November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Category: Bizarre

For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

Fresh Coffee With An Extra Shot Of Crazy

, | CT, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink, Health & Body

Me: “Hi, I’m [Name]. I’d be happy to take your order!”

Customer: *on a cell phone* “…I know! I can’t believe it! I told him I just want that d*** whore out of my house!” *continues conversation*

Me: “Ma’am? May I help you?”

Customer: “Is your coffee fresh?”

Me: “Not at the moment, but I’d be happy to start you a fresh pot!”

Customer: “WHAT? I’m on OXYGEN! I don’t want to DIE!”

Me: *confused* “Ma’am? It wouldn’t affect—”

(The customer drives around to the window.)

Me: “So you did want the coffee, then?”

Customer: “Sorry about that! You didn’t hear any of that conversation did you?”

Me: “Well, yes, ma’am. Every employee with a headset can hear everything said at the speaker.”

Customer: *pays for her coffee* “OH! I’m so sorry, honey; I just want that d*** whore out of my house!”

(The customer got her coffee and drove away. The rest of us were left scratching our heads as witnesses to the level of crazy that just left.)

That Last Customer Was An Odd Fish

| Tampa, FL, USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals, Spouses & Partners, Wild & Unruly

(I get home from work and my fiancé has just finished up his shift, too.)

Me: “Hi! How was your day?”

Fiancé: “Well, the last customer that I spoke with today told me that if I didn’t tell him exactly what he wanted to hear that he would find out where I lived, fly to me, find a fish, and gently slap me with it.”

Me: “Well, we live in Florida, so at least you’d know the fish was fresh!”

Enough Barking Crazy For One Day

| Savannah, GA, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

(I’m a supervisor working a closing shift, helping out for another department, since we’re short on people that night, and doing my work at the service desk. My coworker, who is manning the service desk that night, is on the phone with someone, looking slightly perplexed.)

Coworker: *mouths toward me* “Take this! Please!”

(She passes the phone over to me.)

Me: “Thank you for calling your local [Store Name]. How may I help you?”

Customer: *in a very forced high pitched voice* “Do you have any doghouses.”

(It’s pretty difficult to understand, as they’re clearly disguising their voice to sound like a woman.)

Me: “I’m sorry. Did you say doghouses?”

Customer: “Yes, doghouses.”

Me: “Oh, no, I’m sorry. We don’t carry doghouses. We do have dog cages and dog carriers, though.”

Customer: “Do you think a little boy could fit in them?”

Me: *hangs up* “Nope. Not tonight. I do not have the patience. They asked if a little boy could fit in them. F*** that!”

Said It Without Batting An Eye

| Reno, NV, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

(I was born with a very rare degenerative eye disease which, after several corrective surgeries, has left me with some very unusual eyes (off-centered pupil, over-sized green-gold iris). I’m used to how they look, but a lot of people are taken aback by them, sometimes even asking if they’re real. This incident takes place while I’m hanging up clothing.)

Me: “Hello, sir. How are you today?”

Customer: “I’m fine, thank you. We’re looking for— Are you wearing contacts?”

Me: “No?”

Customer: “Your eyes look really weird.”

Me: ” …Thanks.”

Anna Oprahnina

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Bizarre, Books & Reading, Crazy Requests, Movies & TV

(I am a book seller in a large book-store chain. A woman is standing in front of the new release table and is looking frustrated.)

Me: “Can I help you, miss?”

Customer: “I’m looking for a new book. Oprah said it just came out. You should keep more new releases in stock! Especially if it’s a book by Oprah!”

Me: “Okay, well, maybe it’s somewhere else in the store. I can check for you. Do you know the title?”

Customer: “It’s called Anna Karenina.”

Me: *pause* “Oh, that should be in our literature section, under Tolstoy.”

Customer: “Why is it not in the new releases? Oprah said it was just published!”

Me: “Well, actually it was written in the 1870s.”

Customer: “No, it wasn’t! Oprah said it was new! Oprah doesn’t lie! She’s Oprah!”

Me: “Okay. Do you want to get the book?”

Customer: “Of course! Oprah said I have to read it. Oprah!”

(My coworkers spent the rest of the day randomly shouting ‘Oprah!’ over the headsets.)

See this story as a comic!