Featured Story:
  • Always Time For A Rhyme
    (2,199 thumbs up)
  • Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    More Beer, Less Fear

    | AZ, USA | Bizarre, Criminal/Illegal

    (I walk over to the convenience store to get a drink. As I’m going inside, I see two police officers with a man in handcuffs in front of the building. I start a conversation with the employees.)

    Me: “Looks like you guys had an interesting morning.”

    Employee #1: “I can’t believe it; he just sat out there waiting for the cops after he stole the beer.”

    Me: “Huh?”

    (One of the officers comes in.)

    Officer: “So, what happened here?”

    Employee #2: “He got the 12-pack from the cooler and stood in line, but then he just walked out without paying. I called for him to stop, but he just said ‘I’ll wait out here for the cops’.”

    Officer: “He didn’t try to run?”

    Employee #2: “No, he just opened the case and started drinking a can of beer right outside the store!”

    Relationships, Like Hair, Can Be Parted

    | Glen Rock, NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre

    (A woman, her husband, and her sister are checking out on my line.)

    Customer: “Your hair is FABULOUS!”

    Me: “Thanks!”

    Customer: “Can I touch it?”

    Me: “Uh… sure.”

    Customer: “How old are you?”

    Me: “21.”

    Customer: “Are you married?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “We have sons.”

    Me: “Oh, that’s nice, but I have a boyfriend.”

    Customer’s Sister: “…and they have girlfriends.”

    Customer: “I don’t care! Think about the babies they would have! Good hair genes!”

    Me: “Here’s your receipt. Have a good day!”

    Customer: “GOOD HAIR GENES!”

    Cause For Pregnant Pause

    | ON, Canada | Bizarre, Money

    (A customer calls in, noticing that she hasn’t had any money taken from her account for her water heater rental for the last couple months.)

    Me: “Okay, so let me look into your file. Hmm, seems you’ve not been set up on our new billing system. That’s probably the problem. Let me just grab your info from the old system to fix it. Wait, you’re not in there either.”

    Customer: “Huh?”

    Me: “I don’t think you’ve been billed for this in a while. Yeah, here’s a note from 2007 saying you hadn’t been billed since September ’06. It seems as though they just closed it without actually fixing it. You haven’t been charged for seven years.”

    Customer: “Wow.”

    Me: “Now, unfortunately, we’re going to have to back-bill you for this—”

    Customer: “Oh, God!”

    Me: “…but luckily for you, we cap back-bills at one year. So, it won’t be a couple grand: it’ll just be about $300.”

    Customer: “Oh, wow, that’s so much better. Thank you!”

    Me: “Wait, did you just thank me for billing you $300?”

    Customer: “Yeah. It’s like one time when I was 14, and I’d just gotten my first piercing. I told my parents that I was pregnant, and by the time they figured out that I wasn’t, they were okay with any other news I could possibly have given them.”

    Urine My Way

    | BC, Canada | Bizarre, Health & Body

    (I am a female cleaning the men’s washroom at a movie theatre. I have a large ‘closed for cleaning’ sign posted on the door. A male customer enters.)

    Me: “Hi, sorry, I’m just cleaning at the moment—”

    Customer: “That’s okay.”

    Me: “I’ve opened the wheelchair accessible washroom across the hall. You can—”

    Customer: “No, no, it’s fine.”

    (He goes to a urinal and begins to unzip his fly. Admitting defeat, I begin to leave.)

    Customer: “Please, I don’t want to put you out. You can go ahead and clean.”

    Me: “Sir, I’m not going to stay in here while you’re using the urinal.”

    Customer: “Why? I really don’t mind.”

    Me: “I do.”

    Customer: “Why?”

    That Woman Has Some Balls

    | Dickson City, PA, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (My friend and I are at a Chinese buffet.)

    Me: “Hey, do you want to get those fried dough ball things before we go back to the table?”

    My Friend: “Yes! Thank you for the reminder!”

    (We walk over to where they’re located, and see a rather large, middle-aged woman making her way down the line. She’s at the tray of food next to the dough balls, so we stand back and let her finish what she’s doing.)

    My Friend: “I love the dough balls here!”

    (The woman looks up from what she’s doing, and stares at us. She reaches over and takes EVERY DOUGH BALL from the tray and puts them on her plate. She then runs away from the line. There were at least 13 dough balls on the tray.)

    Me: “I… I don’t know what just happened.”

    (A few people around us start to laugh. Thankfully the dough balls were restocked by the time we were done with our first plate of food, and we never ran into that woman again!)

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