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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    That Old Adage About Old Age

    | Wales, UK | Bizarre, Health & Body

    (My department for the local county council takes service requests from residents of the area for all sorts of things:)

    Me: “Bore da. Good morning. This is [Local Council].”

    Caller: *shouting* “I’M OLD!”

    Me: “Okay, sir, it happens to all of us eventually. Now, how can I help?”

    Caller: “I’M OLD, YOU SEE! I’M DISABLED! I HAVE ARTHRITIS AND SCIATICA AND BUNIONS.”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear you have those things, sir. Now, please tell me how I can help you this morning.”

    Customer: “YOU’RE NOT LISTENING TO ME. I’M OLD AND YOU NEED TO GET THIS SORTED.”

    Me: “I listened to everything you’ve said, sir. You’re elderly and you suffer from arthritis and sciatica and bunions. Now, these things understandably cause you pain and would have meant you needed help with something. If you can remember what that ‘something’ was and recall why you might have phoned me up, I can try and help you.”

    Customer: “I NEED YOU TO… Oh. I can’t remember. If you remember can you call me?” *click*

    Me: *to thin air* “Uh… not without your phone number, I can’t.”

    When Larry Met Crazy

    | Mt. Vernon, IL, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

    (I am working in the afternoon as a board operator at a local country music station. At the top of every hour they play a five-minute feed from CNN news.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Station Name]. How may i help you today?”

    Caller: “I DEMAND TO SPEAK TO LARRY KING!”

    Me: “Okay, sir, I’m afraid I cannot do that. We are a—”

    Caller: “I KNOW D***-WELL WHAT YOU ARE! LET ME SPEAK TO LARRY KING!”

    Me: “I understand, but Larry King doesn’t work here. We only air CNN news, which comes in via an automated service.”

    Caller: “YEAH! CNN! THAT’S YOU GUYS! CNN! LARRY KING IS ON CNN! LET ME TALK TO LARRY NOW!”

    Me: “Sir, I’m afraid I cannot do that. He is not here in our studio. We are not CNN.”

    Caller: “YOUR MANAGER, NOW! YOU’RE FIRED!”

    Me: “Okay, please hold.”

    (I transfer him to my manager. 10 minutes later…)

    Manager: “I just dealt with the most angry man who thinks Larry King works here.”

    Me: “I tried to explain to him that we only play CNN news on the top of the hour and that we are not CNN news.”

    Manager: “Yeah, I told him the same.”

    Me: “So how did you get rid of him?”

    Manager: “I told him that Larry King traces all his calls before taking them and he hung up really quickly after that.”

    Internet Killed The Radio Store

    | Leicester, England, UK | Bizarre, Technology

    (I’m working on the till when a customer approaches me for an enquiry:)

    Customer: “I’m looking for [Environmental Report] that was published at the beginning of the week. Can you check if you stock it?”

    Me: “Of course I can. That sort of thing will probably be with the political or academic books but I’ll just look on the system to see if we’ve got it in.”

    (Customer has the exact title but it isn’t showing up on our system. This sometimes happens as the system is quite old and requires correct syntax. I look it up on the Internet and find that it’s available to download for free as a pdf.)

    Me: “I’ve managed to find a record of it online, but neither our system nor Amazon is recognising the title which suggests it’s not been published as a book. Were you aware you could read it for free from the organisation’s website? Or download a pdf of it?”

    Customer: “Well, I want a print copy. I don’t have the Internet and I don’t like reading off screens.”

    Me: “That’s fair enough but, unfortunately, it’s not something that we will ever be able to supply. I’d suggest going to your local library if you don’t have Internet access at home. You can view it just by typing the title you gave me into Google; a free online copy is the first link that comes up.”

    Customer: “But I don’t like reading on screens.”

    Me: “The only alternative I can think of is for you to access it at the library and print it out, but it’s 40 pages long so it might cost a bit.”

    Customer: “Fine. There’s another one I want that was spoken about on Radio 4.”

    Me: “That’s fine, book reviews on the radio are easy to find. Do you know the title?”

    Customer: “No it was on [Show] on Radio 4.”

    Me: “Okay, that’s fine. Can you remember on what day?”

    Customer: “No, just that it was [Author] and it was in the last fortnight.”

    (The author’s name doesn’t bring up any results and I can’t find anything similar in amongst the reviews on that show so far in a very long list.)

    Customer: “You must have listened to [Show]. It’s one of the best things on the radio.”

    Me: “Sorry, madam, I only listen to the radio in the car and my family has always listened to Radio 1 in the mornings.”

    (The customer is very shocked by this and keeps lecturing me on why I should be listening to her show. Radio 1 is all current music, while as Radio 4 is aimed at older middle aged listeners. After having no success, and getting distracted by the customer’s rant, I decide to search the BBC’s website as a last resort and tell the customer as such.)

    Customer: “No, don’t bother. I’ll look it up on the Internet at home.”

    (The customer then left the store without so much as a thank you, leaving a queue of other customers speechless.)

    Has One Of Those Genderal Voices

    | Wales, UK | Bizarre, Health & Body

    (I work in the departmental switchboard, so I field calls. If someone’s on their phone or even logged out, the calls reroute to me/ Normally people are fine with me taking messages.)

    Me: “Bore da. Good morning.  [Local Government].”

    Customer: “Hello! Is that [Male Colleague]?”

    Me: “Nope, [Colleague] is off sick at the moment. If you tell me your query I can direct you to somebody else who may be able to help.”

    Customer: “Oh, it IS you [Male Colleague]!”

    Me: “Ma’am. I am not [Male Colleague], I am [Female Name] and you’re through to switchboard. What’s your query?”

    Customer: “How did your op go, [Male Colleague]? I didn’t realise it was THAT kind of op!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I am NOT [Male Colleague]. If you tell me what your call is regarding, perhaps I can help you.”

    Customer: *ignoring me* “Cruciate ligament, you said. Well, now we know better. I think [Female Name] is a great choice! Good for you!”

    Me: “Ma’am, [Male Colleague] is still on sick. He did not have gender reassignment surgery. I am a different person. And I would like, very much, to help you with your query.”

    Customer: “It’s okay. I’ll see you at [Local Pub] on Friday. We can have a chat ‘off the record’ and I’ll bring you my favourite lipstick.” *click*

    (All my switchboard colleagues, who’ve only heard my half of the conversation, are staring at me.)

    Me: “Yeah, I have no idea either.”

    Must Be Super Baked

    | USA | Awesome Workers, Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (Our bakery is designed so that customers can see me working. There are large signs proclaiming BAKERY right above the employee door. One day I am bent over doing some intricate detail work on a trim. I am clearly wearing our uniform and appropriate apron.)

    Customer: “Do you work in the bakery?”

    (I don’t immediately respond, thinking they were addressing my coworker who is right there out on the sales floor.)

    Customer: “Excuse me! Do you work in the bakery?”

    Me: *look up with a slightly incredulous look on my face* “Yes. What can I help you with?”

    (The customer asks a question which I cheerfully answer and they leave. I immediately start laughing. My coworker gives me an inquisitive look.)

    Me: “I don’t know why I keep getting that question. Next time I’m going to panic and say ‘OH, GAWD, I’M SLEEP-DECORATING AGAIN! How did I get here?!'”

    (We laughed and shook our heads and continued working in our bakery, which we then dubbed ‘The Fakery.’)

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