Category: Bizarre

For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

Mexican’t Have Cheese

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Bizarre, Food & Drink

Waiter: “Table five wants vegan nachos. And yes, I already told them that that’s basically just toasted chips with tomatoes and jalapenos and they still want it.”

Helplessly Explaining Being Helpful

| WI, USA | Bizarre

(I regularly go to a local game store. I’m rather well-versed in video games, consoles, etc, so I’m helping an old lady decide on a game for her son. After we decide on a few games, she thanks me and goes to pay. Someone else comes up, thinking I work there.)

Customer: “Excuse me, dear?”

Me: “Yes?”

Customer: “Do you work here? Could you help me?”

Me: “I don’t work here, but I’d be happy to help.”

(With that, I help explain the differences between the Xbox 360 and the PS3. Another customer is watching this entire exchange, and comes up as soon as we’re done.)

Customer #2: “Okay, I got what I wanted, so could you ring me up?”

Me: *thinking she’s joking* “No, sorry. I wish I worked here.”

Customer #2: “But I saw you helping others!”

Me: “Yes…?”

Customer #2: “So you MUST work here!” *she stomps her foot a little with this*

Me: “No, ma’am, I don’t, but the man at the cash register can help you when he’s finished with the others.”

Customer #2: “Why would you help people if you’re not getting paid for it?”

Me: “…”

Tastes Like Bad Parenting

| Florence, KY, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Rude & Risque

(A woman and her roughly 14-year-old daughter are standing in front of the family planning section.)

Mother: “Here, taste this one.”

Daughter: “Ew, it tastes like rubber bands!”

Me: *walking over to see what is going on* “Can I help you?”

Mother & Daughter: *simultaneously* “No, nothing is going on!”

Me: *perplexed as to what I’m seeing* “Why are all these packages of condoms open?!”

Mother: “We just wanted to taste them before we bought them!”

Me: “Uhm, no. You can’t just open them!”

Mother: “Well, geez! You don’t have to get mad about it! I want to speak to a manager!”

Me: “Ma’am, my manager will tell you the same thing. Please stop tasting the condoms with your daughter. You should pay for all of these!”

Mother & Daughter: *giggles and runs out of the department leaving behind all the open condoms*

(For what it’s worth, we sold flavored condoms, but they didn’t taste any of those!)

A Habitual Hazard

| Saratoga, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre

(I’m throwing myself in for this one. I call in an order to a local pizza shop. They have a family special which gets you a large pizza and twenty wings. I also work at a chain pizza shop.)

Employee: “[Pizza Place], how can I help you?”

Me: “Hi, I’d like the family special, please. Pizza just cheese, honey barbecue for the wings, and then another order of ten hot wings, extra saucy.”

Employee: “Okay, so the family special, cheese for the pizza, honey barbecue wings, and ten hot wings?”

Me: “Yeah. Anything else?”

Employee: “Wait, what?”

(We both pause, then immediately crack up laughing. I have just asked the woman taking my order if she wanted anything else.)

Me: *through my laughter* “Oh, my god, I’m so embarrassed! I work at a different pizza place and that was just habit!”

More Stupid Than Homer Simpson

| Seattle, WA, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

(It is the Halloween season and I’m working in the cosmetics aisle, advising customers on what kinds to use, letting them test products, etc…)

Customer: “So,I want to be Homer Simpson.”

Me: “Oh, okay.” *proceeds to show him our various kinds of yellow makeup* “Would you like to test some?”

Customer: “Sure!”

(He holds out his hand for me to dab some makeup on, but halfway through, says:)

Customer: “I might be allergic to this. I’m not sure.”

Me: “Oh! Well, here, let me get you a makeup wipe and we’ll get it off of you.”

Customer: “Oh, no, it’s fine. I’ll just walk around the store a bit and if it’s not too bad I’ll buy some.”

Customer’s Wife: *opens the new container of makeup* “Here, honey, put a little on your face and we’ll try that.”

(I momentarily wonder if she’s actively trying to kill her husband, but manage to get out:)

Me: “Ma’am, please don’t use the makeup before you buy it.”

Wife: “But why not?”

Me: “Because then I can’t sell it if you don’t choose to buy it.”

Wife: “Oh.”

Customer: “We’ll be back!”

(They then walk off, leaving me standing there with a makeup wipe and the vague fear that he’s going to go into shock and die in the store, but instead they show up five minutes later.)

Customer: “So it’s making my skin all red and itchy, but I think it’s okay. I’ll tough it out!”

Me: “…These items are not returnable or exchangeable.”

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