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  • Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    It Doesn’t Matter If You’re Pokémon Black Or White

    | AZ, USA | Bizarre, Criminal/Illegal, Musical Mayhem

    (A customer dressed like Michael Jackson walks into the store. He is carrying a boom-box, and an armful of Pikachu dolls. There are even more spilling out of his outfit. He is wearing a GIGANTIC rainbow Afro wig. My colleagues and I call him ‘Michael Jackson Wannabe’ (MJW). He is receiving comments from other customers.)

    Other Customer: “Hey, Michael Jackson! It isn’t Halloween!”

    (MJW says nothing. Extremely loud disco music starts playing from his boom-box. He starts dancing and moon-walking, while carrying his massive collection of dolls. Although a skilled dancer, he is more than unsettling due to his attire and massive collection of stuffed animals.)

    Me: “Dude, quit. You’re freaking everyone out.”

    (I turn down the music.)

    Michael Jackson Wannabe: “LET THE MUSIC PLAY!”

    (He turns the music all the way up again, and starts throwing his dolls at me and my coworker. I dive for cover behind the counter while my coworker calls the police. MJW is now holding his boom-box and is dancing right in front of a clearly annoyed elderly customer.)

    Elderly Customer: “FALL!”

    (The elderly customer snatches the boom-box right out of MJW’s hands, and THROWS it at him. MJW is knocked off his feet from the weight of the boom-box. The elderly customer looks over at me.)

    Elderly Customer: “Do you think I took it a little too far?”

    Me: “…yeah.”

    (The police arrive, and take both MJW and the elderly customer away in handcuffs. The next day, the elderly customer comes back. He was jailed overnight for harming MJW. The police would have kept him longer, but they were sympathetic to the fact that he did stop a guy that was disturbing the peace.)

    Elderly Customer: “Do you get a lot of weirdoes in here?”

    Me: “Like that guy dressed like Michael Jackson? No not really. When we do, they’re like him, really loopy.”

    (Surprisingly, the elderly customer gave me a $100 bill. Even better: we now sell Pokémon dolls! Thanks MJW, for introducing a new product to the store, even though you destroyed half the shop doing so.)

    Gramps Grumps

    | MI, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Love/Romance

    Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

    Old man: “MEAN!”

    Me: “Oh no, that’s no good.”

    Old man: “Yeah, it scares off all the pretty ladies.”

    Me: “Well, you don’t want to scare them off; that’s no good.”

    Old man: “I’m 80; I can’t do anything else with them. I might as well scare them away; makes it easier for me that way!”

    Let’s Not Do This One More Time

    | Austin, TX, USA | Bizarre, Musical Mayhem

    (We have a large flying saucer in the children’s play area. A respectable looking customer comes over to me as I’m stocking shelves nearby.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, why is that flying saucer there?”

    Me: “Oh, we have that there for the kids to play in while their parents shop.”

    Customer: “No, I mean what is it doing on the ground?”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “Well it’s not called a flying saucer for nothing; it should be flying!”

    Me: “Well, I—”

    Customer: *singing* “Starships were meant to flyyyyyyy!”

    Two Is The Moan-iest Number

    | Sacramento, CA, USA | Bizarre, Movies & TV

    (I am a cashier working at a large department store. A customer comes up to my register holding a jersey with a large ’2′ on it.)

    Customer: “Hey, I want one of these jerseys, but I want one with a ’1′ on it.”

    Me: “Unfortunately, you got this out of clearance, right? We don’t carry back stock for anything in clearance. If you didn’t see a ’1′ jersey while you were there, we probably don’t have one, sorry.”

    Customer: “Okay, but I want one with a ’1′ on it.”

    Me: “I’m very sorry, sir; we don’t have one right now.”

    Customer: “I want a ’1′ jersey! It’s my birthday; I want to be number one, not two!”

    Me: “One is the loneliest number that you’ll ever know. Two, can be as bad as one. It’s the loneliest number since the number one.”

    Customer: “…okay.”

    (Surprisingly, after hearing this the customer buys the ’2′ jersey.)

    Manager: “Did that just happen?”

    Some People Can’t Handle Their Sugar

    | Kansas City, KS, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    (I am stocking coke in the aisle. A very perturbed customer comes up to me.)

    Customer: “Young man, my doctor said I can’t drink coke anymore.”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that.”

    (I continue stocking the coke.)

    Customer: “Young man, I just told you that I can’t drink this stuff.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. Would you like me to help you find something else?”

    Customer: “I said I can’t drink this stuff!”

    (She grabs a two-liter bottle and throws it to the ground. She puts her hand into the shelf behind the product and starts walking down the aisle, scooping all the soda on the floor.)

    Customer: “I can’t drink coke! I can’t drink coke!”

    (She begins stomping on the cans and bottles and kicking them around. By the time she’s worn herself out, the floor is covered. The cans are spraying little jets of cola. She looks at me, then over my shoulder at the liquor dept.)

    Customer: “He said I can’t drink whiskey either!”

    (She starts to charge the liquor dept. Thankfully, that is when the security guard steps in front of her, takes her hand, and leads her out of the store.)

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