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  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
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  • Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    Purchasing Blood Wine

    | Atlanta, GA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink, Underaged

    (I see two guys who appear to be in their early 20s approach a self-checkout machine with a case of alcohol. One of them appears to have some tissue in his nose. The other is acting nervous. Given the exchange of money between the two, I suspect a third party purchase.)

    Me: “Good evening, gentlemen. I’ll just need to see both of your IDs before I approve the sale.”

    (The customer with the item in his nose scowls and turns his nose up at me, revealing the dangling string of a tampon.)

    Customer: *angrily* “Why do you need to see his ID? I’m buying it.”

    Me: “Sir, it’s the law and store policy that I check the IDs of everyone in the party purchasing alcohol.”

    Customer: “I guess I’m not buying this then, since he’s under 21!”

    (He storms off, leaving alcohol on counter.)

    Customer at the next machine: “What the h*** was that? Did he really just try that? And with a tampon in his nose?”

    Cold Call From Work

    | TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Food & Drink, Top

    (I am training a new 17-year-old girl. I am going slow and steady, trying to teach her the right way to do everything. Two female customers come in. One orders a drink made with caffeine-free citrus soda and sherbet. I start explaining and showing the trainee what to do.)

    Me: *quietly to the trainee* “Okay, use two scoops for a small and three for a large, then fill it to here with soda. I personally think these are gross, but they’re really popular, especially with kids.”

    Customer: “It’s not gross! If you ever tried it, you’d know it wasn’t gross!”

    Me: “I’m sorry; I didn’t even realize you could hear me. I just don’t personally like them, but I know plenty of people who do.”

    Customer: “You have to take that back! I’m the customer, so I’m right! You’re the rudest f****** b**** I’ve ever seen!”

    Me: “Okay. I’m sorry that I don’t personally like the same drink that you do.”

    Customer: “I need to talk to your manager right now!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m the senior employee working right now. My manager is at home with her daughter. I can take down your information and have her call you wh—”

    Customer: “No! Call her right now! I need to talk to her and tell her what a rude b**** you’ve been!”

    Me: *while dialing the phone* “Just to clarify: you want me to interrupt my manager’s family dinner, so you can inform her that I don’t like soda and sherbet mixed together, yes?”

    Customer: “Yes! Call her right now! I’ll get your a** fired!”

    (I explain the situation on the phone to my manager.)

    Manager: “So, what exactly does she want me to do?”

    Me: “I think she wants you to fire me… for not liking sherbet.”

    Manager: “Oh, lord. Just give her the phone.”

    (The trainee and I stand there while the customer yells on the phone at my manager. My poor trainee is just dumbfounded. Eventually my manager convinces the woman to leave and asks her to not come back, as insulting her employees is not acceptable. The woman and her friend leave, and my new co-worker and I breathe a sigh of relief. The customer storms back into the shop.)

    Customer: “Oh! And you know what’s f****** gross? Your face!”

    (She leaves, and I start laughing uncontrollably.)

    Trainee: “Did that just f****** happen?”

    Me: “Welcome to life in customer service!”

    Worst Superhero Name Ever

    | Orlando, FL, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (I work at the meat/seafood counter of my store. I greet my first customer of the day.)

    Me: “Can I help you, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’d like a six lb. rib roast, please.”

    Me: “Certainly. Let me go and pass your order on to the butcher.”

    (I go back into the cutting room. The butcher says it will take about ten minutes because of the other order he has to fill first. I go back to the counter.)

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, he can have your order ready in ten minutes. If you want, you can do some more shopping and come back later. We’ll set your order up here on the counter when it’s ready for you.”

    Customer: “Are you being a smart-a**?!”

    Me: “Um… excuse me?”

    Customer: “Are. You. Being. A. Smart-a**!?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t understand what the problem is.”

    Customer: *in a mocking tone* “Oh, look at me! I’m Mr. Big Shot Meat Guy! I’ll put your order right up here on the counter! Right here, all nice and neat, because I’m Mr. Big Shot Meat Guy!”

    Me: “Uh… that’s just what we do, ma’am. If someone places an order we set it on the counter for them to come and pick up when it’s ready.”

    (She gives me the dirtiest look I’ve ever seen, and stomps away.)

    Co-worker: “Welcome to work, Mr. Big Shot Meat Guy!”

    Throwing A Fit

    | WI, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Food & Drink, Wild & Unruly

    (At our sub shop, when the customer orders a sub, it reaches the person who is wrapping it up. They wrap it up and then throw it back to the cashier or the customer. Usually, this is met with ‘ooh’s’ and ‘aww’s’.)

    Me: “Hello, and welcome to [subshop]. What can we get for you today?”

    Customer: “Yeah… can I get a one, a five, and a ten?”

    Me: “Sure. Will there be anything else today? Chips? Drinks?”

    Customer: “Nope.”

    (The first sub is made. The wrapper catches the attention of the customer, and asks if he’s willing to catch. The customer nods and catches the sub. At this point, I have him rung up.)

    Me: “That’ll be $13.05.”

    (The customer hands me his credit card. The second sub is done, and the wrapper throws it. The customer catches it and nods his thanks.)

    Me: “Okay. You’re all set! The last sub will be with you in a sec.”

    Wrapper: “Ready?”

    Customer: “Throw the sub at me again, and I’ll shove it up your a**.”

    (Shocked, we say nothing and pass the sub up the line to him. He takes it and leaves with his other subs without another word.)

    Not Low Key About The Hokey

    | San Jose, CA, USA | Bigotry, Bizarre, Religion

    (I’m a Muslim female barista. Two young women in headscarves come in. They get in line. Most people are surprised to learn of my faith, as I am mixed race and look white, and don’t wear a headscarf by personal choice.. A man whispers to his wife, and then comes up to me while I’m handing out drinks to customers.)

    Man: “Excuse me, could you please remove those two from the shop?”

    Me: “Who?”

    Man: “Those two in the scarves.”

    Me: “Uh, why?”

    Man: “They’re offending me.”

    Me: “How?”

    Man: *raising voice* “How dare they throw their satanic religion in our good Christian faces?!”

    (He is wearing a rather large cross around his neck.)

    Man: *raises his voice to a yell* “Be gone from his earth, devil spawn!”

    Me: “Dude, look, quit harassing them.”

    Man: “Harassing them?! They’re harassing me!”

    (Fed up, I come out from behind the counter to speak to the man.)

    Me: “Look, dude, be quiet or leave now.”

    Man: “Why should I, son of the great lord, be forced to tolerate their hokey religion?!”

    Me: “That’s my ‘hokey religion’ you’re messing with, and I’m not going to take your crap. Out. Now.

    Man: “You’re devil spawn too?!” *crosses himself* “SONS AND DAUGHTERS OF GOD, THROW DOWN YOUR COFFEE! A SINNER HAS TOUCHED IT!”

    (The shop is literally silent, and everyone is staring at him. My manager walks up behind him. He is Sikh, and is wearing a turban. He taps the man on the shoulder and speaks in a deadpan voice.)

    Manager: *deadpans, taps man on the shoulder* “Now what seems to be the problem here?”

    (As soon as he sees my manager, the customer literally screams and runs out. His wife runs after him, stopping at the door to cross herself. I go back behind the counter. The two Muslim women approach me.)

    Muslim Woman #1: “Thanks for that.”

    Me: “Absolutely no problem. I’ve had that done to me too, when I’m wearing the scarf.”

    Muslim Woman #2: “Do you get lunatics in here like that often?”

    Me: “You have no idea.”

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