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  • September Theme Of The Month: Overheard!

    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    Artificial Unintelligence

    | Raleigh, NC, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (It’s near closing. A coworker and I are doing some paperwork when a client comes in.)

    Client: “Do you use WordPress?”

    Coworker: “No.”

    Client: “Then what do you use?”

    Me: “For what exactly?”

    Client: “Web design.”

    Me: “Well, sir, none of us here do any web design.”

    Client: “Then what is the point of your job?”

    Coworker: “We fix computers.”

    Client: “Aw, man. Don’t you know you are gonna be replaced by robots?”

    Me: “What?”

    Client: “Yeah. They got these robots that look just like you or me. They can do everything. They even be secretaries. They can cross their legs and everything.”

    (The client attempts to cross his legs while standing and nearly falls down.)

    Me: “Sir, the robots currently available have very little AI and have mostly just mastered walking.”

    Client: “Man, don’t you know… THE ROBOTS ARE COMING!”

    Coworker: “When the robots break down, who will fix them?”

    Client: “Well, people, I guess.”

    Coworker: “That’s right! Adapt or die, baby!”

    Mr. Tambourine Can

    | ON, Canada | Bizarre, Musical Mayhem

    (I work in a music store that sells musical instruments and sheet music. The phone rings.)

    Me: “[Music Store]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi. Do you have a ten-inch tambourine?”

    Me: “We might. Just a minute, I’ll go check.”

    (I come back to the phone holding the requested item.)

    Me: “Hello. Yes, we do have one in stock.”

    Caller: “So can you tell me how big it is?”

    Me: “Um… It’s ten inches.”

    (There’s a moment of silence, and then I realize that it’s a somewhat valid question as the caller may not know how tambourines are measured: diameter, circumference or radius… although the latter two would be pretty strange, I think. Still, I give him the benefit of the doubt and add:)

    Me: “… in diameter.”

    Caller: “So, is that like, the size of the lid on a paint can?”

    Me: “I don’t know. Is it a ten-inch paint can?”

    With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 11

    , | Red Deer, AB, Canada | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    (I am taking orders on drive thru.)

    Me: “Hi, welcome to [Restaurant]. What can I get for you?”

    Customer: “Hey! So, I hear you guys have hickory-smoked bacon! This is true, right? You have bacon?”

    Me: “Yes, we do. It can be added to any sandwich or baked goo—”

    Customer: “No, no, I just want bacon. Bacon!”

    Me: “Just bacon alone?”

    Customer: “Yeah! Lots of bacon!”

    Me: “So, would 10 slices be okay?”

    Customer: “No, make it 20! 30! Lots of bacon!”

    (I give him his total and he drives up to the window. I go wait by soup and sandwich for his order to be ready.)

    Coworker: “30 slices of bacon on the side? On the side of what?”

    Me: “…Just bacon. 30 slices of bacon.”

    (My coworker stares blankly at me before wrapping 30 slices of bacon in a sandwich bag and giving it to me, shaking her head. I take the bacon to the window and my other coworker gives it to him.)

    Customer: “Thanks, man! Gotta have my bacon!” *drives off*

    From NotAlwaysRomantic
    With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 10
    With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 9
    With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 8
    With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 7
    With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 6
    With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 5
    With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 4
    With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 3
    With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 2
    With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility

    Trying To Give A Dogged Defense

    | NC, USA | Bigotry, Bizarre, Pets & Animals

    (I’m a receptionist at a small animal hospital. I take a phone call.)

    Me: “[Hospital Name]. How may I help you?”

    Client: “Is it possible that my dog is gay?”

    Me: “Pardon?”

    Client: “I think my dog is gay, and my husband is very homophobic. He says we can’t keep the dog if it is gay.”

    Me: “What made you come to this conclusion, ma’am?”

    Client: “He sniffs other male dogs inappropriately. It makes the whole family uncomfortable.”

    Me: “Dogs often smell other dogs as a means of introduction, and they do smell each other’s hind end area to get acquainted. That is very common.”

    Client: “How do I make him stop this?”

    Me: “Is your dog neutered?”

    Client: “No, my husband does not want him neutered. He says it’s not fair to the dog.”

    Me: “Unaltered dogs can present these behaviors more frequently and sometimes can be more aggressive. It may help if you had him neutered.”

    Client: *yelling to her husband* “She says the dog won’t be gay anymore if we chop his balls off…” *a few moments of bickering between the couple* “Well, we can’t keep the dog if he’s gay, so when can we get him neutered?”

    Me: “Ma’am, neutering your dog will not stop him from sniffing other dogs. I was just suggesting that neutering him may calm him down and the behavior would be less frequent.”

    Client: “Can you just tell my husband that if we go through with the surgery that he won’t be gay anymore? I’m afraid he is going to make me give him up. He is terribly afraid of gays! He won’t even let the dog sleep in the bed until this gets figured out…”

    Bartenders Are Good Listeners, But Not That Good

    | England, UK | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m at the pub where my little brother works. A man wanders in and just stares at my brother behind the bar.)

    Brother: “Can I help you?”

    Man: *continues to stare*

    Brother: “Hello? What can I get you?”

    Man: “How much will that be?”

    Brother: “You haven’t actually ordered yet. What would you like?”

    Man: *stares more intently*

    Brother: *confused* “I’m sorry, sir. I’m not psychic.”

    Man: “Really? Oh, I’ll have a rum and coke then, please.”

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