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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    Jeepers Creepers

    | RetailOklahoma City, OK, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Health & Body

    (A customer approaches my register. I begin her transaction, as well as make small talk.)

    Customer: “Can I ask you a question?”

    Me: “Absolutely!”

    Customer: “Do you have prosthetic eyes? My husband makes them and, yours just look so real!”

    Me: “No, ma’am. My eyes are real.”

    Customer: “Are you sure?”

    Me: “Yep, my eyes are really real.”

    (She turns deep red, but tries to laugh it off. We finish her transaction, and she leaves very quickly.)

    Silent Running

    | Hampshire, England, UK | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Bizarre

    (A regular comes in every day for cigarettes. I am always a polite and friendly cashier, who asks how the customers are.)

    Me: “Hello, sir! How are you today?”

    Customer: “How are you today? How am I today? How am I today? Every day you ask this, and you really don’t care how I am, so in future don’t ask; just give me my cigarettes!”

    Me: “Oh, err… okay…”

    Customer: “That’s better. You remember that now!”

    Me: “I will…”

    (From that day on, every day when he comes and buys his cigarettes, everything is done in total silence.)

    Putting The Relation Into Relationship, Part 6

    | Oahu, HI, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Love/Romance

    (My boyfriend and I are going shopping for my brother’s seventh birthday. A middle age customer walks up to us.)

    Customer: “Aww, isn’t that cute?”

    Me: “What is?”

    Customer: “Brother and sister shopping together. You both look like twins!”

    (My boyfriend laughs.)

    Me: “Sorry, but we aren’t related at all. We’re dating; you know, boyfriend and girlfriend.”

    Customer: “No, you’re not! You haven’t held hands or hugged each other. Show me!”

    Boyfriend: “Well, let’s not keep her waiting…”

    (I give him a kiss, which throws the customer into a rage.)

    Customer: “HAS THE WORLD GONE MAD?! THAT IS INCEST!”

    Related:
    From NotAlwaysRelated.com
    Putting The Relation Into Relationship, Part 5
    From NotAlwaysRomantic.com
    Putting The Relation Into Relationship, Part 4
    Putting The Relation Into Relationship, Part 3
    Putting The Relation Into Relationship, Part 2

    Losing His Hold On Reality

    | Midlands, England, UK | Bizarre, Musical Mayhem, Technology

    Me: “Hello, [company name] support; how may I help you?”

    Customer: “You c****! I heard what you did; how dare you!”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “You changed the f****** music!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir; I don’t understand the—”

    Customer: “The hold music!”

    Me: “I’m terribly sorry if it wasn’t to your liking, but you are through now. I’d like to help you fix your problem if we can just—”

    Customer: “I won’t stand for you insulting me like this! And you let everyone else hear it; that’s slander!

    Me: “Hear what?”

    Customer: “The insults about me you put in your hold music!”

    (The customer had been on hold for so long, he had come to believe the hold music was actually insulting him, and that someone at the company had slipped in taunts and abuse directed at him personally.)

    Give The Workers A (Prison) Break

    , | UK | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m on my way home after a hockey social, dressed as a prisoner in a bright orange jumpsuit and trick handcuffs. I’m pretty hungry, so I stop for food. Inside there is a drunk man yelling at the cashiers.)

    Drunk: “I said [competitor's signature item]! This is WRONG!”

    Cashier: “I told you, you’re at [place], not [competitor]!”

    Drunk: “I know where I am!”

    Me: “Oh, do you?”

    (He turns to me, and does a double take at my outfit.)

    Me: “Because I think you’re in a whole world of trouble.”

    (I start advancing, cackling Joker-style.)

    Drunk: “What ya gonna do, crazy b****?”

    (In answer, I stretch out, making it look like I’ve just torn apart my handcuffs.)

    Drunk: “Holy s***!”

    (I keep approaching, cackling.)

    Drunk: “Psycho b****!”

    (He throws his food at me and runs. I reach the counter, and drop the act.)

    Me: “Can I get a portion of nuggets, please?”

    (The cashier just stares at me for a moment.)

    Cashier: “Y’know, I think he was right on the crazy part. Nuggets coming right up.”

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