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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    An Eye For An Eyepatch

    | Beaverton, OR, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m the only employee still working a cash register late one night. I’ve got a long line, and the next customer keeps glaring at me.)

    Me: “Hello, miss, sorry about the wait. Did you find everything all right?”

    Customer: “I’m so sick of you people.”

    Me: “Of who?”

    Customer: “First, that awful girl stacking the shelves with the pink hair, and now you with that… thing on your face! Why are you brats so desperate for attention?”

    (Two years ago, I lost my right eye in an accident. I wear an eyepatch now.)

    Me: “Ma’am, that’s not a fashion statement, I really need—”

    Customer: “Don’t lie to me!”

    (Without warning, she lunges across the counter and grabs the patch, snapping the cord and pulling it off. She laughs with triumph for about a second before she sees my empty eye socket.)

    Customer: *screams and runs out of the store, leaving her items but taking the eyepatch*

    (That customer never came back. Fortunately, I have a lot of spare eyepatches, but I had to finish the rest of my shift that night with a paper bandage over the socket.)

    Get Yell Soon

    | USA | Bizarre

    (While standing near a store’s greeting card selection, I overhear this conversation between an older customer and an employee.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, I’m looking for a Father’s Day card to give to my son. However, you only have two here and they’re stupid.”

    Employee: “I’m sorry, but those are the only ones of that type of card that we have.”

    Customer: “But they’re stupid!”

    Employee: “I’m sorry, sir.”

    Customer: “You know what? You need to call your greeting card people and make them send you better cards! You know, we’re all growing older here and we have sons that have children. I want to give my son a Father’s Day card! What is wrong with you people?”

    Employee: “I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t have any control over what the greeting card company sends us. We just display the cards they provide us with.”

    Customer: “Well, I’ll just have to go to [another store] then! Maybe they’ll have what I need!”

    Employee: “Feel free to do that, sir. However, I can tell you that they are supplied by the same company. They will have the same selection.”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous! I guess we’re just not supposed to get older, is that it?! We’re not allowed to age! You need to call your supplier and demand you get better stock!”

    Employee: “I’m sorry sir, we have no control over—”

    Customer: “CALL THEM! What an outrage! You are the rudest employee I’ve ever had to deal with! We’re just getting older! We should be allowed to get older! Call your company RIGHT NOW!”

    Employee: “Sir, if you just leave your name, I can tell my manager you have a complaint—”

    Customer: “NO! JUST CALL YOUR D*** COMPANY!” *angrily storms out*

    Just Plain Batty

    | Colorado Springs, CO, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Religion

    (My friend used to own a comic book in the local mall. I am a tall goth girl and am leaning against a book case reading a Japanese graphic novel.)

    Customer’s Young Son: *tries to reach for a comic on the top shelf*

    Me: “Here you go!” *hands him the comic* “Batman is my favorite super hero.”

    (The young boy’s father approaches.)

    Customer: “What they H*** do you think you’re doing talking to my son?! You’re trying to possess him with your evil!”

    Me: “I was handing him a book.”

    Customer: “Don’t lie to me! You were trying to convert him to worshipping the devil!”

    Owner: “Is there a problem?”

    Customer: “How dare you let devil worshippers hang around in your store?! She was trying to convert my son with this devil bat comic!”

    Owner: “She handed him the comic. That is all, sir.”

    Customer: “Don’t lie to me! You’re one of them aren’t you? You’re both in a cult together!” *to his son* “Son, we never go near these people again, do you hear me? I’ll tell everyone this store is evil!”

    Me: “Sir, I’m actually an atheist and am offended that you would make such blind accusations based on my appearance.”

    Customer: “Don’t tell me how to raise my son! God hates you!”

    Owner: “Sir, I would like you to get out of my store and never return.”

    Customer: “I can enter here if I want. It’s a free country, and you HAVE to serve me!”

    Owner: *calmly* “You’re right, it is a free country, and as the owner of this shop, I have the freedom to tell you to get the f*** out or I’ll call the police.”

    Customer: *grabs his son and leaves hastily*

    Some Customers Deserve To Be Carted Off

    | New Haven, CT, USA | Bizarre, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I am shopping in a large supermarket. There is a young woman of Asian descent in a wheelchair, examining the ingredient list on some items. A middle-aged woman comes into the same aisle, stares blankly into space and then starts pushing the young woman’s wheelchair.)

    Young Customer: *surprised as her wheelchair is pushed* “Excuse me?”

    Middle-aged Customer: *blankly* “What?

    (The young customer’s wheelchair grinds to a rubbery halt from the brakes.)

    Young Customer: “What exactly do you think you’re doing?”

    Middle-aged Customer: “Why are you in my shopping cart?! GET THE F*** OUT OF MY GROCERIES, YOU B****!”

    Young Customer: *on the verge of tears* “I-I’m sorry, but—”

    Middle-aged Customer: “What did you do to my groceries, you filthy thief?! You steal jobs from my country, and NOW you steal food?!”

    (The middle-aged customer struggles with the young customer for a few seconds. Suddenly, she shoves the young woman off of her wheelchair.)

    Young Customer: *screams*

    (Hearing the poor young customer’s screaming, a manager as well as a few other customers rush over to the aisle to help. Seeing this, the middle-aged customer freezes for a second and then tries to bolt with her “shopping cart”, but can’t push it due to the brakes. The manager takes one look at the girl on the floor, one look at the other woman’s wild expression, and then promptly tackles the woman to the ground as she tries to flee.)

    Middle-aged Customer: *hysterically* “Rape! Rape! Help! I’m being raped!”

    Manager: “Are you serious?!”

    Middle-aged Customer: *points to the young customer* “You should arrest her! She stole my job, and then she stole my groceries!”

    Manager: *fed up* “Well, I’m sure the police will be happy to hear about it!”

    Middle-aged Customer: *gets hauled off as the other customers applaud*

    It Was A Short-Terminology Relationship

    | Wisconsin, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Top

    Me: “Just the belt for you today?”

    Customer: “BELT!”

    (He hands me his belt.)

    Me: “Your total will be $21.09.”

    Customer: “SWIPE!”

    (He swipes his card.)

    Me: “Would you like the receipt with you or in the bag?”

    Customer: “RECEIPT!”

    (I give him his receipt.)

    Me: “Thank you. Have a nice day.”

    Customer: “Thank you for allowing this relationship!”


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