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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    It Is Paranoia If There Is No One After You

    | AB, Canada | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Theme Of The Month

    (I work as a cashier in a bed, bath and furniture place. We are required to ask customers for emails and postal codes before they pay. I usually skip the email bit for older customers because they usually won’t have an email, but still ask for postal codes. My next customer is an older man.)

    Me: “Hi, is this everything for you today?”

    (The customer just gives me a blank stare.)

    Me: “That’ll be [price]; can I get your postal code?”

    Customer: “MY POSTAL CODE?! WHY DO YOU NEED MY POSTAL CODE?!”

    Me: “Well—”

    Customer: “I’M SICK OF THE GOVERNMENT SPYING ON ME ALL THE TIME! THE LAST THING I NEED IS STORES AND PEOPLE LIKE YOU SPYING ON ME!”

    Me: “…alrighty then.”

    (I proceed to hit the skip button and finish his transaction.)

    Customer: “I must come off as a paranoid freak, but I assure you I’m not!”

    Stuck In A Vicious Triangle

    | Dusseldorf, Germany | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (I work as IT support for a law firm. Usually I am very understanding when someone asks me a question with an obvious answer, since most lawyers don’t know PCs very well.)

    Lawyer: “HELP! My PC is going crazy! Triangles EVERYWHERE!”

    Me: “Triangles? What kind of triangles? Do you mean error messages with a warning sign?”

    Lawyer: “No, triangles! And a lot of them! I can’t finish my email. Please help me!”

    Me: “One moment please, I will connect to your PC to see what’s going on.”

    (I start the software and connect to his PC, and see Outlook doing ‘^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^’ without pause.)

    Me: “Mr. [Name], is it possible that something is lying on the keyboard?”

    Lawyer: *silence*

    Me: “Maybe on the upper left corner?”

    (At this moment, the ‘triangles’ stop.)

    Lawyer: “I guess it wasn’t a good idea to place the book on the keyboard. Please wait a second.”

    (He deletes the symbols and tries to write a normal sentence. Without the book pressing a different button, it obviously works.)

    Lawyer: “I think I could have figured that out myself. Usually I’m very good with the computer. Thank you. Bye.”

    (The lawyer hangs up and my coworker turns to me.)

    Coworker: “Hey, Mr. [Name] again? How many times did he call us this week?”

    Me: “I had him eight times on the line. I don’t know about the others.”

    He Is Inn-Experienced

    | VA, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Hotels & Lodging, Theme Of The Month

    (We have recently just hired a new person, who I am working with today. I’m making friendly conversation.)

    Me: “So, how do you like working in a hotel so far?”

    New Hire: “It’s great! I’ve been working for about two days already and everything seems to be going well. Learning lots of stuff.”

    Me: “That’s great! We really needed someone to work the day shifts. So, what do you like about the job so far?”

    New Hire: “Well—”

    (Just then, a customer comes up to the front desk and we both look at him.)

    Me: “Hi! Can I—”

    Customer: *to new hire* “F*** YOU!”

    (The customer flips both middle fingers at both of us and cackles at our dumbfounded expressions, and then leaves.)

    New Hire: “Well, um… as I was saying, uh…”

    Me: “Yeah, you’re going to meet lots of those crazy people here. They’ll make you want to run out of here, screaming!”

    (Fortunately, the hew hire didn’t run away screaming, and he’s been a great addition for two years now!)

    Philan-stroppy

    | Wales, UK | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Theme Of The Month

    (My manager and I are approached by a regular customer who is notorious for being just downright nasty and mean-spirited. She doesn’t believe in donating to charity and always thinks we’re barmy for wanting to help others.)

    Customer: “I can’t believe you served that man!”

    Manager: “What?”

    Customer: “I gave him money in the car park! He said it was for food or a bus or something, and he bought beer! You do know he’s a homeless alcoholic, don’t you?”

    Me: “Well, what do you want us to do?”

    Customer: “I can’t believe you served him! You shouldn’t have let him buy alcohol! I feel violated!”

    (The manager realizes she may be angling for a refund of the gentleman’s beer money.)

    Manager: “Unfortunately, ma’am, we are not in control of what happens away from our premises. If he asked you for money and you gave it to him, then that is only your fault. Now, if there’s nothing we can help you with, please have a pleasant Halloween.”

    Customer: “I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU LET HIM ABUSE MY MONEY!”

    (The customer storms out. The manager turns to me.)

    Manager: “I don’t believe for a minute that she gave him money; she’s just trying to cause trouble. She’s probably got a problem with us for being in fancy dress for charity, too!”

    Young Boys Display Monstrous Behavior

    | TX, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in a costume shop, and I see a six- or seven-year-old boy looking through the aisle.)

    Me: “Hey there, little guy! Are you looking for a costume?”

    Boy: “Yeah! I’m gonna be a clown, zombie, vampire, werewolf, monster!”

    (The mother of the boy comes around the corner.)

    Mother: “Sweetie, you can only be one, so just choose one.”

    Boy:” Okay, can I be a clown monster werewolf vampire?”

    Me: “But not a zombie?”

    Boy: “Oh yeah, and zombie!”

    Me: “How about we stick two of them together? You can be a werewolf zombie, or a clown monster, or a vampire clown, even.”

    Boy: “Ooh! I want to be a vampire clown. Can I be a vampire clown, please? I want lots of blood.”

    Mother: “Do you even have a vampire clown costume?”

    Me: “We have clown and vampire costumes separately. I’d say a clown outfit, some vampire teeth, and some blood should make the costume right.”

    Boy: “Do you have lots of blood?”

    (I point to the rack with small tubes of fake blood.)

    Me: “We only have these.”

    Boy: “No, I want lots of blood.”

    Me: “Well, I’m sure it’ll have enough—”

    Boy: *serious face* “No. I want lots of blood. I’ll just have to take yours…”

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