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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    How To Keep Your Online Devices In Line

    | Tennessee, USA | Bizarre, Technology, Top

    Me: “Thank you for calling [company name] DSL tech support. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “My modem bit me.”

    Me: “It… bit you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I went to turn it off and it bit me. And now it’s staring at me every time I try to get back in the room.”

    (The modem has two red lights on the front that are lit solid when everything is working properly. The customer also sounds like they’re not exactly sober, so I decide that giving them a logical response won’t be much help to them.)

    Me: “Alright, what you should do is turn the light on in the room, close the door and go to bed. The modem will stay up all night trying to get to you, but be stuck in the room. By morning it’ll be too exhausted to fight back and you can duct tape it to the desk to keep it in line from now on.”

    Customer: “Thank you!” *hangs up*

    (The next day, he actually called back to compliment me for solving his problem!)

    Goodnight Loon

    | Middlebury, CT, USA | Bizarre, Musical Mayhem

    (I’m at work when a teenage customer sees a bracelet I’m wearing.)

    Teenage Customer: *looking at my bracelet* “What’s that say?”

    Me:Our hearts are heavy burdens we shouldn’t have to bear alone.”

    Teenage Customer: “That’s nice. What’s it from?”

    Me: “A song by Go Radio.”

    Teenage Customer: “Can I have your bracelet?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Teenage Customer: “Your bracelet. Can I have it?”

    Me: “Sorry, but this was given to me by the band when I saw them last October.”

    Teenage Customer: “But I WANT it!”

    Me: “Sorry, but if you want one like this, you either have to see them on tour or go on their webstore. I’m sure they’ll have them in either place.”

    (Suddenly, the teenage customer freaks and GRABS at my wrist, slapping the counter when I pull it back.)

    Teenage Customer: “I WANT THAT ONE! Why are YOU so special that they gave it to you?!”

    Me: “Some little teenage brat mashed gum into my hair because I wouldn’t give her my spot at the barrier. All of the bands found out and Go Radio gave me this.”

    Teenage Customer: *suddenly calm* “Oh… can I have it, then?”

    Me: “What part of ‘no’ did you not understand?”

    Teenage Customer: “I guess I should look up the webstore then…”

    (She walks off, leaving my manager and the next customer confused.)

    Next Customer: “What in the h*** was THAT about?!”

    The Day The Earth Stood Tilled

    | Canada | Bizarre

    Me: “Department of Agriculture, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “Hello, I believe the department of agriculture is part of some sort of council. Is that right?”

    Me: “I suppose we are, with the other departments of the government.”

    Customer: “There are people in the council working against alien species, correct?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t understand what you mean by alien species.”

    Customer: “I mean alien species in plants.”

    Me: “Oh, like weeds?”

    Customer: “Well, you could call them ‘weeds’ if that makes you feel better.”

    Me: “Uhm… well, I can transfer you to our weed specialist. He’ll be able to answer all your questions.”

    Customer: “‘Weed’ specialist… yes, that’ll do. By the way, how long has your number been ###-2666?”

    Me: “It’s always been this number, sir.”

    Customer: “Do you know what triple-6 means?”

    Me: “I’m assuming you’re speaking of the Devil?”

    Customer: “That is correct.”

    Me: “Well, I’m in no position to transfer you to the Devil, but I can transfer you to our weed specialist.”

    Customer: “The alien specialist, yes.”

    Me: “Uhm… okay. Have a good day, sir!”

    Some DJs Can Leave You Spinning

    | Maine, USA | Bizarre, Wild & Unruly

    (Every night, the drugstore I work at does a closing announcement 15, 10, and 5 minutes before closing and also one at closing. I’ve just made the 10 minute announcement when a middle-aged man comes up to my register.)

    Customer: “Was that you making that last announcement?”

    Me: “Yes it was. We do a few of them every night.”

    Customer: “You sounded very professional! Are you going to do more of them?”

    Me: “Thank you, and yes. I’m going to do the five minute announcement shortly.”

    Customer: *very excited* “Can I do it?!”

    Me: “Uhh… well, I don’t think so. We have to do it at just the right time and we follow a script that I have memorized.”

    Customer: “Aww, man!”

    (I finish the customer’s transaction and everything seems fine. He walks away a few steps and starts messing with his wallet. I pick up the speakerphone to make the next announcement, but just as I start to talk, the man grabs the phone from me. As he does so, he slams it into my face and gives me a bloody lip in the process.)

    Customer: “HEY EVERYBODY! THIS IS DJ SEXY! IT’S THAT TIME OF THE NIGHT AGAIN!”

    (I’m completely shocked and try to get it back from the customer. However, he keeps ducking and moving so I hit the hangup button instead. By that point, the manager has come running up to us. The customer sees my manager, drops the phone, and runs out of the store.)

    Manager: “What in the h*** is going on?! Why did you let him do that?!”

    (Note that as my manager questions me, I’m dabbing my bloody mouth with a tissue.)

    Me: “Let him?! He grabbed it from me and hurt me in the process! That guy was crazy!”

    Manager: “Well… you should be more careful!” *walks off*

    (I tried to file an accident report with the store and asked the manager to call the police so that there would be a record of the event in case the guy came back. He refused to do either, so I quit that night!)

    Blowing Things Out (And Up) Of Proportion

    | CA, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Top

    (When I was in 7th grade, I volunteered at a local library. My main job was to gather books for pull lists. One day when I’m checking in some books and filling out sending forms, a man and his daughter walk up to my computer. Note: the scanner I am using beeps every time I scan a book.)

    Daughter: “Why is it making that beeping sound, Daddy?”

    Father: “I don’t know. Maybe she’s checking them in.”

    Daughter: “Really?”

    Father: “No. I think she’s going to steal them.”

    (I look up, confused, and I’m about to interject when the father walks over to the head librarian’s door.)

    Me: “Um, sir?”

    Father: “Quiet, thief!” *knocks on the librarians door*

    Head Librarian: “What seems to be the problem, sir?”

    Father: “That girl over there, who is clearly not authorized to run those machines, was stealing your books!”

    Me: “I was checking them out to put them into the send boxes.”

    Father: “No! I clearly saw you stuff books into your pockets!”

    Coworker: “Sir, she doesn’t have any pockets.”

    Father: “I meant down her shirt!”

    (Note: I am wearing a tight fitting shirt. If so much as a piece of paper had been under my shirt, it would have been very visible. Needless to say, there are clearly no books under my shirt.)

    Father: “Fine! If you don’t believe me, I’m calling the cops!”

    Head Librarian: “Sir, she was not stealing books! Please do not call the police!”

    (The father ignores the head librarian and proceeds to dial the police anyway. The operator on the other end of the phone is speaking loud enough for us to hear.)

    Father: “Excuse me, I’d like to report a girl stealing books at the ***** Library.”

    Operator: “Sir, are you a member of the library staff?”

    Father: “No, but I saw it happen!”

    Operator: “Well, I’m sorry, sir, but—”

    Father: “…and she planted a bomb!”

    Me: “What?!”

    Operator: *sighs audibly* “Right. We’ll send a bomb squad…”

    (Five minutes later, there is indeed a bomb squad outside the library doors. They end up having to clear out the library, search me, and go through the entire library with bomb-dogs.)

    Daughter: *to her father* “How come you said she planted a bomb? She didn’t!”

    (When the police heard that, they arrested the father. I got a week off.)

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