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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    Crazy Golf

    | WA, Australia | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Money, Theme Of The Month

    (To pay for university costs, I work for a small, government run golf course as a cashier. A customer in his forties enters the store.)

    Me: “Hi. Welcome to [Golf Course]. How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Yeah. I’d like to play nine holes on the course with buggy hire. Thanks.”

    Me: “Alright. Your total comes to $30. Will you be paying in cash or by card?”

    Customer: “Actually, I was hoping I could give you this instead?”

    (The customer slides a bottle of unmarked, white liquid across the table and looks at me grinning.)

    Me: “Uh… sir. I don’t know what that is.”

    Customer: “Oh, I make my own perfume in my bathtub! How about this bottle for my course fees?”

    Me: “Sir, I must insist that you pay with currency. Perfume is not legal tender and I not be able to balance my till otherwise.”

    (The customer takes the bottle back hastily, looking as if I’d just insulted his mother.)

    Customer: “You don’t want my perfume? What kind of golf course is this!?”

    Making A Display Of Themselves

    | NM, USA | Bizarre, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in a department store selling shoes, where we keep the smallest size on display. We are often only sent one pair in each size, so it’s not uncommon for small-footed customers to ask for discounts on display shoes.)

    Customer: “This shoe fits me perfectly, but it’s the display.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but that is our only size six.”

    Customer: “Well, can I get a discount?”

    Me: “We only offer discounts on shoes with obvious defects or damage. These look fine to me, but if you don’t want to take the display I can order you a new pair.”

    Customer: “So, there’s nothing you can do?”

    Me: “I can treat them with leather lotion, which will solve any dryness or minor scuffs from being on display.”

    (The customer narrows her eyes at me. She puts the toe of the shoe in her mouth and bites down, leaving obvious teeth marks in the leather.)

    Customer: “How about now?”

    (My manager, who has seen the whole thing, has walked up behind me.)

    Manager: “Now you have to buy them. Full price.”

    Customer: “But they’re damaged!”

    Manager: “And I’m sure the police would love to hear how you purposefully gnawed on our merchandise. Shall we call them?”

    (The customer hung her head, but quietly paid for the shoes. She hasn’t been in since.)

    Certified Or Certifiable?

    | Pasadena, MD, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month

    (A few weeks ago I accidentally stabbed myself in the hand, between my thumb and index finger. Though it has healed, I have a scar, and it still hurts quite a bit if I hit it on anything. A customer has purchased a battery operated device. Store policy is to put batteries in it to make sure it works before they leave. I go to put batteries in but the cap slips out of my hand and manages to hit my scar.)

    Me: “Ouch!”

    Customer: “What happened?”

    Me: “Oh, sorry. The cap hit the scar on my hand.”

    Customer: “How’d you get it?”

    Me: “Oh, I was at my other job, when I accidentally stabbed my hand. It healed pretty quickly with no infection. So, it’s all better now.”

    Customer: “Why would you do that?”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer: “Why would you stab yourself?”

    Me: *joking* “Well, it just seemed like such a good idea at the time.”

    Customer: “You shouldn’t do that! You should see someone about your issues right away!”

    Me: “Um, it was an accident. I didn’t do it on purpose.”

    Customer: “You shouldn’t lie to cover up your problems. Here take my card. I’m certified for these kinds of things.”

    Me: “No, thank you. It really was an accident. I was just joking earlier.”

    Customer: “Nonsense! I demand that we set up an appointment. I’m going to help you. I’m certified for these kinds of things.”

    Me: *sigh* “….so you said.”

    Customer: “Good. Now, how does meeting me at [address] at 2 pm tomorrow sound?”

    (I am defeated, and am just trying to get this customer out of my store.)

    Me: “Sure, sounds just fine.”

    Customer: “Okay! See you then. And don’t worry, we will help you with your issues. Just don’t do anything too bad before we meet again!”

    (The customer walks off smiling. I never went to that meeting, although I did give my boss a heads up if a crazy woman came asking for me.)

    Stupidity Is Its Own Reward, Part 3

    | USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Theme Of The Month

    (A customer comes up to my till. I start ringing her up)

    Me: “Do you have a rewards card with us?”

    Customer: “Do you sell our information?”

    Me: “No. We just use the rewards card to give you coupons every time you spend a certain amount of money with us.”

    Customer: “Oh, well. I don’t need that, if that’s all it’s for.”

    Me: “Okay…”

    Stupidity Is Its Own Reward, Part 2
    Stupidity Is Its Own Reward

    Looking For Some Consoling Advice

    | Oklahoma City, OK, USA | Bizarre, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (I work the graveyard shift in the electronics department. It is the night of the PlayStation 4 midnight release, and throughout the night, I have been receiving a lot of phone calls from customers asking whether there are any more PS4s in stock.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling. This is electronics. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Do you guys have any more PS4s in stock?”

    Me: “No, sir. We sold out of those about a half hour ago.”

    Customer: “Really? Okay. Well, do you know when the XBox One comes out?”

    Me: “I believe they come out on the 22nd.”

    Customer: “Oh, yeah? So next week… Well, which one do you prefer?”

    Me: “Ha! I’m an XBox person myself, really.”

    Customer: “Yeah? That’s cool. Hey, I have one more question. It may sound kind of weird.”

    Me: “Okay?”

    Customer: “Can you help me with my science homework?”

    Me: “…uh… Google, bro…”

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