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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    There Is No Analog For This Conversation

    | ME, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre

    (I work for a large cable company that has recently switch a few stations from analog to digital format, freeing up space for more channels and internet bandwidth. I work at one of the retail stores where customers can pick up adapters to get the channels back.)

    Me: “Hi! How are you today?”

    Customer: “Where the f*** did Lifetime go?”

    Me: “Oh! You must be talking about our digital switch over. Basically, we’ve switched these channels over and we’re giving out these adapters to get them instead, and they’re free until 2015.”

    Customer: “Why would you do this anyway? You people are always doing this; you’re always trying to screw the customer!”

    Me: “Actually, ma’am, this is to allow for more channels, faster internet speeds, and future technologies as we get them, so it’s really for your benefit.”

    Customer: “The internet is for the devil!”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “The internet is for the devil! I won’t use it!”

    Me: “Well… I know that a lot of other people use the internet for business and school and for other good purposes, but I can understand where you’re coming from. Would you like to pick up your adapter today?”

    Customer: “No, I think I’m just going to get dish. You charge too much anyway. How does that dish work?”

    (I play it cool, and explain how it works and the differences between the services as unbiased as I can be.)

    Customer: “Ok, I’ll have to think about it all. I’m not sure what I want to do. Everyone’s screwing me over. I’m going to be dead soon, did you know that I was dying? Yep, I won’t be here next year. Then when I was pulling in here that a**hole cut me off. Can you believe the nerve? He almost killed me? I f***ing flipped him off. I wish he’d tried following me. I’d have shown him something if he started following me. Just like those d*** kids going 80 miles an hour down my road!”

    (This continues for another 10 minutes without pause. However, at the end of everything she got everything off her chest and I actually got a smile out of her at the end! I claim victory.)

    How Artists Draw Blank Faces

    | London, England, UK | Bizarre

    (I am waitressing at a wedding party being held above a bar in an art gallery. I have popped down to the bar to use their dishwasher. There are lots of contemporary art displays around the bar.)

    Customer: “Hi, could I get a pint of Carling?”

    Me: “Oh sorry, I don’t actually work here. You’ll have to ask someone else.”

    Customer: “But you’re wearing uniform?”

    (My uniform is not even slightly similar to the bar staff’s.)

    Me: “Oh, that’s because I’m a waitress; I’m from upstairs.”

    Customer: “Oh right, I thought you might be another art display. Okay, bye…”

    Fruit Loopy

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Money, Tourists/Travel

    Me: “Alright ma’am, I’ve entered all your requests in the reservation. Have a great day!”

    Caller: “Wait, I’m not finished! I want a fruit basket in my room to be there when I arrive. And there better not be any grapes! They’re nasty! They’re dirty and full of germs! I only want fruit with skins I can peel off!”

    Me: *being a fellow germophobe* “I definitely understand that. Bananas and oranges.”

    Caller: “If I find any skinless fruit, I will immediately throw the entire fruit basket out of the window into the ocean! Do you hear me?”

    Me: “Ah, well then we have to move you to a room with a balcony, because the window in your stateroom doesn’t open. The upgrade would cost $2,100.00, is that okay?”

    Caller: *long pause* “No, I will just carry it upstairs to the deck and do it from there.”

    Me: “Alright, sounds great. Anything else I can help you with?”

    Caller: “No thanks dear, have a good day.” *click*

    Government Is Going To Cone For You

    | TX, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (A customer in her mid-50s comes into the shop and begins looking around at all the varieties of ice cream.)

    Me: “Hi, do you know what you’d like?”

    Customer: “I sure do! I need some butter pecan in a waffle cone.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, but we don’t have any waffle cones at this moment. Our waffle cone machine broke and we had to send it back to get another. We have cake and sugar cones, though.”

    Customer: “No, a ‘waaaaa-ffle’ cone. Waffle. Right here!” *points to sugar cones*

    Me: “Oh, a sugar cone! Sure thing, coming right up!”

    Customer: “No! Not a sugar cone! Waffle! Why won’t you give me what I want?! It’s the government, I tell you! They’re playing these evil mind tricks! I won’t fall for it, though! I won’t! I want a waffle cone!”

    Me: *grabs sugar cone* “Yes, ma’am.”

    (My coworker returns from her break, only having heard the last bit from the customer saying she wanted a waffle cone.)

    Coworker: “I’m sorry ma’am, we don’t have any waffle cones right now.”

    Customer: “Not you, too! It’s a conspiracy, I tell you! A conspiracy!” *storms out*

    Coworker: “Well, that escalated quickly.”

    Making A Loud A-pee-l, Part 2

    | MN, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

    (As the bookstore I work for is closing down, we have started closing down the bathrooms. At this point, they’ve shut down one stall leaving only one left in the ladies room. I go in and there’s a rather long line for the single stall.)

    Customer #1: *comes running in* “Oh… oh no, is there only one stall?”

    Customer #2: “Yeah, but the line is moving pretty quick, though.”

    Customer #1: “Oh no! This won’t do.” *rushes out*

    (A few seconds later, Customer #1 comes back with two large paper coffee cups. She goes over to a corner, sets the cups on the floor, and drops her pants.)

    Customer #1: “Okay, everyone! I really have to go! I have a bladder infection so if I don’t go right now, it won’t end well for me. Nobody look!”

    (As she goes to drop her drawers, another woman comes out of the stall. I happen to be the next in line.)

    Me: “Please! Go ahead of me! Apparently, you need the bathroom more than I do!”

    Customer #1: “Are you sure? You probably have to go back to work. I’m okay with this.”

    Me: “Nope! Just go!”

    Customer #1: “Gee, thanks!” *shuffles into the stall with her pants around her ankles*

    Related:
    Making A Loud A-pee-l

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