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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    Don’t Make A Dare With The Hair

    | Great Falls, MT, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Top

    (A customer comes into our sandwich shop. Instead of ordering at the counter, he sits down and spends 15 minutes staring at us from the table. However, he ignores all of our attempts to talk to him. Finally, he storms up to the register where I am and starts yelling.)

    Customer: “When the f*** is one of your waiters going to take my f***ing order? I’ve been waiting here for half an hour!”

    Me: “Sir, we don’t have waiters. You have to come up to the register to take your order. I’ll be happy to take your order for you, and we’ll probably have it ready before you finish paying.”

    Customer: “No, my friend told me this is a classy joint! Classy joints have waiters! Now get a f***ing waiter out here or I’m leaving!”

    Me: “Sir, we don’t have waiters, and if you insist on swearing at me I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

    Customer: “Make me f***er! Come at me, bro! You’re just a f***** with girl hair!”

    (Note: I am a man with shaggy hair.)

    Me: “Sir, please leave.”

    Customer: “Suck my ****!”

    (Fed up, my manager intervenes.)

    Manager: “I’m calling the cops, so you can tell them to suck your **** all you like if you’re still here when they get here.”

    Customer: *points at me* “Send this little f***** outside! I’ll be in the alley!”

    (The customer storms out through the back door, which is for employees only. As my manager starts to dial the cops, he turns to me.)

    Manager: *conspiratorially* “Hey, if you wanna take a break out in the alley, that’s cool.”

    Me: “Excellent!”

    (I go out the back door and find the belligerent customer still there.)

    Customer: *sees me and freezes in place*

    Me: *jumps over the rail separating us*

    Customer: *takes off running*

    (Instead of giving chase, I returned to the store. The police called a few minutes later telling us they had him in custody.)

    The Customer Is Not Always Righteous

    | TX, USA | Bizarre, Money

    (I’m manager on duty tidying up. One of my coworkers walks up to me.)

    Coworker #1: “I have a customer who doesn’t want to pay her late fees because she’s ‘righteous’.”

    (Baffled, I follow my coworker up to the register and see the customer. Immediately, she speaks to me.)

    Customer: “I shouldn’t pay because I’m righteous.”

    Me: “I’m… sorry? What happened?”

    Customer: “I’m righteous. It’s not right for you to charge me.”

    Me: “I’m showing your movie was returned two days after it was due. It was five days, but you had it out for a full week.”

    Customer: “You’re not being righteous. I’m righteous. I’m busy out spreading the word of God. I didn’t have time to bring it back. I was being righteous. This isn’t right of you!”

    Me: “That’s very good of you, but unfortunately the fees are valid. I’m afraid you will need to pay it in total if you want to rent today. I can’t take it off.”

    Customer: “No, I’m a righteous person. You need to do the right thing. This isn’t right of you!”

    Me: “Actually, since you knew the due date and that we charge fees, you know that the charge is valid. It wouldn’t be righteous of you to not pay a fee you knowingly incurred.”

    Customer: “No, no. I am righteous! This is YOU not doing the right thing.”

    (Coworker #2 has been awkwardly standing at his own till with a slight smile frozen in place this whole time. Eventually, the customer notices him.)

    Customer: *to Coworker #2* “Don’t you laugh at me. I’m righteous, young man!”

    Coworker #1: “He wasn’t laughing at you, ma’am. We’re a very happy crew.”

    (The customer glares at Coworker #2 for a while before deciding to pay up and rent, muttering the whole time. The only audible word is “righteous.” Before leaving, she has one more thing to say.)

    Customer: “Tell them it’s not righteous. I know it’s not your choice, but it’s not right to do this to me when I’m righteous!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, I will. Have a good night.”

    (Not surprisingly, the customer didn’t return her movies two weeks later, even after repeated attempts to get a hold of her. She ‘righteously’ kept merchandise that didn’t belong to her!)

    Saving The Duke From The Puke

    | West Jefferson, NC, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

    Customer: “I’ll have two pounds of mac & cheese, 3 pounds of potato wedges, 2 pounds of boneless wings, and 10 cheese sticks. I also need 4 pounds of cooked ham, sliced on a #2.”

    Me: “Alright! Having a party, huh?”

    Customer: “No, this is for my dog.”

    Me: *taken off-guard* “Oh…” *jokingly* “…well, is he having a party then?”

    Customer:  ”I don’t appreciate your tone!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I was only kidding.”

    (I fill her order in silence. After weighing the potato wedges, she says…)

    Customer: “Can’t you go any faster?! The Duke will surely starve!”

    Me: “I’ll do the best I can, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Well, see that you do! My sweet doggie is hungry!”

    (Meanwhile, a man walks up and begins talking to the customer while I finish her order. This takes about 10 minutes, as I have to cook more chicken. As I turn around from the meat slicer to give her the last bag of sliced ham, I see her walking away with the man. She has left her entire order on the counter.)

    Me: “Ma’am! MA’AM! Your order, ma’am!”

    Customer: “Oh, nevermind, dear! He brought me some dog food from the pet aisle!”

    Me: *speechless*

    (She wasted at least $40 worth of food!)

    It Was A One-Horned Fabulous Purple People Lover

    | Indianapolis, IN, USA | Bizarre, Love/Romance, Top

    (I am a gay man, bringing my boyfriend lunch at work. I arrive right when his lunch break is scheduled, but he is busy with a customer. I stand to the side at an unused register, to wait for him.)

    Elderly Customer: “You are so adorable! Just the cutest smile… adorable cheeks… great eyes!”

    My Boyfriend: *blushes* “Thank you, ma’am.”

    Elderly Customer: “You would be PERFECT for my granddaughter. She’s about your age, you know!”

    My Boyfriend: “Well, thank you, but I’m already taken.

    (He points out the engagement ring I got him two years ago.)

    Elderly Customer: “OH! That’s a beautiful wedding ring! When did you get married?”

    My Boyfriend: “Actually, I’m not married; I’m engaged. We haven’t set a date for a ceremony yet.”

    Elderly Customer: “What?! Engaged?! Since when do women give engagement rings to men?!”

    My Boyfriend: “Well, ma’am, my engagement ring came from my boyfriend. He proposed to me, and we plan to hold a ceremony in the next year or two.”

    Elderly Customer: “Boyfriend? What do you mean, ‘boyfriend?’”

    My Boyfriend: “Well, I’m gay, ma’am. I’m engaged to another man.”

    Elderly Customer: “Oh, don’t be silly! You’re not gay!”

    My Boyfriend: “Yes, ma’am, I am.”

    Elderly Customer: “No, you’re not. Gay people don’t exist. It’s all a stupid liberal conspiracy.”

    My Boyfriend: “I can assure you, ma’am, I’m gay, and we do exist.”

    Elderly Customer: “No, you don’t! And, no, you aren’t! Gay people aren’t real. No one is gay, queer, homo, ‘special,’ ‘light in the loafers,’ or ‘limp wristed.’ Just because you aren’t a masculine man, honey, doesn’t mean you are less of a man.”

    My Boyfriend: *dumbfounded*

    (At this point, the customer turns to me since I’m standing nearby.)

    Elderly Customer: “Can you believe this adorable boy, saying he’s gay? As if I was just born yesterday!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, I can believe it. I’m the one who gave him the engagement ring he’s wearing.”

    Elderly Customer: “What?! You think YOU’RE gay too?!”

    Me: “I don’t think I am, ma’am, I know I am.”

    Elderly Customer: “Oh, for the love of God! Now you’re gonna tell me you are a unicorn, too! Or a fairy! Or the Loch Ness Monster!” *turns back to my boyfriend* “Don’t worry, sweetie. I am sure the unicorn boy over there just has you confused. I’ll send my granddaughter in so you can meet her!”

    My Boyfriend: “Really, ma’am, that isn’t necessary.” *points at me* “I’m perfectly happy as is.”

    Elderly Customer: *also points at me* “Don’t listen to the unicorn! He doesn’t know what he’s talking about!”

    My Boyfriend: “Okay, ma’am. Well, here is your receipt. You have a good day!”

    (The customer proceeds to take her bags, walks a few feet away, grabs the closest coworker, and points to my boyfriend and me. Note that my coworker hasn’t heard any of the conversation.)

    Elderly Customer: “See them? They are unicorns!”

    Coworker: “Wait… what?”

    Elderly Customer: “They are unicorns! Sparkly, flittery, girly unicorns!”

    Coworker: *confused* “Okay, ma’am. I’ll keep that in mind.”

    Elderly Customer: “You do that.” *turns to us as she walks out* “Bye bye, unicorns!”

    Aisle Never Stop Answering You

    | USA | Bizarre, Wild & Unruly

    (I work in a small card shop in a mall. It’s rather cramped and the aisles are difficult to navigate if there are many people in the store. Small note: There are two phones in the store; one in the office, one near the registers.)

    Manager: “[Me], will you please put these cards back in their pockets?”

    Me: “Sure.”

    (I begin to walk to the proper space when an older customer stops me, smiling.)

    Customer: “NOW what are you going to do?”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “What happens if the phone rings and you can’t get past me to get it? Do you just let it ring?”

    Me: “No, there is a phone near the registers.”

    Customer: “What? Nuh-uh. There can’t be one up there!”

    Me: “I believe there is still a phone up there, sir.”

    Customer: “Prove it! Show me!”

    (I take the customer up to the registers and show him there is indeed another phone.)

    Customer: “You smart alec! Why do you need two phones in a small store?!”

    Me: “In case the store is full and we can’t reach the other in time.”

    Customer: *quickly exits the store, defeated*

    Manager: “What the heck just happened?!”


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