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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    Miss Understanding Calling

    | ON, Canada | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (I respond to the phone at our front counter.)

    Me: “Hello, this is [restaurant]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “I’d like to place an order for delivery.”

    Me: “Certainly, what would you like?”

    Caller: “I’d like to place an order for delivery. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

    Me: “Yes ma’am, you’d like to place an order for delivery. Which of our items would you like to order?”

    Caller: “I’d like a chicken pad thai and your vegetable salad.”

    Me: “One chicken pad thai and one vegetable salad. Okay, will that be everything?”

    Caller: “Could you read back my order? I want to make sure you know what I want. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

    Me: “Of course. One order of chicken pad thai and one order of vegetable salad for delivery.”

    Caller: “And make sure they know how to make pad thai, do you understand what I’m saying?”

    Me: “Don’t worry ma’am, our chef is professionally trained and has been cooking here for years, and the chicken pad thai is our most-ordered item. I can assure you that he knows how to make it.”

    Caller: “But make sure they know how to make pad thai, do you understand what I’m saying?”

    (At this point I think I must be misunderstanding something that she wants that she considers obvious, so I try to clarify.)

    Me: “Um, yes ma’am. Just to clarify is there any special way you usually ask for your chicken pad thai?”

    Caller: “No. Just chicken pad thai. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

    Me: “Just a normal chicken pad thai?”

    Caller: “Yes, chicken pad thai. Do you understand what I’m saying? And a vegetable salad.”

    Me: “Yes ma’am. Now, if I could get your address?”

    (I manage to extract her address, phone number, and the fact that she will be paying with cash after about 20 more repetitions of ‘do you understand what I’m saying?’. At this point I’m about ready to thank her for her call and tell her when her food will arrive.)

    Caller: “Okay. I hope it’s what I want. You know what pad thai is, right? Do you understand what I’m saying?”

    Me: “Yes ma’am, as I said, our chicken pad thai is the most popular item on our menu, and I’ve been working here for 2 years. So I definitely know what it is.”

    Caller: “But you know what it is right? Do you know what I’m saying?”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry but I don’t know how to make it any clearer to you that I do understand what you’re saying.”

    (I lead one sentence right into the other at this point, so that she doesn’t have a moment to interject.)

    Me: “The delivery man will be there in about 20 minutes with your food. Thank you again for calling us, and have a great day.”

    (I hang up and send her order to the kitchen to be cooked, and then delivered. About 20 minutes later the phone rings.)

    Me: “Hello, this is [restaurant], how may I help you?”

    Caller: “You do understand what I’m saying!”

    (She then hung up.)

    No Good Deed Goes Unthreatened, Part 2

    | Durham, NC, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Money

    (I work for a cosmetics store. We’re collecting donations for a popular women’s charity. However, as I am not well off, and cannot donate more than a dollar or two here or there myself, I mention it very casually and do not think badly of those who do not donate, or donate small amounts.)

    Me: “Okay, so your total is $x.xx. Would you like to round up your purchase for the charity we are supporting today? No obligation!”

    Customer #1: “What does that mean?”

    Me: “Oh, we’re supporting [Charity] for this month, so I’m just asking everyone if they would like to contribute any amount, even a few cents. No obligation, like I said, I have to ask each customer. I was asking if you wanted to contribute a few cents to round up your purchase to the nearest dollar today.”

    Customer #1: “So, I look like some kind of sucker to you, I guess? I look like I have a goldmine just flowing out of my pockets? No, I will not be donating today. Thank you for the guilt trip!”

    Me: “Alrighty, no problem. Your total is [total].”

    Customer #1: “No. You tacked on a donation. I want the exact itemization of my purchase!”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am.”

    (I proceed to go over each item and add it up on a calculator, plus sales tax. Eventually, Customer #1 is satisfied. She’s still standing around, but I move on to the next customer, Customer #2.)

    Me: *to Customer #2* “How are you, today?”

    Customer #2: “Fine, dear. Also, I’d like to donate 10 dollars towards [Charity] today.”

    Me: “Thank you, Ma’am! And please take this gift as a thank you for your contribution!”

    Customer #1: “Hey! Why does she get something for free and I didn’t?”

    Me: “Ma’am, she made a donation towards [Charity], and we have free gifts for those who contribute certain dollar amounts. It’s on the signs in front of the register.”

    Customer #1: *throws a penny at me* “I donated. Now give me the [ten dollar donation gift]!”

    Me: “I am sorry, but that is for customers who contribute $10.00 or more towards [Charity]. I can’t give you this item for a penny contribution, although we do appreciate the donation.”

    Customer #1: “Well, I donate several thousands of dollars to [Charity] every year! Give me the free gift!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I am sorry, but donations that will earn you this gift must be made at this store. I apologize, but you can’t have this gift without a donation for the requisite dollar amount.”

    Customer #1: “Give it to me!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but this item is only for customers who make this certain donation amount. It’s a gift we give as a thanks for the donation towards [Charity].”

    Customer #1: “You know what? That’s fine! Jesus will punish you! He will send you to Hell for being so greedy!” *walks away singing ‘Amazing Grace’*

    Related:
    No Good Deed Goes Unthreatened

    Stamping Feet Over A Stamp

    | Copenhagen, Denmark | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (I work at a chain coffee shop. We have a deal where you pay for ten coffees beforehand, to get them at a lower price. Each time a customer orders a coffee, we mark their card with a stamp.)

    Me: “Hi, what can get for you today?”

    Customer: “A cappuccino to-go.”

    (She hands me her card, I stamp it, and hand it back to her.)

    Customer: “Y-you can’t be serious.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “This can’t be true!”

    Me: “What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “This stamp! It’s looks terrible!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I guess it could use some new ink. They do tend to vary in size, from what I’ve seen before.”

    Customer: “This is so unprofessional! I cannot believe you would actually do this to me! I want to see your manager!”

    Me: “I’m afraid my manager is not in today, but feel free to write her an email about your complaint, or come in tomorrow.”

    Customer: “I WILL! Someone needs to put a stop to this outrage!”

    Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am. Would you still like your coffee?”

    Customer: “No! I am never buying coffee here again! I am going to have you fired for this! Now take off my stamp!”

    His Story Isn’t Rat-ified

    | Boston, MA, USA | Bizarre, Criminal/Illegal, Hotels & Lodging, Pets & Animals, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I am waiting to check in to a small hotel. When I walk up to the front desk, the concierge is answering the phone. The speaker is loud enough that I can follow most of the conversation.)

    Concierge: “Hello, front desk.”

    Caller: “There’s a squirrel in my room!”

    Concierge: “A squirrel in your room? Please be careful, sir. We’ll send someone along right away to remove it.”

    Caller: “Better hurry, it’s a big one! It opened the window!”

    Concierge: “Sorry, did you say the squirrel was able to open the window?”

    Caller: “Yeah, with its little hands!”

    Concierge: “You should leave your room right now and we’ll send someone along.”

    Concierge: *over the radio* “Security to room [number] to remove a squirrel, please.”

    (I check in. As I do so, the concierge is very flustered and apologetic about the squirrel issue.)

    Security: *radio* “Uh, front desk, this ain’t a squirrel.”

    Concierge: “What? What is it?”

    Security: “A raccoon. And the windows sealed shut.”

    (My spouse works in animal control and I know we’re in an area that has a rabies problem, so I feel the need to speak up.)

    Me: “There’s a rabies risk here, so you should really call animal control.”

    Concierge: “Okay, I’m gonna—”

    Security: “Also, this guy’s drunk as s***, and he’s telling me the raccoon is his pet cat.”

    Concierge: “F*** it. I’m calling the cops.”

    (Luckily, the raccoon was healthy, but the unfortunate hotel guest was deemed drunk, disorderly, and in possession of a local zoo’s stolen raccoon!)

    Wasteland Not, Want Not

    | Ottawa, Canada | Bizarre

    Me: “…and would you like to put a three year warranty on this product? It protects it with us so you don’t have to deal with the manufacturer. ”

    Man: “Three years? I only plan on using this until December!”

    Me: “Oh, okay. Are you moving or something?”

    Man: “Uh, no. Didn’t you hear? The world is going to end in December. Your warranty is useless! You’re just trying to get more money out of me while we still have a system of value! I see what you’re doing!”

    Me: *speechless*

    Man: “You won’t survive long in the wasteland.”

    Me: “Uh huh. You have a nice day, sir.”

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