    Me: “Well, that depends on your tastes. Is there a particular genre that you’re interested in?”

    Customer: “No, I mean which one did you like the best?”

    Me: “Well, I haven’t read these particular books, but I can tell you which one is most popular right now…”

    Customer: “Of course you’ve read them all. You work here, right? You have to know what you’re selling!”

    Me: “Ma’am, we sell thousands of different books; there’s just no way I can read them all.”

    Customer: “You’re not doing your job! You have to know! Now tell me which book was the best!”

    Me: *points randomly* “…that one.”

    Customer: “Thanks!”

    Save It On A Flesh Drive

    | WA, USA | Books & Reading, Language & Words, Technology

    (Our library offers several touch-screen computers that customers can use to check out items themselves. The customer is a friendly regular, but a little shy because English is not her first language.)

    Customer: “Why does this machine require flesh?”

    Me: “W-what?”

    Customer: “This machine. I am touching it, but it does not work. Is because…?”

    (She shows that she is wearing gloves.)

    Me: “Oh! I’m sorry; yes I suppose the screens don’t work if you have gloves on. I had never really thought about that.”

    Customer: “Ah. Okay, sorry to be bother.”

    Me: “No, no! That is the best thing I’ve heard all week.”

    (Now whenever the computers have problems, the staff joke that they ‘require flesh’ to function, and someone must be sacrificed to appease them.)

    Needs To See The Parenting Section

    | NY, USA | Books & Reading, Family & Kids, Top

    (Two brothers start fighting over a toy in the Children’s Room. They aren’t listening to their mother, who is trying to select books to take home.)

    Me: “If you boys can’t share nicely with that toy, I’ll have to put it away so neither of you can play.”

    Boys: “Okay, miss [my name].”

    Mother: “Thank you. They never listen to me.”

    (The boys start fighting again. I go in and take the toy away, putting it up out of reach. The boys start crying in unison.)

    Boys: “Mommy!”

    Mother: *to me* “I can’t believe you really took it away! That’s so mean!”

    (She grabs the boys and they leave. I am speechless, but now I know why they never listen to their mother!)

    Getting Into Her Good Books

    | New Zealand | Awesome Customers, Books & Reading

    (I am checking out a friendly, talkative lady. We discover we both are avid readers, and discuss the pros and cons of e-readers. I offer her a free internet code to download a book onto her e-reader, just because she’s being so nice.)

    Customer: “Is it okay to leave my bags here for an hour or two?”

    Me: “Of course! Leave them for as long as you like.”

    Customer: “Thanks!”

    (She comes back later, and drops a very expensive new release book on the counter.)

    Me: “Sorry, I don’t understand?”

    Customer: “It’s for you! I’ve finished it already. I don’t have the space to take it back. Besides, after the internet code, I have a book to read on the plane anyway!”

    Me: “Oh! This is really just too kind. I couldn’t!”

    Customer: “Nonsense! Thank you so much for your help this morning. I remembered you said how much you loved a real book, so here you are. Have a wonderful day!”

    (It wasn’t the gift that choked me up. It was the fact she had actually listened and paid attention to our conversations that was so heart warming. Thank you lovely lady!)

    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 6

    | Cincinnati, OH, USA | Books & Reading

    (I work in the large children’s section of a popular independent bookstore in our area.)

    Customer: “Do you guys carry those train wreck books?”

    Me: “Hmmm, I’m not familiar with anything like that. Is it a series, or maybe something from non-fiction?”

    Customer: “Yeah, It’s a series. The Trainwreck Kids!”

    (A light bulb goes on in my head.)

    Me: “Oh, wait, do you mean The Boxcar Children?”

    Customer: *blushes and starts to laugh* “Yeah, that’s it!”

    Related:
    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 5
    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 4
    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 3
    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 2
    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation

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