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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    Sanity Unplugged

    | Detroit, MI, USA | Bizarre, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (A customer in what sounds to be her forties calls in for having trouble with her TV.)

    Me: “So, let’s start by doing a reboot. Can you please unplug the furthest cord on the left for 10 seconds then plug it back in?”

    Customer: “Okay, I don’t know why I HAVE to do this; you should come over and do this.”

    Me: *jokingly* “Ha ha. Well, I would but you live in Texas and I am in Michigan.”

    Customer: “So? I am the customer; you should do what I say!”

    Me: “Ma’am, it would take me a week to get to you. Now, can I just get you to plug the cord back in to see if we can get it working?”

    Customer: “Where do I plug it in?”

    Me: *dumbfounded* “Where it was unplugged from: the far left slot. You can’t miss it.”

    Customer: “Okay, but where is that?”

    Me: *at this point I’m not in the mood for this level of dumb* “Oh, well, it looks like your line is damaged and will need a technician. This is why your TV wasn’t working. How about if I get a technician out there?”

    Customer: “Must have been my dead husband. He’s been haunting me for years.”

    Me: “So… 8-12 tomorrow morning?”

    Customer: “That would be great. Thanks dear, and don’t forget, masturbation is a sin!”

    (I got an extra break after that call because I couldn’t stop laughing.)

    The New Dairy Queen

    | Pontotoc, MS, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (When I was 15 years old, a family friend had started an ice cream truck business. He needed someone to drive and someone to hand out ice cream and handle the money: two people per truck, and there were five trucks. Naturally, hunting for money, I volunteer to work the money and ice cream part. It is towards the end of the summer, and I know the ropes by then. Parents often stand on the sidewalk and give the children the money, letting them order. My customer is about five years of age.)

    Me: “What can I get for you, sir?”

    Customer: *giggling* “I want ice cream.”

    Me: “What kind of ice cream?”

    Customer: “I can’t tell you that!”

    Me: “Then how will you get your ice cream? I am the ice cream queen! I control all of the ice cream in this mighty vessel.”

    Customer: “I need to talk to the Ice Cream MAN to get my ice cream, not the Ice cream QUEEN! I need a BOY! I need a BOY!”

    (As this was not what I had prepared for, I quickly nodded, and ducked below the counter, and got a marker, drew a mustache, and sat up and spoke in a low voice.)

    Me: “Her Majesty is a new worker. What can I get for you?”

    Customer: *looking relieved* “Ice cream man! I want….that one!” *points to ice cream on the board*

    (And all was well… besides the mustache I had for the next week. Thank you PERMANENT marker, you did your job. Parents, everywhere, tell your children of the Ice Cream Queen. Save a teenage girl’s face from fake facial hair!)

    Utah Got The Wrong Place

    | Canada | Bizarre, Geography, Musical Mayhem

    (I am working at the box office when the phone rings.)

    Me: “Hello, thank you for calling [Business]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “I’m looking for the Utah Symphony.”

    Me: “Sorry?”

    Caller: “The Utah Symphony.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I think you have the wrong number. I’m in Canada.”

    Caller: “Are you sure?”

    Me: “Yes, I’m sure I’m in Canada.”

    Caller: “Is this [Address] in [City], Utah?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, I’m on [Street] in [City], Canada.”

    Caller: “But where can I find the Utah Symphony?”

    Me: “…try Utah?”

    Smile, And The Whole World Goes Crazy

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Bizarre

    (I’m in line at a grocery store. The cashier is a girl in her teens, and looks like she’s had a long night. She’s not rude or anything, just not particularly perky. She’s bagging the customer’s items.)

    Customer: *leaning towards the cashier with a big creepy smile on her face* “You know, the smiles here are free!”

    (The cashier’s eyes widen a little, but before she can decide if this woman is serious, the customer keeps going:)

    Customer: “You know, I used to work as a cashier, and I know how hard it can be, but you just HAVE to keep smiling! Smiling is SO important in this job!”

    (She smiles even wider, clearly pleased with herself and the ‘wisdom’ she’s imparted. She takes her bags, smiles EVEN WIDER, and skips off.)

    Me: “I wonder if she knows that she stole that line from McDonald’s?”

    Cashier: *dazed* “No, I think she thinks she came up with it. Thank god I’m off in five minutes!”

    I Don’t Want To Wait. Oh Wait.

    | MI, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink

    Me: *answering the phone* “[Restaurant]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Can you cook us a cheese pizza, and a pepperoni and beef pizza, and put them on the buffet? We are coming in to eat and we are in a hurry and don’t want to wait.”

    (Even though we don’t normally do this, it’s a slow day, so I say okay. The customer and her friends arrive in about 10 minutes.)

    Customer: “Are the pizzas we called ahead about ready yet?”

    Me: “Yes, they were just put on the buffet for you.”

    Customer: “Good, because we don’t want to wait.” *she looks at the menu* “Oh, can I order a 10-piece buffalo wings, too?”

    Me: “Okay, but they take about 12-15 minutes to cook.”

    Customer: “Oh that’s fine. We can wait.”

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