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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    They Don’t Know That Band Aid Feeds The World

    , | OK, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (A customer pulls up into the drive thru.)

    Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes. Do you have a grilled chicken salad?”

    (I list off all our chicken salads.)

    Customer: “Yes, I’ll take the BLT salad. Does that come with lettuce?”

    Me: “Yes. It’s a salad with lettuce.”

    Customer: “Okay. One BLT grilled salad with lettuce.”

    (I tell her the total, and she pulls up to the window. I’d cut myself earlier in the day on my finger, so I have to wear a band-aid. I’m only working with money, and try to keep it out of sight of customers as much as possible.)

    Me: “Your total is $5.85.”

    (The customer glances at my finger when I push the button to see her total. She looks like I’d just killed someone right in front of her.)

    Customer: “Oh. My gosh. I’m sorry. That’s so gross!”

    (She drops her change from spazzing out.)

    Customer:“J-just take the twenty and forget the change!”

    Me: “You sure? I can wait.”

    Customer: “Y-yes!” *shoos me away in disgust*

    (I give her the change, and close the window. I tell my coworkers it would be best if someone else handed out her food. My coworker hands the salad out to the spazzing customer.)

    Coworker: “Did you see her? ”

    Me: “No?”

    Coworker: “She was staring at you and making praying gestures and talking to herself!”

    Trying To Can The Idea

    | Hershey, PA, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Wild & Unruly

    (At our store, we have to see an ID card before we accept a check. Most of the cashiers are new, however, and lax about asking for ID.)

    Me: “Alright, before I process you check, may I please see your ID?”

    Older Customer: “Oh? When did this start?”

    Me: “It’s a part of our store rules, ma’am. We’re always supposed to ask this.”

    Older Customer: “Well, no one has ever asked me before!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We’re always supposed to ask for ID.”

    Older Customer: “Still, no one has asked before!”

    Me: “Again, I’m sorry, but I have to follow the rules.”

    Older Customer: “Well, this is awful! You don’t know how hard this is on old people!”

    (She pulls out her wallet, opens it, and moves one thin piece of plastic to get to her ID. However, without warning, she grabs a can from the next customer’s order and chucks at my head.)

    Me: *dodges* “Ma’am, what are you doing?!”

    Older Customer: “You see what you did there? I could never do that today. What you did there is like what I go through getting to my ID!”

    Belting Out Her Demands

    | Tacoma, WA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre

    (I have just taken over a register where the guest has already been complaining the previous cashier was too slow.)

    Me: “Hi! Any coupons or gift cards you are using today?”

    (I move the divider out of the way to start ringing her items.)

    Customer: *gasps* “Um, yeah. You… you need to put that bar back down.”

    Me: “I am just moving it to start ringing your items.”

    Customer: “No! Put it back. It has to be there. The belt cannot move. Now!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I will be unable to reach the items if the belt doesn’t move.”

    Customer: “I will hand you the items. I will not have the belt moving!”

    Me: “Uh… why?”

    Customer: “I can’t have it move! I lose control of my items when the belt moves! I must be in charge of my items! IT CAN’T MOVE!”

    (She was having a freak out about the whole thing. I gave up and just tried to get her out as fast as possible.)

    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 6

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Transportation

    (I work as a food runner for a hospital. My job requires me to wear a tuxedo. One day after work, I stop by a nearby dollar store to get a soda. I’m sitting on the bench outside the store drinking my soda when a fancy car pulls up right in front of me. A man gets out and walks around the car.)

    Man: “Ahem.”

    (I look up at him and see he’s looking right at me, but I don’t do anything.)

    Man: *louder* “Ahem!”

    Me: “What?”

    Man: “You incompetent moron! Do you need to be told how to do your job?”

    Me: “What are you talking about?”

    Man: “That’s it, you’ve just lost your tip. Now get over here and park my car.”

    (I realized he must think I’m a valet because I’m still wearing my tux.)

    Me: “I don’t work here, dude. Leave me alone.”

    Man: “You will address me as ‘sir’, and you will do your job right now, or I will go into that store, find your manager and have you fired for your unprofessional behavior. Look at you, drinking cola while you’re on the job! It’s because of people like you that our economy is collapsing!”

    Me: “Listen, a**hole, I already told you I don’t work here. Leave me alone and park your own d*** car.”

    Man: “That does it, I’m going to find your manager! You’ll be standing in line at the soup kitchen this time next week!”

    (He locks his car door and storms into the store. About five minutes later, he returns with the store manager, pointing furiously at me.)

    Man: “There, you see? That’s the valet who refused to park my car and insulted me! I demand that you fire him immediately!”

    (The manager looks at him like he’s insane.)

    Manager: “Sir, we don’t have valets. He doesn’t work here.”

    Man: “I don’t want to hear your excuses! You will fire that man immediately!”

    Manager: “I told you already, that guy doesn’t work for us. This is [name of store].”

    Man: “Have you all lost your minds? You think that because Obama’s in the White House that you can get away with not showing me the respect I deserve? You think Obama will save you after people like you destroy this country?”

    (The man rants about President Obama and the “destruction of American values” for a good two minutes. The manager is too stunned to say anything. Finally the man gets back in his car and drives away. The manager looks at me and I just shrug.)

    Related:
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 5

    Half-Life Is Stranger Than Fiction

    | OR, USA | Bizarre, Geeks Rule

    (The fun center where I work is having a big countdown celebration on New Year’s Eve, and I’m working the arcade. We serve alcohol to adult patrons. As we get closer to midnight, a man and a woman approach the counter. I game in my spare time, and the man in the pair looks exactly like Gordon Freeman from Half-Life.)

    Me: “How are you folks today?”

    Man: *inebriated* “Oh, look, a Speederman tattoo. Can I get that?” *he should have said Spiderman*

    Woman: “Sure.”

    (She gives me her tickets, and I give him the tattoo. He is ecstatic about it.)

    Man: “Speederman! This is so awesome! I’m gonna put it on!” *starts stripping*

    Me: “Sir!”

    Woman: “What are you doing?”

    Man: “Speederman!”

    (She manages to convince him to put his shirt back on, and I had to turn away so they wouldn’t see me laughing. To this day, I refer to that as the New Year’s Eve when I saw Gordon Freeman stripping for Spiderman.)


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