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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    Pay Attention

    | AZ, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Health & Body

    (One of our registers has been closed all day, with plenty of signs to say so. A customer runs up to me with a heavy accent.)

    Customer: “Pay! I need to pay!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but this register is currently closed. The nearest open registers are—”

    Customer: *holds out a sweater to me* “Pay?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but this register is closed. The nearest open register is just down that way.”

    Customer: “No, no, I need to PAY!”

    Me: “Ma’am, this register is closed. Closed.” *I speak slowly* “I cannot work the register for you. They are locked. Only a manager can—”

    (The customer starts writhing around in a strange manner, with her sweater held over her stomach and her legs bowed together.)

    Customer: “Oh, I need to pay! So bad!”

    (One of my coworkers has a brainwave and comes up to the customer.)

    Coworker: “Excuse me, do you need a restroom? A bathroom?”

    Customer: *looks at my coworker cheerfully* “I can pay?”

    Coworker: “You need to… pee? A bathroom?”

    Customer: “Pay!”

    (The customer begins energetically following my coworker.)

    Coworker: “The bathrooms are just down this way; if you follow this aisle, turn left up here and—”

    Customer: “No! I need to PAY!”

    (The customer runs off, completely ignoring my coworker’s directions. We still aren’t entirely sure what she was asking for!)

    Not The Brightest Of The Bunch

    | NSW, Australia | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (I am standing at the front counter next to the bowl of bananas we have for making smoothies. A customer in his mid-20s approaches the counter.)

    Customer: “Hey, do you sell any bananas?”

    Me: “Yes, we do have bananas. However, we cannot sell them to you as we need them for our smoothies.”

    Customer: “Great! How much for one?”

    Me: “They’re not for sale; we need them. There is a shopping center close by. If you go there, they can sell you bananas, and cheaply too.”

    Customer: “Okay… then how much for a banana smoothie?”

    Me: “That will be $4.99 for a small, and $5.99 for a large.”

    Customer: “Okay… can I get a banana smoothie, but can you not ‘smoothie’ it?”

    Their Granola Is Rockin’

    | NC, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (We have small bags of granola that is made in-house in front of the register with a sign saying that it is homemade. A customer picks one up after ordering and receiving his coffee.)

    Customer: “Oh wow, $2 for this?! It better be good granola!”

    Me: “Well we do make it in-house.”

    Customer: “Yeah, but how hard can it be? You’re not back there banging rocks or anything. What goes into it?”

    Me: “Well, you mix oats and honey with nuts. Then you have to bake—”

    Customer: “Oh, so you do make it yourself! That’s cool!”

    (The customer leaves.)

    Coworker: “What was that about?”

    Me: “Whether or not we bang rocks to make our granola?”

    Coworker: “Oh, of course.”

    Blind To The TMI Boundary

    | MI, USA | Bizarre, Rude & Risque

    (We sell blinds and wallpaper.)

    Customer: “I need some blinds that will give me lots of privacy.”

    Me: “We have a lot of different options. You may be interested in a blackout cellular shade. Do you have anything specific in mind?”

    Customer: “Well, I need something that won’t get damaged if it gets Vaseline on it.”

    Me: “Okay. Maybe a faux wood or wood blind then?”

    Customer: “Can you see shadows through it? Because I like to cover my whole body in Vaseline and crawl around like a slug, and I don’t want my neighbors to see me.”

    Me: “…um …no, you shouldn’t be able to see shadows.”

    Can’t Pin Him Down To A Number

    | Colorado Springs, CO, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Technology

    (I work overnight at a prepaid phone call center. A customer calls in every night to change his pin, because he is paranoid. He is always abusive. His constant pin changes finally catch up with him.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling; my name is [name]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I want to change the PIN on my account.”

    Me: “Absolutely, we just need your current PIN, please.”

    Customer: *gives wrong PIN*

    Me: “I’m sorry; that’s incorrect. I’ll need the PIN to access the account.”

    Customer: “Listen, I need to change my PIN because I don’t know it. I don’t remember what I used last. I want it to be 123456. Please change it now.”

    Me: “I’m so sorry, but we can’t change the PIN without verifying that this is your account. It would defeat the purpose.”

    Customer: “I’m going to find out where you are and I’m gonna come down there and cut your head off. Then I’m gonna burn the building down and kill all of your friends, and then you’re gonna go home and cry into your pillow because you’re so lonely. What do you think about that?”

    Me: “Well, I think if you cut my head off, I won’t get much crying done. I’m sorry that you don’t know your PIN. Unfortunately, I am done trying to help you. I’ve marked your account abusive, and you’ll need to hold for a supervisor.”

    (The customer hangs up. His account is forever marked as immediate transfer to a supervisor, and he switches carriers. Those poor people.)

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