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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    Making A Queer Choice

    | NM, USA | Bizarre, Language & Words

    (I work in a call center. I am asking a customer to read out a serial number phonetically.)

    Customer: “…Q as in ‘Queer.’”

    (The customer passes for a moment.)

    Customer: “I’m sorry; I don’t know if that was politically correct. It means other things, right?”

    Me: *trying not to laugh* “Yes, sure. I can assure you it means other things.”

    Ask A Silly Question…

    | MO, USA | Awesome Workers, Bizarre, Books & Reading

    (I am in charge of our text service at the library where I work. We had a patron for a time who delighted in pranking us with odd or silly questions. We generally handle such instances in a very professional manner, but one evening when the patron texted in, I decided it was time to fight back.)

    Patron: “How do I get to the library?”

    Me: “The same way you get to Carnegie Hall: practice, practice, practice.”

    Patron: “Is there any way I can practice watching the live NFL draft in the library?”

    Me: “Nope. So sorry. Try [Local Bar].”

    Patron: “But I have a final test tomorrow.”

    Me: “Then [Local Bar] probably isn’t a great idea.”

    Patron: “Thank you for your generous advice.”

    Me: “Always thrilled to be of service.”

    Patron: “I accidentally whispered on the quiet floor of the library. What are the repercussions?”

    Me: “Death. There is no alternative. But on the bright side, your folks will probably get a hefty life insurance payout.”

    Patron: “Unfortunately no one has yet insured my life. However if you are interested I can arrange for payments.”

    Me: “Oh, that’s very sad. Maybe they don’t love you. You deserve parents who will put a price on your life.”

    Patron: “Touché, library person!”

    Me: *bows; exeunt stage left*

    Must Think They Were Dragonborn Yesterday

    | NB, Canada | Bizarre, Hotels & Lodging, Theme Of The Month

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Hotel]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “My name is warrior… and I’m lost.”

    (Music plays in background, and the caller goes on about fighting and being lost.)

    Me: “Can I have your name, sir?”

    Caller: “My father was a paladin.”

    (At this point my coworker took the headphones to listen in. It was a prank call, and at least it was entertaining.)

    Number Of The Beastly Coincidences

    | Uckfield, England, UK | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Holidays, Money

    (I work in a small corner shop. It is Halloween and we’ve been busy on-and-off with kids making their way around the estate and trick-or-treating, and coming in to buy drinks. I’m approached by a kid I estimate to be in his early teens.)

    Me: “Hey, kiddo! Having fun?”

    Kid: “Yeah, not a bad haul so far. Just a bit thirsty; nobody hands out drinks!”

    Me: “No, I suppose they’re bulkier and more expensive, too.”

    Kid: “Yeah you’re probably right and th—” *sees the total on my screen* “Aww £6.67? Come ON! Could you give me a penny discount?”

    Me: “Er….

    Kid: “Guess my maths isn’t as good as I thought. I wanted it to be £6.66 for Halloween!”

    Me: “Well, I’m not authorised to give discount unless the items are damaged but [Similar Drinks] are a penny cheaper so you could swap out one of your [Original Items] if it really bothers you that much?”

    Kid: “Yes, please! One sec while I take this back and swap it!”

    (By this point there’s a small queue and the boy’s friends, who are waiting outside and clearly can’t hear what he’s doing but see him sprint back to the fridges, yell through the door for him to hurry up.)

    Me: “Okay, buddy! That’s now £6.66.”

    Kid: “Thanks! Can I get a receipt?”

    Me: “Sure, have a good Halloween!”

    (As the kid approaches the door he starts waving his receipt at his friends.)

    Kid: “Guys! GUYS! LOOK! Weirdest coincidence ever! I just grabbed some random drinks and the total was £6.66. How spooky is that?!”

    (The customer behind him turned to me and just raised her eyebrows!)

    Has Their Bobble Head In The Clouds

    | AZ, USA | Bizarre, Transportation

    (I’ve just finished shopping at a big box retailer in my city. I am heading to my car when I see a middle aged woman wandering around the parking lot pushing a huge cartload of items and looking very dazed and confused. Concerned for her, I make eye contact to get her attention.)

    Me: “Ma’am, are you all right?”

    Customer: “Oh, yes, I just can’t find my car. I’ve been looking for 20 minutes now! I always park right over here. It should be here!”

    (The woman, while shouting some of her phrases, still manages to keep her voice monotone and remains looking very dazed and confused the entire time we speak.)

    Me: “Have you tried the alarm?”

    Customer: “Oh, no. It’s a 20 year old car. There’s no alarm. I just always park over here. It should be here.”

    Me: “Well, what does it look like? Maybe I can spot it.”

    Customer: “It’s a white Buick LeSabre. It should be right here. I always park over here.”

    (I glance to the car parked right beside mine. It is a white Buick LeSabre.)

    Me: “Um, ma’am, is this your car?”

    Customer: “No, no. That’s not my car! I would never have so many bobble heads on the dash! My car should be right around here. I always park here.”

    Me: “Okay, what rows have you looked on? Maybe you parked a little further over than normal?”

    Customer: “No, I always park right around here. My car should be here. I don’t understand where it’s gone.”

    (After a few more minutes of me trying to help the woman and her always responding with “No, it should be right around here. I always park here,” I’ve given up. Just as I am about to take my leave, an employee out collecting carts comes over.)

    Me: “Good luck finding your car, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Thank you. I know it should be here. I always park here.”

    (As I leave, I see the employee begin talking with the woman. 30 minutes later, I have to return to the store as I have forgotten something. I park nearby the same spot and notice the woman, her cartload of groceries, the employee, and now a manager are all standing by the Buick LeSabre I was parked next to before.)

    Manager: “Why don’t you just give that one a try, ma’am?”

    Customer: “No, that’s not my car. I don’t have that many bobble heads. It just has to be around here though. I always park here.”

    Manager: “Please, just try it. It’s the only one in the parking lot. Just put your key in and see if it unlocks.”

    Customer: “Fine, but it’s not my car. I don’t have that many bobble heads on the dash.”

    (The customer puts her key in and, sure enough, the door unlocks.)

    Customer: “But I don’t have that many bobble heads on the dash!”

    Manager: “Ah, there, we’ve found your car. Have a nice day!”

    (The manager motioned to the employee and the two of them practically ran away from the woman before she could say anything else to them. I couldn’t help but laugh as I watched the woman put her groceries into the car and mumble about the bobble heads.)

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