Category: Books & Reading

Caused by stupid customers who know how to read (and often those who don’t!), feel for the poor librarians or book store clerks who are often tasked with finding a book solely by the color of its cover.

Putting The High Into Hiring

| UK | Books & Reading, Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal

Customer: *bloodshot eyes and stinking of weed* “Hi. I’m looking for a gardening book.”

Me: “Okay. Our gardening section is right here. Was there are a particular book you were after?”

Customer: “I’m wanting one that teaches you how to grow drugs.”

Bookseller: “Like medicinal herbs? We have a few titles on natural remedies in our health sec—”

Customer: “Nah, I mean like cannabis.”

Bookseller: “Er… there are titles on that subject but they are only sold in our Amsterdam stores. I can’t legally sell them in this country.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. You guys hiring?”

Doesn’t Exactly Hook The Kiddies

| Canberra, ACT, Australia | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid, Family & Kids

Customer: *holds up a copy of Nick Cave’s ‘The Death of Bunny Munro’* “Is this book for children?”

Me: “That’s a dead prostitute on the cover.”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “No, ma’am, it really isn’t.”

Girls In Love Will Always Be A Mystery

, | Toronto, ON, Canada | Books & Reading, School

(I am at a school fund raising fair. At one table they are selling books and they have a category of ‘mystery books’ where the books are wrapped so you can’t see what you were getting until after you had paid your dollar. I am standing beside the table when I hear a voice:)

Customer: “Oh, jeeze!”

(Looking over, I saw a teenage boy holding a mystery book that he had just bought and opened. The title of the book was ‘Girls in Love.’)

Dethroning Assumptions

| NY, USA | Books & Reading, Geeks Rule, Movies & TV

(During a quiet moment at work, I overhear a college-aged guy snickering as he watches a woman in her mid-twenties at the next table. She’s reading ‘A Game of Thrones.’)

Woman: *finally sets down the book and smiles politely at him* “Can I help you?”

Guy: *still snickering a little, gesturing to her book* “Let me guess. You’re reading those because of the show, right? And the hot guys on it?”

(This is so out of line that I consider intervening, but before I can, the woman the guy the most condescending smile I’ve ever seen in my life.)

Woman: “I’m sorry. How old are you?”

Guy: “What? Why?”

Woman: “This book came out in 1996. I’m curious to see if you were even alive when it was first published.”

(The guy gapes at her, then scowls, mutters a sexist slur, and gets up to storm out. The woman notices me watching and grins.)

Woman: “This is my fourth time through these books, and I bet you anything I was reading the first one before he even knew how to read. Plus I’m gay, so I actually watch the show for the hot ladies!”

(Faced with this, I do the only thing I possibly can and bow deeply to her.)

Me: “Khaleesi!”

Don’t Discount A Customer’s Inability To Discount

| UK | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid, Money

(I work for a catalogue company and I’ve just finished taking an order over the phone. I know that each catalogue comes with a unique discount code that gives substantial savings. The customer hasn’t quoted her discount code. I decide to prompt her, so she doesn’t miss out.)

Me: “I notice that you’re ordering from the spring catalogue. You should have a discount code on the front page.”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Great. Could you give me the number?”

Customer: “The what?”

Me: “The six-digit discount code number?”

Customer: “The ‘discount’ what?”

(She doesn’t seem hard of hearing and we both have the same regional accent, but I speak louder and slower, just in case.)

Me: “Discount NUMBER.”

Customer: “The what-number?”

Me: “The DISCOUNT NUMBER.”

Customer: “Where is it?”

Me: “On the front of the catalogue.”

Customer: “I don’t see it.”

Me: “It’s at the very top of the page.”

Customer: “Where?”

Me: “Along the top of the front page, in a white box.”

Customer: *pause* “15% off.”

Me: *finally getting somewhere* “Great! Now, if you could give me the six-digit code number at the end of that sentence.”

Customer: “It says I get ‘15% off.'”

Me: “Okay, no problem. I just need the six-digit discount code so my computer will make the reduction.”

Customer: “There’s nothing else here.”

Me: “That’s odd. Can you read to me exactly what it says?”

Customer: “To get 15% off” *stops*

Me: “Carry on…”

Customer: “Please quote… oh! It says here ‘DISCOUNT CODE.’ Is that what you wanted?”

Me: “Yes please.”

Customer: “So, have I got my discount?”

Me: “Sure, if you give me the six-digit discount code.”

Customer: “I don’t see it.”

Me: “Could you read the full sentence to me?”

Customer: “15% off.”

Me: “Okay, could you read all of it to me? Including the bits before and after the ‘15% off.””

Customer: *huffy* “To get 15% off please quote discount code 123456.”

Me: *enters in number* “Great, so you’ve got 15% off your order.”

Customer: “Finally! God, you people make these things so difficult!”

Related:
Don’t Discount The Customer’s Ability To Discount

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