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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    When Customers Enc-roach

    | Charlotte, NC, USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals

    (I am sitting at the table where we require pool patrons to sign in. It is a slow afternoon early in the season, so I have been given permission to read. A patron enters with his young daughter, and I look up.)

    Customer: “I think they’re mating.”

    (Suddenly, the customer throws a pair of cockroaches on my still-open book. I jump back, let the book fall to the floor, and then stare back at him.)

    Customer: *grins* “Wait ’til I find out what you’re REALLY afraid of!”

    Me: *speechless*

    (I quit two weeks later.)

    How To Keep Your Online Devices In Line, Part 2

    | Oak Ridge, TN, USA | Bizarre, Technology

    Caller: “Yes, I would like you to send me a new modem. This one you sent me is possessed.”

    Me: “…Possessed, ma’am? What makes you say that?”

    Caller: “I turn the lights out, and the beast stares at me with the eyes of Lucifer!”

    (The modem she is using has two lights on the front. When the modem is powered on but not connected to anything, the lights blink red.)

    Me: “Does the modem ever seem to calm down at all, ma’am? Or is it always angry?”

    Caller: “It only gets angry when I unplug it at night, but I have to unplug it so it doesn’t bring other demons! I can’t leave it connected when I’m not watching it!”

    (I spent a good 15 minutes with this lady, who was always very kind, explaining that the lights were only status indicators. She insisted the modem was possessed, and I eventually sent her a new modem with blue lights instead.)

    Related:
    How To Keep Your Online Devices In Line

    Ferretting Out Falsehood Is A Full-Time Effort

    | USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals, Top

    (I work in a pet store. I have a pet ferret that I bring to work with me on occasion. I put him on a leash and harness and walk him around the store when we aren’t busy.)

    Customer: “Godd***, that rat is huge!”

    Me: “He’s not a rat; he’s a ferret. They aren’t—”

    Customer: “F*** all that scientific bulls***! That’s a f***ing rat! That’s not your pet, is it?”

    Me: “Yes, he is. But ferrets are not rodents. They’re mustelids.”

    Customer: “A what?! Mustard lid?”

    Me: “No, mustelid. They’re in the same family as otters, badgers, and weasels.”

    Customer: “What’d you call it? A furret? My friend told me about those. They’ll f***ing bite your nose off!”

    Me: “Well, one might, if it feels threatened, but I assure you they are actually very tame and affectionate animals. Would you like to hold him and see?”

    (I pick my ferret up and cradle him in my arms like a baby. He immediately goes limp and nuzzles my shirt.)

    Customer: *hesitantly reaches out to pet him* “Uh… well, I guess it wouldn’t hurt to try—”

    (At that moment, my ferret opens his mouth wide for a particularly intense yawn, revealing his formidable canine teeth.)

    Customer: “S***! That rat ain’t tame! He just tried to take my f***ing hand off! Crazy b****es and their godd*** face-eating rats!” *bolts out the door*

    Half-Baked Temper Tin-trums

    | England, UK | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (I am a customer getting my items, when, from behind me, a man around 20 to 30 years old goes up to one of the store’s employees.)

    Customer: “Where the h*** do you keep your F***ING baked beans?!”

    Employee: “Baked beans? Right this way, sir.”

    (I am in need of baked beans myself, so I decide to follow them.)

    Employee: “Here are our baked beans, sir.”

    Customer: “These are NOT baked beans!”

    Employee: “I’m sorry, sir, but these are baked beans.”

    Customer: “No! These are TIN beans. I want baked beans!”

    Employee: “Sir, the baked beans are inside the tins.”

    Customer: “What? I don’t want them in a tin. I want them out of the tin!”

    Employee: “I’m sorry, sir, but this is how baked beans are stored.”

    Customer: “Baked beans don’t need to be stored!” *storms out of the store*

    Dim Witted And Off The Deep End, Part 7

    | UK | Bigotry, Bizarre

    (I have just finished swimming at a public pool and am going to get changed. A woman in her early 40s is standing near my locker. I am wearing speedos, but I am 16 and slim so it doesn’t usually bother people.)

    Woman: “You shouldn’t be wearing those.”

    Me: “Sorry?”

    (She approaches me and points at my speedos.)

    Woman: “You shouldn’t wear those trunks. They’re what gay people wear!”

    Me: *speechless*

    Woman: “Are you gay?”

    Me: “No, I’m not. I just find them comfortable to swim in.”

    Woman: “Well, if you’re not gay, you shouldn’t be wearing them!”

    (She then grabs the waistband of my speedos and tries to pull them down. Thankfully they’re tied tight. I slap her hands away.)

    Me: “Woah, what the h***?!”

    Woman: “You need to get them off or you’ll become gay!”

    (The sound of her screaming draws the attention of a lifeguard, who wanders over.)

    Lifeguard: “What’s going on here?”

    Woman: “Get away from me!”

    (The woman runs off, leaving me and the lifeguard to look at one another in confusion. I’ve now started swimming at a different pool!)

    Related:
    Dim Witted And Off The Deep End, Part 6
    Dim Witted And Off The Deep End, Part 5
    Dim Witted And Off The Deep End, Part 4
    Dim Witted And Off The Deep End, Part 3
    Dim Witted And Off The Deep End, Part 2
    Dim Witted And Off The Deep End


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