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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    Blind To The TMI Boundary

    | MI, USA | Bizarre, Rude & Risque

    (We sell blinds and wallpaper.)

    Customer: “I need some blinds that will give me lots of privacy.”

    Me: “We have a lot of different options. You may be interested in a blackout cellular shade. Do you have anything specific in mind?”

    Customer: “Well, I need something that won’t get damaged if it gets Vaseline on it.”

    Me: “Okay. Maybe a faux wood or wood blind then?”

    Customer: “Can you see shadows through it? Because I like to cover my whole body in Vaseline and crawl around like a slug, and I don’t want my neighbors to see me.”

    Me: “…um …no, you shouldn’t be able to see shadows.”

    Can’t Pin Him Down To A Number

    | Colorado Springs, CO, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Technology

    (I work overnight at a prepaid phone call center. A customer calls in every night to change his pin, because he is paranoid. He is always abusive. His constant pin changes finally catch up with him.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling; my name is [name]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I want to change the PIN on my account.”

    Me: “Absolutely, we just need your current PIN, please.”

    Customer: *gives wrong PIN*

    Me: “I’m sorry; that’s incorrect. I’ll need the PIN to access the account.”

    Customer: “Listen, I need to change my PIN because I don’t know it. I don’t remember what I used last. I want it to be 123456. Please change it now.”

    Me: “I’m so sorry, but we can’t change the PIN without verifying that this is your account. It would defeat the purpose.”

    Customer: “I’m going to find out where you are and I’m gonna come down there and cut your head off. Then I’m gonna burn the building down and kill all of your friends, and then you’re gonna go home and cry into your pillow because you’re so lonely. What do you think about that?”

    Me: “Well, I think if you cut my head off, I won’t get much crying done. I’m sorry that you don’t know your PIN. Unfortunately, I am done trying to help you. I’ve marked your account abusive, and you’ll need to hold for a supervisor.”

    (The customer hangs up. His account is forever marked as immediate transfer to a supervisor, and he switches carriers. Those poor people.)

    This Customer Has A Tuna Problems

    | Bellingham, WA, USA | Bizarre, Money

    (I’m a teller at a bank. A young customer comes up to my window.)

    Customer: “I’d like to withdraw $20.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, it looks like your available balance is $10. Would you like to withdraw that amount?”

    Customer: “No. I want to withdraw $20.”

    Me: “I’m sorry; I can only withdraw the $10 you have available.”

    Customer: “But I want $20!”

    Me: “I can’t give you more money than you have in your account.”

    Customer: “Well at least it’s not a Nazi-controlled fish world where it’s ‘hail tuna, only what the tuna says!.’”

    (The customer waits for me to reply, but I have no idea if this is some pop culture reference.)

    Me: “…no. At least it’s not like that…”

    Customer: “I’ll take the $10.”

    (The customer leaves happily, and I never find any info on her fish world. I assume it is original, as the next week she tells me I would be ‘sweeter if I was made out of silver.’)

    Hold The Garlic Bread

    | NY, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Movies & TV, Top

    (I work the late shift at a pizza parlor, and am taking over delivery for a sick coworker instead of working the register as I usually do. I cycle up to the apartment that’s listed on the bill and knock on their door. The customer doesn’t answer so I knock harder.)

    Me: “Your pizza’s here!”

    (The door slowly creaks open. The lights are all off, almost like a horror movie, and I take a step back in surprise.)

    Me: “Uhm… hello?”

    (Unnerved, I turn to get the heck out of there, when I hear something moving. I look back in the house, and some guy is standing there, nearly invisible in the dark.)

    Me: “Oh, haha, I didn’t see you there. Here’s your pizza, sir. You ordered online, so you’re good to go!”

    Customer: “Who darez to tahlk to ze Count in zees mannehr?!”

    (I realize that he’s wearing a full Dracula costume, complete with bloody fangs and a cape. He’s staring at me with Bela Lugosi’s signature death glare.)

    Me: “Uh… Frank, the pizza delivery guy?”

    Customer: “…”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “Dihd you breeng extra ov zee leetle sauce packeets for ze breedsteecks?”

    Me: “Uh… yeah, yeah, they should be in the box.”

    Customer: “Exceeleent! Have a vunderful night, my child!”

    (The customer slams the door closed.)

    Me: “What just happened?”

    Saving Souls And Money

    | Buena Park, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Geeks Rule, Theme Of The Month, Top

    ( One late night, a customer comes up dressed in very stereotypical goth attire and makeup.)

    Me: “Okay, sir! Your total comes to [total].”

    Customer: “Look me in the eyes.”

    Me: “Um… okay?”

    (I look the customer directly in the eyes. He starts speaking in a steady voice.)

    Customer: “You will give me a discount.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I can’t just give you a discount.”

    Customer: “Yes, you will. I am a vampire lord, and you are under my mental control.”

    Me: *in the same type of steady voice* “You are a vampire lord, and I am under your mental control.”

    Customer: “Very good. Now give me a discount or I will consume your soul.”

    Me: “But master, as you can clearly see, I am a ginger, and it is common knowledge that gingers have no souls.”

    (The customer stares into my eyes silently for a few seconds, and then breaks eye contact.)

    Customer: “D***, you’re right. It was worth a try.”

    (The customer pays and leaves.)

    Supervisor: “Um…”

    Me: “Yeah?”

    Supervisor: “You’re blond.”

    Me: “Really? THAT’S what you picked up on?”

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