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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    This Problem Can’t Get Licked

    | Chattanooga, TN, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

    (We are doing an adoption event at a retailer in conjunction with four other animal rescue/shelter groups. Each group is in a large tent with dogs that are up for adoption in crates. A lady approaches, she has two kids; a boy about 6 and a girl about 9.)

    Woman: “Oh, she is so cute!” *motioning towards a two-year-old Shepherd mix*

    Me: “Yes, she is a great dog, and she is great with kids. Would you like me to take her out so you can see how she acts around your children?”

    Woman: “Yes, that would be great!”

    (I take the dog out of her crate, and have her on a leash. The kids are both petting her and the dog is behaving very well.)

    Woman: “Oh… that dog doesn’t lick, does she?”

    Me: “Of course she does. All dogs lick.”

    Woman: “Oh, you will have to put her back, then. My daughter is allergic to dog saliva. We need a dog that doesn’t lick.”

    Me: “Ma’am, all dogs lick. They use their tongue to eat, drink water, clean themselves, and show affection. Maybe a dog is not what you should be looking for.”

    Woman: “Oh, that’s bull. I know you have some dogs here that don’t lick. If you don’t, then one of these other groups will.”

    Me: “You are welcome to ask around.”

    (The woman spent the next 30 minutes going to each tent trying to find a dog that doesn’t use it’s tongue. She ended up going inside and adopting a cat.)

    Customer Zero

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

    (I have just gone to the hospital for a abdominal scan, and I still have the ID bracelet on that they give to patients. I am shopping on my own when a woman comes up to me.)

    Female customer: “Excuse me!”

    Me: “Oh! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be in the way.”

    Female customer: “What are you doing in a public place, kid?”

    (Note: I’m 21.)

    Me: “What?”

    Female customer: “That bracelet! It means that you are infected! What are you doing touching things?”

    Me: “Lady. I’m not infected with anything. I just came from a check-up.”

    Female customer: “STOP LYING! I am going to get the manager!”

    (She leaves, and I continue to shop. She comes back with the manager while I am looking at some fruit.)

    Female customer: “See? He’s touching everything! Now you are going to have to throw all of this out!”

    Me: “Look, I already told you. It’s an ID bracelet.”

    Manager: “Wait. You already told her that?” *turns to lady* “Why are you harassing this poor kid?”

    Female customer: “HE IS GOING TO KILL US ALL!” *runs off*

    (The manager apologized and I got his discount for my food!)

    The Working Dead

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Awesome Customers, Bizarre

    (I am a cashier at a major supermarket. Two young men in their mid-twenties are nearby, arguing with each other about something.)

    Guy #1: “Well, let’s just ask her.”

    Guy #2: “No, we don’t need to ask anyone else!”

    Guy #1: *to me* “Hi, can I just ask you a question?”

    Guy #2: “No! Don’t ask her!”

    Me: “Um… sure?”

    Guy #1: “Okay, say there was a zombie apocalypse, where would you hide out? Here, or [Australia's largest household hardware chain]?”

    Me: “Um, probably here?”

    Guy #1: “See? I told you!”

    Guy #2: “But why? The [household hardware chain] has weapons and stuff, how are you going to fight the zombies without weapons?”

    Me: “Well, our supermarket has food, you can’t survive without food. And it has weapons too! We have knives and garden tools.”

    Guy #1: “Exactly!”

    Guy #2: “But [hardware store] has food too! They have a canteen!”

    Me: “But we have a better selection, and food can also be used as a weapon! Food fight!”

    Guy #2: “I give up.”

    Guy #1: “I like this girl. She’s smart! Come on, let’s ask somebody else.” *happily approaches next cashier*

    Guy #2: *upset* “No! I give up! Please stop asking!”

    A Few Petals Short Of A Flower

    | USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

    (I work in Parks and Recreation, and our very public number means that we get a lot of interesting phone calls. An older woman calls me. Please note that it takes her at least a minute to say each sentence.)

    Me: “Parks and Rec, how can I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi, I’d like to give you some ideas about going green.”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, what can I do for you?”

    Caller: “Petunias. The city needs more petunias. Petunias everywhere.”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, that sounds like a great idea. Our horticulturists are always looking for feedback from citizens.”

    Caller: “I’m not done. I want every household to get a basket of petunias, and if they let them die we need to punish them.”

    Me: “Um—”

    Caller: “We can make the ethnics do it. It will create responsibility for the drug-heads and the gangster children.”

    Me: “Um, ma’am, if I can just—”

    Caller: “The petunias need to be protected. We need to have petunia gardens everywhere to create responsibility! It wouldn’t be hard, just go down to the prisons and make the ethnics—”

    Me: “Okay! Thanks for calling! Goodbye!”

    No ID, No Idea, Part 9

    | Pennsylvania, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre

    (I’m working the cash register. I’m supposed to card anyone who looks under 30 when they are buying cigarettes.)

    Me: “Hello, how are you today?”

    Customer: “Yeah, good. Can I have a box of [cigarette brand].”

    Me: “Sure! May I see your ID?” *the customer looks around 25 years old*

    Customer: “Excuse me?”

    Me: “I need to see your ID. The law is becoming very strict about carding people and you look under 30.”

    Customer: “Oh, I see! You just want my ID to see my address so you can know where I live. You’re probably going to sneak into my house in the middle of the night and take these back from me. I’m 39. I shouldn’t be carded, so that’s the only reason I see!”

    Me: “Yep, you got me. That’ll be $6.99.”

    Customer: “I’ll be watching. don’t think I won’t be!”

    Me: “Have a good day, sir.”

    Related:
    No ID, No Idea, Part 8
    No ID, No Idea, Part 7
    No ID, No Idea, Part 6
    No ID, No Idea, Part 5
    No ID, No Idea, Part 4
    No ID, No Idea, Part 3
    No ID, No Idea, Part 2
    No ID, No Idea


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