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    Category: Books & Reading

    Caused by stupid customers who know how to read (and often those who don’t!), feel for the poor librarians or book store clerks who are often tasked with finding a book solely by the color of its cover.

    Poor Memory

    | PA, USA | At The Checkout, Books & Reading, Money, Top

    (We are having a book drive for a local school that has had a terrible fire, causing it to lose its entire library. When customers come up, we are allowed to tell them about the drive and ask if they would like to donate. If not, it is okay, but we ask just the same.)

    Me: “Would you like to donate a book to the St. [Name] book drive?” *I clearly explain their situation*

    Customer: “No, I don’t give money to poor people. If they want money, they have to work for it like the rest of us. I don’t like lazy layabouts.”

    (I am about to remind the customer that it was a fire, when the customer’s husband interjects.)

    Customer’s Husband: “Do you really feel that way, dear? I wonder if you felt this way 27 years ago when we had an infant, no jobs, no money, and had to ask my parents for an allowance so we could live. Now that we have money in the bank, a Volvo in the driveway, and a designer handbag on your arm, suddenly we are too good to help others?”

    (The husband then turns to me.)

    Customer’s Husband: “Are these the books you are selling?”

    (The husband indicates a pile we have beside the register. I nod, dumbfounded.)

    Customer’s Husband: “We will take them all.”

    Thou Shall Find Lovecraft Online, Ramen

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid, Geeks Rule, Religion, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m a waitress in a popular buffet chain restaurant. I am serving a middle aged customer who is wearing a shirt that has a picture of Cthulhu and the Flying Spaghetti Monster in a heart. Beneath it is the caption ‘we met on the internet’.)

    Me: “That’s a great shirt!”

    Woman: “Thanks. I think it says a lot about the kind of people you find on the internet.”

    Me: “How do you mean?”

    Woman: “You know, how there’s nothing but monsters online.”

    To see the t-shirt design mentioned in this story, visit the NotAlwaysRomantic Extras section, which can be found here!

    The ‘E’ Stands For Evil

    | USA | Books & Reading, Technology

    (I work for the USPS help line. It’s 6:30 am, and the Postmaster General has just announced that they are cutting delivery of regular mail to five days per week, and packages to six.)

    Me: “This is [post office]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I was listening to the radio station in Cleveland. WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME USE EMAIL?!”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “The radio in Cleveland says that this Saturday, all mail is getting thrown out and you aren’t going to deliver mail no more!”

    Me: “Well, sir, that isn’t what—”

    Customer: “They said it’s because all us old folk have to use EMAIL! I’m 75 years old and I can’t use email! It’s not fair!”

    Me: “Sir, I assure you that mail WILL be delivered, so you don’t only have to use email.”

    Customer: “GOOD! The people who died for their country on the Pony Express want you to know how disappointed they are that you use email!”

    Me: “Thanks for the input, sir.”

    The Mother Should Be Booked

    | Edmonton, AB, Canada | Books & Reading, Family & Kids, Top

    (I am in high school, and earn money by paging in a library in a low-income area. Pages do the ‘grunt work’ of a library—mostly putting away books and cleaning up after people. I spend a lot of time in the children’s section, and talk a lot with the kids.)

    Seven-Year-Old Girl: *showing me a picture book* “This book is really cool!”

    Me: “Is it? What’s it about?”

    Seven-Year-Old Girl: “It has dragons, and horses, and a bad guy, and fighting!”

    Me: “Wow, that sounds like a pretty good book. Are you going to check it out and take it home to read?”

    Seven-Year-Old Girl: “No, I can’t.”

    Me: “Why not?”

    Seven-Year-Old Girl: “My mommy can’t read, and she says that she doesn’t want us to read. She says that books are dumb!”

    Life Is Stranger Than The Fiction Section

    | SC, USA | Books & Reading, Theme Of The Month, Top, Wild & Unruly

    Me: “Sorry, you can’t check this out.”

    Patron: “Why not?”

    Me: “You have three overdue books.”

    Patron: “Is there anyway you can let this slide?”

    Me: “Nope.”

    (The patron proceeds to take off her shirt.)

    Patron: “How about now?”

    Me: “No. Please put on your shirt before I call the police.”

    (The patron then takes off her pants, pulls aside her underwear, and soaks the floor. It is carpet, so there is a lot of damage. My coworker calls the police.)

    Patron: “Now will you let it slide?”

    Me: “No.”

    Patron: “F*** you!”

    (She goes over to a shelf, puts her back against it, and pees all over. It splashes up and ruins several books. She also defecates, picks up one of the books, tears out several pages, and uses it to wipe. The police arrive, and she calls her boyfriend, who is apparently in another section. He pleads with the police to let her free, but they don’t let her. He then adds to the mess that his girlfriend has already made. The police take him too. Later, we find another section that is completely ruined. That must have been where the boyfriend was.)

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