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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    A Real Mystery Shopper

    | IL, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Health & Body, Rude & Risque

    (I answer a phone call while working the cash register. The voice on the other end is male.)

    Caller: *obviously uncomfortable* “Um… uh… could I ask you to do me a favor?”

    Me: “Certainly. What do you need?”

    Customer: “Can you grab a box of tampons and hold it at the counter for me?” *he specifies the brand and strength* “I’ll be there in about ten minutes.”

    Me: “Uh, sure.”

    Customer: “Thanks.”

    (A little while later, a man comes up in line with several grocery items.)

    Customer: *mutters* “I believe you’re holding an item for me?”

    (I grab the box and, taking care to hold it lower than counter level so others don’t see, I confirm that the item is correct. When he nods, I scan it as stealthily as possible and slip it into his bag.)

    Customer: *looks around nervously* “Thank you so much.”

    (Later, I’m telling my boss about the odd incident.)

    Boss: “Your mission, should you choose to accept it…” *begins to sing the ‘Mission: Impossible’ theme*

    Hot Cross Bunny

    | Australia | Bizarre, Pets & Animals

    (The store’s co-owner and I are manning the till when a pair of customers arrive. They seem to be a married couple. There is no one else in the store.)

    Woman: “Oh, rabbits! Look at the rabbits. I want a rabbit.”

    Man: “No. You have guinea pigs already. You can’t have both, they’ll fight.”

    (She pouts, and he goes to the rodent aisle, leaving her behind. She stares at the rabbit cage for a few minutes.)

    Woman: “Is this a boy rabbit or a girl rabbit?”

    Me: “That one’s female, but we have another in a different cage which I don’t know the gender of. I can check if you want.”

    Woman: “Oh yes, please!”

    (I get the other rabbit, which is younger and fluffier than the one she was looking at before. The co-owner shows me how to sex it and we establish that it is male.)

    Woman: “He’s so pretty!”

    Me: “Yeah, he’s a cute little fella, isn’t he?”

    Woman: “I’ll take this rabbit!” *she holds out her arms for the rabbit*

    (I think she just wants to cuddle it for a little while, so I show her how to hold it properly and leave her to it. A few minutes later, the man comes back to the cashier and she runs over to him.)

    Man: “You can’t have that rabbit. Put it back.”

    Woman: “No, please! They no fight!”

    Man: “Yes, they will. You can’t have it.”

    Woman: “No, I want it!”

    (She clutches the poor rabbit tightly and buries her nose in its fur, stomping her feet like a child.)

    Man: “Put it back now.”

    (The woman walks away from him, burying her face even deeper into the fur. He trails after her, telling her sternly to put it back while she keeps her back to him, muttering ‘no, no, no’ over and over, eventually running out of the store and into the carpark.)

    Co-owner: “Excuse me, but could you please stay inside the store while handling our animals.”

    (She freezes, allowing the man to catch up and steer her back to the rabbit’s cage, which he opens.)

    Man: “Put it back in there now.”

    (At this point, she notices that we do have a male guinea pig housed in the same cage as the rabbit. It was fighting with the other male pigs, and there where no other cages available. She blows up again.)

    Woman: “See! See! I take this rabbit, they don’t fight! They don’t fight!”

    Man: “I don’t care. Put the bloody rabbit back right now or I will get rid of the guinea pigs and you will never have another pet!”

    (She whines, stomps her foot again, and then dumps the rabbit back into it’s cage while staring accusingly at the man.)

    Man: “There, done.”

    (She wails and stomps, her arms crossed over her chest. He says nothing and she runs to their car. The man then pays for his guinea pig food, and leaves with a look of sheer ‘please, kill me now’ plastered across his face.)

    Me: *to the co-owner* “Letting her hold that rabbit was a bad idea, wasn’t it?”

    Co-owner “Probably.”

    (For any concerned, the rabbit was fine, and it found a sane home later that week.)

    Very Open With His Demands

    | NY, USA | Bizarre

    (I’m following this customer around the store, as he keeps opening things. Each time I tell him to stop, he insists that it was already open, even though he sees me watching.)

    Me: “Sir, please don’t open that. Other customers won’t want to buy it if it’s been tampered with!”

    Customer: “Fine! Just give me this stuff!”

    (The customer tosses a handful of wrappers and things that he had already opened. I quickly ring him out and when I give him his total he flips out.)

    Customer: “Where’s my discount! All of this stuff is opened. I should get a discount!”

    Miss Understanding Calling

    | ON, Canada | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (I respond to the phone at our front counter.)

    Me: “Hello, this is [restaurant]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “I’d like to place an order for delivery.”

    Me: “Certainly, what would you like?”

    Caller: “I’d like to place an order for delivery. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

    Me: “Yes ma’am, you’d like to place an order for delivery. Which of our items would you like to order?”

    Caller: “I’d like a chicken pad thai and your vegetable salad.”

    Me: “One chicken pad thai and one vegetable salad. Okay, will that be everything?”

    Caller: “Could you read back my order? I want to make sure you know what I want. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

    Me: “Of course. One order of chicken pad thai and one order of vegetable salad for delivery.”

    Caller: “And make sure they know how to make pad thai, do you understand what I’m saying?”

    Me: “Don’t worry ma’am, our chef is professionally trained and has been cooking here for years, and the chicken pad thai is our most-ordered item. I can assure you that he knows how to make it.”

    Caller: “But make sure they know how to make pad thai, do you understand what I’m saying?”

    (At this point I think I must be misunderstanding something that she wants that she considers obvious, so I try to clarify.)

    Me: “Um, yes ma’am. Just to clarify is there any special way you usually ask for your chicken pad thai?”

    Caller: “No. Just chicken pad thai. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

    Me: “Just a normal chicken pad thai?”

    Caller: “Yes, chicken pad thai. Do you understand what I’m saying? And a vegetable salad.”

    Me: “Yes ma’am. Now, if I could get your address?”

    (I manage to extract her address, phone number, and the fact that she will be paying with cash after about 20 more repetitions of ‘do you understand what I’m saying?’. At this point I’m about ready to thank her for her call and tell her when her food will arrive.)

    Caller: “Okay. I hope it’s what I want. You know what pad thai is, right? Do you understand what I’m saying?”

    Me: “Yes ma’am, as I said, our chicken pad thai is the most popular item on our menu, and I’ve been working here for 2 years. So I definitely know what it is.”

    Caller: “But you know what it is right? Do you know what I’m saying?”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry but I don’t know how to make it any clearer to you that I do understand what you’re saying.”

    (I lead one sentence right into the other at this point, so that she doesn’t have a moment to interject.)

    Me: “The delivery man will be there in about 20 minutes with your food. Thank you again for calling us, and have a great day.”

    (I hang up and send her order to the kitchen to be cooked, and then delivered. About 20 minutes later the phone rings.)

    Me: “Hello, this is [restaurant], how may I help you?”

    Caller: “You do understand what I’m saying!”

    (She then hung up.)

    No Good Deed Goes Unthreatened, Part 2

    | Durham, NC, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Money

    (I work for a cosmetics store. We’re collecting donations for a popular women’s charity. However, as I am not well off, and cannot donate more than a dollar or two here or there myself, I mention it very casually and do not think badly of those who do not donate, or donate small amounts.)

    Me: “Okay, so your total is $x.xx. Would you like to round up your purchase for the charity we are supporting today? No obligation!”

    Customer #1: “What does that mean?”

    Me: “Oh, we’re supporting [Charity] for this month, so I’m just asking everyone if they would like to contribute any amount, even a few cents. No obligation, like I said, I have to ask each customer. I was asking if you wanted to contribute a few cents to round up your purchase to the nearest dollar today.”

    Customer #1: “So, I look like some kind of sucker to you, I guess? I look like I have a goldmine just flowing out of my pockets? No, I will not be donating today. Thank you for the guilt trip!”

    Me: “Alrighty, no problem. Your total is [total].”

    Customer #1: “No. You tacked on a donation. I want the exact itemization of my purchase!”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am.”

    (I proceed to go over each item and add it up on a calculator, plus sales tax. Eventually, Customer #1 is satisfied. She’s still standing around, but I move on to the next customer, Customer #2.)

    Me: *to Customer #2* “How are you, today?”

    Customer #2: “Fine, dear. Also, I’d like to donate 10 dollars towards [Charity] today.”

    Me: “Thank you, Ma’am! And please take this gift as a thank you for your contribution!”

    Customer #1: “Hey! Why does she get something for free and I didn’t?”

    Me: “Ma’am, she made a donation towards [Charity], and we have free gifts for those who contribute certain dollar amounts. It’s on the signs in front of the register.”

    Customer #1: *throws a penny at me* “I donated. Now give me the [ten dollar donation gift]!”

    Me: “I am sorry, but that is for customers who contribute $10.00 or more towards [Charity]. I can’t give you this item for a penny contribution, although we do appreciate the donation.”

    Customer #1: “Well, I donate several thousands of dollars to [Charity] every year! Give me the free gift!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I am sorry, but donations that will earn you this gift must be made at this store. I apologize, but you can’t have this gift without a donation for the requisite dollar amount.”

    Customer #1: “Give it to me!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but this item is only for customers who make this certain donation amount. It’s a gift we give as a thanks for the donation towards [Charity].”

    Customer #1: “You know what? That’s fine! Jesus will punish you! He will send you to Hell for being so greedy!” *walks away singing ‘Amazing Grace’*

    Related:
    No Good Deed Goes Unthreatened

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