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    Category: Books & Reading

    Caused by stupid customers who know how to read (and often those who don’t!), feel for the poor librarians or book store clerks who are often tasked with finding a book solely by the color of its cover.

    A Real Woman Versus Half A Man

    | Waterbury, CT, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Books & Reading, Health & Body, Top

    (I am in line to purchase books. The cashier is a teenage girl who has somewhat obvious dark upper-lip hair. The customer she is currently serving speaks up.)

    Customer: “Is there anyone else who can scan my books?”

    Cashier: “I’m sorry, sir, but the only cashiers we have today are my colleague and myself.”

    Customer: “Your manager, then.”

    Cashier: “I’m sorry; she’s covering in the café right now. They’re very busy as you can see.”

    Customer: “Well, I’m not having some hairy bimbo with a moustache touching my books!”

    (The cashier looks like she’s about to cry. Having heard his last comment, I look up from reading the back of one of my books.)

    Me: “Sir, there’s no need to be rude. She’s just doing her job, and you berating her isn’t helping.”

    Customer: “No one asked you!”

    Me: “No, but you just happened to have p***** off the wrong person. Do you have a smart phone?”

    Customer: “Pssh, who doesn’t?”

    Me: “Do me a favor and google ‘polycystic ovarian syndrome.’”

    Customer: “That isn’t real.”

    Me: “Google it.”

    (The male customer takes out his phone and starts searching the internet. By this point, nearly everyone is watching the exchange, and a few people have run for the manager.)

    Customer: “It’s some woman thing.”

    Me: “It’s a disease caused by an imbalance between the estrogen and testosterone in a woman’s body. It messes with her whole reproductive system, and the increased testosterone can cause excess oil production, a slightly deeper voice, increased body hair and the possibility of a visible Adam’s Apple. Oh yeah, and in extreme cases, it can cause a woman’s body to be more boyishly shaped.”

    Customer: “The h***! How would you know?! This s*** makes girls look like Bigfoot!”

    (I point to the surplus of blonde hair on my arms, my somewhat broad shoulders, the marks of waxing on my neck, and the very slight Adam’s Apple.)

    Me: “You happen to be talking to someone who has known she’s had the disease for the last 10 years. My case is on the line of moderate to severe. It’s treatable, but the only options out there have already nearly killed me once, so I just wax and the rest of me is what it is. Regardless of whether this poor girl has it or not, you shouldn’t just judge people because of a little hair.”

    Customer: “So, you’re really a man.”

    Me: “No, I’m all woman, but a woman willing to kick your a** if you don’t apologize to this girl.”

    (The customer turns around and sees that not only is the cashier crying, but the manager and security have appeared.)

    Me: “Miss, if it makes you feel any better, I’ve been in your shoes. I got made fun of all through high school.”

    (Security takes the guy and disappears. I walk up to the counter and put my books down.)

    Me: “I know it was presumptuous of me to throw ‘PCOS’ out there, but the look on your face when he made his comment looked all too familiar. My apologies.”

    Cashier: “I was just diagnosed with it a few weeks ago; it hasn’t sunk in yet. I got my first paycheck from here today and was going to get my lip waxed after work. How did you know?”

    Me: “Pretty much the comment he made about your lip. You know, aside from that, I can’t tell at all.”

    Cashier: “Really?”

    Me: “Really. You are a very lovely girl. There are support groups and such online where you can talk to other women and girls. You’re not alone.”

    (The cashier starts crying again, so the manager sends her on her break, and gives me an extra discount on top of my member card to thank me!)

    Doesn’t Make A Lycan Sense

    | USA | Books & Reading, Geeks Rule, Pets & Animals

    (We get a lot of kids at the library where I work. One of our regular customers, who’s about eight years old, walks up to me.)

    Customer: “[My name], I have an important question.”

    Me: “Yes?”

    Customer: “Are werewolves real?”

    Me: “Nope, werewolves are made up.”

    (He looks taken aback, like that wasn’t the response he was expecting.)

    Customer: “What?! But, but wolves are real!”

    Me: “Right. But wolves are wolves, and people are people.

    Customer: “Huh?”

    Me: “If you’re born a wolf, you’re a wolf for the rest of your life. If you’re born a person, you’ll stay a person. So since you were born a person, you’ll never turn into a wolf.”

    (The customer thinks about this for a minute.)

    Customer: “That doesn’t make any sense!”

    (The customer walks away, slowly shaking his head.)

    Yaoi Got To Be Kidding

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Bigotry, Books & Reading, Geeks Rule, Theme Of The Month

    (I work at a comic shop that has a high number of female employees, with most of my coworkers having a specialty in knowledge; i.e. comics, figurines, card games, etc. A pair of very obnoxious customers walks in, and heads straight to me at the back of the shop.)

    Customer #1: “Hey, I need to know if you have a [specific arc] of X-force?”

    Coworker #1: “Do you mean [arc] of the third series, or that old one done by Loeb?”

    Customer #2: “Hey b****! Butt out! I’m asking the only real nerd on your staff a question.”

    Me: “I’m not sure, however [coworker #1] organizes our older comic collection and probably knows if we have it or not.”

    Customer #1: “Quit trying to give the b**** fake nerd cred, yo. Everyone knows the only girls who work here are a bunch of Yaoi-fangirls.”

    (Customer #1 points towards our manga and anime section. Coworker #2 walks over due to all the commotion.)

    Coworker #2: “You do realize that [my name] is the only one of us who reads manga? H***, it’s why we hired him in the first place.”

    (Both customers look pretty embarrassed, and quietly ask Coworker #1 if we have the comic arc in question. They won’t even look at any of us as they pay for their purchase. After they leave, Coworker #1 comes up to me.)

    Coworker #1: “So, apparently you’re a Yaoi-fangirl?”

    Anatomy Of An Idiot

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA | Books & Reading, Health & Body, Math & Science, Movies & TV

    (A customer comes to the register and puts a leather bound copy of ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ on the counter.)

    Customer: “Yes, I would like to return this book; it wasn’t what I expected.”

    Me: “Okay, I can do that for you.”

    Customer: “It was terrible; it’s not at all like the television show.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “It’s my favorite show, and I was really excited to read this, but I don’t know what they were thinking with this book.”

    (I am dumbfounded, but I finish the transaction and send the customer on her way. The next customer in line approaches.)

    Next Customer: “How is it you manage to get through a full day of that sort of bull-s*** and not punch yourself in the face?”

    Me: “No idea, sir.”

    Got To Give Him Credit For Trying

    | Allentown, PA, USA | At The Checkout, Books & Reading, Liars & Scammers, Money

    (My husband and I are customers in a fairly long line at the bookstore’s register. A customer ahead of us puts pile of about 10 books on the counter.)

    Customer: “I’ll take these.”

    (He opens his wallet and pulls out one of those credit card-shaped pieces of tan card stock that has the words ‘CREDIT CARD’ around the edges and comes inside a new wallet to demonstrate where your credit cards would go. Other than the words ‘CREDIT CARD’ around the edges, the card is completely blank. There is no name, card number, card type, etc.)

    Customer: “Credit, please.”

    (The customer hands the cashier the ‘credit card’.)

    Cashier: “Uh…”

    Customer: “This is a new card from Citibank. They are switching to paper instead of plastic because it is better for the environment.”

    Cashier: “I don’t think—”

    Customer: “THIS IS A CARD FROM CITIBANK! I WANT TO SPEAK TO A MANAGER!”

    Manager: “How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I want to buy these books. Here is my credit card. It is a new card from Citibank; they are switching to paper from plastic to help the environment!”

    Manager: *very obviously trying not to laugh* “I… uh… I’m sorry, but only major credit cards are accepted here.”

    Customer: “I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS! YOU JUST LOST YOURSELF A SALE! I AM TAKING MY BUSINESS SOMEWHERE ELSE!”

    (The customer takes his ‘credit card’ and storms off.)

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