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  • Bigotry Is Not On The Menu
    (1,939 thumbs up)
  • Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    The Light-Bulb Moment When Wifi Took Over

    | Canada | Bizarre, Technology

    (I do tech support over the phone for a large Internet company. Some of the worst calls are for people’s wifi connections, because there’s so many things that can interfere with it, and people of course try to hook up everything from Blu-ray players to printers, but we’re only trained on (and support) actual computers.)

    Me: “…And is there anything else I can do for you today?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I got these special [Brand] light bulbs; you can control them from your iPhone?”

    Me: “Uh… light bulbs?”

    Customer: “Yeah. Except I can’t make it work.”

    Me: “So… these light bulbs connect to your home wifi and then you use the iPhone to turn them on and off and things?”

    Customer: “Yeah. Can you help me?”

    Me: “I’m really sorry, but I don’t have a clue what to do with that. You have your wifi name and password now; I’d suggest talking to [Manufacturer] directly because I’m afraid I’m only trained on computers. I honestly have no idea how to connect your light bulbs to your wifi.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. Thanks.”

    Me: *to coworker* “…and a little piece of my soul just died just from having to say that.”

    Smiling With Suspicious Intent

    | TX, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

    (I’m known at work for being cheerful and always having a smile for everyone. A customer comes to my till and puts down his things, and I smile and greet him.)

    Customer: “What are you grinning about?”

    Me: “…I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “I saw you grinning like you’re laughing at me or something. Stop that.”

    Me: “I’m sorry; I was just trying to be cheerful.”

    Customer: “Well, don’t! It’s too suspicious!”

    (The customer finished the transaction and walked away, glaring and muttering about ‘suspicious’ the whole time.)

    Smile, And The World Complains About You

    | TX, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

    (We’re a small store so there are only three of us this morning: manager, coworker, and I. The manager is positive and helpful and my coworker is one of the most honestly sweet and upbeat persons I’ve ever met. She has a habit of using little verbal prompts, like ‘ok,’ and ‘uh-huh,’ to encourage customers to talk. It’s midway through the shift and a customer comes barreling up to Manager and me.)

    Customer: “I need help! I need help and that other one won’t help!”

    Manager & Me: *after exchanging puzzled looks* “I’m sorry, how can we help?”

    Customer: “I asked the other girl and she just smiled and kept saying ‘uh-huh’ while I talked. You should talk to her! She should be fired! That’s so rude!”

    Manager: “I’m sorry, she… smiled?”

    Customer: “Exactly! So rude! You need to talk to her!”

    Manager: *to me* “I’ll handle this…”

    (He shadows her around for about half an hour, deliberately steering her away from my coworker. Finally the customer’s done and the manager makes sure I’m the one checking her out. She’s still complaining.)

    Me: *super cheerful* “Looks like you found some great stuff!”

    Customer: “I can’t believe you let her work here! Everyone knows it’s rude to smile and say ‘uh-huh!’ I was in [Big Chain Supermarket] earlier and I could barely walk in before there was some idiot smiling and saying that! She’s horrible! She just kept smiling while I talked. She needs to find a different job. I don’t come in here for that sort of treatment!”

    Me: “I can’t imagine…”

    Customer: “And I’m such a nice person! I never get upset unless it’s something huge! She should be fired!”

    Me: “I’m quite certain our manager will talk with her. Now, how would you like to pay?”

    (I get the customer checked out and the manager makes certain my coworker is hiding when the customer leaves. Afterwards we all just sort of look at each other like, ‘well, that happened.’ My coworker looks ready to cry.)

    Me: *to coworker* “Stop smiling. So rude.”

    (Fortunately that made her crack up and, oddly, we haven’t had any other complaints about her smile!)

    In Desperate Need Of Some Context

    | Portland, OR, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids

    (I’m stocking and straightening movies on the bottom shelf of a display, so I am crouched down. A man and woman walk past me holding hands, obviously not noticing me.)

    Woman: “No! You can not have sex with your sister!”

    Live By The Sword And Following A Code(words)

    , | Armstrong, BC, Canada | Bizarre

    (My coworker goes outside to help some customers on our full-serve pumps, while I stay inside to watch the store. As he walks back in, one customer follows. I recognise him as a regular, and also a bit of an oddball. When they enter, the following conversation ensues.)

    Customer: “It was nice talking to you. It was good.”

    (He holds out his hand, and my coworker shakes it, somewhat dubiously.)

    Coworker: “Yeah, sure.”

    Customer: “We’ll meet tomorrow at the same place as usual. Under the bridge.”

    (I have no idea what he’s talking about, and it’s clear from his expression that my coworker has no idea either. However, he nods and goes with it.)

    Customer: “10 o’clock. Make sure you bring your sword.”

    Coworker: “…yeah, for sure.”

    (The customer then leaves. As soon as he’s gone, my coworker and I look at each other incredulously.)

    Me: “What the f*** was that?”

    Coworker: “I have no idea! That was weird. Oh, wait, he’s coming back.”

    (Sure enough, the customer is walking back inside.)

    Customer: “I’ll need to get a new sword, though. Mine shattered last time. So, yeah I’ll need a new one. See you tomorrow. 10 o’clock.”

    Coworker: “Yeah, yeah, sure. See you there.”

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