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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    Worst Superhero Name Ever

    | Orlando, FL, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (I work at the meat/seafood counter of my store. I greet my first customer of the day.)

    Me: “Can I help you, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’d like a six lb. rib roast, please.”

    Me: “Certainly. Let me go and pass your order on to the butcher.”

    (I go back into the cutting room. The butcher says it will take about ten minutes because of the other order he has to fill first. I go back to the counter.)

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, he can have your order ready in ten minutes. If you want, you can do some more shopping and come back later. We’ll set your order up here on the counter when it’s ready for you.”

    Customer: “Are you being a smart-a**?!”

    Me: “Um… excuse me?”

    Customer: “Are. You. Being. A. Smart-a**!?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t understand what the problem is.”

    Customer: *in a mocking tone* “Oh, look at me! I’m Mr. Big Shot Meat Guy! I’ll put your order right up here on the counter! Right here, all nice and neat, because I’m Mr. Big Shot Meat Guy!”

    Me: “Uh… that’s just what we do, ma’am. If someone places an order we set it on the counter for them to come and pick up when it’s ready.”

    (She gives me the dirtiest look I’ve ever seen, and stomps away.)

    Co-worker: “Welcome to work, Mr. Big Shot Meat Guy!”

    Throwing A Fit

    | WI, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Food & Drink, Wild & Unruly

    (At our sub shop, when the customer orders a sub, it reaches the person who is wrapping it up. They wrap it up and then throw it back to the cashier or the customer. Usually, this is met with ‘ooh’s’ and ‘aww’s’.)

    Me: “Hello, and welcome to [subshop]. What can we get for you today?”

    Customer: “Yeah… can I get a one, a five, and a ten?”

    Me: “Sure. Will there be anything else today? Chips? Drinks?”

    Customer: “Nope.”

    (The first sub is made. The wrapper catches the attention of the customer, and asks if he’s willing to catch. The customer nods and catches the sub. At this point, I have him rung up.)

    Me: “That’ll be $13.05.”

    (The customer hands me his credit card. The second sub is done, and the wrapper throws it. The customer catches it and nods his thanks.)

    Me: “Okay. You’re all set! The last sub will be with you in a sec.”

    Wrapper: “Ready?”

    Customer: “Throw the sub at me again, and I’ll shove it up your a**.”

    (Shocked, we say nothing and pass the sub up the line to him. He takes it and leaves with his other subs without another word.)

    Not Low Key About The Hokey

    | San Jose, CA, USA | Bigotry, Bizarre, Religion

    (I’m a Muslim female barista. Two young women in headscarves come in. They get in line. Most people are surprised to learn of my faith, as I am mixed race and look white, and don’t wear a headscarf by personal choice.. A man whispers to his wife, and then comes up to me while I’m handing out drinks to customers.)

    Man: “Excuse me, could you please remove those two from the shop?”

    Me: “Who?”

    Man: “Those two in the scarves.”

    Me: “Uh, why?”

    Man: “They’re offending me.”

    Me: “How?”

    Man: *raising voice* “How dare they throw their satanic religion in our good Christian faces?!”

    (He is wearing a rather large cross around his neck.)

    Man: *raises his voice to a yell* “Be gone from his earth, devil spawn!”

    Me: “Dude, look, quit harassing them.”

    Man: “Harassing them?! They’re harassing me!”

    (Fed up, I come out from behind the counter to speak to the man.)

    Me: “Look, dude, be quiet or leave now.”

    Man: “Why should I, son of the great lord, be forced to tolerate their hokey religion?!”

    Me: “That’s my ‘hokey religion’ you’re messing with, and I’m not going to take your crap. Out. Now.

    Man: “You’re devil spawn too?!” *crosses himself* “SONS AND DAUGHTERS OF GOD, THROW DOWN YOUR COFFEE! A SINNER HAS TOUCHED IT!”

    (The shop is literally silent, and everyone is staring at him. My manager walks up behind him. He is Sikh, and is wearing a turban. He taps the man on the shoulder and speaks in a deadpan voice.)

    Manager: *deadpans, taps man on the shoulder* “Now what seems to be the problem here?”

    (As soon as he sees my manager, the customer literally screams and runs out. His wife runs after him, stopping at the door to cross herself. I go back behind the counter. The two Muslim women approach me.)

    Muslim Woman #1: “Thanks for that.”

    Me: “Absolutely no problem. I’ve had that done to me too, when I’m wearing the scarf.”

    Muslim Woman #2: “Do you get lunatics in here like that often?”

    Me: “You have no idea.”

    Pen Her In For A Discount

    | MI, USA | Awesome Customers, Bizarre, Top

    (I am a cashier at a small chain grocery store in a small town. I am monitoring the self-checkout station when a customer walks up to me.)

    Me: “Is there something I can help you with?”

    Customer: “Hi is [coworker's name] still here?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but he has already left for the evening. Is there something I could assist you with?”

    Customer: “Well, I am so embarrassed. He was my cashier earlier today and he asked me if I gave his pen back to him. I checked my pockets and I thought I did, but when I got home I found it in my purse! Could I leave this with you and you give it to him next time he comes in?”

    Me: *slightly shocked* “Ma’am, you mean to tell me you drove all the way back here to return a pen to my coworker?”

    Customer: “Yes. I told him I hadn’t took it. I feel so bad!”

    Me: “Well that is very kind of you, I am sure he will appreciate it. I will make sure to leave him a note letting him know you returned it. Might I ask how far you had to drive to return it?”

    Customer: “Well, I live in [town about 40 minutes away from store location].”

    Me:What!?”

    There Is No Analog For This Conversation

    | ME, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre

    (I work for a large cable company that has recently switch a few stations from analog to digital format, freeing up space for more channels and internet bandwidth. I work at one of the retail stores where customers can pick up adapters to get the channels back.)

    Me: “Hi! How are you today?”

    Customer: “Where the f*** did Lifetime go?”

    Me: “Oh! You must be talking about our digital switch over. Basically, we’ve switched these channels over and we’re giving out these adapters to get them instead, and they’re free until 2015.”

    Customer: “Why would you do this anyway? You people are always doing this; you’re always trying to screw the customer!”

    Me: “Actually, ma’am, this is to allow for more channels, faster internet speeds, and future technologies as we get them, so it’s really for your benefit.”

    Customer: “The internet is for the devil!”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “The internet is for the devil! I won’t use it!”

    Me: “Well… I know that a lot of other people use the internet for business and school and for other good purposes, but I can understand where you’re coming from. Would you like to pick up your adapter today?”

    Customer: “No, I think I’m just going to get dish. You charge too much anyway. How does that dish work?”

    (I play it cool, and explain how it works and the differences between the services as unbiased as I can be.)

    Customer: “Ok, I’ll have to think about it all. I’m not sure what I want to do. Everyone’s screwing me over. I’m going to be dead soon, did you know that I was dying? Yep, I won’t be here next year. Then when I was pulling in here that a**hole cut me off. Can you believe the nerve? He almost killed me? I f***ing flipped him off. I wish he’d tried following me. I’d have shown him something if he started following me. Just like those d*** kids going 80 miles an hour down my road!”

    (This continues for another 10 minutes without pause. However, at the end of everything she got everything off her chest and I actually got a smile out of her at the end! I claim victory.)


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