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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    The Signature Of Inebriation

    | Sea Isle City, NJ, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (I work at a late-night restaurant that caters to the people who come for food when the surrounding bars close for the night. A customer comes in who has drunk a little too much.)

    Customer: “Do you accept credit cards?”

    Me: “Yes, we do.”

    (I swipe the credit card, and it is approved.)

    Me: “Now, if you could just sign here, you’re all set.”

    Customer: “What am I supposed to sign?”

    Me: “The cardholder’s name.”

    Customer: “Okay, thanks.”

    (She then proceeds to draw a picture of a naked lady—complete with large boobs—where her signature should be.)

    Me: “Uh” ma’am, I don’t think this is a valid signature.”

    Customer: “Just try it; it’ll work!”

    (I put it through, and the machine accepts the signature!)

    Me: “Wow, I guess you’re right!”

    Customer: “I need to stop drinking so much!”

    (She leaves me a $15 tip on a $25 bill! That is why I love working the late-night shift!)

    The Polites Are On But Nobody’s Home

    | Scotland, UK | At The Checkout, Bizarre

    (I work at the till. We always ask a few questions to every customer.)

    Me: “Did you get everything you were looking for okay today?”

    Customer: *nodding* “Thank you!”

    Me: “Are you interested in any gift cards today?”

    (The customer shakes her head side-to-side this time, with inflections to say ‘no’.)

    Customer: “Thank you.”

    Me: “That’ll be [price], please.”

    (The customer hands me the money.)

    Customer: “Thank you!”

    Me: “And here’s your change and receipt.”

    Customer: “Thank you.”

    Me: “See you later.”

    Customer: “Thank you!”

    Make Love Sandwiches Not War

    | NJ, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (I am the overnight manager. It is a half an hour into my shift, and we are getting a bit busy in the deli area. The evening manager hasn’t left yet, so he is at the back helping the deli employee finish the hoagie orders that are still up on the board. A customer who has just picked up her food order stomps over to the register where I am working.)

    Customer: “I’m not happy! When I come in here, I want my food made with love! I don’t want it just slapped together!”

    Me: “…okay?”

    Customer: “You don’t need to rush! I want my food made with care! If I am paying good money for this, I want it made with love!”

    Me: “…okay?”

    Customer: “This is a legitimate complaint! I can’t believe this! I am never shopping at this store again!” *stomps out*

    Stared To Death

    | Tolna, Hungary | Bizarre, Books & Reading

    (I’m a regular at a small bookstore that a kindly old lady opened some years ago. We’ve been friends for as long as I’ve known her, and chat when there are no customers around. I walk up to the counter and see her talking to a woman in her late fifties. I’m an Emo, though uncharacteristically cheerful at the moment. I wear black, causal clothes most of the time.)

    Me: “Good day, how’s it going?”

    (She notices me, smiles, but motions me to move. Realizing I butted into their conversation, I sheepishly back away so they can continue. The customer is staring at me with her mouth wide open.)

    Me: “Umm…”

    (My friend and I exchange looks. I don’t believe she understands what’s going on either.)

    Me: “I’m sorry; is something wrong?”

    (The customer doesn’t answer or react in any way, and just keeps staring for what feels like minutes.)

    Me: “…is there something on me?”

    Customer: “…”

    Me: “Lady?”

    Customer: “…”

    (My friend seems worried as she observes our rather one-sided conversation. I’m starting to get annoyed, and a little scared.)

    Me: “It’s impolite to stare at others, you know.”

    Customer: “…”

    (At this point it occurs to me she could have issues with my hairstyle. I pull my bang aside, but nothing changes.)

    Me: “Okay, what?”

    Customer: “…”

    Me: “What is it?!”

    My Friend: “Ah, I know! It’s because you’re wearing black! She thinks you’re attending a funeral, and since you were so happy—”

    (The customer immediately snaps out of it and confirms this. She actually thinks I am happy because someone died. After five years, we still talk about the woman whom my fashion statement sent into catatonia, and my friend, the store owner, who’s apparently psychic.)

    In Need Of A Sanity Check

    | Federal Way, WA, USA | Bizarre, Money, Tourists/Travel

    (I work at a retail financial institution that cashes all types of payroll checks. The customer that walks up to my window is a regular that comes in once a month to cash her government check that has an image of the Statue of Liberty on it. We are almost finished with the transaction.)

    Me: “Did you need anything else today, like money order or stamps?”

    Customer: “No, but I had a question about my check.”

    Me: “Ask away! I’ll do my best to answer!”

    Customer: “That picture of the Statue of Liberty on the check, does that mean I get to fly to New York and see the Statue of Liberty for free?”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “Does that mean I get to fly to New York and see the Statue of Liberty for free?”

    Me: “Uh, no. It does not let you fly to New York for free.”

    (I hand the check to her to sign, as I start to get cash from her transaction.)

    Customer: “You’re a liar! It does mean I get to go to New York and see the Statue for free! You’re just trying to keep the ticket for yourself!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but the picture on the check is just a symbol representing America. It is not a plane ticket.”

    Customer: “LIAR! You’re a LIAR!”

    (At this point, she snatches the check from the tray under the glass separating us, and runs off screaming about me being a liar.)

    Coworker: “What was that?”

    Me: “I seriously don’t know.”


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