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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    Political (Weather) Front

    | The Netherlands | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Politics

    (A customer has just bought a paper, and since it’s a quiet day, I make some small talk with him. It is currently very bad weather for the time of the year. It’s cold and very windy.)

    Me: “So, did you make it through the storm?”

    Customer: “Well, I survived, but it’s so cold!”

    Me: “Yeah, I—”

    Customer: “I think it’s a conspiracy from the European Union.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, how?”

    Customer: “The EU is making the weather extra cold, so we use more gas for the heater, and we have higher gas bills.”

    Me: “Well, I’m sure the EU doesn’t have the technology to control the weather.”

    Customer: “You never know with the EU!”

    Me: “But controlling the weather—”

    Customer: “You know how they are! For example, now with all the fuss about Cyprus. All they did was spend the same amount of money as Germany, but Germany is fine, and Cyprus is in a crisis!”

    Me: “But Germany is a lot bigger than Cyprus.”

    Customer: “Yeah, they sure are!”

    Me: “Have a nice day, sir.”

    His Hearing Is Run Of The Mill

    | MD, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    Customer: “Can I get a chicken salad sandwich on wheat?”

    Me: “Sure, big or small?”

    Customer: “Wheat.”

    Me: “Big or small?”

    Customer: “WHEAT!”

    Me: “Big or small—”

    Customer: “WHEAT!”

    Me: *quickly and loudly* “Size, what size, big or small—”

    Customer: “WHEAT! Wait, what are you asking me?”

    Me: “Big. Or. Small. Size?”

    Customer: “Oh, just a smaller one. Sorry, I thought you were asking me wheat or white!”

    Deaf To Reason

    | USA | Bizarre, Musical Mayhem, Technology

    (I am taking orders face to face with a tablet. There is live music and a ton of people, so it’s loud. Customers constantly cannot hear me, so I start out most interactions with a strong, loud voice.)

    Me: “Hi, ma’am, what can I get for you?”

    Customer: “Uh, a turkey sandwich?”

    Me: “All right! Did you want the large or original size?”

    Customer: *louder than me* “You don’t have to yell!”

    Me: *lowers down to a normal volume* “Sorry, ma’am, did you want the big or small size?”

    Customer: “Huh?” *leans down close to hear me*

    At Least He Was Knife About It

    | Calgary, AB, Canada | Bizarre, Criminal/Illegal

    (I’m volunteering at the concessions area of a local hockey arena. A customer walks up to the counter.)

    Me: “Hello, sir!”

    Customer: “Hey! Could I get the key to room three?”

    (At our rink, the accessing of the rink locker rooms requires a special set of keys. Policy dictates that in exchange for the keys, there needs to be a small deposit. Usually, people give us their house keys or car keys, and we give them the room key. This is an effort to prevent theft and carelessness.)

    Me: “No problem! However, there is a small deposit required for the key; something like your car keys or house keys is needed to prevent theft. We’ll give it back once we get the locker room keys back.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. Let’s see here, um…”

    (The customer begins rummaging around his coat pockets. Suddenly, he reaches inside his jacket, and pulls out a massive hunting knife and places it on the counter.)

    Customer: “Will this be okay?”

    Me: *speechless*

    Customer: “Great, thanks!”

    (The customer takes the locker room keys and walks away. Behind him this entire time, a second customer is waiting in line.)

    Customer #2: “Whoa.”

    Un-American Idiots

    | Italy | Bizarre, Musical Mayhem

    (I work at a pretty popular furniture store. A girl and her friend come in. After looking around for a bit and giggling to themselves, the girls come up to me.)

    Girl #1: “Hi. Yeah… we… like… we wanted to know… do you guys sell band members here?”

    Me: “Sorry, what?”

    Girl #1: “Yeah! Band members! Like, you know, people who are in bands and play music?”

    Me: “Oh! No, we don’t really sell band posters, sorry.”

    Girl #1: “No! Not posters! We want band members!”

    Me: “What? You mean you want me to sell you the actual band members? As in the actual people who play in the band?”

    Both Girls: “Yeah!”

    Me: “I’m sorry… I don’t think we have any in stock, and we’re probably not going to get some anytime soon. Actually, I think no store will have what you’re looking for, girls.”

    Girl #1: “Aw, really?”

    Girl #2: “Come on… Are you sure? Not even clones?”

    Me: “Yeah, I think the most you will find will be posters and band merchandise. With pictures of them, maybe, but not the actual people. I’m very sorry.”

    Both Girls: “Aw… it’s okay; sorry for bothering you.”

    (As they walk away, I overhear them talking.)

    Girl #2: “Aw, I really wanted a Billie Joe Armstrong.”

    Girl #1: “Yeah… I guess our best bet is asking Adrienne if she’s willing to share.”

    Girl #2: “Yep, we should do it. I mean, it’s like… It’s not like I want to marry him or something. I just want to be his friend. and cuddle with him, and pet his hair. Don’t forget about petting his hair.”

    Girl #1: “Same here! Hmm, you know what this means, right?”

    Girl #2: “Yeah. Let’s ask her on both Twitter and Instagram until she finally answers.”

    (My manager has heard everything, and comes over to me laughing. We’re both huge Green Day fans.)

    Manager: “Oh, God… Were they… really?

    Me: “Yeah.”

    (My manager starts singing to the tune of the chorus of the song “Stray Heart”.)

    Manager: “Everything that they want, they want from him, but they just can’t have him. Everything that they need, they need from therapy, but they won’t realize it.”

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