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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    For Bitter Or Worse, Part 2

    | Sweden | Bizarre, Spouses & Partners

    Me: “Welcome to [Directory Enquiries Company]. You’re speaking to [my name]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Yes, I’m looking for the number to a man named [name]. I don’t remember where he lives, but I hope he shouldn’t be too hard to find.”

    Me: “That’s a pretty uncommon name, so he wasn’t hard to find at all. If you’d like to, I can send you an SMS to your cellphone with his information. Or, would you rather write it down yourself?”

    Caller: “Oh, I’ve never understood these cellphones, so I’d rather write it down myself, please. Just give me a moment to fetch a pen.”

    (Up until now, the caller has been very polite and calmer than a tibetan monk on Valium. Suddenly…)

    Caller: “GET ME A F***ING PEN, YOU F***ING IDIOT!”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Caller: “Oh, not you dear, I’m just talking to a good-for-nothing slob over here.” *to someone in the background* “NO, NOT THE FLYSWATTER! WHAT THE F*** AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THAT?! A PEN! A F***ING PEN, YOU IDIOT!”

    (The cussing and hollering goes on for about a minute before the caller gets back to the phone.)

    Caller: “Alright, I have a pen now. What was the number, dear?”

    Me: *reads the number to the caller*

    Caller: “Thank you, dear. You have been most helpful! Have a lovely day!” *hangs up*

    Related:
    For Bitter Or Worse

    How About A Catpuccino Instead

    | Iowa, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

    (I am working at the drive up window at a locally owned coffee shop. Our blended drinks are called “coolers.” A customer in his mid-forties pulls up to the window.)

    Customer: “Do you make your coolers with yogurt or cat?”

    Me: *confused* “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “Do you make your coolers with…” *makes a “meow” sound* “…cats or yogurt?”

    Me: “Uh, we use milk or iced coffee depending on how many calories you want in the drink.”

    Customer: “Oh. No thank you.”

    Me: “Can I make you something else then?”

    Customer: “NO! Maybe if you used cats.”

    Me: “Uh…Okay, I’m—”

    Customer: “MEOW!” *drives off quickly*

    When Customers Enc-roach

    | Charlotte, NC, USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals

    (I am sitting at the table where we require pool patrons to sign in. It is a slow afternoon early in the season, so I have been given permission to read. A patron enters with his young daughter, and I look up.)

    Customer: “I think they’re mating.”

    (Suddenly, the customer throws a pair of cockroaches on my still-open book. I jump back, let the book fall to the floor, and then stare back at him.)

    Customer: *grins* “Wait ’til I find out what you’re REALLY afraid of!”

    Me: *speechless*

    (I quit two weeks later.)

    How To Keep Your Online Devices In Line, Part 2

    | Oak Ridge, TN, USA | Bizarre, Technology

    Caller: “Yes, I would like you to send me a new modem. This one you sent me is possessed.”

    Me: “…Possessed, ma’am? What makes you say that?”

    Caller: “I turn the lights out, and the beast stares at me with the eyes of Lucifer!”

    (The modem she is using has two lights on the front. When the modem is powered on but not connected to anything, the lights blink red.)

    Me: “Does the modem ever seem to calm down at all, ma’am? Or is it always angry?”

    Caller: “It only gets angry when I unplug it at night, but I have to unplug it so it doesn’t bring other demons! I can’t leave it connected when I’m not watching it!”

    (I spent a good 15 minutes with this lady, who was always very kind, explaining that the lights were only status indicators. She insisted the modem was possessed, and I eventually sent her a new modem with blue lights instead.)

    Related:
    How To Keep Your Online Devices In Line

    Ferretting Out Falsehood Is A Full-Time Effort

    | USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals, Top

    (I work in a pet store. I have a pet ferret that I bring to work with me on occasion. I put him on a leash and harness and walk him around the store when we aren’t busy.)

    Customer: “Godd***, that rat is huge!”

    Me: “He’s not a rat; he’s a ferret. They aren’t—”

    Customer: “F*** all that scientific bulls***! That’s a f***ing rat! That’s not your pet, is it?”

    Me: “Yes, he is. But ferrets are not rodents. They’re mustelids.”

    Customer: “A what?! Mustard lid?”

    Me: “No, mustelid. They’re in the same family as otters, badgers, and weasels.”

    Customer: “What’d you call it? A furret? My friend told me about those. They’ll f***ing bite your nose off!”

    Me: “Well, one might, if it feels threatened, but I assure you they are actually very tame and affectionate animals. Would you like to hold him and see?”

    (I pick my ferret up and cradle him in my arms like a baby. He immediately goes limp and nuzzles my shirt.)

    Customer: *hesitantly reaches out to pet him* “Uh… well, I guess it wouldn’t hurt to try—”

    (At that moment, my ferret opens his mouth wide for a particularly intense yawn, revealing his formidable canine teeth.)

    Customer: “S***! That rat ain’t tame! He just tried to take my f***ing hand off! Crazy b****es and their godd*** face-eating rats!” *bolts out the door*


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