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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    Customers Give You Crabs

    , | Rehoboth Beach, DE, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    (I am working drive-thru. The customer I get sounds drunk, but I don’t think too much of it until he gets to the window. The customer is in the rear seat of the car; the driver is sober.)

    Me: “Good evening. Your total is [total].”

    Customer: “Okay… so that’s… uh…”

    (The customer stares at the money in his wallet for a moment, before handing me a wad of bills.)

    Me: “Alright, here’s your change and your recei—”

    (I turn to hand the customer his change, to see that he now has a large brown paper bag on his lap. He looks at me, then reaches in the bag and pulls out a crab covered in Old Bay seasoning.)

    Customer: “D’you want a crab?”

    Me: “Er… no, thanks.”

    Customer: “You sure? They’re really good!”

    (The customer tries to hand me the crab anyway.)

    Me: “I’m sorry. We’re not allowed to take tips.”

    Customer: “Awww… that sucks. Well, you have a nice night.”

    Me: “Here’s your change. You have a good night, too!”

    (Later, my coworkers ask what took so long. They couldn’t believe he’d offered me crabs! Probably because we all were wondering what he was doing getting fast food when he had something better!)

    A Customer With Felineous Intent

    | GA, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

    (I am a waitress at an upscale seafood and steak restaurant. There is a decorative two-headed zebra cat table at the front of the restaurant. A customer walks in and screams as soon as they see the table.)

    Customer: “Oh my God!”

    (The customer grabs one of my coworkers and puts her car keys in his hand.)

    Customer: “My car is the Toyota parked up on that hill. Open my trunk and put this cat table inside!”

    Coworker: “Uh…”

    (The customer eventually sits in my section. I try to get her started on the menu, but she is completely turned around in her booth looking toward the front of the restaurant.)

    Me: “Is there something wrong?”

    Customer: “I want that cat table!”

    Me: “Um, I’m sorry, but it’s not for sale. It belongs to the owner.”

    Customer: “Well, where is he then? I’m gonna schmooze up to him and then he’ll have to give it to me.”

    Me: “Okay, I’ll let him know what’s going on.”

    (I go to the back to get her something to drink. When I go back to the front, I hear meowing. It’s the customer, and she is gesturing for the table to come.)

    Customer: “Meow, meow, meow! Come here kitty!”

    (I can see that other customers are looking.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m going to have to ask you to stop… meowing. It’s making people nervous.”

    (This goes on for half an hour. Eventually, I feel I have to talk to the manager.)

    Me: “Can you please talk to this woman? She wants your cat table. She’s meowing and bothering other customers.”

    Boss: “I’m not getting involved with this.”

    (I go back to the table.)

    Me: “Here’s your check.”

    Customer: “What about the cat table?”

    Me: “So as I said before, the table is not for sale.”

    Customer: “Are you serious? This place isn’t very customer oriented!”

    (After she leaves, I pick up the check. On the back of the receipt was a drawing of a demonic cat with sharp teeth and a note that said ‘You better give me your cat table! -The Cat Lady.’)

    This Store Takes Credit

    | Edgewater, CO, USA | Bizarre, Theme Of The Month

    Me: “Can I help you find something?”

    (The customer holds up a small light bulb.)

    Customer: “Yes, can you tell me what size this is?”

    Me: “Sure, just let me—”

    Customer: “Oh wait, here they are on the display! Now can you tell me where the rest of them are?”

    Me: “Well, they should be—”

    Customer: “Oh, they’re over here! Thank you so much!”

    Me: “You’re welcome, but I really don’t think I can take much credit for that!”

    Customer: “Sure you can! Couldn’t have found it without you! Thank you!”

    (The customer keeps shopping in that section on her own while I stock the shelves a few aisles over. Every time she finds something to put in her basket, she yells out ‘Thank you!’)

    Must Work In A Mail-Dominated Profession

    | Enid, OK, USA | Bizarre, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (A customer calls us after moving from here to another state. She wants a copy of her insurance verifications.)

    Me: “Sure thing, where do you want me to email them to?”

    Customer: “I don’t have an email account.”

    Me: “Really?”

    Customer: “I work for a living.”

    Maybe They Already Hit Their Head

    | CA, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Theme Of The Month

    (It’s roughly an hour before closing time, which is when things start to wind down. However, in pops one middle-aged and very confused-looking customer holding a helmet.)

    Me: “Howdy, ma’am! Do you need any help?”

    Customer: “Um… well I’m very confused. My sister—she lives in Hawaii, you know—she bought me this helmet, and, I don’t know why this is, but it’s too small.”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that ma’am! Would you like to look at some of our helme—”

    Customer: “I just don’t understand! Why would my sister buy me a helmet that’s too small? It doesn’t make sense! It should fit me no matter what!”

    (This dialogue continues for several minutes, each time with me explaining something partially before the customer returns to going on about how she’s confused. Eventually I do manage to bring her over to the helmet displays.)

    Me: “The helmets start at $35, and we do have a model that’s the same as what your sister gave you, but it comes in diff—”

    Customer: “There’s so many! Why are there so many different helmets? This is very confusing to me!”

    (I take the time to quickly and simply explain differences—or so I think.)

    Customer: “That doesn’t make any sense. I’m so confused! Let me try on this one! Is this one going to fit me?”

    Me: “I don’t know, ma’am. It should fit. Why don’t you try it on?”

    (She does eventually try on the helmet, after much deliberation and stating that she’s confused. This continues for another half hour. Eventually, she’s decided on a helmet, and I think I”m finally out of this ordeal.)

    Me: “You made a good choice, ma’am! Now let me just go ahead get this back in the box and ring you up!”

    (The customer stares blankly into space for a few moments.)

    Customer: “I’m… I don’t know what to think. I’ll have to go home and think about this more. I’m very confused.” *leaves*

    (My coworker, who has witnessed the entire lengthy exchange, speaks up.)

    Coworker: “Dude, I’m so, so sorry.”

    Me: *pained, sheepish grin*

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