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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    Not Low Key About The Hokey

    | San Jose, CA, USA | Bigotry, Bizarre, Religion

    (I’m a Muslim female barista. Two young women in headscarves come in. They get in line. Most people are surprised to learn of my faith, as I am mixed race and look white, and don’t wear a headscarf by personal choice.. A man whispers to his wife, and then comes up to me while I’m handing out drinks to customers.)

    Man: “Excuse me, could you please remove those two from the shop?”

    Me: “Who?”

    Man: “Those two in the scarves.”

    Me: “Uh, why?”

    Man: “They’re offending me.”

    Me: “How?”

    Man: *raising voice* “How dare they throw their satanic religion in our good Christian faces?!”

    (He is wearing a rather large cross around his neck.)

    Man: *raises his voice to a yell* “Be gone from his earth, devil spawn!”

    Me: “Dude, look, quit harassing them.”

    Man: “Harassing them?! They’re harassing me!”

    (Fed up, I come out from behind the counter to speak to the man.)

    Me: “Look, dude, be quiet or leave now.”

    Man: “Why should I, son of the great lord, be forced to tolerate their hokey religion?!”

    Me: “That’s my ‘hokey religion’ you’re messing with, and I’m not going to take your crap. Out. Now.

    Man: “You’re devil spawn too?!” *crosses himself* “SONS AND DAUGHTERS OF GOD, THROW DOWN YOUR COFFEE! A SINNER HAS TOUCHED IT!”

    (The shop is literally silent, and everyone is staring at him. My manager walks up behind him. He is Sikh, and is wearing a turban. He taps the man on the shoulder and speaks in a deadpan voice.)

    Manager: *deadpans, taps man on the shoulder* “Now what seems to be the problem here?”

    (As soon as he sees my manager, the customer literally screams and runs out. His wife runs after him, stopping at the door to cross herself. I go back behind the counter. The two Muslim women approach me.)

    Muslim Woman #1: “Thanks for that.”

    Me: “Absolutely no problem. I’ve had that done to me too, when I’m wearing the scarf.”

    Muslim Woman #2: “Do you get lunatics in here like that often?”

    Me: “You have no idea.”

    Pen Her In For A Discount

    | MI, USA | Awesome Customers, Bizarre, Top

    (I am a cashier at a small chain grocery store in a small town. I am monitoring the self-checkout station when a customer walks up to me.)

    Me: “Is there something I can help you with?”

    Customer: “Hi is [coworker's name] still here?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but he has already left for the evening. Is there something I could assist you with?”

    Customer: “Well, I am so embarrassed. He was my cashier earlier today and he asked me if I gave his pen back to him. I checked my pockets and I thought I did, but when I got home I found it in my purse! Could I leave this with you and you give it to him next time he comes in?”

    Me: *slightly shocked* “Ma’am, you mean to tell me you drove all the way back here to return a pen to my coworker?”

    Customer: “Yes. I told him I hadn’t took it. I feel so bad!”

    Me: “Well that is very kind of you, I am sure he will appreciate it. I will make sure to leave him a note letting him know you returned it. Might I ask how far you had to drive to return it?”

    Customer: “Well, I live in [town about 40 minutes away from store location].”

    Me:What!?”

    There Is No Analog For This Conversation

    | ME, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre

    (I work for a large cable company that has recently switch a few stations from analog to digital format, freeing up space for more channels and internet bandwidth. I work at one of the retail stores where customers can pick up adapters to get the channels back.)

    Me: “Hi! How are you today?”

    Customer: “Where the f*** did Lifetime go?”

    Me: “Oh! You must be talking about our digital switch over. Basically, we’ve switched these channels over and we’re giving out these adapters to get them instead, and they’re free until 2015.”

    Customer: “Why would you do this anyway? You people are always doing this; you’re always trying to screw the customer!”

    Me: “Actually, ma’am, this is to allow for more channels, faster internet speeds, and future technologies as we get them, so it’s really for your benefit.”

    Customer: “The internet is for the devil!”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “The internet is for the devil! I won’t use it!”

    Me: “Well… I know that a lot of other people use the internet for business and school and for other good purposes, but I can understand where you’re coming from. Would you like to pick up your adapter today?”

    Customer: “No, I think I’m just going to get dish. You charge too much anyway. How does that dish work?”

    (I play it cool, and explain how it works and the differences between the services as unbiased as I can be.)

    Customer: “Ok, I’ll have to think about it all. I’m not sure what I want to do. Everyone’s screwing me over. I’m going to be dead soon, did you know that I was dying? Yep, I won’t be here next year. Then when I was pulling in here that a**hole cut me off. Can you believe the nerve? He almost killed me? I f***ing flipped him off. I wish he’d tried following me. I’d have shown him something if he started following me. Just like those d*** kids going 80 miles an hour down my road!”

    (This continues for another 10 minutes without pause. However, at the end of everything she got everything off her chest and I actually got a smile out of her at the end! I claim victory.)

    How Artists Draw Blank Faces

    | London, England, UK | Bizarre

    (I am waitressing at a wedding party being held above a bar in an art gallery. I have popped down to the bar to use their dishwasher. There are lots of contemporary art displays around the bar.)

    Customer: “Hi, could I get a pint of Carling?”

    Me: “Oh sorry, I don’t actually work here. You’ll have to ask someone else.”

    Customer: “But you’re wearing uniform?”

    (My uniform is not even slightly similar to the bar staff’s.)

    Me: “Oh, that’s because I’m a waitress; I’m from upstairs.”

    Customer: “Oh right, I thought you might be another art display. Okay, bye…”

    Fruit Loopy

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Money, Tourists/Travel

    Me: “Alright ma’am, I’ve entered all your requests in the reservation. Have a great day!”

    Caller: “Wait, I’m not finished! I want a fruit basket in my room to be there when I arrive. And there better not be any grapes! They’re nasty! They’re dirty and full of germs! I only want fruit with skins I can peel off!”

    Me: *being a fellow germophobe* “I definitely understand that. Bananas and oranges.”

    Caller: “If I find any skinless fruit, I will immediately throw the entire fruit basket out of the window into the ocean! Do you hear me?”

    Me: “Ah, well then we have to move you to a room with a balcony, because the window in your stateroom doesn’t open. The upgrade would cost $2,100.00, is that okay?”

    Caller: *long pause* “No, I will just carry it upstairs to the deck and do it from there.”

    Me: “Alright, sounds great. Anything else I can help you with?”

    Caller: “No thanks dear, have a good day.” *click*

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