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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    The Milk Of Human Weirdness

    | MN, USA | Bizarre, Rude & Risque

    (I work in a small-town at one of the three restaurants that the residents have to choose from, so we get a lot of regulars. One regular in particular comes on a near daily basis and has always seemed generally friendly and polite, if not a little bit strange. Nevertheless, he knows all the employees there very well and often chats with us while he’s in the store. One day he decides to have story time.)

    Customer: “Oh, yes, it’s been rather lonely ever since my wife died.”

    Me: “Oh! I’m so sorry for your loss!”

    Customer: “Yeah, I miss her a lot. She was a very kind, accommodating woman. Shortly after she had our daughter she began breastfeeding her, so I asked her if I could breastfeed off of her for sexual pleasure.”

    (I was very thrown-off by this and really disturbed. The only people in the store were me and this regular along with another coworker of mine who was out back smoking. That meant I didn’t even have anyone to distract me or change the topic of conversation as I was too shocked into silence to do so myself. He continued to ramble on, unaware of my horror.)

    Customer: “It was completely consensual. We both found it very satisfying. And long after our daughter got older, my wife, God bless her, kept lactating because I was breastfeeding off of her so much. She kept producing milk until the day she died.”

    Me: “That’s… really, uh…”

    Customer: “She was a rather large woman, bless her heart.”

    (My coworker had come back in and saw that I was red in the face and was slightly confused by my look of obvious discomfort, considering I was serving a regular who we all liked and knew well. She decided to listen in to see what was up.)

    Customer: “I know this isn’t something you’d typically say in public or anything, but I figure we know each other well enough.”

    Me: “Um… ”

    (My coworker seemed to know that he must’ve said something to freak me out and quickly jumped in.)

    Coworker: “Hey, if you want I can finish his sandwich so you can go do that… thing.”

    (I practically sprinted into the back room. Later, I explained to my co-worker what he had said and she was as horrified as I was. The icing on the cake is that I get to see him nearly every single day. Every. Single. Day.)

    Don’t Drive Fast(food)

    , | Everett, WA, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    Me: “Hi, would you like to try [New Sandwich we are promoting] today?”

    Customer: “No thanks, I’m driving.”

    Faced With The Obvious

    | SK, Canada | Bizarre

    (A late middle-aged customer comes in while I’m in the back, so I walk up to the front, putting gloves on as I go. He’s standing slightly far back from the counter, though, so I’m not sure if he’s ready to order.)

    Me: “Hi, there! Can I help you?”

    Customer: “Well, I didn’t come in just to stare at your pretty face, sweetheart!”

    Be Under-Wary

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Bizarre, Rude & Risque

    (I work at library in a small town outside of Pittsburgh. Most of the people who come in are elderly. One day a regular in his 80s walks in carrying something black in one of his hands.)

    Me: “Hello, sir, how can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I don’t want to get too personal with this, but here.” *drops black thing on my desk* “I found this outside.”

    Me: “Oh, is it a T-shirt?” *grabs it but quickly realizes it is not a T-shirt but is actually a pair of men’s underwear* “Oh, my god!”

    Customer: “I found it on the stairs and I don’t know if this is some kid’s idea of a funny prank.”

    Me: “Why didn’t you just throw this away?”

    Customer: “I thought you might want to find the owner.”

    (I’m laughing to the point where I’m at tears about now and calling over to my coworker. The customer just stands there, making absolutely no expression. I honestly had no clue what this guy wanted me to do with this wet, rain-soaked underwear that was on my desk.)

    Coworker: “What’s wrong?”

    Me: “There’s underwear on my desk and I don’t know what to do.” *explains what just happened while the customer still stands there not making any facial expressions*

    (The guy finally left to use the bathroom and my coworker picked up the underwear with a plastic bag and I scrubbed the entire desk down. After all this happened, my coworker turned to me.)

    Coworker: “What if that underwear belonged to the customer and that was his way of flirting with you?”

    (I’ve never been able to look at this customer again.)

    The Mother Of All Assumptions

    | FL, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Holidays

    (It’s Mother’s Day. Please note that I am 23 and look a little young for my age.)

    Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

    Customer: “Happy Mother’s Day!”

    Me: “Thank you, sir?”

    Customer: “You’re not a mother?”

    Me: “No, sir!”

    Customer: “Uh, Happy Sunday, then!”

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