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  • July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    You Can Count On Some Customers

    | Australia | Awesome Customers, Bizarre

    (We have a few regulars in the store that we give nicknames. There is one middle-aged man who often wears a long black cloak with a high collar. He speaks with a thick Transylvanian-sounding accent, so I refer to him as ‘The Count.’)

    The Count: “Hellooooo, daaaahliiing. Do you have any more of zese glasses?”

    (I go out to the back and find another box. We’ve had a few problems with boxes being sent to us with broken pieces inside. I open it to show the customer all of them are fine.)

    The Count: “Ahhhh, yes. Zey are very nice. And, let’s see…”

    (He points at each in turn like ‘The Count’ from Sesame Street.)

    The Count: “1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6! They’re all there! Ah, ha, ha!”

    (He takes the box out of my hands and goes to the counter with a sweep of his cloak. I guess some people live up to their nicknames!)

    Maybe She Is Buying Lemongrass

    | KA, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre

    (I work at a grocery store. I have just finished ringing up a customer who bought a few food items and some plants.)

    Me: “Okay. That will be [amount].”

    Customer: “Do you think I should get paper or plastic for my plant?”

    Me: “Either one will work, ma’am. Which one would you prefer?”

    Customer: “You’re just a sourpuss. Aren’t you?”

    Me: “I’m sorry. What are you saying?”

    Customer: “You’re such a sourpuss. I just asked you a simple question. You’re being so rude to me!”

    (The customer grunts and walks over to the customer service desk. I overhear her talking to my manager.)

    Customer: “That girl over there is a SOURPUSS! A SOURPUSS, I TELL YOU!”

    (The manager comes back and delivers the items to the customer. She walks out the door with a sneer on her face.)

    Customer: *screaming as she leaves* “SOURPUSS!”

    Shell Shocked

    , | Rehoboth Beach, DE, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (It is late at night, in the middle of summer. I’m working at the first window, taking orders as well as working the register. The customer I get sounds drunk, but I don’t think too much of it until he gets to the window. The customer is in the rear seat of the car; thankfully the driver is sober.)

    Me: “Good evening. Your total is $[total].”

    Customer: “Okay… so that’s… uh…”

    (The customer stares at the money in his wallet for a moment before handing me a wad of bills.)

    Me: “Alright. Here’s your change and your recei—”

    (I turn to hand him his change, to see that he now has a large brown paper bag on his lap. He looks at me, then reaches in the bag and pulls out a crab covered in Old Bay seasoning.)

    Customer: “D’you want a crab?”

    Me: “Er… no thanks.”

    Customer: “You sure? They’re really good!”

    (The customer tries to hand me the crab anyways.)

    Me: “I’m sorry. We’re not allowed to take… tips?”

    Customer: “Aww… that sucks. Well, you have a nice night.”

    Me: “Here’s your change. You have a good night, too!”

    (My colleagues and I were all left wondering what he was doing getting fast food when he had something better!)

    Pass The Buck To Your Manager

    | IA, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (I am stocking the liquor section. An older customer comes up to the register. He is wearing cut-off jeans going three quarters of the way up his thigh and a flannel shirt unbuttoned to his belly button.)

    Customer: “I want the liqueur made of deer’s blood.”

    Me: “Could you repeat that?”

    Customer: “I want that liqueur made of deer’s blood.”

    Me: “Do you know the name of this drink?”

    Customer: “No, but I know it is made of deer’s blood.”

    (I call over the manager who deals with the liquor section.)

    Me: “Do we have a liqueur made of deer’s blood?”

    Manager: “I don’t think we stock anything like that. Let’s look.”

    (We look for a while and I eventually take a bottle of Jägermeister off the shelf.)

    Me: “Is this what you’re looking for?”

    Customer: “Yes. Thank you.”

    Highly Screwed

    | Muskogee, OK, USA | Bizarre, Home Improvement

    (I am working late evening, when a customer comes in near closing time. He is high on something and brings a 4 ft tall bong.)

    Me: “How can I help you today, sir?”

    Customer: “Well… umm… I broke it.”

    Me: “Broke what?”

    Customer: “I broke my smoker.”

    Me: “Okay… what can I do to help you?”

    Customer: “Screw. I need a screw. I think a screw will fix it. Or maybe something else. A screw. I need a screw. I need a screw!”

    (I try to help him find the right screw, but he’s not thinking. He walks away, with his screw, and, I’m sure, another chance to get high again.)

    Customer: “Need a screw. Need a screw. Need a screw…”

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