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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    Exposed For What It Really Is

    | CA, USA | Bizarre, Rude & Risque

    (I’m working the opening shift at a chain coffee shop. It’s six am and I’m prepping for the morning rush at the bar.)

    Female Customer: *quietly and embarrassed* “Hi. So, that man sitting outside by the window over there… I think he has his penis outside of his pants.”

    (I look over and it’s a regular customer who pops in throughout the day. I turn back to her.)

    Me: “Him, over there?”

    Female Customer: ” Yes. I don’t know if maybe a male employee can go check and see?”

    (I summon my male shift lead, who is confused at the accusation.)

    Me: “If it’s true, I don’t want to know that much about him. Will you take a peek so I can help this woman feel, you know, not sexually harassed?”

    (He reluctantly goes outside and talks to our regular and quickly heads back inside holding back a smile.)

    Shift Lead: “He’s holding his sunglasses case in his lap.”

    (The case was the exact same color as his skin tone. We told him about it later and all cracked up.)

    There Is No Calm Before The Storm

    | TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre

    (It is currently late at night, with a winter storm expected to come the following morning. I am running customer service when the phone rings and I answer it.)

    Me: “Hello, [Store] [Location] customer service desk. [My Name] speaking. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “Yes, I’d just like to let you know that tomorrow morning is going to horrible and that all of the young people won’t be coming in. However, all of the elderly people that work will be, because they are the ones who really need the money. Bye!”

    Me: “Uh…”

    Caller: *click*

    (I put the phone back on the receiver and relay the comment to a manager.)

    Manager: “Oh my God, it’s not even tomorrow yet and they are ALREADY complaining!”

    Planning Your Trip Is A Fine Art

    | Raleigh, NC, USA | Bizarre

    (I am working for an interior decorating company, and we are clearing out our inventory of framed art for the season. I load up the vehicle and hit a road full of office complexes to see if anyone wants the art wholesale for the office or home or whatnot. I come to a large office full of cubicles and some employees buy a few. The final person I talk to appears to be the head boss man of the company. I poke my head into his office.)

    Me: “Morning, sir.”

    (I wave.)

    Boss: “What do you want?”

    Me: “Well, this seems a bit random, but my company’s clearing out a bunch of nice framed art wholesale, and we were wondering if you’d like anything for your office or home?”

    (He looks at me VERY sternly for what seems like a whole minute of angry silence.)

    Boss: “What do you have that goes good with acid?”

    Me: “Pardon?”

    Boss: “You know; stuff that looks neat while you’re on acid.”

    Me: “Umm, we have some Van Gogh, Dali, and some new art from David Garibaldi.”

    Boss: “Bring em in!”

    (I go outside and haul in probably a dozen pieces of art and lay them along the wall in front of his desk so he can see them. Another painfully quiet moment goes by while he looks them over.)

    Boss: “I’ll take the whole lot! You take credit right?”

    Me: “Yes, sir. Would you like any of these hung up?”

    Boss: “Yeah, put that trippy-a** clock one over there.”

    (Possibly one of the more memorable customers in my two years with that company.)

    The American Way Is Closed

    | Portland, OR, USA | Bizarre, Politics

    (It’s store policy to have employees in the store 30 minutes before opening and 45 – 60 minutes after close to prep, clean, etc. We closed about 10 minutes ago and I am mopping the eating area. A customer bangs on the door. We’re required to interact with customers, even after close, so I go and crack the door open.)

    Customer: “What the h***? I need a coffee. Let me in.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We closed 10 minutes ago. All of our coffee has been dumped and the machines are going through a cleaning cycle.”

    Customer: “What? What are you doing here then?”

    Me: “We have to clean the store and set up for tomorrow morning after close every night.”

    Customer: “Seriously? They make you stay after close?”

    Me: “Well, yes. We can’t clean the equipment while serving customers.”

    Customer: “That’s monstrous! That’s slave labor!! I’m writing corporate about this!”

    Me: “Sir, they still pay us… it’s standard procedure.”

    Customer: “It’s horrible! I’m so sorry! This isn’t the American way!”

    (He leaves, then, still mumbling about the ‘atrocity’ of our situation.)

    Unhappy Customers Can Sour The Milk

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    (A customer walks up to my cash register with a big carton of goat’s milk. He slams it down on my conveyor belt, looking angry and puffy.)

    Customer: “Do you know the person that milked these goats?”

    Me: *completely stunned* “Uh… no. I’m sorry, I don’t know who milked them. But I’m sure if you call the company that produces the milk and give them the batch number, they could put you in touch with the farmer, and HE OR SHE might know the person who operated the machine that milked the goats for that particular batch.”

    Customer: “Machine?! The goats are milked with machines?!”

    Me: “Probably… that IS how they do it most of the time. But I don’t know for sure. Like I said, if you contact the company they’ll be able to give you more information.”

    Customer: “THIS IS RIDICULOUS. IT’S YOUR RESPONSIBILITY AS A STORE TO KNOW WHO HANDLES THE FOOD YOU SELL!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but there’s really nothing more I can do to help you, aside from suggesting you call the company. If I may, why do you want to know who milks the goats?”

    Customer: “BECAUSE I NEED TO KNOW IF THEY’RE KEEPING THE GOATS HAPPY. IF A GOAT IS UNHAPPY WHILE IT’S BEING MILKED, THEN THE MILK WILL BE SOUR. IT’S TRUE! I SAW IT ON A TV PROGRAM!”

    (He then paid for his milk and left with it anyway, while I tried very hard not to burst out laughing.)


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