October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Category: Bizarre

For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

His Place In The World Is An Asylum

| Edmonton, AB, Canada | Bigotry, Bizarre

(I’m making a call over the intercom requesting that a customer remove their car from a no parking zone. My coworkers like to make fun of me, since it’s become my personal mission to make sure nobody parks there. My coworker is serving a seemingly normal gentleman at the time.)

Customer: “You know, you ladies should be changing the world!”

Coworker: “Yeah, [My Name], and it starts with you getting that vehicle to move!”

(We both laugh, but the customer goes on.)

Customer: “I’m serious! We all have our place in the world. You know, us white people, we’re supposed to protect the water.”

(At this point, we realize he’s completely serious.)

Customer: “And the Africans? They protect the animals. And the brown people? You know, like the Aboriginals and the, uh, Middle Eastern people? Well, they’re always fighting over land, so I think they’re supposed to protect the land!”

(My coworker and I are speechless. The customer continues.)

Customer: “And the yellow people! You know, the Asians? Well they’re supposed to feed us all!”

(The customer continues on his rant, saying things I can’t quite catch, and then leaves.)

Coworker: *to me* “Why do we only get the weird ones when we work together?”

The Amphibious Ambiguous Government

| Philadelphia, PA, USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals

(I am ringing a customer out for some products for her turtle.)

Me: “Would you like your receipt?”

Customer: “Ha! And let the government know I have a turtle? No, thank you!”

Politely Decline

| Hebron, CT, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre

I am selling homemade fudge to raise money for my Girl Scout Troop. People tend to ignore us, so I need to act excessively cheerful and polite to even get an acknowledgement. As a result, it’s fairly obvious that at least a little of my cheer is feigned, but I’m still our best seller. An old lady walks past our booth on her way into a grocery store and I launch into my usual spiel.)

Me: “Hi! Would you like to help support our Girl Scout Troop on our trip to Sweden? We’re selling delicious homemade fudge!”

(The elderly lady walks past me saying nothing.)

Me: “Have a nice day!”

(This is a totally typical exchange, until the same lady walks back out of the grocery store.)

Me: “Have a GREAT day!!”

Lady: *furiously* “You know, I was just about to donate some money on my way out. But you were so ABSOLUTELY RUDE that I won’t give you any money.”

Me: *stunned, trying not to stutter or cry* “I… apologize? I’m really sorry; I didn’t realize I said anything rude.”

Lady: “Of course you did! I can’t believe how hateful you are. I wouldn’t give you any money now even if you were polite!” *stomps away*

(I’m still not sure how she thought I was insulting her. Maybe I was being so polite it wrapped back around and became rudeness instead!)

A Very Scrambled Shortbus

| IL, USA | Awesome Workers, Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I’m the a**-hole in this story. After drinking far too much, a bunch of buddies and I go to this breakfast place. I don’t really want to go, but my buddies insist, so I am barely awake when the waitress comes up to us.)

Waitress: “All right, fellas, what can I get for you?”

(My friends order, then she gets to me.)

Waitress: “And for you?”

Me: “Hmm?”

Waitress: “Food? Mouth? Yours. You know. Restaurant stuff.”

Me: “Oh! Right, sorry. Eggs and bacon, please.”

Waitress: “How you want those eggs, hon?”

Me: “Orange juice.”

Waitress: “Oh… ‘shortbus.’ Your name’s ‘shortbus’ now. I’ll be back with your Orange Juice Eggs.”

Me: “Oh, god! No! Scrambled! I meant scrambled!”

Not The Kind Of Deal They Were Thinking Of

| MA, USA | Bizarre

(I have just rung up a customer for a cooking pot.)

Customer: “So how long have you been a pot dealer?”

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