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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    Not So Closed Minded, Part 7

    | VA, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid

    (About half an hour before we close, we get a sudden rush of customers, leading to us being unable to lock the doors once it’s time to close. Five minutes after closing, we only have one family left in the store to finish serving when another man walks in.)

    Supervisor: “Sir, I’m sorry. We’re closed.”

    Customer: *continues toward register*

    Supervisor: “Sir, we’re closing!”

    Customer: *stops to look at chips*

    Supervisor: “Sir! I’m sorry, but we’re in the process of closing.”

    Customer: *walks to register*

    Supervisor: *now standing directly in front of customer* “Sir, I’m sorry. We’re not taking orders now. We’re closed.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. Um… I’ll take a large ham and turkey—”

    Supervisor: “Sir! I’m sorry, but we closed five minutes ago. You’ll need to come back tomorrow.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, you should have said something.” *walks out*

    (As soon as the previous customer’s food was ready and they were out, I ran at full sprint to the door and locked it.)

    Related:
    Not Very Closed Minded, Part 6
    Not Very Closed Minded, Part 5
    Not Very Closed Minded, Part 4

    Failed At The Name Game

    | Denver, CO, USA | Bizarre, Funny Names

    (I work at an insurance agency in Colorado. There are only a few other people in my office, none of which are named Steve.)

    Me: “Good afternoon, [Insurance Company]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “STEVE?!”

    Me: “No, this is [My Name]. Can I help you with something?”

    Customer: “Where is Steve?”

    Me: “I don’t believe a Steve works here. Can I help you?”

    Customer: “I just talked to Steve. I know there is a Steve there.”

    (At this point I realize that it was the customer I just got off the phone with two minutes ago.)

    Me: “Oh, yes! Let me go get Steve for you…” *I deepen my voice a little* “Hello, this is Steve.”

    Customer: “Oh, hi, Steve! Can you tell [My Name] to just transfer my calls to you from now on? I don’t want to talk to him. He doesn’t sound like he knows what he is doing.”

    Gives New Meaning To Troubleshooting

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Technology

    (This is an old story. I am working Vista tech support right around the release, as a level 2 tech. This exchange happens right as the call is escalated.)

    Me: “How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I’ve got my 22-gauge pointed at my desktop. Do you think that’s going to be a better solution than what you got?”

    Me: “Uh…”

    (The sad part is that he had to replace all the hardware, so the gun would have been a faster solution.)

    Taking Out The Trashy Customers

    | NY, USA | Bizarre

    (My coworker and I are working a local business’s outdoor party. We’re both tiny college girls, barely over 5’2″. Our job is to walk discreetly through the grounds, sweeping, emptying garbage cans, cleaning bathrooms, and keeping things looking nice. My shift started a couple hours later than hers.)

    Coworker: *runs up and hugs me* “I’m so glad you’re here! Some guy has been following me around and giving me this… look.”

    Me: “Look?”

    Coworker: “There he is!”

    (A rather creepy-looking man in his mid-thirties passes us. As he walks by, his eyes slowly travel all the way down my co-worker’s body, then back up just as slowly. A smile that is not at all friendly spreads across his face.)

    Me: “Oh.”

    Coworker: “I know we’re supposed to split up, but can we please work together tonight?”

    (We work as a pair, and I don’t see him again for the rest of the event. After everyone leaves, I begin sweeping and she starts cleaning tables. A few minutes later, I glance over and see the man has magically reappeared and cornered her against a table. She’s frantically trying to catch my eye over his shoulder. I do the first thing I can think of.)

    Me: *rushes over, waving my dustpan and shouting in as deep a voice as I can muster* “HEEEEEY, [COWORKER]! LOOK AT ALL THIS GARBAGE! I SURE NEED A GARBAGE CAAAAAAAAN!”

    (The man jumped in surprise, realized there are still other people around, and hastily left. I’m so glad it worked, but man, I really wish I’d thought up something far more intimidating and heroic to yell!)

    Lack Of Touching Sentiment

    | Kansas City, MO, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Health & Body

    (I am working on the teller line when a customer comes into the lobby. He smells like he hasn’t bathed all week, and his hands are filthy. Also, our bank requires customers who don’t have an account with us to put a thumbprint on the front of any checks they cash. This is a fairly common procedure at many banks.)

    Customer: “I’d like to cash this check.”

    Me: “Okay, if I could just get your thumbprint on the check…” *holds out ink pad*

    Customer: *raising his hands and backing away* “I am NOT touching THAT. I don’t know where it’s been. It could have Ebola. I gotta protect myself.”

    Me: “You do realize the cash you are getting has been more places than this ink pad has right?”

    Customer: “Well, yeah, but I don’t have any idea who’s been touching that pad. They could’ve picked their nose and then touched it for all I know.”

    (I count out his cash, and right before he leaves he grabs a pen off the counter, that EVERY SINGLE other customer has touched, and says:)

    Customer: “Is it okay if I take this?”

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