Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • Marriage Of The Undead
    (1,846 thumbs up)
  • November Theme Of The Month: I Don't Work Here!
    Submit your story today!

    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    Hold The Garlic Bread

    | NY, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Movies & TV, Top

    (I work the late shift at a pizza parlor, and am taking over delivery for a sick coworker instead of working the register as I usually do. I cycle up to the apartment that’s listed on the bill and knock on their door. The customer doesn’t answer so I knock harder.)

    Me: “Your pizza’s here!”

    (The door slowly creaks open. The lights are all off, almost like a horror movie, and I take a step back in surprise.)

    Me: “Uhm… hello?”

    (Unnerved, I turn to get the heck out of there, when I hear something moving. I look back in the house, and some guy is standing there, nearly invisible in the dark.)

    Me: “Oh, haha, I didn’t see you there. Here’s your pizza, sir. You ordered online, so you’re good to go!”

    Customer: “Who darez to tahlk to ze Count in zees mannehr?!”

    (I realize that he’s wearing a full Dracula costume, complete with bloody fangs and a cape. He’s staring at me with Bela Lugosi’s signature death glare.)

    Me: “Uh… Frank, the pizza delivery guy?”

    Customer: “…”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “Dihd you breeng extra ov zee leetle sauce packeets for ze breedsteecks?”

    Me: “Uh… yeah, yeah, they should be in the box.”

    Customer: “Exceeleent! Have a vunderful night, my child!”

    (The customer slams the door closed.)

    Me: “What just happened?”

    Saving Souls And Money

    | Buena Park, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Geeks Rule, Theme Of The Month, Top

    ( One late night, a customer comes up dressed in very stereotypical goth attire and makeup.)

    Me: “Okay, sir! Your total comes to [total].”

    Customer: “Look me in the eyes.”

    Me: “Um… okay?”

    (I look the customer directly in the eyes. He starts speaking in a steady voice.)

    Customer: “You will give me a discount.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I can’t just give you a discount.”

    Customer: “Yes, you will. I am a vampire lord, and you are under my mental control.”

    Me: *in the same type of steady voice* “You are a vampire lord, and I am under your mental control.”

    Customer: “Very good. Now give me a discount or I will consume your soul.”

    Me: “But master, as you can clearly see, I am a ginger, and it is common knowledge that gingers have no souls.”

    (The customer stares into my eyes silently for a few seconds, and then breaks eye contact.)

    Customer: “D***, you’re right. It was worth a try.”

    (The customer pays and leaves.)

    Supervisor: “Um…”

    Me: “Yeah?”

    Supervisor: “You’re blond.”

    Me: “Really? THAT’S what you picked up on?”

    A Nasty Mood Swing

    | NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Crazy Requests

    (I am a cashier at a home improvement store. A customer comes to my register pushing a cart with several heavy items in it.)

    Me: “Hi there, how are you today?”

    Customer: “Oh, just fine, thank you!”

    (We make small talk as I ring the customer up. She has been perfectly nice so far.)

    Me: “Do you want a hand loading your stuff?”

    Customer: “Yes, thank you. It was hard to get these in the cart!”

    Me: “Sure thing! I’ll page for one of the loaders. He’ll be right over.”

    (As I finish running the customer’s credit card through and hand her the receipt, she says something, but she mumbles and I don’t quite hear her.)

    Me: “Sorry, say again?”

    (The customer’s demeanor instantly changes from pleasant to furious.)

    Customer: “I SAID, Should I wait for the loading man HERE? Or I should I go and wait by the DOOR?”

    (I’m baffled by the mood swing, but I smile and put on my best cheerful voice.)

    Me: “Oh, it doesn’t matter! He’ll be here in just a minute and there’s no line, so you can wait right here if you don’t want to push the cart over to the door.”

    Customer: “Did I do something to you? Have I insulted you or your family?”

    Me: “Not… that I’m aware of…?”

    Customer: “I just asked a question and you’re being so NASTY to me! I don’t know why you had to be so rude just to answer my question!”

    Me: “I’m not being rude. I’m being matter-of-fact. It doesn’t matter if you wait right here or if you wait by the—”

    Customer: “You are so NASTY!”

    (The loading guy appears.)

    Loading Guy: “Can I help you, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Yes! You can take my things to my car and get me AWAY from this girl! She is so NASTY, I don’t know how you stand her!”

    (The loading guy shoots me a bewildered look, and walks out with the customer, who is still shouting about how nasty I am. He comes back in a couple minutes later.)

    Loading Guy: “What the f*** was that?”

    Me: “H*** if I know. I’m so glad I’m off tomorrow.”

    A One-Sided Argument

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA | Bizarre

    Me: “Hello, thank for you calling [company]; how can I hep—”

    Customer: “YOU ARE DISCRIMINATING AGAINST ME!”

    Me: “I’m sorr—”

    Customer: “MY ACCOUNT STATEMENTS ARE ONLY ONE SIDED! MY FRIEND GETS DOUBLE SIDED STATEMENTS! THIS IS DISCRIMINATION!”

    He Will Utter It Here

    | Austin, TX, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Geeks Rule, Theme Of The Month

    (I am female, and work in a video game and movie resale store. I’ve been a fan of fantasy and sci-fi my whole life. I’m busy at the computer making a sign for a display, when a customer comes into the store.)

    Me: “Hello! Let me know if I can help you find anything, or if you have any questions.”

    (The customer just looks at the floor. He goes over to look at movies, when suddenly he holds up a box and a ring on a necklace.)

    Customer: “They match.”

    (I looked up. He’s holding ‘The One Ring’ on a gold chain, and holding the box art to ‘Lord of the Rings’.)

    Customer: “The writing, it matches. I just wanted to make sure it matched.”

    (We frequently get cosplayers in the store, and I enjoy talking about whatever fandom people are into. I was about to ask where he got his replica, when he starts turning the ring around in his fingers.)

    Customer: “The language is that of Mordor, which I will not utter here. In the common tongue it reads “One Ring to Rule Them All. One Ring to Find Them. One Ring to Bring Them All and In The Darkness Bind Them”.”

    (I raise an eyebrow and keep smiling. He begins to walk towards the counter, caressing the ring and begins Galadriel’s soliloquy from the opening of The Fellowship of the Ring.)

    Customer: “The world is changed. I feel it in the water. I feel it in the earth. I smell it in the air. Much that once was is lost, for none now live who remember it. It began with the forging of the Great Rings…”

    (My co-worker comes out from the back-room mid-soliloquy, and sees the look of somewhat bemused consternation on my face.)

    Coworker: “Um [name], have you seen the new plush we just got in?”

    Me: “No! I haven’t! They’re adorable!”

    Coworker: “I KNOW RIGHT!?”

    (The customer looks disappointed, but patiently waits out our exchange. As soon as my coworker goes back to the back stock, HE STARTS OVER FROM THE BEGINNING.)

    Customer: “It began with the forging of the Great Rings. Three were given to the Elves, immortal, wisest and fairest of all beings. Seven to the Dwarf lords…”

    Coworker: “Um, [name], when you get a chance can you come back here; I have a question about this item.”

    Me: “Sure. I’ll be there in just a minute.”

    (I glance at the customer, and back at my coworker.)

    Customer: “It’s all right. It’s just… The writing, it matches. I just wanted to make sure it matched.”

    (At that, he puts the DVD back and quietly leaves the store. I’m still not entirely sure what happened. He hasn’t ever come back, but if he does, hopefully he knows ‘gi nathlam h”‘—Sindarin (or Elvish) for ‘you are welcome here’.)

    Page 82/149First...8081828384...Last