Category: Bizarre

For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

Giving Your Life’s Account

| Rexburg, ID, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Theme Of The Month

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. I am [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I’d like to cancel my account.”

(Everything is going normal until I tell him he is cancelled. Normally I ask if there’s anything else, the customer says “no” and they hang up. Instead this gentleman begins discussing a pyramid scheme his son is running that he’s been putting money in. He keep telling me details hoping I’ll join. I am creeped out and refusing to provide personal answers while giving non-committal answers. Eventually I realize that he doesn’t care what I say, so I put him on mute.)

Customer: “Yeah, and the government will never help. I know because I’m a veteran. My son is a great businessman. It’s hard to get returns like this! I’ll be a millionaire soon!”

(Eventually…)

Customer: “What time is it?”

Me: “It’s [time].”

Customer: “Well, I should probably go. But I’ll tell my son that I told you about it. What was your name again?”

Me: “It’s [Really Common First Name]. Have a good day, sir.”

Customer: “I will. And thank you for listening to a crazy old man! I don’t have a job any more, so I get really lonely. You have a good day, and find someone so you aren’t lonely!”

They Just Can’t Cut the Mustard

| FL, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body, Rude & Risque, Technology, Theme Of The Month

(I’m working the copy desk when a customer walks in.)

Me: “Can I help you, ma’am?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like to print some photos on my flash drive.”

(She hands it to me.)

Me: “Alrighty. I’ll just hook it up and we can go from there.”

(I connect the flash drive to my computer and open the folder for it, to find that there is only one photo on it: a photo of the customer naked and rubbing ketchup and mustard on her large belly.)

Me: “Uh…”

Customer: “Yes, that one. I want it blown up to poster size, and I want 100 copies of that.”

Me: “I’m afraid it’s against our company policy to print, er, photos of an explicit nature, ma’am.”

Customer: “Really? Oh, darn. Well, do you at least like the picture?”

Me: “Uh…”

Customer: “Then it was worth it to come here after all!”

Eventually Made The Right Decision

| Minneapolis, MN, USA | Bizarre, Money

(I work as a claims adjuster for a major insurance company and have made a liability decision on a minor parking lot accident in which both parties told the exact same story. Unfortunately my client was majority at fault, but we would only be paying 60% of the other party’s repairs. I call my customer and leave a message regarding the liability decision and my phone number. He calls me back a short time later.)

Customer: “I can’t believe you did this!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir?”

Customer: “How could you do this without calling me first! You decided I was at fault!”

Me: “Sir, I took a recorded statement from you and from the other party and outlined exactly the kinds of things would factor into the decision.”

Customer: “But you didn’t call me first!”

Me: “I did call you; I took your statement.”

Customer: “But then you made a decision!”

Me: “Sir, it’s my job to make a decision, as you know, and I don’t need your permission or approval to do so.”

Customer: “I know! But I can’t believe you did that!”

Me: “Sir, are you contesting liability? You both told the exact same story and given the facts and damage to both vehicles, you’re both telling the truth. No matter how we look at it, you were backing out and didn’t pay attention to what was behind you.”

Customer: “I know! I agree that’s what happened!”

Me: “Then why are you upset? How can we resolve this?”

Customer: “You made this decision!”

Me: “Sir, I had to make a decision. Again, are you questioning the liability decision? Do you have other information to add?”

Customer: “No!”

Me: “Sir, then please tell me what you want me to say because I simply don’t understand how to resolve this for you.”

Customer: *pauses* “Well, you know what? I’m just mad about the whole thing. You haven’t done anything wrong.”

Me: “Okay…”

Customer: “I’m really sorry. I work in customer service and I hate when people call and yell at me, and that’s what I’m doing to you. You made the right decision, I accept it, and I’m sorry for yelling at you. I just… needed to yell at someone.”

Me: *trying not to laugh* “Well… thank you, then. I can definitely understand that!”

Customer: “Thank you for being so patient with me. I’m really sorry, again, to have yelled at you and hope the rest of your day goes better.”

Me: “Thank you.” *we go on to resolve claim payment and I explain repair procedures, etc.*

Manager: “I heard you talking and picked up to listen in. I didn’t know what he was angry about either!” *laughing* “I’ll put a few notes in file about how you handled the call.”

(A few minutes later, a team leader comes up to my desk.)

Team Leader: “Hey, I just wanted to let you know I just took a call from a guy who said he just yelled at you for no reason. He wanted to make sure your supervisor knows he thinks you’re excellent at your job, you’ve provided great customer service and he’s happy with the outcome of his claim. I’m passing this on to your team leader and manager.”

(I STILL laugh about that call, and think it’s one of the reasons I was promoted shortly afterward. Thank you, sir!)

The King Of Weird

| AR, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Theme Of The Month

(It’s close to the end of my shift and the store is near empty. I am so happy to have a customer. I greet the man who walks up with a broad smile and an energetic hello.)

Customer: “Well, hello there, cashier girl.”

Me: “Oh, hello! Did you find everything okay? It’s a beautiful night out, isn’t it?”

Customer: “Yes, but it would be more beautiful if you were in it.”

Me: *weird giggle*

Customer: *puffs out chest and leans on my counter* “You deserve a man that will treat you like a princess.”

Me: *seeing where this is going and needing to avoid it at all costs* “I’d rather be treated as an equal.”

Customer: “So, do you have a man that treats you like the princess you are?”

(I look this man up and down. He is clearly on drugs, about 55 years old, and wearing a cut off shirt and short shorts that do not cover his butt-crack or his legs.)

Me: “Yes, I have a man. And he treats me how I feel I deserve to be treated.”

Customer: “Hmmm, well, yes. But you deserve to be treated like a princess.” *tears the corner of his check I have handed back to him* “Take this. When you need to be pampered like the royalty you are, you can give me a call, sugar.”

(The man walks off with his cart, shaking his butt and singing some random song.)

A Few Planets Short Of A Solar System

| Cartersville, GA, USA | Bizarre, Math & Science, Money, Theme Of The Month

(I work in the administrative offices of a museum. One of my job duties is to answer the phone. The following call takes place one afternoon.)

Me: “Good afternoon, [Museum]. May I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, I would like to sign up for the astronomy workshop.”

Me: “Are you a member?”

Caller: “No, but I want to be. How much does it cost?”

Me: “There are different levels…”

(I explain the different levels of membership and prices.)

Me: “If you join today, I can give you the member price of $10 for the workshop and book your spot. If you are unable to join today, I will have to wait until the advance member registration is over and the cost will be $25.”

Caller: “I guess I need the family membership to cover my daughter and my mother. Well, she’s really not my mother but the nursing home was going to throw her out on the street…”

(She tells me a lengthy story about how a woman who isn’t her mother came to live in her home.)

Caller: “But I don’t have $95 to pay for it. I really want to come!”

(At this point she begins sobbing hysterically because she wants to come to the workshop, but we are only accepting member reservations at the moment.)

Caller: “I come and sit in your parking lot on the weekends and watch the happy expressions of people who are leaving your museum, wishing I could go in. Sometimes I will come and walk amongst the trees and think about what is going on inside the museum.”

(At this point, I’m a little creeped out but I try to help her because I feel a little sorry for her.)

Me: “I think it would be okay to make an exception for you and let you sign up, and even give you the member price.”

Caller: “Oh, thank you. Thank you. I will come see you next time I come to walk among the trees.”

(She never showed up for the workshop. I guess she got tired of walking among the trees.)

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