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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    Don’t Fold Under Pressure

    | UK | At The Checkout, Bizarre

    (I work in a local bookshop that was recently taken over by a large chain store. Because of this, the manager is often in the other shop down the road, as they trust me to be able to handle anything. This shop also sells items for gift wrapping.)

    Customer: “I have looked everywhere for your christening gift wrap. I find it disgusting that you don’t carry any. Get me your manager.”

    Me: “I apologise, but I’m currently the only worker in the store. I’m sure we carry gift wrap for christening. Have you checked down the isle to your left?”

    (The customer angrily goes to look. She comes back with some gift wrap mumbling about how I should be fired for being alone.)

    Customer: “This one says ‘new baby’. That’s basically the same thing as christening, right?”

    Me: “Uh, sure. Would you like this rolled or folded?”

    Customer: “Ugh. You and your questions. Just roll it!”

    (I begin to roll it.)

    Customer: “No, no! What are you doing?! Are you deaf? I said fold.”

    Me: “…of course, ma’am. I apologise.” *begins to gently fold it*

    Customer: “No, no! What are you doing?! Don’t fold it. You’ll crease the paper. Then what will the baby think?! Give it here, I’ll do it myself!”

    Me: “I apologise for creasing the paper. Here you go…”

    Customer: *aggressively folds the paper anyway and leaves*

    Makes You Want To Dye A Little, Part 4

    | Greeley, CO, USA | Bizarre

    (I am known at my job for having interesting colored hair. I had it purple for about two months before I changed it to black with purple streaks. It is now a lot more subtle, and I really like it.)

    Customer: “What did you do to your hair!?”

    Me: “I dyed it.”

    Customer: “No, you ruined it! I come in here all the time and I loved to look over and see your funky hair! It made me long for my wild days when I used to do crank. You just ruined my life!”

    (I am speechless, and trying to ring her up as quick as possible. At this point, my wonderful manager comes over.)

    Customer: “Do you have kids?!”

    Me: “Uh… no.”

    Manager: “I do.”

    Customer: *to my manager* “You lie to your kids! Santa isn’t real! My kids knew the truth! There is only Jesus! And drugs aren’t bad! You lie to kids!”

    (She grabs her things and leaves in a huff.)

    Me: *to my manager* “What the h*** was that?!”

    Related:
    Makes You Want To Dye A Little, Part 3
    Makes You Want To Dye A Little, Part 2
    Makes You Want To Dye A Little

    H2-Woah, Part 2

    | London, UK | Bizarre, Money

    Me: “Hey, what can I get you?”

    Customer: “I would like two bottles of water, please.”

    (I give the water to the customer.)

    Me: “That’s £5 please.”

    Customer: “Excuse me? How much?”

    Me: “£2.50 each, so £5.”

    Customer: “That’s disgusting. How do you get away with charging that much for water? I am only willing to pay 50p for both as it’s only bottled tap water.”

    Me: “It’s not tap water; it’s mineral water. Tap water is free if you want it.”

    (The customer hands me £10.)

    Customer: “I expect £9.50 change as I’m not paying that much.”

    (I hand the customer £5 change.)

    Me: “No, it’s £5 change.”

    Customer: “I’m just f***ing with you. You’re just so beautiful I thought you deserved some abuse!”

    Related:
    H2-Woah

    Acting Acidic

    | South West England, UK | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (In addition to salt and vinegar, my chip shop offers customers slices of lemon with their fish.)

    Me: “Would you like lemon with your fish, sir?”

    Customer: *screaming* “DON’T YOU EVER ASK ME IF I WANT LEMON AGAIN! NEVER PUT LEMON ON MY ORDER!”

    Issues Of Trust To Leave You Bust

    | USA | Bizarre

    (As a supervisor for a major cell phone company, I am often the last rung on the ladder people get when angry and demanding assistance above the person they are speaking with. My employee who handles angry customers first calls me, somewhat frustrated, stating the customer has been very demanding and uncooperative. I take over.)

    Customer: “I don’t know why this is so f***ing hard. I just need my info about my plan. Aren’t you people smarter than this?”

    Me: “I am certainly happy to assist with your plan info. I just need your phone number to look up your account.”

    Customer: “That’s what I mean. I can’t give you that. How do I know you are who you say you are? You could be any bum off the street.”

    Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way. I’m a little confused, though. I mean, you called us. You dialed the number for [company name]. Why would you think I didn’t work for [company name]?”

    Customer: “Man, they have computers that can read your mind and steal your ATM numbers. This is crap. Just tell me what plan I have.”

    Me: “Have you tried checking that info through the phone itself? It gives you a complete breakdown of all the—”

    Customer: “Are you listening to me? I don’t trust anything I see on the internet. It’s all lies and unicorns.”

    Me: “Um…”

    Customer: “Just tell me what plan you have me set up on. I don’t have time for this.”

    Me: “I need your device ID or—”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous!”

    Me: “We have millions of customers. You didn’t call from the phone, or the info would have come up. You could be any of [company name]‘s customers. I really want to help you.”

    Customer: “Well, I’m not one of [company name]‘s customers.”

    Me: “Beg your pardon?”

    Customer: “I don’t trust you guys. I’m with… someone else.”

    Me: “You have service with another company?”

    Customer: “Right?”

    Me: “Which company?”

    Customer: “See? What are you? Stupid? I’m not telling you s***!”

    Me: “So, you don’t have service with [company name]? At all?”

    Customer: “Right.”

    Me: “And… uh… you called us to help you with info about your account with one of our competitors?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Me: “I’m sorry but I can’t possibly help you with that. I can only help with our own customers. I don’t have access to-”

    Customer: “I don’t trust those a**holes. You aren’t going to help me either.”

    Me: “I mean, sorry, but I’m not able to. I want to help you, but you haven’t really put me in a position to-”

    Customer: “I knew it! F*** you! You all suck!” *hangs up*

    Me: *speechless*

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