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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    Acting Like The Hair Apparent

    | VA, USA | Bizarre, Wild & Unruly

    (I am a black woman, and I have natural hair, meaning there are no chemicals in it to make it straight. The customer in this story is a white woman, and she is the only one in the lobby.)

    Me: “Welcome to [movie theater]. Will that be all for you today?”

    Customer: *looks at me disdainfully*

    Me: “Ma’am, is there something I can help you with?”

    Customer: “Is all of that under your cap your hair?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Why do you have so much?”

    Me: “I’m Haitian. We typically have very thick hair.”

    Customer: “Do you wash it?”

    Me: “…Of course. I actually washed it last night.”

    Customer: “It looks dirty. Why isn’t it straight? It looks unprofessional like that.”

    Me: “My hair is naturally kinky. I’d have to get a relaxer for it to be—”

    (Without warning, the customer reaches out, knocks my hat off, and shoves her hands all through my hair.)

    Me: *swats her hands away* “EXCUSE YOU!”

    Customer: “What? I wanted to see what it felt like.”

    Me: “And you felt no need to ask me if it was okay to enter my body space?”

    Customer: “Not really. I figured it was okay. I mean, it’s just hair. It’s not like it’s your boob or a body part or anything.”

    Me: “It is, and I don’t care to be touched. Please don’t.”

    Customer: “I was just curious!”

    Me: “But you could have asked. I’m still a person.”

    Customer: “No you’re not! You work here, and that means I get to do whatever I want to you because I’m paying you!”

    Me: “Actually, [manager] pays me, and I will call him to escort you out if you don’t finish your transaction and return to your theater.”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t want to buy anything now because you don’t want me to touch your hair!”

    Me: *voids transaction* “Please leave your items on the counter and enjoy your show!”

    (She walks off to a manager, calls me uppity, and demands I be reprimanded for refusing to let her touch me. The manager kicked her out without refund.)

    Pretty Fly For A Strange Guy

    | Columbus, OH, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    Customer: “Excuse me, miss, look what I found in my drink.”

    (He holds a dead fly up. I have no idea how it got in his drink, but I’m mortified.)

    Me: “Oh my gosh! I’m so sorry! Let me find my manager for you.”

    Customer: “Nah, it’s okay. I drank it all and it’s no big deal.” *laughs*

    Me: “That’s really nice of you, sir, but I do want to tell my manager about it. This sort of thing is not supposed to happen.”

    (The customer keeps holding the fly in his hand. I go looking for my manager but can’t find him. I don’t want to keep the customer waiting for their check forever, so I go back to the table.)

    Me: “I’m so sorry, I couldn’t find him, but as soon as I see him I’ll make sure to tell him about this. But here’s a coupon for your next visit, and I took the drinks off your check.”

    Customer: *smiling* “Thanks! But really, it’s no big deal. It’s kind of funny. Hey, look who’s not dead after all?” *holds up the fly, which is now squirming* “Ain’t he cute?”

    (He suddenly smashes the fly on the table, wipes his now fly-gut covered hand on my apron, and leaves.)

    The Situation Is Escalating

    | Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid

    (Our down escalator is stopped for repairs, but customers are free to walk down it. There is also a clearly marked elevator near me as well as a staircase.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, miss, do you work here?”

    Me: “Yes. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Your escalator has stopped.”

    Me: “I am sorry about that. It should be fixed soon.”

    Customer: “So, am I stuck up here?”

    Me: “…Sorry?”

    Customer: “Do I have to wait here until it is fixed?”

    Me: “Of course not. You can go anytime. We won’t hold you hostage.”

    Customer: “But the escalator is broken.”

    Me: “Yes, and we are sorry for the inconvenience.”

    Customer: “How do I get down stairs?”

    (At this point, we can both clearly see other customers walking down the broken escalator.)

    Me: “Well, you are allowed to walk down the escalator, but if you feel uncomfortable with that, you can take the elevator or stairs behind me.”

    Customer: “Well, when do you think it will be fixed?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I really don’t know. They don’t tell us that much about what is happening in the store.”

    Customer: “I want to see a manager!”

    Me: “Let me call one down for you.”

    Customer: “What is your name?!”

    (My coworkers have come to watch, and are trying not to laugh. Other customers have begun to laugh.)

    Me: “My name is [name].”

    (I call the manager, she comes down, and tells the customer the same thing I said.)

    Customer: “Well, this place is trash!”

    (Believe it or not, she found a chair and sat there for an hour until the escalator was fixed!)

    The Fringes Of Sanity

    | London, England, UK | Bizarre

    (I am shaving my head in public for charity at a school fair. Because my hair is too long to shave straight off, anyone at the fair can pay £1 to chop a chunk of my hair off, putting said hair in a bucket afterwards. A man walks into the fair, sees my stall, and makes a beeline for it.)

    Me: “Hello! I’m raising money for charity. Would you like to cut a lump of my hair off for £1? It’s all being shaved at 9pm.”

    Man: *smiles, says nothing, and puts £1 on the table*

    Me: “Great, here are the scissors.”

    Man: *takes the scissors and cuts some of my hair*

    Me: “Nice one! If you’d just like to put the hair in the bucket ove—”

    Man: *smiles, looks at my newly cut hair, and walks out of the fair with it*

    Me: *speechless*

    An Offer Of Fruitcake

    | Kent, England, UK | Bizarre

    Customer: “Can I borrow a pen?”

    Coworker: “Yeah, sure.”

    (My coworker hands the customer a pen, and she goes back to her table. However, she returns a few minutes later.)

    Customer: “YOU’VE PUT A BEWITCHMENT ON THIS PEN!”

    (She throws it hard at my co worker. Turns out she hadn’t taken the lid off. Half an hour later, she approaches another coworker.)

    Customer: “Why should I have to queue? I have already done so once!”

    Coworker #2: “Because that’s what you have to do in civilised society.”

    (The customer queues and buys a piece of cake, then walks into the stock area out back, with PRIVATE written on the door, to find my co worker.)

    Customer: “I’m sorry for shouting. Please take this cake.”

    Coworker #2: “Sorry, I can’t. We aren’t allowed to eat on duty.”

    Customer: “SHUT UP AND EAT THE BLOODY CAKE! I WON’T LEAVE UNTIL YOU DO!”

    (While this is going on someone calls the shopping center security. They come remove her from the entire shopping center. Later on that day, she comes back for one last salvo.)

    Customer: “I HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY! DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU’VE DONE TO ME?!”


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