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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    A Nasty Mood Swing

    | NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Crazy Requests

    (I am a cashier at a home improvement store. A customer comes to my register pushing a cart with several heavy items in it.)

    Me: “Hi there, how are you today?”

    Customer: “Oh, just fine, thank you!”

    (We make small talk as I ring the customer up. She has been perfectly nice so far.)

    Me: “Do you want a hand loading your stuff?”

    Customer: “Yes, thank you. It was hard to get these in the cart!”

    Me: “Sure thing! I’ll page for one of the loaders. He’ll be right over.”

    (As I finish running the customer’s credit card through and hand her the receipt, she says something, but she mumbles and I don’t quite hear her.)

    Me: “Sorry, say again?”

    (The customer’s demeanor instantly changes from pleasant to furious.)

    Customer: “I SAID, Should I wait for the loading man HERE? Or I should I go and wait by the DOOR?”

    (I’m baffled by the mood swing, but I smile and put on my best cheerful voice.)

    Me: “Oh, it doesn’t matter! He’ll be here in just a minute and there’s no line, so you can wait right here if you don’t want to push the cart over to the door.”

    Customer: “Did I do something to you? Have I insulted you or your family?”

    Me: “Not… that I’m aware of…?”

    Customer: “I just asked a question and you’re being so NASTY to me! I don’t know why you had to be so rude just to answer my question!”

    Me: “I’m not being rude. I’m being matter-of-fact. It doesn’t matter if you wait right here or if you wait by the—”

    Customer: “You are so NASTY!”

    (The loading guy appears.)

    Loading Guy: “Can I help you, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Yes! You can take my things to my car and get me AWAY from this girl! She is so NASTY, I don’t know how you stand her!”

    (The loading guy shoots me a bewildered look, and walks out with the customer, who is still shouting about how nasty I am. He comes back in a couple minutes later.)

    Loading Guy: “What the f*** was that?”

    Me: “H*** if I know. I’m so glad I’m off tomorrow.”

    A One-Sided Argument

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA | Bizarre

    Me: “Hello, thank for you calling [company]; how can I hep—”

    Customer: “YOU ARE DISCRIMINATING AGAINST ME!”

    Me: “I’m sorr—”

    Customer: “MY ACCOUNT STATEMENTS ARE ONLY ONE SIDED! MY FRIEND GETS DOUBLE SIDED STATEMENTS! THIS IS DISCRIMINATION!”

    He Will Utter It Here

    | Austin, TX, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Geeks Rule, Theme Of The Month

    (I am female, and work in a video game and movie resale store. I’ve been a fan of fantasy and sci-fi my whole life. I’m busy at the computer making a sign for a display, when a customer comes into the store.)

    Me: “Hello! Let me know if I can help you find anything, or if you have any questions.”

    (The customer just looks at the floor. He goes over to look at movies, when suddenly he holds up a box and a ring on a necklace.)

    Customer: “They match.”

    (I looked up. He’s holding ‘The One Ring’ on a gold chain, and holding the box art to ‘Lord of the Rings’.)

    Customer: “The writing, it matches. I just wanted to make sure it matched.”

    (We frequently get cosplayers in the store, and I enjoy talking about whatever fandom people are into. I was about to ask where he got his replica, when he starts turning the ring around in his fingers.)

    Customer: “The language is that of Mordor, which I will not utter here. In the common tongue it reads “One Ring to Rule Them All. One Ring to Find Them. One Ring to Bring Them All and In The Darkness Bind Them”.”

    (I raise an eyebrow and keep smiling. He begins to walk towards the counter, caressing the ring and begins Galadriel’s soliloquy from the opening of The Fellowship of the Ring.)

    Customer: “The world is changed. I feel it in the water. I feel it in the earth. I smell it in the air. Much that once was is lost, for none now live who remember it. It began with the forging of the Great Rings…”

    (My co-worker comes out from the back-room mid-soliloquy, and sees the look of somewhat bemused consternation on my face.)

    Coworker: “Um [name], have you seen the new plush we just got in?”

    Me: “No! I haven’t! They’re adorable!”

    Coworker: “I KNOW RIGHT!?”

    (The customer looks disappointed, but patiently waits out our exchange. As soon as my coworker goes back to the back stock, HE STARTS OVER FROM THE BEGINNING.)

    Customer: “It began with the forging of the Great Rings. Three were given to the Elves, immortal, wisest and fairest of all beings. Seven to the Dwarf lords…”

    Coworker: “Um, [name], when you get a chance can you come back here; I have a question about this item.”

    Me: “Sure. I’ll be there in just a minute.”

    (I glance at the customer, and back at my coworker.)

    Customer: “It’s all right. It’s just… The writing, it matches. I just wanted to make sure it matched.”

    (At that, he puts the DVD back and quietly leaves the store. I’m still not entirely sure what happened. He hasn’t ever come back, but if he does, hopefully he knows ‘gi nathlam h”‘—Sindarin (or Elvish) for ‘you are welcome here’.)

    A Doll That Makes You Act Like A Baby

    | Washington, DC, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Top

    (I work in a high-end doll store. We have two types of doll: dolls based off characters with books and stories, and more customizable, ‘look-alike’ dolls that girls can get to look like themselves. One of our character dolls is a very popular limited-edition doll, and has sold out a few weeks before Christmas.)

    Customer: “Hey! Where’s [limited edition doll]?”

    Me: “She’s actually sold out; I’m very sorry.”

    Customer: “Than I’ll order one! She’ll be here by Christmas, right?”

    Me: “She’s actually sold out company-wide; we don’t have any left in any of our stores or online. Since she’s limited edition, we won’t be getting in any more.”

    Customer: *tearing up* “But my granddaughter looks just like that doll!”

    Me: “Well, we do have another doll; she’s a look-alike doll and looks almost identical to [doll].”

    Customer: “But my granddaughter looks JUST like [doll]!”

    Me: “This doll will look like your granddaughter, too! She has the exact same color and length hair, and the exact same color eyes, and the exact same skin tone as (doll).”

    Customer: *crying* “But my granddaughter looks JUST like [doll]!”

    Me: “The only difference is the face shape.”

    (I show her the different face shapes, and how they compare.)

    Customer: “I don’t see the difference.”

    Me: “Exactly! And this doll comes wearing a different outfit than [doll].”

    Customer: “I don’t care about the outfit… but my granddaughter looks JUST like [doll]!”

    (I finally convince her to go to the other department to at least LOOK at the other, nearly identical doll. The customer is sobbing ‘but my granddaughter looks JUST like [doll]!’ the whole way.)

    Coworker: “Did you just make a grown woman cry over a doll?”

    Me: “Yep, first world problems.”

    Under The Sea Meets Under The Influence

    | FL, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Movies & TV, Pets & Animals, Top

    (I am shopping with my four-year-old daughter. She has just seen ‘The Little Mermaid’ for the first time. She has become obsessed with Sebastian, the singing crab. As we pass by the seafood section, her eyes go wide and she zooms right up to the lobster tank.)

    My Daughter: “Daddy! They have crabs!”

    Me: “Those are lobsters, babygirl. They’re like crabs but different.”

    My Daughter: *crestfallen* “Oh… so they don’t sing?”

    Me: “Nope. Remember what mommy said? Real crabs don’t sing, only pretend ones do.”

    My Daughter: “I still wanna see them!”

    (At this point a seafood counter employee walks up.)

    Employee: “Hey there, little lady. Are you checking out the lobsters?”

    My Daughter: “Uh-huh.”

    Me: “She’s fascinated by sea creatures.”

    Employee: “Is that so?”

    (The employee kneels down to my daughter’s eye level.)

    Employee: “Would you like to see one up close?”

    My Daughter: “Yeah! Can I, daddy?”

    (I nod to the employee, who puts on some rubber gloves and fishes a large lobster out of the tank. He kneels down again and lets my daughter get close to it.)

    Employee: “Now don’t put your fingers near his feet or his mouth, sweetie. You see how he has his pincers here, and his big tail back here?”

    My Daughter: “Cooooooool!”

    Employee: “You want to touch him? Make sure you only touch him on his back, like this.”

    (The employee pats the lobster along its back, just like one would do with a cat or dog. My daughter copies him, giggling about how funny the lobster feels. Suddenly there is a loud shriek from behind us. A middle-aged woman is staring wide-eyed with both hands over her mouth.)

    Woman: “Oh, my God! What are you doing?! Put that horrid thing away!”

    Employee: “I’m sorry?”

    Woman: “You can’t let a little girl touch a gross, ugly thing like that! Get it away!”

    Me: “Ma’am, my daughter is quite responsible with animals. She holds and plays with my wife’s pet gerbils all the time.”

    Woman: “You let her touch RODENTS?! How disgusting! She’s going to get a disease! You should be thrown in prison!”

    (She barrels away at full speed, almost running into two people.)

    My Daughter: “Daddy, is that lady crazy?”

    Me: “I think so, babygirl.”


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