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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    Planning Your Trip Is A Fine Art

    | Raleigh, NC, USA | Bizarre

    (I am working for an interior decorating company, and we are clearing out our inventory of framed art for the season. I load up the vehicle and hit a road full of office complexes to see if anyone wants the art wholesale for the office or home or whatnot. I come to a large office full of cubicles and some employees buy a few. The final person I talk to appears to be the head boss man of the company. I poke my head into his office.)

    Me: “Morning, sir.”

    (I wave.)

    Boss: “What do you want?”

    Me: “Well, this seems a bit random, but my company’s clearing out a bunch of nice framed art wholesale, and we were wondering if you’d like anything for your office or home?”

    (He looks at me VERY sternly for what seems like a whole minute of angry silence.)

    Boss: “What do you have that goes good with acid?”

    Me: “Pardon?”

    Boss: “You know; stuff that looks neat while you’re on acid.”

    Me: “Umm, we have some Van Gogh, Dali, and some new art from David Garibaldi.”

    Boss: “Bring em in!”

    (I go outside and haul in probably a dozen pieces of art and lay them along the wall in front of his desk so he can see them. Another painfully quiet moment goes by while he looks them over.)

    Boss: “I’ll take the whole lot! You take credit right?”

    Me: “Yes, sir. Would you like any of these hung up?”

    Boss: “Yeah, put that trippy-a** clock one over there.”

    (Possibly one of the more memorable customers in my two years with that company.)

    The American Way Is Closed

    | Portland, OR, USA | Bizarre, Politics

    (It’s store policy to have employees in the store 30 minutes before opening and 45 – 60 minutes after close to prep, clean, etc. We closed about 10 minutes ago and I am mopping the eating area. A customer bangs on the door. We’re required to interact with customers, even after close, so I go and crack the door open.)

    Customer: “What the h***? I need a coffee. Let me in.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We closed 10 minutes ago. All of our coffee has been dumped and the machines are going through a cleaning cycle.”

    Customer: “What? What are you doing here then?”

    Me: “We have to clean the store and set up for tomorrow morning after close every night.”

    Customer: “Seriously? They make you stay after close?”

    Me: “Well, yes. We can’t clean the equipment while serving customers.”

    Customer: “That’s monstrous! That’s slave labor!! I’m writing corporate about this!”

    Me: “Sir, they still pay us… it’s standard procedure.”

    Customer: “It’s horrible! I’m so sorry! This isn’t the American way!”

    (He leaves, then, still mumbling about the ‘atrocity’ of our situation.)

    Unhappy Customers Can Sour The Milk

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    (A customer walks up to my cash register with a big carton of goat’s milk. He slams it down on my conveyor belt, looking angry and puffy.)

    Customer: “Do you know the person that milked these goats?”

    Me: *completely stunned* “Uh… no. I’m sorry, I don’t know who milked them. But I’m sure if you call the company that produces the milk and give them the batch number, they could put you in touch with the farmer, and HE OR SHE might know the person who operated the machine that milked the goats for that particular batch.”

    Customer: “Machine?! The goats are milked with machines?!”

    Me: “Probably… that IS how they do it most of the time. But I don’t know for sure. Like I said, if you contact the company they’ll be able to give you more information.”

    Customer: “THIS IS RIDICULOUS. IT’S YOUR RESPONSIBILITY AS A STORE TO KNOW WHO HANDLES THE FOOD YOU SELL!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but there’s really nothing more I can do to help you, aside from suggesting you call the company. If I may, why do you want to know who milks the goats?”

    Customer: “BECAUSE I NEED TO KNOW IF THEY’RE KEEPING THE GOATS HAPPY. IF A GOAT IS UNHAPPY WHILE IT’S BEING MILKED, THEN THE MILK WILL BE SOUR. IT’S TRUE! I SAW IT ON A TV PROGRAM!”

    (He then paid for his milk and left with it anyway, while I tried very hard not to burst out laughing.)

    Not Quite The (Ice) Cream Of The Crop

    | UK | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (I work in a very popular chocolate shop that also sells ice cream in the summer. It is a particularly busy, hot Saturday. I am serving ice cream. There was a huge line of customers. Suddenly, a customer strolls into the store, leaving her bicycle outside. Eventually, it is her turn.)

    Customer: “Finally. I’ll have a hazelnut.”

    Me: “Sure, a double or a single?”

    Customer: “Double.”

    Me: “Would you like it in a cone or a tub?”

    Customer: “A bag.”

    Me: “…Pardon?”

    Customer: “A bag.”

    (I look at her for a moment)

    Me: “I’m sorry, Miss, but the ice cream only comes in a cone or a tub.”

    Customer: “Well, I need it in a bag. Do you have a bag?”

    (We put chocolate in small transparent bags, but they would definitely not fit an ice cream tub, also there are no lids on the tubs to cover the ice cream.)

    Me: “It won’t fit in one of our bags, miss.”

    Customer: “Yes, it will. Get one.”

    (I protest again, but fetch her bag anyway. I present it to her and show her the size, to prove it won’t fit.)

    Me: “See, Miss? It’s too small. The tub won’t fit in there.”

    Customer: “Oh, honestly, how do you even have a job? Do you even have a brain?”

    (I’m hurt by this comment, and am getting quite angry.)

    Me: “Look, it won’t fit; I don’t know what you’d like me to do.”

    Customer: “Let me do it, girl.”

    (She proceeds to take the full-to-the-brim ice cream tub and squeeze it into the bag sideways, smearing her ice cream all down the sides. I stare at her in disbelief. Ice cream is dripping everywhere.)

    Customer: “Was that so hard?”

    Me: *still staring* “Would… you like a spoon?”

    (She held out the open bag and I dropped in a small plastic spoon with the already nearly melted ice cream. She paid and left. I watched her outside the window as she put her bag of squished ice cream into the child-seat of her bicycle, STRAPPED UP THE SEAT BELT, and cycled away down the road. I stared in disbelief for the rest of the day.)

    Here To Serve, Not Serviette

    | PA, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

    Patron: “Could I get some napkins?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Patron: *sighs* “Napkins! Where are your napkins?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t have any napkins”.

    Patron: “What?! Why not?”

    Me: “Because we’re a library…”

    (Our library does not sell food or have any reason to offer napkins.)


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