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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    The Mother Of Bad Pickup Lines

    | FL, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m cleaning behind the registers alone when a customer comes up to the counter. He looks about 30 and is a little unkempt looking. I’m 18. He’s been staring at me and overall been acting creepy and talking about how he can’t buy more shoes or socks because his mother won’t let him. Finally at the end of the transaction, this happens:)

    Customer: “You know… I think you’re very attractive… Would you, maybe.. Like to go out some time?”

    Me: “Thank you. That’s very sweet but I’m still in high school.”

    Customer: “Oh, what grade?”

    Me: “12.”

    Customer: “I don’t mind.”

    Me: “Maybe another time, but thank you.”

    (He then proceeds to ask again and I decline a second time.)

    Customer: “So, where do you live?”

    Me: “Oh, around here.”

    Customer: “Well I live in [retirement apartment complex].”

    (I assume this means he lives with his mother. He then proceeds to give me his email address and name on a post it note which I accept because at that point I just wanted him out. He’s been seen in the shopping centre near my store but hasn’t come back yet. Thank god!)

    Fickle Over A Nickel

    | PA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink, Money

    (The store where I work has a coffee booth near the express lane, where I am working one day. Customer #1, an elderly man, comes to my register with a small coffee. He puts a dollar, two quarters, and four pennies on my counter.)

    Customer #1: “It should be $1.54 for this coffee, right?”

    Me: “I think so. Let me check.”

    (I ring it up and with tax it comes to $1.59.)

    Me: “Oh, sorry. Looks like it’s actually $1.59. You were close though!”

    (The man frowns and pulls out a wad of bills. He has twenties, tens, fives, and several more dollar bills.)

    Customer #1: *muttering* “I might as well give you a twenty to get a nickel!” *stuffs all his money back in his pockets* “You can just keep the d*** coffee!”

    (He storms off, leaving me speechless. The next customer stares after him.)

    Customer #2: “Goodness! What was his problem?”

    Me: “He was a nickel short for his coffee and didn’t want to give me another dollar instead.”

    Customer #2: “Is that what all the fuss was about? Shoot, I could have given him a nickel!”

    Me: “I have some dimes in my pocket, but I don’t think he would have accepted that either.”

    Customer #2: *shaking her head* “Shame. It seems like he really could have used that coffee!”

    Out For Dinner Is Out Of The Question

    | PA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Spouses & Partners, Theme Of The Month

    (I work as a cashier, and we’re supposed to stand in front of our registers if we’re open and waiting for a customer. As I’m doing this, an elderly man eyes me and walks over.)

    Me: “Hello, sir! Can I help you with something?”

    (The man proceeds to get way too far into my personal space. I’m mildly autistic, so I’m repressing a panic attack at this point.)

    Elderly Man: “You can take me out to dinner tonight.”

    Me: “Um, I don’t think my boyfriend would be too pleased about that.”

    Elderly Man: “It’s okay. He can come too.”

    Me: “Well, I’m working the closing shift tonight, then he’s picking me up, So, tonight doesn’t work, anyway.”

    Elderly Man: “Ah, that’s too bad.”

    (Not only am I getting creepy vibes from this guy, but his breath smells terrible. It’s all I can do to keep a pleasant smile on my face and not duck under my register.)

    Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with, sir?”

    Elderly Man: *remaining way too close and gesturing to the customer service desk* “Oh, no, I’m just waiting for my wife.”

    Gotta Hand It To Him

    | Campbellton, NB, USA | Bizarre, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

    (There is a really creepy guy who comes into our store almost every day. He usually just chats with the female staff, telling us all how sexy we are and inviting us over for coffee, and is generally harmless. One day near Halloween I am on a ladder stocking a shelf when I feel someone rubbing my backside. I jump, nearly falling off my ladder, and turned around in time to see the creepy customer, smiling strangely at me.)

    Me: “Excuse me. Did you just touch my bottom?”

    Customer: “Who, me? No. No, not me.”

    Me: “I’m sure someone just touched me, and you were right there. Did you see who it might have been?”

    (The customer then holds up a rubber decorative hand from the Halloween department and looks me dead in the eye.)

    Customer: “It was him… I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT! IT WAS THE HAND! Unless you liked it…” *winks at me* “…then it was me.”

    (He walks out holding the fake hand above his head, the whole time shouting to nobody in particular.)

    Customer: “It was the hand! Not me, but the hand! Come over for coffee and see what my hand can do!

    (We didn’t even bother to stop him from walking out without paying for it. The $2 just wasn’t worth it.)

    Giving Your Life’s Account

    | Rexburg, ID, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Theme Of The Month

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. I am [My Name]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’d like to cancel my account.”

    (Everything is going normal until I tell him he is cancelled. Normally I ask if there’s anything else, the customer says “no” and they hang up. Instead this gentleman begins discussing a pyramid scheme his son is running that he’s been putting money in. He keep telling me details hoping I’ll join. I am creeped out and refusing to provide personal answers while giving non-committal answers. Eventually I realize that he doesn’t care what I say, so I put him on mute.)

    Customer: “Yeah, and the government will never help. I know because I’m a veteran. My son is a great businessman. It’s hard to get returns like this! I’ll be a millionaire soon!”

    (Eventually…)

    Customer: “What time is it?”

    Me: “It’s [time].”

    Customer: “Well, I should probably go. But I’ll tell my son that I told you about it. What was your name again?”

    Me: “It’s [Really Common First Name]. Have a good day, sir.”

    Customer: “I will. And thank you for listening to a crazy old man! I don’t have a job any more, so I get really lonely. You have a good day, and find someone so you aren’t lonely!”

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