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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    A Wick-ed Accident

    | Valencia, Spain | Bizarre, Health & Body, Top

    (My friend is a nurse at a local hospital.)

    Patient: “My belly is hurting me.”

    My Friend: “Don’t worry, sir. We’ll sort it out.”

    (My friend proceeds to do a routine examination on the patient. Whenever she touches the patient’s abdomen, he suffers from a lot of pain. They take him to the x-ray room for scans.)

    My Friend: “Sir, it appears you have… um… three candles lodged in your rectum. Do you have any idea how this happened?”

    Patient: “Well… er… I was carrying an armful of candles down some stairs and I tripped and…” *trails off into silence*

    My Friend: “So, you fell on a candle.”

    Patient: “Yes.”

    My Friend: “Then you fell again, on another candle.”

    Patient: “Yes.”

    My Friend: “And then once more, on yet another candle.”

    Patient: “That’s what happened!

    Her Bark Is As Bad As Her Bite

    , | NSW, Australia | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

    (I usually work in the drive-thru of our store.  At least once a day, often twice, a regular customer comes through. We all recognise her car.  She has a chihuahua that sits on her lap that snaps at us whenever we reach near the car.)

    Coworker: “It’s her again. Please, will you hand out her coffee? I’m so scared of that dog!”

    (I walk to the window and hold the regular’s food out, but far enough from her car that the dog can’t get close to me.)

    Me: “Good morning!  Here’s your food, and I’ll just grab your coffee. ”

    (I hold out the coffee, again further away from her car than normal. Suddenly, the dog lunges and almost bites my hand. I accidentally drop the coffee as I jump back, away from her and the dog.)

    Customer: *to her dog* “My poor darling, my baby! Oh, are you okay? Did the mean lady scare you? Did she burn you with the hot coffee?” *to me* “If you burnt my dog, I’ll get your stupid a** fired!”

    Me: “I’m very sorry. I’ll replace your coffee right away, but just a suggestion: perhaps this wouldn’t happen if you sat your dog in the passenger’s seat?”

    Customer: “The nerve you have, thinking you know how to look after my precious little pumpkin! She’s MY dog, not yours! MUMMA KNOWS WHAT’S BEST!”

    (I quickly grab the coffee, and hold it as far away from her and the dog as I can.)

    Customer: *snatches her drink and drives off*

    Coworker: *to me* “Sorry!”

    You Have Been Deigned Dainty

    | North Carolina, USA | Bizarre

    (Note: At 5’11″ and just shy of 150 pounds. I’m not exactly burly, but I’m not small, either.)

    Me: *hands a customer her receipt* “Here you go, ma’am. Have a nice day.”

    Customer: *gently takes hold of my hand* “You have the daintiest hands I’ve ever seen.”

    Me: “Um… thank you.”

    Customer: “They’re so soft… and tiny.”

    Me: *embarrassed* “Uh… thank you. Thank you for shopping at [Store]. Have a nice day!”

    Customer: “So… dainty!” *turns and heads out the door*

    A Devil May Hair Attitude

    | Illinois, USA | Bizarre

    (I am a male with long red hair. A customer approaches me while I’m stocking a shelf.)

    Customer: “Excuse me.”

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I actually just wanted to know if that’s your natural hair color.”

    Me: “Well, yeah, actually it is.”

    Customer: “So, what’s it like living in Hell alongside Satan?!”

    Me: *speechless*

    Customer: “I mean, aren’t all gingers the spawn of Satan himself?”

    Me:  ”Umm, no, we aren’t. That was just an old superstition.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, I was wondering what I should prepare for for when I get there!”

    Always Handle Grown Ups With Kid Gloves

    | Colorado, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids

    (I am a head counselor at a camp. It is the end of the session and checkout doesn’t start until 5pm. The following takes place around 3pm. My boss radios up that a parent has shown up unexpectedly. I scramble to gather the kids, their belongings and final paperwork before heading to the parents.)

    Parent #1: *fuming* “Well, it’s about time! We were supposed to leave by 2:30!”

    Me: “Okay, I’m sorry this is taking a while. We’re just trying to get the last pieces of paperwork together. In the future, if you need to check out early, you can note it on the checkout form you filled out at the beginning of camp and—”

    Parent #1: “Well, we called and confirmed we could be here early!”

    Me: “Oh? Who did you confirm with? I’m sorry for the mix-up. They should have passed that info along and we could have—”

    Parent #1: “Well, we left a message.”

    Me: “Who did you confirm with that we got your message? Did you make verbal contact with anyone?”

    Parent #1: “WE. LEFT. A. MESSAGE.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t always get a chance to check our messages. Next time, it would be better if you tried again until you made verbal contact with—”

    Parent #1: *clamps her hands over her ears* “NO! NO! NO! I DON’T WANT TO FIGHT! NO FIGHTING! NO FIGHTING! [Camp Name] RULE: NO FIGHTING!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m not trying to fight with you. I’m just letting you know how we can make early check out easier—”

    Parent #1: “NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO FIGHTING!” *walks away from me*

    (I turn to the other parent and begin explaining things to him.)

    Me: “For future reference, if you fill out the early check out form we can have all the paperwork ready and your camper’s belongings set aside instead of buried in the trailer—”

    (At this point, the other parent turns away from me, walks over to the trailer, opens it up and starts throwing other campers’ bags out into the dirt.)

    Me: “Sir, you can’t be in there! I will help you find your camper’s belongings as soon as we finish the checkout paperwork!”

    Parent #1: “THIS IS SO STUPID!”

    Parent #2: “This is utter B***S***!”

    Parent #1: “WHY IS THIS TAKING SO LONG?!”

    Me: “If you would let me explain I would be happy to help you—”

    Parent #1: “NO FIGHTING! NO FIGHTING! NO FIGHTING!”

    (Fortunately, my boss comes over. He tells them the same thing I’ve been telling them. Surprisingly, their response is the complete opposite.)

    Parent #1: *to my boss* “OH! Well why didn’t you just say so?” *signs the paperwork* “Have a good day!”


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