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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    Putting The X Into Xmas

    | Australia | Bizarre, Musical Mayhem

    (I work at a small town airport where, every year, we have a small talent contest. Although I do usually work at the flights desk, I am on talent duty, announcing all contestants. The prize for winning the contest is a flight to a destination of your choice within Australia.)

    Me: “Thank you to Waldo the Wizard for showing us his amazing magic tricks. Now, for our last act, we have The Anonymous Singer!”

    (Claps of applause.)

    Anonymous Singer: *pompous* “Thank you very much. I will be singing my own person version of Jingle Bells.”

    (The anonymous singer proceeds to sing a very crude and racist version of ‘Jingle Bells’, leaving the audience and I in stunned silence.)

    Anonymous Singer: “Well? I demand my prize!”

    Me: “I’m sorry; I am disqualifying you for the use crude language.”

    Anonymous Singer: “I demand a flight to New York to show off my talent!”

    Me: “I cannot allow you to be in this airport. I must ask you to leave.”

    (He begins to sing the song again when an audience member stops him.)

    Audience Member: “Right, you’re coming with me!”

    (The audience member is about 6 foot, and looks like a body builder. He literally picks up the anonymous singer and carries her away.)

    Anonymous Singer: *screaming* “I’m never coming back! You will never hear my talented voice ever again!”

    Me: “Thank God for that!”

    Attack Of The Killer Tomato Customers

    | South Tampa, FL, USA | Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Bizarre, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    (I am cashiering on the first express lane with one of our new hires on the second express lane. I’m cashing out a customer when I hear an outburst from the new girl’s line.)

    Customer: “What are you doing?! Don’t touch my tomatoes! Leave them in the bag!”

    New Cashier: *turns around, looks at me* “Help me, please?”

    Me: *walks over* “Good afternoon, sir. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I bought these tomatoes, and she is taking them out of the bag and ringing them up separately! I want them rung up together!”

    Me: “Well, sir, it looks like you bought 3 different tomato varieties.”

    Customer: “So?”

    Me: “Each variety is a different price per pound. To keep our inventory counts accurate, we have to weigh and ring these up separately.”

    Customer: “I don’t want you touching my tomatoes!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but it is store policy.”

    Customer: “I want to see a manager!”

    Me: “Sure.”

    (I flag down a supervisor, who is female.)

    Supervisor: “What can I do for you, sir?”

    Customer: “No! I want to talk to a manager!”

    Supervisor: “I assure you, I’m a manager.”

    Customer: “No! A man!”

    Supervisor: *sighs* “I’ll be right back.”

    (She returns with the store manager, who is male. He walks off with the now-livid customer.)

    New Cashier: “Did he really pitch a fit over tomatoes?”

    Me: “Yep. And I wouldn’t be surprised if he got them for free now.”

    New Cashier: “No way.”

    (15 minutes later, the supervisor returns.)

    Supervisor: “Well, [store manager] just gave our angry customer his tomatoes for free.”

    New Cashier: “What!?”

    Me: “I told you!”

    The Mad Hatter

    | Fort Worth, TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre

    (A customer sees me unpacking about 100 hats while he’s looking at the 150 or more already on display.)

    Customer: “You got any 7 1/4′s in there?”

    Me: “I don’t know yet. I’m just unpacking them and I won’t know the price until I do some research.”

    Customer: “But do you have any 7 1/4′s?”

    Me: “I don’t know yet.”

    Customer: “Look and see if you have any 7 1/4′s.”

    (Note that I’ve got over 100 hats I’m trying to unpack and stack so they won’t fall over.)

    Me: “I’ll have them all unpacked and sorted in size order in a few minutes. Just bear with me.”

    Customer: “I just want 7 1/4′s.”

    Me: “Okay, I’ll be finished in a few minutes and let you know what I’ve got in that size.”

    Customer: “How many do you have?”

    Me: “I don’t know yet; I don’t have them unpacked.”

    (He wanders around the store for about a minute and comes back.)

    Customer: “Have you found the 7 1/4′s?”

    Me: “Not yet; give me a few minutes.”

    Customer: “I gave you a few minutes and you’re not done yet.”

    Me: “I’m going as fast as I can. I’ll let you know when I’m finished.”

    (I finally get them all sorted and only have about five 7 1/4′s.)

    Me: “I’m finished, and these are the 7 1/4′s.”

    (He tries one on and he doesn’t need a 7 1/4; he needs a 7. I find him a few in his size, and after he tries on one, he walks away.)

    Me: *stopping him* “I have a few more in his size.”

    Customer: *continues to walk away* “Oh, I don’t want to buy one. I just wanted to see what I looked like in a hat!”

    Do You Accept Reality Checks

    | MO, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid

    (My boyfriend’s sister owns her own jewelry shop. I’m helping her with one of the city’s ladies nights and at the time, and am standing to the side of one of her displays. I am 5’11″ and light-skinned.)

    Customer: “Wow, you have done so well with this shop! Have you had any help tonight?”

    Friend: “Yes, my sister and my brother’s girlfriend.”

    Customer: “I haven’t seen anyone around.”

    (I step next to her and chime in.)

    Me: “Hello, having a—”

    (The woman then grabs me and yells.)

    Customer: “Oh, god! You’re real.”

    (She then proceeds to touch my face while mumbling.)

    Customer: “She can’t be real… no… nooooooo!” *walks away*

    Follow The Trail Of Cookie Crumbs

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Bizarre, Criminal/Illegal

    (I am working in a ‘Mom & Pop’ coffee shop, where things are run by an owner who is hardly around and no managers. Baristas only work with coworkers on the morning shift. This takes place on a weekday afternoon with only me working and few customers around.)

    Customer: “It’s my birthday. I get something for free, right?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t do that here.”

    (The customer points to brownies, which are our most expensive pastry item.)

    Customer: “I can get one of those for free, right?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we just don’t give free items to people on their birthdays.”

    Customer: “But it’s my birthday!”

    Me: “Maybe Starbucks down the street has that sort of item. We’re a privately owned Mom & Pop coffee shop, and our owner doesn’t offer that sort of thing.”

    Customer: “Get your manager. He’ll give it to me.”

    Me: “He’s not around at the moment.”

    Customer: *points to brownies again* “How much are those?”

    Me: “$2.25.”

    (The customer wanders away. I see him meander over to some other customers enjoying their coffee at a table and strikes up a conversation with them. This isn’t unusual, as our coffee shop is quite a neighborhood social spot. After a few minutes, he begins talking to another customer. Then, he comes back to counter.)

    Customer: *dumps load of change on counter* “How much will this buy me?”

    (I realize that he had been hitting up the other customers for change. I suddenly realize that there is something very off about this customer, and am a bit scared, but because I am alone I decide the best thing to do is help him and get him out of the coffee shop as quickly as possible.)

    Me: *counting* “You have about $3.00.”

    Customer: “What can that buy me?”

    Me: *points to menu* “Anything under $3.00 on that menu.”

    Customer: *points to brownies* “Can it buy me that?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: *points to cookies* “Can it buy me that?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Okay, I’ll take one of those and one of those.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but cookies are $1.40. With the brownie it will cost you $3.65. You don’t have enough money for both. But you can buy two cookies.”

    Customer: “Okay. I’ll take that.” *points to cookie* “Can you microwave it for me?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t have a microwave. I can put it in the convection oven for you.”

    Customer: “You don’t have a microwave?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: points to toaster* “Put it in there.”

    Me: “In the toaster?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Me: *reluctantly* “Alright.”

    (As I toast the cookie, the customer pulls out a cellphone and plays around with it.)

    Customer: “I’ll sell you this cellphone for $15.”

    Me: “Thanks, but I already have a cellphone.”

    Customer: “But then you’d have two cellphones!”

    Me: “I can’t afford another one, thanks.”

    Customer: *punching some buttons on cellphone* “Hey, what’s your number?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t give that out to customers.”

    Customer: “You’re a cute girl. I’ll show you a good time.”

    Me: “I already have a boyfriend.”

    Customer: “So?”

    Me: “Uh, no thanks.”

    (The cookie pops up from the toaster, which I put in a bag and take to the counter to give to the customer. That’s when two cops enter from the coffee shop’s front door and two cops enter from the coffee shop’s side door, surrounding the customer.)

    Cop: “All right, buddy, you’re coming with us.”

    Customer: *reaches for cookie and change* “All right, I just need to get my stuff.”

    Cop: “She’ll hold onto it for you. Just come outside now.”

    (The customer leaves coffee shop with cops, where he is handcuffed and taken away. Another cop comes back in to explain that he had been panhandling in all of the stores on our street, acting just as erratic as he had in our coffee shop. Several of the other store owners had alerted the cops after he left their businesses, and they followed the trail of weird to our coffee shop.)

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