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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    Takes A Long Time To Close The Matter

    | Raleigh, NC, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month, Time

    (I am a waitress. Around seven pm, a couple is sat at one of the two booths in my section. Since our very busy weekend ‘rush’ usually starts around five pm, I knew they would have waited almost an hour to have been seated.)

    Me: “What can I get you to drink?”

    Customer: “We will have a single glass of wine each, and entrees.”

    Me: “Absolutely. Is it a special occasion tonight?”

    Customer: “We are a married couple, and this is the first time in six months we’ve seen each other.”

    Me: “Oh, my!”

    (They were very low-demand, and after they finished the entrees, they lingered over a shared dessert and a pair of coffees. And lingered. And LINGERED.  Around 9:15 pm…)

    Customer: “Can we please have the check?”

    Me: *thinking ‘finally!’* “Absolutely!”

    (The average table turnaround time in our restaurant is 45 minutes. They have already been here over two hours, and since they are taking up one of our four existing smoking tables, my section is still steadily busy well past 9 pm. They don’t put down any form of payment, however. The check folder just lingers in the same spot at the end of their table for hours. By 11:30 pm there are no other customers in the place aside from a few at the central bar. The other closing waitress and I have already cleaned and restocked all the tables in the restaurant, and closed two of the four sections. Our manager sends the other waitress home, so it is me, the bartender, and two line cooks left.)

    Me: *making a show of closing down for the evening* “Here, let me refilled your decaf coffees, and just so you know we close at midnight.”

    (I try to stay nice, as they seem like a very nice couple, and they gave me the impression that they knew they’d taken up the table far longer than normal customers and would tip me accordingly. Normally, on a Saturday night, that table would’ve turned over at least half a dozen times or more, and be easily worth some $50 in tips. The folder still remains in the same place on their table. When midnight comes…)

    Customer: “Just to let you know that the restaurant is now closed.”

    (The last of the bar patrons is gone by 12:15 am. Chairs are on top of tables in every section except mine, because it ‘wasn’t our policy’ to do something as impolite as putting chairs on the tables if customers are still in a section. Our manager cruises by their table to remind them once more than we are closed. I vacuum the far sections of the restaurant. 12:45 am rolls around and they are still there, check still untouched. We have now been closed for 45 minutes, and they had now been there nearly six hours. I go back and talk to my manager.)

    Me: “All the other sections are closed and cleaned, the side stations are broken down and cleaned, and I just need this long-seated couple to pay so I can go home!”

    Manager: “Unfortunately, company policy means we can’t ask them to pay up, so go put the last of the chairs up, and finish your vacuuming, starting with their section. ”

    (The minute I click the vacuum on in the smoking section (nearly an hour after we’d closed!) the couple jump in their seats and then started complaining.)

    Customer: “How rude! Why haven’t you told us you were closing?! We demand to talk to the manager!”

    (I walk back to get our manager, who rolls his eyes at the list of complaints I deliver to him.)

    Manager: “Six months apart and the first thing they do is spend six hours here?”

    (He walked back out to the section with me and politely listened to the couple rant away, then took their check and knocked the price off of their dessert and wines (worth about $20 all together) before running their credit card. Eyes flashing, and still complaining about how rude the ending to the night had been and saying that they wouldn’t return, the couple left in a huff – finally! – just past 1 am, more than an hour after we had been closed. Needless to say, they only left me $4 on a check that had originally been around $50. My manager assured me that I wasn’t in any kind of trouble, and sent me home for the night once I’d finished vacuuming.)

    Closing Time Is A Vicious Cycle Accident

    | Cedar Rapids, IA, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month

    (I work at a popular home-improvement store. At two minutes to closing time a man comes dashing through the door. This happens regularly, so I think nothing of it.)

    Me: *joking* “Better run!”

    Customer: *with a huge grin on his face* “Yeah, I crashed my bike getting here!”

    (As he runs past me, I see that he’s bleeding in several places on his side and arm, but I have no time to say anything before he’s off down an aisle. A couple minutes later, he comes back with a large box of nails cradled in the crook of his arm.)

    Me: “Woah, hold on. Are you okay? Let me get you some bandages—”

    Customer: *still grinning* “Nah, I’m fine. I think I dislocated my shoulder, though. Does it look bad?”

    (I look, and sure enough, the joint is popped out of its socket. He heads over to the checkout counter, grinning the whole time.)

    Me: “It looks terrible! Oh, my god. You need medical attention. Do you want me to call you an ambulance?”

    Customer: “Nope, don’t call an ambulance.”

    Me: “Are you sure? That looks like it really hurts!”

    Customer: *cheerfully* “It really hurts!”

    Me: “You’re bleeding and your shoulder is dislocated! You need to go to a doctor or something at least!”

    Customer: “Yeah, or something. See ya!”

    (He grabbed his stuff and dashed out the door. It was the end of my shift, so my supervisor made me go clock out in spite of my begging her to let me stay to make sure he was all right. When I got back, he was gone. I can only hope the crazy dude got himself to a hospital.)

    Saying Bi To Singledom Any Way Possible

    | Torrance, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Love/Romance

    (I’m female and helping an elderly customer and his 18 year old grandson at the register. As I am ringing him up, he starts up a conversation.)

    Customer: “How would you like to go out with my grandson?”

    Me: *smiling* “I’m sorry, sir.”

    Customer: “Aw, come on.” *points to grandson* “He’s good-looking and needs someone.”

    Me: *feeling a little awkward* “I have a boyfriend. Sorry, sir.”

    Customer: “Why are all the cute ones always taken?” *takes bags and leaves the store*

    (30 seconds later, a male coworker notices the customer’s receipt still in the register. He grabs it and runs out of the store to give it to the customer. My coworker walks back into the store a few minutes later.)

    Me: “You know, that customer just tried to hook me up with his grandson.”

    Male Coworker: “…he just tried to do the same thing to me.”

    Filmed Before A Live Stupid Audience

    | AZ, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Movies & TV, Technology, Top

    (As I am walking through the store a customer approaches me from the electronics section holding a DVD of an old classic film.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, young lady. I have a question about this movie?”

    Me: “Yes, sir?”

    Customer: “Is it alive?”

    Me: “I’m… I’m sorry but I don’t understand. The DVD you’re holding is an inanimate object. It is not alive.”

    Customer: “No, I mean is it live, as in ‘filmed before a studio audience’?”

    Me: “No, sir. I’m fairly certain all movies are filmed on closed studio sets.”

    Customer: “Okay, but is it still live? Isn’t ‘live’ better, like organic?”

    Me: “No, that disc you’re holding is a recording.”

    Customer: *blank stare*

    Me: “If it was live then it would mean the actors were performing as you were watching it.”

    Customer: “And they’re not?”

    Me: “No, sir. That movie was made a long time ago. Most of those actors have died of old age by now. They filmed the movie once and moved on with their lives. But they are definitely not performing live.”

    Customer: “But if they’re dead then how can I watch them now?”

    Me: “Because it’s a recording.”

    Customer: “Then who’s doing the movie?”

    Me: “THEY did. They stood in front of a camera and made the movie. Then they took the film, and eventually made it into a DVD, and now here it is.”

    Customer: “I don’t get it.”

    Me: *sigh* “Okay. Do you have pictures from when you were a kid?”

    Customer: “Yeah….”

    Me: “You know how your parents pointed a camera at you and now you can look at them years later, even though you grew up and aren’t reenacting those pictures as your childhood self every time someone looks at them?”

    Customer: *gradually dawning expression*

    Me: “There you go.”

    They Are Tea-Total

    | Hobart, TAS, Australia | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Language & Words

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like to return these two boxes of tea.”

    Me: “Sure, no problem. Did you just change your mind?”

    Customer: “No. Actually, I sent my daughter to the store to get some tea, meaning something for dinner, and she returned with this drinking tea. I don’t actually need it.”

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