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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    Urine Her Way

    | TX, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

    (A customer comes in and so far has been acting completely normal.) 

    Customer: “May I use your restroom?”

    Me: *gesturing to the sign right behind me* “I’m sorry ma’am, we don’t have a public restroom.”

    (Suddenly the customer grabs her crotch like a child, and starts hopping up and down. She tries to take off running to the gas station across the street, and I shout after her that they don’t have a public restroom either. I see her run out of the gas station, squat down next to the air pump, and begin peeing. She then returns to my store.)

    Customer: *sighs with relief* “When you have to go, you have to go.” *winks at me and walks out*

    Makes You Want To Dye A Little, Part 3

    | Canandaigua, NY, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids

    (This happens as I’m shopping in a convenience store, and I just recently had my hair dyed purple. Another customer sees my hair and shouts to her daughter, pointing at my hair.)

    Customer: “Oh, my God! Look at that hair! That’s freaking amazing!”

    Me: “Oh… thank you.”

    Customer: *to her daughter* “You can never do that!”

    Daughter: “But, I didn’t even want to-—

    Customer: “No! I won’t let you look like a freak!” *turns to me* “I really love that hair!”
     
     Related:
    Makes You Want To Dye A Little, Part 2
    Makes You Want To Dye A Little

    Milk It For All Its Work

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Top

    (A regular walks into the shop, makes his usual order, and pays for it. But instead of waiting at the bar, he pulls out an empty litre plastic bottle. He then pulls out a little funnel and fills the bottle to the brim with our coffee shop’s milk and stands at the bar looking smug until his drink arrives.)

    Coworker: “That’s a lot of milk you’ve got there.”

    Customer: “I know… I have to make ends meet somehow, with the prices that you charge. That’s like five bucks worth of milk in there.”

    Coworker: “Well, sir, the other customers might want some, too.”

    Customer: “I’m setting an example. How much do these cost to make? Milk, coffee, energy, wages. Less than I just paid for it. So, according to Marx’s theory of materialist dialectics, you’re extracting surplus value from me, the consumer. I’m just getting back some of what you owe me, and all the other customers should too.”

    (At this point, everyone is looking at us, and the manager comes over to intervene.)

    Manager: “Sir, our margins are pretty tight and that…” *points at the milk* “…is WAY more than the surplus value. Anyway, I haven’t done the calculation but I’d say most of the surplus value you contribute goes to homeless people and the ones who come in here and make themselves cinnamon milk to drink. You pay according to your ability, and they get according to their need. Yeah?”

    Customer: *goes quiet and walks out, leaving his milk on the bar*

    Manager: “Don’t try and school me on Marxist theory, a**hole.”

    Try Targ-ET Or Alf-bertsons

    | Massachusetts, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

    (I am working late at night at a small, family-owned store when a customer comes in.)

    Customer: “Hey, do you have any aliens in here?”

    Me: “Yeah, we have these alien action figures…”

    (I bring her over to where they are.)

    Customer: “No, I want a live alien, like, in a cage. You have those here right?”

    Me: “…No.”

    Customer: *completely serious* “Then do you have any aliens that are petrified in some kind of goo?”

    Me: “No, we don’t carry anything like that here. Maybe you should try the internet?”

    Customer: “Oh! Great idea. Thanks so much!”

    All Judgments Are Final

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Bizarre, Holidays

    (It’s after Halloween, so we’re having a clearance sale on Halloween decorations. A customer outside walks by the storefront window, sees the decorations, and stomps right through the entrance to me.)

    Customer: “YOU! Can you explain this?” *points back to the decorations*

    Me: “The Halloween decorations?”

    Customer: “Don’t act dumb! Why are they still here!?”

    Me: “Well, Halloween was just last week, so we still have some decorations left over. They’re on sale for 50% off.”

    Customer: “How DARE you sell those devil items in the store!!”

    (Note: these “devil” items were plastic bags of fake spider webs, smiling cutesy ghosts ornaments, Halloween window stickers and bat-shaped confetti.)

    Me: “Um, ma’am? No offense, but we always sell those during Halloween.”

    Customer: “I KNOW. I just want to know why on earth you would try to sell those AFTER Halloween!”

    Me: “Well, since they’re still in stock we’re having a clearance sale and are trying to get rid of—”

    Customer: “Do you worship the devil?”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer: “Only a devil worshiper would do such a thing! Your establishment is based on Satanism! You’re going to burn!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I don’t appreciate—”

    Customer: “Everything you touch is d***ed!”

    (Fed up and frustrated with her offensiveness, I talk back.)

    Me: “Well, ma’am, I guess that means you’re d***ed too, since you’ve deliberately walked onto tainted soil.” *points down to where she’s standing*

    (The customer’s eyes bulge out as she looks at her feet and then back at me. Then, without warning, she frantically SPRINTS OUT OF THE STORE, pushing my manager out of the way and almost knocking him down.)

    Manager: “What the f*** was that about?!”

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