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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    Give The Workers A (Prison) Break

    , | UK | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m on my way home after a hockey social, dressed as a prisoner in a bright orange jumpsuit and trick handcuffs. I’m pretty hungry, so I stop for food. Inside there is a drunk man yelling at the cashiers.)

    Drunk: “I said [competitor's signature item]! This is WRONG!”

    Cashier: “I told you, you’re at [place], not [competitor]!”

    Drunk: “I know where I am!”

    Me: “Oh, do you?”

    (He turns to me, and does a double take at my outfit.)

    Me: “Because I think you’re in a whole world of trouble.”

    (I start advancing, cackling Joker-style.)

    Drunk: “What ya gonna do, crazy b****?”

    (In answer, I stretch out, making it look like I’ve just torn apart my handcuffs.)

    Drunk: “Holy s***!”

    (I keep approaching, cackling.)

    Drunk: “Psycho b****!”

    (He throws his food at me and runs. I reach the counter, and drop the act.)

    Me: “Can I get a portion of nuggets, please?”

    (The cashier just stares at me for a moment.)

    Cashier: “Y’know, I think he was right on the crazy part. Nuggets coming right up.”

    Doesn’t Have Cold Feet About Sharing

    | London, England, UK | Bizarre, Health & Body

    (I work in a rather high-end furniture and house-ware store. I’m helping a well-dressed, well-spoken lady in her fifties choose some items from the basement floor.)

    Customer: “I’m sorry I have to walk so slowly. You know, I had some major foot surgery done just last month and have not entirely recovered yet.”

    Me: “Not a problem at all. I must say you’re doing wonderfully well. In fact, I would have never guessed if you didn’t tell me.”

    Customer: “Yes, it’s getting better now, but I was in such pain for the first few days; I’m telling you.”

    Me: “Well, I sure hope you’ll be alright soon. There, I’ll carry that for you, at least.”

    (We make our way back upstairs, where the tills are located. I’m carrying her items, and we’re making small talk throughout. I ring her up and hand her the carrier bag and receipt.)

    Customer: “Yes, I was telling you about my feet. I have some pictures; let me show you…”

    (Before I can think of a reply, she leans over the counter and proceeds to show me several photos of her feet covered in angry septic sores.)

    Me: “Well… that sure looks bad. I’m glad it’s all sorted now.”

    Customer: “Terrible, isn’t it? So much pus, you have no idea of the smell! Absolutely rotten! Oh, well, thank you and have a nice day!”

    (She leaves. My manager walks by.)

    Manager: “Are you alright? What was that about?”

    Me: “Never mind. Any chance I could get a late lunch-break today?”

    The Signature Of Inebriation

    | Sea Isle City, NJ, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (I work at a late-night restaurant that caters to the people who come for food when the surrounding bars close for the night. A customer comes in who has drunk a little too much.)

    Customer: “Do you accept credit cards?”

    Me: “Yes, we do.”

    (I swipe the credit card, and it is approved.)

    Me: “Now, if you could just sign here, you’re all set.”

    Customer: “What am I supposed to sign?”

    Me: “The cardholder’s name.”

    Customer: “Okay, thanks.”

    (She then proceeds to draw a picture of a naked lady—complete with large boobs—where her signature should be.)

    Me: “Uh” ma’am, I don’t think this is a valid signature.”

    Customer: “Just try it; it’ll work!”

    (I put it through, and the machine accepts the signature!)

    Me: “Wow, I guess you’re right!”

    Customer: “I need to stop drinking so much!”

    (She leaves me a $15 tip on a $25 bill! That is why I love working the late-night shift!)

    The Polites Are On But Nobody’s Home

    | Scotland, UK | At The Checkout, Bizarre

    (I work at the till. We always ask a few questions to every customer.)

    Me: “Did you get everything you were looking for okay today?”

    Customer: *nodding* “Thank you!”

    Me: “Are you interested in any gift cards today?”

    (The customer shakes her head side-to-side this time, with inflections to say ‘no’.)

    Customer: “Thank you.”

    Me: “That’ll be [price], please.”

    (The customer hands me the money.)

    Customer: “Thank you!”

    Me: “And here’s your change and receipt.”

    Customer: “Thank you.”

    Me: “See you later.”

    Customer: “Thank you!”

    Make Love Sandwiches Not War

    | NJ, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (I am the overnight manager. It is a half an hour into my shift, and we are getting a bit busy in the deli area. The evening manager hasn’t left yet, so he is at the back helping the deli employee finish the hoagie orders that are still up on the board. A customer who has just picked up her food order stomps over to the register where I am working.)

    Customer: “I’m not happy! When I come in here, I want my food made with love! I don’t want it just slapped together!”

    Me: “…okay?”

    Customer: “You don’t need to rush! I want my food made with care! If I am paying good money for this, I want it made with love!”

    Me: “…okay?”

    Customer: “This is a legitimate complaint! I can’t believe this! I am never shopping at this store again!” *stomps out*

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