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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    The Situation Is Escalating

    | Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid

    (Our down escalator is stopped for repairs, but customers are free to walk down it. There is also a clearly marked elevator near me as well as a staircase.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, miss, do you work here?”

    Me: “Yes. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Your escalator has stopped.”

    Me: “I am sorry about that. It should be fixed soon.”

    Customer: “So, am I stuck up here?”

    Me: “…Sorry?”

    Customer: “Do I have to wait here until it is fixed?”

    Me: “Of course not. You can go anytime. We won’t hold you hostage.”

    Customer: “But the escalator is broken.”

    Me: “Yes, and we are sorry for the inconvenience.”

    Customer: “How do I get down stairs?”

    (At this point, we can both clearly see other customers walking down the broken escalator.)

    Me: “Well, you are allowed to walk down the escalator, but if you feel uncomfortable with that, you can take the elevator or stairs behind me.”

    Customer: “Well, when do you think it will be fixed?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I really don’t know. They don’t tell us that much about what is happening in the store.”

    Customer: “I want to see a manager!”

    Me: “Let me call one down for you.”

    Customer: “What is your name?!”

    (My coworkers have come to watch, and are trying not to laugh. Other customers have begun to laugh.)

    Me: “My name is [name].”

    (I call the manager, she comes down, and tells the customer the same thing I said.)

    Customer: “Well, this place is trash!”

    (Believe it or not, she found a chair and sat there for an hour until the escalator was fixed!)

    The Fringes Of Sanity

    | London, England, UK | Bizarre

    (I am shaving my head in public for charity at a school fair. Because my hair is too long to shave straight off, anyone at the fair can pay £1 to chop a chunk of my hair off, putting said hair in a bucket afterwards. A man walks into the fair, sees my stall, and makes a beeline for it.)

    Me: “Hello! I’m raising money for charity. Would you like to cut a lump of my hair off for £1? It’s all being shaved at 9pm.”

    Man: *smiles, says nothing, and puts £1 on the table*

    Me: “Great, here are the scissors.”

    Man: *takes the scissors and cuts some of my hair*

    Me: “Nice one! If you’d just like to put the hair in the bucket ove—”

    Man: *smiles, looks at my newly cut hair, and walks out of the fair with it*

    Me: *speechless*

    An Offer Of Fruitcake

    | Kent, England, UK | Bizarre

    Customer: “Can I borrow a pen?”

    Coworker: “Yeah, sure.”

    (My coworker hands the customer a pen, and she goes back to her table. However, she returns a few minutes later.)

    Customer: “YOU’VE PUT A BEWITCHMENT ON THIS PEN!”

    (She throws it hard at my co worker. Turns out she hadn’t taken the lid off. Half an hour later, she approaches another coworker.)

    Customer: “Why should I have to queue? I have already done so once!”

    Coworker #2: “Because that’s what you have to do in civilised society.”

    (The customer queues and buys a piece of cake, then walks into the stock area out back, with PRIVATE written on the door, to find my co worker.)

    Customer: “I’m sorry for shouting. Please take this cake.”

    Coworker #2: “Sorry, I can’t. We aren’t allowed to eat on duty.”

    Customer: “SHUT UP AND EAT THE BLOODY CAKE! I WON’T LEAVE UNTIL YOU DO!”

    (While this is going on someone calls the shopping center security. They come remove her from the entire shopping center. Later on that day, she comes back for one last salvo.)

    Customer: “I HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY! DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU’VE DONE TO ME?!”

    Don’t Fold Under Pressure

    | UK | At The Checkout, Bizarre

    (I work in a local bookshop that was recently taken over by a large chain store. Because of this, the manager is often in the other shop down the road, as they trust me to be able to handle anything. This shop also sells items for gift wrapping.)

    Customer: “I have looked everywhere for your christening gift wrap. I find it disgusting that you don’t carry any. Get me your manager.”

    Me: “I apologise, but I’m currently the only worker in the store. I’m sure we carry gift wrap for christening. Have you checked down the isle to your left?”

    (The customer angrily goes to look. She comes back with some gift wrap mumbling about how I should be fired for being alone.)

    Customer: “This one says ‘new baby’. That’s basically the same thing as christening, right?”

    Me: “Uh, sure. Would you like this rolled or folded?”

    Customer: “Ugh. You and your questions. Just roll it!”

    (I begin to roll it.)

    Customer: “No, no! What are you doing?! Are you deaf? I said fold.”

    Me: “…of course, ma’am. I apologise.” *begins to gently fold it*

    Customer: “No, no! What are you doing?! Don’t fold it. You’ll crease the paper. Then what will the baby think?! Give it here, I’ll do it myself!”

    Me: “I apologise for creasing the paper. Here you go…”

    Customer: *aggressively folds the paper anyway and leaves*

    Makes You Want To Dye A Little, Part 4

    | Greeley, CO, USA | Bizarre

    (I am known at my job for having interesting colored hair. I had it purple for about two months before I changed it to black with purple streaks. It is now a lot more subtle, and I really like it.)

    Customer: “What did you do to your hair!?”

    Me: “I dyed it.”

    Customer: “No, you ruined it! I come in here all the time and I loved to look over and see your funky hair! It made me long for my wild days when I used to do crank. You just ruined my life!”

    (I am speechless, and trying to ring her up as quick as possible. At this point, my wonderful manager comes over.)

    Customer: “Do you have kids?!”

    Me: “Uh… no.”

    Manager: “I do.”

    Customer: *to my manager* “You lie to your kids! Santa isn’t real! My kids knew the truth! There is only Jesus! And drugs aren’t bad! You lie to kids!”

    (She grabs her things and leaves in a huff.)

    Me: *to my manager* “What the h*** was that?!”

    Related:
    Makes You Want To Dye A Little, Part 3
    Makes You Want To Dye A Little, Part 2
    Makes You Want To Dye A Little

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