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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    Cause For Pregnant Pause

    | ON, Canada | Bizarre, Money

    (A customer calls in, noticing that she hasn’t had any money taken from her account for her water heater rental for the last couple months.)

    Me: “Okay, so let me look into your file. Hmm, seems you’ve not been set up on our new billing system. That’s probably the problem. Let me just grab your info from the old system to fix it. Wait, you’re not in there either.”

    Customer: “Huh?”

    Me: “I don’t think you’ve been billed for this in a while. Yeah, here’s a note from 2007 saying you hadn’t been billed since September ’06. It seems as though they just closed it without actually fixing it. You haven’t been charged for seven years.”

    Customer: “Wow.”

    Me: “Now, unfortunately, we’re going to have to back-bill you for this—”

    Customer: “Oh, God!”

    Me: “…but luckily for you, we cap back-bills at one year. So, it won’t be a couple grand: it’ll just be about $300.”

    Customer: “Oh, wow, that’s so much better. Thank you!”

    Me: “Wait, did you just thank me for billing you $300?”

    Customer: “Yeah. It’s like one time when I was 14, and I’d just gotten my first piercing. I told my parents that I was pregnant, and by the time they figured out that I wasn’t, they were okay with any other news I could possibly have given them.”

    Urine My Way

    | BC, Canada | Bizarre, Health & Body

    (I am a female cleaning the men’s washroom at a movie theatre. I have a large ‘closed for cleaning’ sign posted on the door. A male customer enters.)

    Me: “Hi, sorry, I’m just cleaning at the moment—”

    Customer: “That’s okay.”

    Me: “I’ve opened the wheelchair accessible washroom across the hall. You can—”

    Customer: “No, no, it’s fine.”

    (He goes to a urinal and begins to unzip his fly. Admitting defeat, I begin to leave.)

    Customer: “Please, I don’t want to put you out. You can go ahead and clean.”

    Me: “Sir, I’m not going to stay in here while you’re using the urinal.”

    Customer: “Why? I really don’t mind.”

    Me: “I do.”

    Customer: “Why?”

    That Woman Has Some Balls

    | Dickson City, PA, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (My friend and I are at a Chinese buffet.)

    Me: “Hey, do you want to get those fried dough ball things before we go back to the table?”

    My Friend: “Yes! Thank you for the reminder!”

    (We walk over to where they’re located, and see a rather large, middle-aged woman making her way down the line. She’s at the tray of food next to the dough balls, so we stand back and let her finish what she’s doing.)

    My Friend: “I love the dough balls here!”

    (The woman looks up from what she’s doing, and stares at us. She reaches over and takes EVERY DOUGH BALL from the tray and puts them on her plate. She then runs away from the line. There were at least 13 dough balls on the tray.)

    Me: “I… I don’t know what just happened.”

    (A few people around us start to laugh. Thankfully the dough balls were restocked by the time we were done with our first plate of food, and we never ran into that woman again!)

    It Doesn’t Matter If You’re Pokémon Black Or White

    | AZ, USA | Bizarre, Criminal/Illegal, Musical Mayhem

    (A customer dressed like Michael Jackson walks into the store. He is carrying a boom-box, and an armful of Pikachu dolls. There are even more spilling out of his outfit. He is wearing a GIGANTIC rainbow Afro wig. My colleagues and I call him ‘Michael Jackson Wannabe’ (MJW). He is receiving comments from other customers.)

    Other Customer: “Hey, Michael Jackson! It isn’t Halloween!”

    (MJW says nothing. Extremely loud disco music starts playing from his boom-box. He starts dancing and moon-walking, while carrying his massive collection of dolls. Although a skilled dancer, he is more than unsettling due to his attire and massive collection of stuffed animals.)

    Me: “Dude, quit. You’re freaking everyone out.”

    (I turn down the music.)

    Michael Jackson Wannabe: “LET THE MUSIC PLAY!”

    (He turns the music all the way up again, and starts throwing his dolls at me and my coworker. I dive for cover behind the counter while my coworker calls the police. MJW is now holding his boom-box and is dancing right in front of a clearly annoyed elderly customer.)

    Elderly Customer: “FALL!”

    (The elderly customer snatches the boom-box right out of MJW’s hands, and THROWS it at him. MJW is knocked off his feet from the weight of the boom-box. The elderly customer looks over at me.)

    Elderly Customer: “Do you think I took it a little too far?”

    Me: “…yeah.”

    (The police arrive, and take both MJW and the elderly customer away in handcuffs. The next day, the elderly customer comes back. He was jailed overnight for harming MJW. The police would have kept him longer, but they were sympathetic to the fact that he did stop a guy that was disturbing the peace.)

    Elderly Customer: “Do you get a lot of weirdoes in here?”

    Me: “Like that guy dressed like Michael Jackson? No not really. When we do, they’re like him, really loopy.”

    (Surprisingly, the elderly customer gave me a $100 bill. Even better: we now sell Pokémon dolls! Thanks MJW, for introducing a new product to the store, even though you destroyed half the shop doing so.)

    Gramps Grumps

    | MI, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Love/Romance

    Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

    Old man: “MEAN!”

    Me: “Oh no, that’s no good.”

    Old man: “Yeah, it scares off all the pretty ladies.”

    Me: “Well, you don’t want to scare them off; that’s no good.”

    Old man: “I’m 80; I can’t do anything else with them. I might as well scare them away; makes it easier for me that way!”

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