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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    Milk It For All Its Work

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Top

    (A regular walks into the shop, makes his usual order, and pays for it. But instead of waiting at the bar, he pulls out an empty litre plastic bottle. He then pulls out a little funnel and fills the bottle to the brim with our coffee shop’s milk and stands at the bar looking smug until his drink arrives.)

    Coworker: “That’s a lot of milk you’ve got there.”

    Customer: “I know… I have to make ends meet somehow, with the prices that you charge. That’s like five bucks worth of milk in there.”

    Coworker: “Well, sir, the other customers might want some, too.”

    Customer: “I’m setting an example. How much do these cost to make? Milk, coffee, energy, wages. Less than I just paid for it. So, according to Marx’s theory of materialist dialectics, you’re extracting surplus value from me, the consumer. I’m just getting back some of what you owe me, and all the other customers should too.”

    (At this point, everyone is looking at us, and the manager comes over to intervene.)

    Manager: “Sir, our margins are pretty tight and that…” *points at the milk* “…is WAY more than the surplus value. Anyway, I haven’t done the calculation but I’d say most of the surplus value you contribute goes to homeless people and the ones who come in here and make themselves cinnamon milk to drink. You pay according to your ability, and they get according to their need. Yeah?”

    Customer: *goes quiet and walks out, leaving his milk on the bar*

    Manager: “Don’t try and school me on Marxist theory, a**hole.”

    Try Targ-ET Or Alf-bertsons

    | Massachusetts, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

    (I am working late at night at a small, family-owned store when a customer comes in.)

    Customer: “Hey, do you have any aliens in here?”

    Me: “Yeah, we have these alien action figures…”

    (I bring her over to where they are.)

    Customer: “No, I want a live alien, like, in a cage. You have those here right?”

    Me: “…No.”

    Customer: *completely serious* “Then do you have any aliens that are petrified in some kind of goo?”

    Me: “No, we don’t carry anything like that here. Maybe you should try the internet?”

    Customer: “Oh! Great idea. Thanks so much!”

    All Judgments Are Final

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Bizarre, Holidays

    (It’s after Halloween, so we’re having a clearance sale on Halloween decorations. A customer outside walks by the storefront window, sees the decorations, and stomps right through the entrance to me.)

    Customer: “YOU! Can you explain this?” *points back to the decorations*

    Me: “The Halloween decorations?”

    Customer: “Don’t act dumb! Why are they still here!?”

    Me: “Well, Halloween was just last week, so we still have some decorations left over. They’re on sale for 50% off.”

    Customer: “How DARE you sell those devil items in the store!!”

    (Note: these “devil” items were plastic bags of fake spider webs, smiling cutesy ghosts ornaments, Halloween window stickers and bat-shaped confetti.)

    Me: “Um, ma’am? No offense, but we always sell those during Halloween.”

    Customer: “I KNOW. I just want to know why on earth you would try to sell those AFTER Halloween!”

    Me: “Well, since they’re still in stock we’re having a clearance sale and are trying to get rid of—”

    Customer: “Do you worship the devil?”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer: “Only a devil worshiper would do such a thing! Your establishment is based on Satanism! You’re going to burn!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I don’t appreciate—”

    Customer: “Everything you touch is d***ed!”

    (Fed up and frustrated with her offensiveness, I talk back.)

    Me: “Well, ma’am, I guess that means you’re d***ed too, since you’ve deliberately walked onto tainted soil.” *points down to where she’s standing*

    (The customer’s eyes bulge out as she looks at her feet and then back at me. Then, without warning, she frantically SPRINTS OUT OF THE STORE, pushing my manager out of the way and almost knocking him down.)

    Manager: “What the f*** was that about?!”

    Fiery Temperaments Can Lead To Explosive Situations

    | London, England, UK | Bizarre, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (In the UK the 5th of November is a holiday usually celebrated with fireworks, Since my birthday falls around this time, I usually do a fireworks party to celebrate. I’m 21 and have been doing firework displays since I was 18 and have done several pyrotechnic courses. I’m at the supermarket and have selected around £250 worth of fireworks. Note: Staff Member #1 is helping a gentleman in another aisle, while Staff Member #2 is sorting my fireworks out.)

    Staff Member #1: *to the gentleman* “Any fireworks for you today, sir?”

    Gentleman: *to Staff Member #1* “THESE ARE DANGEROUS AND SHOULD BE LOCKED UP AND DESTROYED!”

    Staff Member #2: *to me* “That’s £250. Since you have spent over £200, I can offer you a [name of firework].”

    (At this point, the gentleman turns on me.)

    Gentleman: *to me* “You little vandal! I bet you’re not even 18 and you’re going to blow someone up. We can only be lucky if it’s yourself.”

    Me: “Uh, right dude. I do have a pyrotechnic qualification, and I’m 21.”

    Gentleman: “Don’t lie to me! I know your sort!”

    (Suddenly, he lunges towards me. In the process, he knocks my fireworks off the counter onto the floor and proceeds to stamp on them. Now, anyone who knows fireworks knows that they are pretty stable, but chucking them around and stamping on them is a REALLY bad idea.)

    Me: “Are you f***ing crazy?! And you think I’m dangerous?!”

    (The gentleman shouts at me for a further two minutes before trying to leave, having destroyed the £250 worth of fireworks I just bought.)

    Me: “Hey, get back here! You just destroyed my fireworks!”

    Gentleman: “Too f***ing right I did!”

    (Thankfully, security managed to intercept him before he left. He was arrested and charged with damage to property and forced to pay me £300 in Compensation. The supermarket even supplied the fireworks for free. Best Birthday EVER!)

    For Bitter Or Worse, Part 2

    | Sweden | Bizarre, Spouses & Partners

    Me: “Welcome to [Directory Enquiries Company]. You’re speaking to [my name]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Yes, I’m looking for the number to a man named [name]. I don’t remember where he lives, but I hope he shouldn’t be too hard to find.”

    Me: “That’s a pretty uncommon name, so he wasn’t hard to find at all. If you’d like to, I can send you an SMS to your cellphone with his information. Or, would you rather write it down yourself?”

    Caller: “Oh, I’ve never understood these cellphones, so I’d rather write it down myself, please. Just give me a moment to fetch a pen.”

    (Up until now, the caller has been very polite and calmer than a tibetan monk on Valium. Suddenly…)

    Caller: “GET ME A F***ING PEN, YOU F***ING IDIOT!”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Caller: “Oh, not you dear, I’m just talking to a good-for-nothing slob over here.” *to someone in the background* “NO, NOT THE FLYSWATTER! WHAT THE F*** AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THAT?! A PEN! A F***ING PEN, YOU IDIOT!”

    (The cussing and hollering goes on for about a minute before the caller gets back to the phone.)

    Caller: “Alright, I have a pen now. What was the number, dear?”

    Me: *reads the number to the caller*

    Caller: “Thank you, dear. You have been most helpful! Have a lovely day!” *hangs up*

    Related:
    For Bitter Or Worse


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