Featured Story:
  • Always Time For A Rhyme
    (2,179 thumbs up)
  • Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    Young Boys Display Monstrous Behavior

    | TX, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in a costume shop, and I see a six- or seven-year-old boy looking through the aisle.)

    Me: “Hey there, little guy! Are you looking for a costume?”

    Boy: “Yeah! I’m gonna be a clown, zombie, vampire, werewolf, monster!”

    (The mother of the boy comes around the corner.)

    Mother: “Sweetie, you can only be one, so just choose one.”

    Boy:” Okay, can I be a clown monster werewolf vampire?”

    Me: “But not a zombie?”

    Boy: “Oh yeah, and zombie!”

    Me: “How about we stick two of them together? You can be a werewolf zombie, or a clown monster, or a vampire clown, even.”

    Boy: “Ooh! I want to be a vampire clown. Can I be a vampire clown, please? I want lots of blood.”

    Mother: “Do you even have a vampire clown costume?”

    Me: “We have clown and vampire costumes separately. I’d say a clown outfit, some vampire teeth, and some blood should make the costume right.”

    Boy: “Do you have lots of blood?”

    (I point to the rack with small tubes of fake blood.)

    Me: “We only have these.”

    Boy: “No, I want lots of blood.”

    Me: “Well, I’m sure it’ll have enough—”

    Boy: *serious face* “No. I want lots of blood. I’ll just have to take yours…”

    The Height Of Unreason, Part 2

    | UK | Bizarre, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month

    (I am sitting in front of my computer trying to get on with work whilst my colleague is dealing with a patient. Another patient approaches the desk.)

    Me: “Hi there! How can I help today?”

    Patient: “You know, you really should grow taller. I could hardly see you over the desk.”

    (I go on to sign the patient in, and continue with my work. 10 minutes later, the patient comes back to the desk.)

    Patient: “You know, you’re still no taller; you really need to grow.”

    (I take the patient’s money, and she leaves.)

    Me: *to my colleague* “Did I just get told off for not growing any taller in the space of 10 minutes?”

    Colleague: “Erm, yes, I think you did.”

    Related:
    The Height of Unreason

    I Gotta Ticket To Hide

    | Lansdale, PA, USA | Bizarre, Movies & TV, Wild & Unruly

    (I enter a movie theater when there is only one other customer at the counter.)

    Customer: “Hey, can I get a ticket to Insidious 2?”

    Cashier: “That’s [price].”

    Customer: “Okay.” *looks in purse* “I have three quarters.”

    Cashier: “Sorry, can’t allow you.”

    Customer: “No! You said I could go in; you WILL let me!”

    Cashier: “No, you don’t have enough; I wasn’t to know.”

    Customer: “You’ll sell me that ticket!”

    Cashier: “I can’t; it’s against policy.”

    (The customer walks outside.)

    Me: “I’d like a ticket to Justin and the Knights of Valor.”

    Cashier: “Sure.”

    (I pay and go to the ticket inspector. Before I know what has happened, the customer has run back in, snatches my ticket, rushes past the ticket inspector and runs towards the ‘Insidious’ theater. The ticket inspector and I run after and enter the theater, where commercials are still playing.)

    Me: “Hey! That was my ticket!”

    Ticket Inspector: “Give him back his ticket, please.”

    Customer: “No! His ticket wasn’t ripped!” *shows ticket* “This one is.”

    Ticket Inspector: “That’s because you STOLE his ticket. Give it back.”

    Customer: “Piss off!”

    Ticket Inspector: “Give it back or I’m getting security.”

    Other Moviegoer: “Just give the d*** thing back!”

    (Others in the theater are agreeing.)

    Customer: “No. It’s mine, and you can’t prove it’s yours. You’re just a silly little boy and you think you can get what you want.”

    Ticket Inspector: *on radio* “Could security please come to screen three?”

    (At this point, the customer begins eating the ticket. The inspector tries ripping it from her hands, but she has already eaten most of it.)

    Customer: “Can’t prove it now!”

    (Security came and took her away. The ticket inspector apologized for her behavior and gave me my money back.)

    Doesn’t Give Two Hoots About Listening

    | AB, Canada | Bizarre, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (My city is having an annual festival in the downtown area. I have an animatronic owl that I like to bring out on such occasions. It sits on my shoulder and moves in a very life-like manner. Kids love it and are very respectful of it. Adults, on the other hand are not. A woman grabs me by the shoulder, spins me around, and yells…)

    Woman: “WHAT IS THAT?!”

    Me: “Whoa… um, please don’t touch me. It’s a puppet.”

    (I begin to walk away, but she grabs me again and tries to knock the owl off my shoulder.)

    Woman: “IT LOOKS SO REAL! WHY DO YOU HAVE AN OWL ON YOUR SHOULDER?! HAVING A PET OWL IS ILLEGAL!”

    Me: “Again, please don’t touch me, and DO NOT touch my puppet. And it IS a puppet, not real. It’s made of faux fur, polymer and cables.”

    (The woman starts yelling to a police officer, who is monitoring the event.)

    Woman: “THIS WOMAN HAS A PET OWL! ARREST HER! IT’S ILLEGAL!”

    (The officer comes over, and examines my owl puppet.)

    Officer: “So how does this thing work?”

    (I explain how I control it with a hidden cable, and how it’s made.)

    Woman: “SHE’S LYING! THAT’S A REAL BIRD!”

    Officer: “Ma’am, it’s obviously a puppet. A very neat and realistic puppet, but a puppet all the same. I’m going to have to ask you to stop yelling; you’re causing a disturbance.”

    Woman: “DON’T LET HER FOOL YOU! IT’S A REAL BIRD!”

    (I remove the owl from my shoulder, showing that it stays put with magnets and reveal the hidden cable.)

    Woman: “MURDERER! YOU MURDERED AN INNOCENT OWL! MURDERER!”

    Officer: “Okay, that’s it. You’re coming with me!”

    Maybe Crazy Is In Her Nature

    | Portland, OR, USA | Bizarre, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

    (I have fairly long hair, which is dyed dark forest green. I am looking in the produce section, when someone grabs a handful of my hair and pulls on it as hard as they can. I cry out in pain and turn around to see an old woman glaring at me.)

    Me: “That hurt! Why would you do that?”

    Old Woman: “That didn’t hurt you, ya’ big baby! Anyone can see that hair ain’t real!”

    (She reaches for my hair again; I back up and almost knock over a small wire display rack.)

    Me: “Don’t touch me!”

    (By now we’ve attracted the attention of a nearby manager.)

    Manager: “Is there a problem here?”

    Old Woman: “Yes there is! This is a natural market! I come here to see natural things, and that hair ain’t natural! I want her out of here!”

    Manager: “I can’t do that, but I can call the police because I’m pretty sure pulling someone’s hair counts as assault.”

    (The old lady looks stunned, and hurries away. The manager makes sure I’m alright before she goes on her way.)

    Page 73/152First...7172737475...Last