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  • September Theme Of The Month: Overheard!

    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    More Stupid Than Homer Simpson

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

    (It is the Halloween season and I’m working in the cosmetics aisle, advising customers on what kinds to use, letting them test products, etc…)

    Customer: “So,I want to be Homer Simpson.”

    Me: “Oh, okay.” *proceeds to show him our various kinds of yellow makeup* “Would you like to test some?”

    Customer: “Sure!”

    (He holds out his hand for me to dab some makeup on, but halfway through, says:)

    Customer: “I might be allergic to this. I’m not sure.”

    Me: “Oh! Well, here, let me get you a makeup wipe and we’ll get it off of you.”

    Customer: “Oh, no, it’s fine. I’ll just walk around the store a bit and if it’s not too bad I’ll buy some.”

    Customer’s Wife: *opens the new container of makeup* “Here, honey, put a little on your face and we’ll try that.”

    (I momentarily wonder if she’s actively trying to kill her husband, but manage to get out:)

    Me: “Ma’am, please don’t use the makeup before you buy it.”

    Wife: “But why not?”

    Me: “Because then I can’t sell it if you don’t choose to buy it.”

    Wife: “Oh.”

    Customer: “We’ll be back!”

    (They then walk off, leaving me standing there with a makeup wipe and the vague fear that he’s going to go into shock and die in the store, but instead they show up five minutes later.)

    Customer: “So it’s making my skin all red and itchy, but I think it’s okay. I’ll tough it out!”

    Me: “…These items are not returnable or exchangeable.”

    All Dressed Up With Nothing To Wear

    | Austria | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

    (I work at a store that is part of a large shopping centre. An energy drink company is having a promotion in the centre, letting men in neon-green full body suits hand out flyers. Their face and head is covered, too. It’s deep winter. I work the checkout-counter at our store, when one of the neon-green men comes up with a heap of clothing. His face is still covered.)

    Customer: “Do you work until closing time today?”

    Me: “Um, yeah. Why?”

    Customer: “I don’t know where to put this stuff while I am working, so I wondered if you would keep them for me and bring them out when you are done.”

    Me: “Don’t you have a room where you keep your regular clothes and stuff?”

    Customer: “No, I came from home dressed like this, and it was freezing. That’s why I am buying some clothes now.”

    Me: *trying not to laugh* “All right. I have to clear that with my manager, but I’ll be out by 19:30.”

    (The manager agreed to this, laughing. When I came out he was waiting, still in full costume, at the employee door, thanked me profusely, and disappeared into a men’s room nearby. I never saw him again.)

    Urine For A Shock

    | UT, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

    Customer: “Hey, do you guys sell drug tests?”

    Me: “Yes! I’ll show you where they are.”

    (I show him where the drug tests are, and he comes up to the pharmacy counter to pay for it.)

    Customer: “Do you have a cup I could use?”

    Me: “…Sure. Let me go get one.”

    (I go grab one of the paper cups the pharmacy staff uses.)

    Me: “Here you go!”

    Customer: “Thanks! Where’s your bathroom?”

    (I tell him where the restrooms out in the store are and he goes on his way. Several minutes later he walks back up to the counter and puts his cup on the counter.)

    Customer: “So do I just stick the test in here?”

    (I look in his cup. Yep. It’s full of pee.)

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Okay! Thanks!”

    (Customer walked away. I frantically disinfected myself and the entire counter.)

    Good Matt Hunting

    | Denver, CO, USA | Bizarre, Hotels & Lodging, Movies & TV

    Coworker: *to woman who has walked through the door* “Hi there! What can I do for you!”

    Woman: “I’m looking for Matt Damon’s room.”

    Coworker: *checks computer* “I don’t have anyone under that name… Did you mean the movie star, Matt Damon?”

    Woman: “Yes!”

    (We are a nice hotel, but not THAT nice.)

    Coworker: “I’m pretty sure he’s not here.”

    Woman: “But he’s picking me up here! I’m going to call him!”

    Coworker: “O… kay.”

    (She lets her stay on the couch for a half hour to wait for Matt Damon. A little bit after we switch out, the woman comes back to the front desk.)

    Woman: “I’m going to go wait out front for him!”

    (She then wandered out the door and into the busy parking lot, and walked aimlessly out into the neighborhood.)

    Purchasing Is Its Own Reward

    , | Seattle, WA, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “What can you do for me?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, in regards to what specifically?”

    Customer: “Well, I spend a lot of money with you guys and I don’t know if I should be talking to you or what but I want to know what you can do for me?”

    Me: “Other than deliver great products at a great price quickly to your door?”

    Customer: “I mean, is there a rewards program or something? I want something free for all my purchases.”

    Me: “Sir, I see you are using a store Visa card with us. That does give you cash back on every purchase. I’m not exactly sure what it is you are asking, however. You’d like me to give you free products because you shop with us?”

    Customer: “I guess I’m not talking to the right person.”

    Me: “Sir, I don’t think there is a right person.”

    Customer: “Just transfer me to someone else.”

    Me: “Sure thing.”

    (That was my first call of the day. No ‘hi’ or ‘hello’ or explanation. Just ‘what can you do for me?’ Wow.)

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