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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    Two Much Information

    | Missouri, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

    (I’m a barber and I’ve just returned from my 15-minute lunch break. A customer that refuses to allow any of the other barbers in the shop work on his hair is waiting for me. He looks rather disturbed about something—almost frightened.)

    Customer: “Thank goodness you’re here. What took you so long?!”

    Me: “Um, I took a fifteen minute lunch, sir. It’s not that long.”

    Customer: “Well, I had to use the bathroom! So, I went to the fast food restaurant down the road.”

    Me: “Okay, although our bathroom is perfectly operational.”

    Customer: “The man in the bathroom at the restaurant wouldn’t get out of the stall, so I had to use the urinal.”

    Me: “Okay, but why are you telling me this?’

    Customer: “It was diarrhea, though, so it flushed down well enough!”

    Me: “Thank you…for not using our bathroom. And please, don’t share bathroom stories with me again.”

    Customer: “Don’t tell anyone what I did!”

    Avoid This Customer Like The Plague

    | Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | Bizarre, Pets & Animals

    (I work in a large pet supply store which also sells pet rodents and rabbits. My job includes offering advice and info to those who want to buy a pet.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, are these a kind of hamster?”

    Me: “No sir, those are rats.”

    Customer: “Wild rats?! Are you sure they’re not a kind of long-tailed hamster?”

    Me: “They’re definitely rats. They’re not wild; they’re domestic. They’re also known as ‘fancy rats’.”

    Customer: “Okay, so do they carry the plague, too?”

    (I’m used to this question. It’s always been asked jokingly, so I chuckle.)

    Me: “Nope, no plague. Rats are very clean pets and are actually cleaner than your average pet dog or cat.”

    Customer: “I don’t want disease in my house. Are you sure these aren’t carrying plague?”

    (I realise he is totally serious.)

    Me: “I assure you, these rats are perfectly safe to own.”

    Customer: “I don’t believe you! How do you know?”

    Me: “I actually own several rats and they make really lovely pets. They’re very clever and affectionate.”

    (Suddenly, he becomes very agitated and backs away from me. He covers his mouth by lifting his t-shirt over it, simultaneously revealing an obscene and racist tattoo on his stomach.)

    Me: “Sir, I need you to lower your shirt please…right now.”

    Customer: *loudly so everyone in the store can hear* “She has plague rats in her house! Stay away from her! Oh my God, what the f*** is wrong with you?! Do you want people to get ill?! I’ll kick your a** in for trying to make me ill!”

    (At this point, two burly male colleagues of mine come running from other aisles to help. They make the customer put his shirt back down and try to escort him out of the shop, but he struggles like mad in his bid to ‘warn’ everyone. They have trouble restraining him, despite their height and strength.)

    Customer: “She’s diseased for God’s sake! She has plague rats!”

    (One of my coworkers who has been escorting him out decides he’s had enough and speaks up.)

    Male Coworker #1: “I keep rats too, mate. Now, get out in case I give you the plague too! Don’t come back, either—the plague might be in the air!”

    (At this, the customer freezes and then bolts screaming from the shop. The other customers applaud my coworkers, I get an extra 10 minute break and three nice people gave homes to pairs of rats after wanting to find out more about them!)

    Two Oblongs Don’t Make A Right

    , | Minnesota, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

    (Note: I’m working the drive-thru.)

    Coworker: “Hey, ask this next guy how his mom’s doing.”

    Me: “Uh, okay…” *to customer* “Hey, how’s your mom doing?”

    Customer: “She’s in f***ing jail! Thanks for asking!”

    (The customer drives from the intercom to my window, pulls down his pants, shakes his butt at us, and then drives away. The next customer in line pulls up.)

    Next Customer: “What the H*** was that?!”

    Also seen on Not Always Working.

    Greeting Sheldon Cooper

    | Livingston, NJ, USA | Bizarre

    (I am greeting customers by the front entrance when an elderly man enters with his middle-aged daughter.)

    Me: “How’s it going today, sir?”

    Customer: “Well, that entirely depends on what you mean by ‘it,’ doesn’t it?”

    Me: “Um, well—”

    Customer: “If by ‘it’ you mean to ask how I’m doing, well, my back is very bad today. I’ve had several surgeries on it and it is still remarkably painful.”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that—”

    Customer: “On the other hand, perhaps ‘it’ is a vague reference to the general state of things in this country. If that is, in fact, the case, I should point out that the current economic climate—”

    Customer’s Daughter: “What he means to say is that he’s fine. Thanks for asking!” *mouths to me when he’s not looking* “I’m sorry!”

    Related:
    Dating Sheldon Cooper, Part 8 (Not Always Romantic)

    A Pack Of The Clones

    | UK | Bizarre, Top

    (Instead of having a definite job role I am just expected to help out wherever the restaurant is short. On this day, I have been cleaning.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, could you tell me where your toilets are?”

    Me: “Just through there, sir. Just give me a moment to get the cleaning stuff out of there.”

    (I clear the toilet and leave. On my way downstairs, I am asked to open the bar up for the customers. I change and do so.)

    Same Customer: “Oh, weren’t you just upstairs?”

    Me: “Yes, sir. Can I get you anything?”

    Same Customer: *nervous look* “Uh, I’ll just have a coffee. I’m sitting over there…”

    (After serving, I change again and start waiting tables.)

    Me: “Hello again. Can I take your order?”

    Same Customer: *upset* No…no…I think I’ll have to leave…”

    Me: “Are you okay, sir?”

    Same Customer: “I can’t eat in a place that employs CLONES! CLONES! CLONES EVERYWHERE!” *leaves*


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